You are enough for me

I can't wait to get home from work today because my new electronic piano has arrived. I haven't played the piano for many years cause I wasn't sure if the piano is allowed in Islam. Piano is a string instrument and most scholars say that 'wind' and 'string' instruments are prohibited.

So, I got rid of my guitar a long while ago and have not touched piano since but today, I am going to play on my electronic piano. Music expresses so much more than words sometimes.

Life is a beautiful experience...

We will never know happiness until we have felt sadness.
We will never know pleasure until we have felt pain.
We will never appreciate sweetness until we have tasted sourness.
We will never appreciate love until we have felt heart ache.
We will never appreciate what we have until we are about to lose it.
We will never appreciate company until we have been totally alone.
We will never appreciate the truth until we have gotten lost in falsehood.

Thank you Allah SWT for protecting me and guiding me.
Do not leave me for a single second of my life
I know for sure...You are enough for me :)



 

Rediscovering the pieces of the missing jigsaws - welcome home my lovelies.

Hubby and the girls returned from UK four days ago. They've brought back so much chocolates and we've been totally indulging ourselves. Now it feels like they have never left at all.
While they were away, the boys and I did enjoy ourselves. Life appeared more calm with less screaming, fighting and shouting but somehow, it just felt wrong...like something was missing. Even though, the boys didn't express verbally what was missing but I could sense that their behaviour was different. They were empty and sad.

Now, everything feels right like discovering the pieces of the missing jigsaws.

Maybe that is what it means to love. It is to fit into each other's lives like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that without them, the picture is incomplete and hollow. It is to be so comfortable in their presence that you no longer realize how much their mere existence fulfil your life. Sometimes, it is these things that we take for granted.

Sometimes, we think we need something more but maybe what we have is enough. Maybe what we have is better. I don't know. Why do we make our lives so complicated?

Whatever it is, we simply have to put our trust in Allah SWT. He is the One who knows what is good and what is bad for us. In the end, the most important thing is to enter Jannah (Paradise).

Last night I dreamt of water again...

InshaAllah maybe something good is coming.

The best types of friends and the worst...

People just never fail to amaze and surprise. Just when you think you've seen it all, you come across someone who completely throws you off and you start to realize how human beings are capable of anything. Anyone is capable of anything. The only thing that shapes our behaviour is the ideas that we carry, thoughts or principles which often changes according to our beliefs and experiences.

For me, the best type of people are those who can inspire others. People who enter into your life and even after they are gone, they leave you a better person. When you think about them even after so many years, they put a smile on your face because you remember the good times and the good memories. When I was seventeen years old, I had a best friend who did just that. My friend was a talented musician and taught me about music, politics and opened my eyes to the windows of the world. Taught me to question the things around me. Taught me what it meant to feel 'alive'...

Everyone wants a friend who is knowledgeable, reliable, confident and knows what to do in times of trouble. Maybe Doctor Who is a fictitious character but it represents a person that everyone would value as a friend, somebody who can open your mind to life beyond the stars, to inspire you to save the world and make it a better place. To me, this should be a character of a Muslim. It is the Qur'an that gives us the knowledge beyond the stars, an explanation of everything, teaches us to put others before ourselves and to sacrifice our own needs to save humanity. 

This is in contrast to having a friend whom you believe and trust. You thought that they were caring, intelligent and reliable. However, they disappointed you and betrayed your trust. You think that a friend would be there for life but they leave you when you need them the most. You start making excuses for them because you still believe in them but soon, you understand that they are a 'snake' in disguise.

Sometimes you just have to accept that some people lie and manipulate for whatever reason, maybe out of their own fears, insecurities, undiagnosed personality disorder or maybe out of evilness but there is no point in trying to figure out why... because they are the ones with a problem. So, just let them go to sort out their issues and pray to Allah SWT that He will guide them and help them to discover love and forgiveness.

At the end of the day, truth will prevail and Allah SWT will show people for what they are. Someday, we will find the answers we were looking for, even if things do not get settled in this life but everything will be settled in the hereafter, from the smallest things to the largest things. So, whatever pain and hurt we have caused someone, we will see it. Pain and hurt are like cuts and wounds...it will heal with time but sometimes if the wound is large, it will leave a permanent scar.

It is best to leave painful memories alone.

and...

It is best to remember the people who have inspired you...
People who give more than they take.
Those whose memories put a smile on your face.
Thank you my 'childhood' friend, so happy for you that you have found someone who loves you and that you have a little family of your own. May Allah SWT give you and your family abundance of happiness.

Thank you Allah for making me a doctor

I was invited for lunch at a patient's house. It was one of the most beautiful houses I've ever been to. I've been to many different mansions but this was simply amazing.

Externally, it looked like another large detached house, surrounded by high walls but when you enter the front door and out into the courtyard, you are greeted by a swimming pool surrounded by palm trees. We had lunch beside the pool and I felt so happy just getting to know this nice family.

I wanted to cherish every minute, every second...

I felt so blessed Alhamdulillah to be a doctor, to be given the opportunity to enter into the lives of so many people and I want to take the time to remember each and everyone of my patient... to learn something from them.

When I was growing up I never thought I could be a doctor. I thought only the smartest people could do medicine instead, I wanted to become an engineer. After my SPM results, I applied to Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB) for a scholarship to study engineering in the UK. I've always wanted to go to the UK...it was my dream. I filled in the forms, sent the applications, went for the interview and received an offer.

I told my dad about the TNB offer, begging him to sign the agreement and consent but he refused. He was adamant that I should not go overseas and that I should stay locally. I cried for days but there was nothing I could do. The deadline for submitting the offer passed, TNB called asking me why I have not submitted my agreement and that they would still accept me. I told them I had to reject their offer and my heart broke to pieces. I was devastated because I thought my future was lost...

Then, a 'magical' thing happened, the few days later my dad came home and he said he had something to tell me. He said that I'm going to study A levels in the UK and to do Medicine. I couldn't believe my ears...I couldn't believe what was happening... I never thought in a million years that my dad would agree for me to study overseas. He was not the type of person who would change his mind.

Allah SWT showed me that anything is possible, that Allah SWT is the One who decides our future and that if Allah SWT wills for something to happen, it would happen no matter what and if Allah SWT forbids something from happening, it would never happen even if the whole world wants it to happen but one thing I realize is that we need to make an effort.

I spent a year studying for my SPM, eating, breathing and drinking SPM and I worked so hard to get the TNB scholarship and even though I had to reject it, Allah SWT replaced it with something better, Alhamdulillah.

I never thought I was smart enough to be a doctor but as soon as I started my house-man-ship I knew Allah SWT has chosen the best career for me. I wouldn't want to be anything else. Medicine is not about the title, the status, the money but it is about understanding life... it is about people... and their lives, their health and disease... it is about understanding human beings and what makes us function, what makes us alive, every heart beat, every breath, every thought and everything that we find out about ourselves ultimately lead us to one thing, the Creator.

This is because no matter how much medicine gives us the answer to the question 'how?'... it doesn't give us an answer to the question 'why?' Ultimately, why... it is because Allah SWT made it in such a way and that behind everything that works... there is something 'hidden', something supernatural, intelligent, incredibly powerful that makes things function the way it does and when things go wrong, no matter what we do as doctors, how hard we try, how clever we are at 'fixing' the human body, we have to concede that there's still something greater out there who decides which patient gets better and which patient doesn't and it is that 'something' that controls life and death.

Sleeping over water... Avillion Hotel Port Dickson

I'm sitting here on a comfy bed by the window in Avillion, Port Dickson just chilling out with my two boys. It is dark outside apart from the hazy half moon, the clouds have covered the stars tonight. I've stayed in many hotels before but this particular one just exceeds expectation. The water chalet stood right on top of the beach and right now, the tide is coming in...

I can see the sea-water rising underneath me. It is both amazing and frightening at the same time. We are completely exposed to the elements, the creation of Allah SWT. I can't quite describe how I'm feeling...I'm just in awe of the beauty of this place, the sound of the waves, the smell of the sea air, even the flash of the distant lightning...everything is beautiful. The whole experience is beautiful. It is like one of those experiences where you think you could start writing a book and finish it by morning. Unfortunately, I'm thinking more of a romantic novel rather than the chapter on 'Management of Anaemia in Pregnant Women' which I should be writing and is due within two weeks time! Well...let's not think about that tonight.

Life in Malaysia has been like a long extended vacation...so different from the UK. Britain never fails in reminding us about the problems in the middle east and constantly agitating the Muslim ummah by accusing us of being 'terrorist' and 'extremist'. However, over here...life is just so comfortable. Life is about family holidays, outings, shopping, sight seeing, fun-filled activities, visiting relatives and even work is enjoyable. I'm not complaining... but I'm afraid. Afraid of becoming complacent... afraid of forgetting completely about the world outside, the suffering of the ummah... in Palestine, in Iraq, in Egypt, in Afghanistan... sometimes it feels like the rest of the world is too far away... and we are trapped inside this glass bubble, that the whole world could be crumbling down, tearing apart and we wouldn't know about it. World War 3 could be starting, Khilafah could be re-established and we would still be strolling at shopping malls, eating at McDonalds and racing on the motorway, flashing at other drivers to move out of the way.

Sometimes it is even so hard to think...to think about real issues in life like geopolitical issues, economic problems and crisis, the agenda of the Capitalist nations and all the 'why' and 'how'.

Maybe that is why too much of my time has been spent on contemplating about irrelevant issues and sometimes wallowing in self-pity, just being completely self-absorbed. Watching BBC news today brought me back to the reality of the economic problems still facing the world and never ending middle east crisis that only the return of the Khilafah can solve. Sometimes we need to get back to the main road, back to where we started, to remind ourselves what is our true purpose in life? what is the straight path?

Surah Al An'am: 153
"And Verily, this is my straight path so follow it, and follow not other paths for they would separate you from His path." Imam Ahmad recorded that, An-Nawwas bin Sam`an said that the Messenger of Allah said, Allah has given a parable of the straight path, and on the two sides of this path, there are two walls containing door ways. On these door ways, there are curtains that are lowered down. on the gate of this path there is a caller heralding, `O people! come and enter the straight path all together and do not divide. ' There is also another caller that heralds from above the path, who says when a person wants to remove the curtain on any of these doors, `Woe to you! Do not open this door, for if you open it, you will enter it. The (straight) path is Islam, the two walls are Allah's set limits, the open doors lead to Allah's prohibitions, the caller on the gate of the path is Allah's Book (the Qur'an), while the caller from above the path is Allah's admonition in the heart of every Muslim.) At-Tirmidhi and An-Nasa'i also recorded this Hadith.

The sea has filled up beneath me...for the first time in my life, I'll be sleeping tonight on top of water. It is like a scene from one of my dreams...

I will only think about the ummah tonight...

Returning home: The best decision I've ever made

I asked a friend once how long it took her to settle in Malaysia after relocating and she told me it took her two years. Here I am two years later and I am feeling settled or at least I'm feeling contented. I am so happy to be back in Malaysia.

Despite all the hassles, paperwork, turbulence, craziness, roller-coaster ride that I went through but it was all worth-it. I can see things more clearly now and I am beginning to understand life, concepts, feelings more than I ever did before...even though I feel like it is just the beginning of the road for me. There are still so many things that are unsettled in my life and decisions to be made but overall, I believe that coming back is one of the best decisions I've ever made and I am grateful to Allah SWT.

Sometimes I still feel agitated and sometimes I feel like I just want to fly away as things are constantly changing around me but whatever happens after this, I know that it will be for the best as long as I have trust in the One who made me and who controls everything.

إِن يَنصُرۡكُمُ ٱللَّهُ فَلَا غَالِبَ لَكُمۡ‌ۖ وَإِن يَخۡذُلۡكُمۡ فَمَن ذَا ٱلَّذِى يَنصُرُكُم مِّنۢ بَعۡدِهِۦ‌ۗ وَعَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَلۡيَتَوَكَّلِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ (١٦٠)

If Allah is your helper none can overcome you, and if He withdraw His help from you, who is there who can help you after Him? In Allah let believers put their trust. (Surah Al Imran: 160)

My daughter's UPSR result - she did it!!!

My 12-year old daughter got 5As for her UPSR...hooray!

Who would have thought the girl you arrived from the UK almost 2 years ago, who didn't speak a single word of Malay could get A for both 'pemahaman' and 'penulisan' BM... SubhanAllah!

I have dreamt for the day that my children would be able to speak Malay. The reason is that I believe every child should be able to speak the language of their ancestors.

When my daughter was a baby, I tried to speak to her in Malay. I even sang 'Pok amai-amai, belalang kupu-kupu' to her. She enjoyed the song but ignored me when I tried to communicate with her in Malay.

When we were returning to Malaysia, I wrote a simple book for my kids. Just a few simple Malay words for them to learn but they weren't interested.

It was only until they started school at the local Sekolah Kebangsaan that they realized the importance of learning the language. Other children didn't want to speak to them in English and they could not understand the teacher's instructions...it was the reality that forced them to learn Malay and propelled them to make the effort. Now, my kids understand and speak Malay, although not brilliantly and they have a weird accent but at least I have achieved my dreams and I'm happy Alhamdulillah.

Although my kids have benefitted from the Maths and Science being taught in English but I support the government's decision to stop teaching Maths and Science in English. I believe teaching those subjects in English is not going to improve the level of English in this country and it may even be detrimental as our children fail to master the Malay language as well. It is very important for children in this country to master the Malay language, to be able to construct proper sentences, to have a breadth of vocabulary and to be able to use Malay as an effective form of communication. With a good command of language, it should be easy for a child to pick up other languages as well.

Unfortunately, Malay children particularly suffer from weak command of English and even the standard Malay language. We need to look at the language development of children in this country and how we as parents, teachers and community communicate with our children.

My health screening experience at Ketereh, Kelantan

Just spent the last 3 days in Kota Bahru, Kelantan. I've always wanted to go to Kota Bahru and finally, two nights ago I landed at Kota Bahru airport with two of my work colleagues. We took a cab to the city centre and checked in at Renaissance Kota Bahru.

There is something special about staying in a hotel. For me, it brings back sweet memories of childhood when my dad used to bring us along during his meeting trips around Malaysia. As a young child, it was exciting to stay in a hotel even if it means just watching TV inside the hotel room. I felt nostalgic and slightly pampered.

At the same time it made me feel sad to think about other children who may not have had the luxury of growing up in comfort. The path of lives for different people will be different but whatever our situation, rich or poor, this life is a test for everyone. I remembered my boss telling me that the more we have, it is more of a test for us because the person who has more, will have more to answer for on the day of judgment compared to a person who has nothing.

The next morning, we set off by cab to Ketereh where our health screening programme was held. It was a sharp turn on to a narrow kampung road, surrounded by trees everywhere going deeper into the wilderness until all of a sudden, there was a compound with buildings in front of us. In the middle of nowhere stood Rukun tetangga Hall but everyone around the area seem to be aware of its existence because we were greeted by a hall full of people waiting to get their bloods taken and blood pressure checked. Our health screening programme looks at cardiovascular risk factors mainly in the elderly but some in their 30s and 40s also joined in.

We went straight to work and my job was to take blood, review patients with hypertension and abnormal ECGs. It was rather scary to find many patients with undiagnosed high blood pressure or those who defaulted on treatment. Some even had evidence of undiagnosed previous myocardial injury from their ECG. Since we were only there to screen them so, I could only advice the patients and refer them to the nearest specialist centre. Most were stable and were happy walking around holding a referral letter.

After a hard day's work, we went shopping at Pasar Cik Fatimah and I could have bought the whole material shop. We had to drag ourselves away and ended up at KB Mall. We had some cake at Secret Recipe and walked 5000 steps back to the hotel, burning the extra calories consumed.

I was exhausted and as soon as my head hits the pillow, I fell asleep.

The next day, we went to the same site and repeated our routine yesterday, taking blood and assessing patients. The Kelantanese are so friendly, so welcoming and so generous. The atmosphere of the village was peaceful and inviting.

The people from the village caught a 7 kilogram fish yesterday and today, we had the tastiest fish cooked in Tempoyak dish. I've never loved Tempoyak before but this one was amazing... it beats any cuisine by any well known chefs in Malaysia.

Then, my big big boss whom we call Dato' took us to Pak Teh Rimau's home. He's known as such because during his younger days he had an encounter with a tiger and has a deep scar on his right arm to prove it. He showed it to us proudly...but he is a completely generous and happy man with a smile that never left his face. Pak Teh Rimau lives on top of a pond and he rears fish. Today, they caught a 4 kilogram fish. We had this lady who just skinned the fish almost seemingly effortless and she put it in a box for Dato' to bring it back on the aeroplane to Kuala Lumpur.

For a moment, I felt like it was a comedy show. I was imagining one of Mr Bean's sketches where he's going through customs at the airport with a box. The custom officer opening the box and was aghast at a sight of a fish. The officer exclaimed "I beg your pardon sir but what have you got here?" and Mr Bean answered "A fish!"... of course that was my imagination, there's no such sketch. Well, at least not that I know of but the thought was hilarious...

Dato' then wanted to show us his hometown so, he took us to Chinese Town and then to Pantai Cahaya Bulan. We took some pictures and went on our way to the airport. I can confirm that Kelantan people are very generous, friendly and nice. Dato' was saying how people here live a simple life.

He says in the villages, people are almost self-sufficient. They do not consume a lot... everything is around them, fish, cows, chickens, vegetables, fruits and even paddy fields unlike the Western nations who are dependent on consumable products, on processed items and natural resources... yet, the West does not have a large supply of natural resources whereas these so called 'third world countries' are the ones that have the natural resources, the true richness.

However, the simple life of the people do not require these natural resources... and so, the Western nations they come and they extract from us. Just because the people do not require them, does not mean that they cannot use them for the benefit of the community.

I hate the idea of turning villages into cities... that in order to progress and develop, these areas have to adopt the Western lifestyle and build sky scrapers... I think it is perfectly fine for villages to remain the way they are and to maintain their own way of life, a simple happy life but what is important is the infrastructure for essential public use such as a decent health care system, well equipped hospitals and good health promotion, well equipped schools and libraries.

The Islamic state (Khilafah) was once very rich and the rich people used their wealth for the benefit of the community, they built schools, hospitals, libraries, guest houses and even universities. They used their wealth to help the poor, the needy and they invested their money in translating books, scholarships for young bright students, businesses and agriculture.

This is unlike the Capitalist system today that has made individual pursuit of happiness and profit the most important thing in life. People live to make money so they can buy the house, the car, the millionaire's lifestyle. Everything geared only towards fulfilling selfish needs. Yet, do we find happiness and tranquility in city centres?

Just spending 2 days in Ketereh made me appreciate the real things in life that are important. At one point I was standing there listening to the mooing of a cow, turning around to look at the pond with 1000 fish in it and glancing up to the skies to see the birds flying... that is happiness. When you can truly look around you and appreciate the Creation of Allah SWT, to be grateful with the little or the big things you have in life, to spend time with your friends and family. I wish I could hold on to that moment forever... like treasure it inside a little glass bowl and that I could look at it every so often and remind myself... what really matters.

Mom's conversation with daughter about LOVE and LIFE (part 2)

Mom: Lesson no two is VALUE yourself. Allah SWT has given you the highest status. Always remember that you are SPECIAL. You are a Muslim girl.


Daughter: Why are we special?

Mom: We are special because The Prophet SAW says “The whole world is a provision and the best provision is the pious woman”. A woman is an honor in Islam. Allah has given the highest status for moms, wives and daughters so we must value ourselves.

Daughter: What do you mean value ourselves?

Mom: I mean we should never allow any men to touch us without marrying us first. Do you remember the story of Hawa. When Allah SWT created Hawa and Adam woke up and saw her and he wanted to touch her but Allah SWT says he cannot touch her until he married her so, Allah SWT married her to Adam and only after they were married that they could touch and have children. That is the rule of Allah SWT and that is what gives woman honour. A good man will honour you and give you respect. If he wants you, he has to prove himself.

Daughter: What do you mean he has to prove himself?

Mom: It means he has to respect you, meet your parents, propose to you and buy you the diamond ring.

Daughter: (smiling and grinning and looking at her finger) and if he doesn’t show respect, can I kick him?

Mom: Err…yeah. Just tell him to go away. We don’t need a man who doesn’t respect us.

LESSON TWO IS TO PUT A HIGH VALUE ON OURSELVES, THE VALUE GIVEN TO US BY ALLAH SWT, THE BIG BOSS HIMSELF.

Mom: Lesson number three is what women should expect from men. A man has to fulfill three criteria in order to become a real man. The first is to provide.

Daughter: How much does he has to provide?

Mom: A man has to provide everything for his family. He has to go out there and earn a living and make sure there’s food, shelter, clothing and then whatever else that the family needs.

Daughter: What if I work?

Mom: It doesn’t matter if you work or not he still has to provide for you and if he says ‘but you work…’ well, we say but Allah SWT says in surah an Nisa: 34 “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” so, we have been given the license by the BIG BOSS that he has to spend his money on us and the family, and when BIG BOSS says something, everyone must listen and follow, right?

Daughter: (grinning and thinking about not having to work) right!

Mom: So, it doesn’t matter if the woman work, the man has to provide and sometimes woman just likes to give and give... but when Allah SWT says something, that is the truth so, man must provide. Whatever we want to share is up to us, we can or we don’t have to, okay? A real man will always pay for the bills, Oh! and dinner...

Daughter: Okay (still grinning)

Mom: Second a man must PROTECT! It is a man’s job to protect. Protect his wife, his family, his community and the Ummah. That is why Allah SWT has made the Jihad an obligation for men. Real men must be out there to protect

Daughter: But a lot of men do not fight jihad!

Mom: Well, by right they should be! They either have to be fighting or have the intention to. Jihad is about protecting the Deen of Islam, protecting the weak and the oppressed. Bottom line, they must protect the women and children. They must protect their family. It is because nowadays men do not fight jihad that many men do not know what to do. Some of them end up becoming Mat Rempit or taking drugs or not doing anything. Men are leaders, they have to lead and they must protect. We really need these real men today...

Daughter: yeah…men shouldn’t be cowards.

Mom: The third is PROMISE. A man must fulfill his promise. A good man will keep his promise. He will be trustworthy.

Daughter: What kind of promise?

Mom: Any kind… if he promises to meet you at a certain time, he should be on time. If he promises to buy you something, he should buy it for you. If he promise to call, he should call. If he promise to get the groceries, he will get the groceries. There are men who are full of sweet but empty promises. They will promise you the world, the sun, the moon and the stars but they do not deliver. Don’t get sucked in by their sweet words… these are not the type of men that can be the leader of the family.

Mom: Let me tell you something...men are either serious about a girl or messing around. Some men only know how to mess around and they are the low-life that we should stay away from. Some men still don't know what they want in life, so leave them alone and let them find themselves but if a man approaches a woman, then he is either serious or messing. If he is serious then he will do the honorable thing and respect you but if he is messing around like saying things like... 'let's see how this goes' then, just LEAVE! Don't stay around. If he is truly serious, he will respect you and say his intentions. Otherwise, just forget it!

Daughter: yeah…because that kind of men is not worth it.

Mom: Well… yes. So, that’s the 3 criteria

Daughter: What about PRAYER?

Mom: Oh yes! What a clever girl! A man must pray to Allah SWT. He has to love Allah SWT and fulfil the most basic command. A man is the leader of the family. He has to lead the prayer and if he doesn’t even pray 5 times a day, there’s a serious problem. So these are the rule of 4 Ps: Provide, protect, promise and prayer.

LESSON NUMBER THREE: REAL MEN HAVE TO FULFILL 4 CRITERIA
1. PRAYER (SOLAT)
2. PROVIDE
3. PROTECT
4. PROMISE (TRUSTWORTHY)

Mom: Oh…there is one more thing. Men are tricksters.

Daughter: What do you mean tricksters?

Mom: Well, sometimes people will use tricks to get what they want like for e.g. to hold someone or to get money from them. One such trick is to threaten to leave if you don't give them what they want.

Daughter: Oh! If that happens we just say ‘bye’ ‘bye’

Mom: Yes…and you know why it is that easy? Well, because you have filled 99% of your heart with the love of Allah SWT. If your heart is filled with the love of Allah SWT then, you will never feel attached to another person and even if you think you like a person… you will never do anything that will anger Allah, like do bad things, things that are against the Shariah. If a person threatens to leave, then they can leave and it is no big deal but if a person who loves Allah SWT will do the honourable thing and respect you and he should not be committing haraam. Remember our value, right?

Daughter: Yeah… (thinking hard)

Mom: So you’ll remember all the things I’ve just said, won’t you?

Daughter: Of course

Mom: InshaAllah. May Allah SWT protect you from syaitan and the evils of this world. May He make you strong in the Deen. Amin.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO VALUE OURSELVES AS WOMEN AND TO FILL OUR HEARTS WITH THE LOVE OF ALLAH SWT, THEN WE LEAVE EVERYTHING IN HIS (SWT) HANDS...DO NOT FEAR ANYTHING OR ANYONE BUT ALLAH SWT AND PUT YOUR HOPE AND TRUST ONLY IN HIM.

I hope that this little conversation will be helpful to any mom, any girl out there looking for answers....

Mom's conversation with daughter about LOVE and LIFE (part1)

This is a conversation between a mum and her 12-year old daughter about LOVE, LIFE and RELATIONSHIPS… you may think she is too young but believe me, it is never too young to start understanding these things…


A mum and her daughter sat at a coffee shop. The daughter felt special to spend some quality time with her mom. The mom was having a cup of coffee and a donut whilst the daughter had a cup of tea with a sandwich. They sat in silence for a little while until mom broke the silence and said…

Mom: You know babe, I’m going to give you some advice, something that no one told me when I was growing up and I had to find out myself and sometimes through the hard way. I wish to protect you from all the mistakes I’ve ever made but I know I can’t, only Allah SWT can do that but I hope that I can teach you some things, give you bits of knowledge to help you deal with some serious stuff in your life.

The daughter gave mom a blank stare…as she normally does when mum has something serious to say. Mom is used to that so mom continued…

Mom: I’m going to give you three lessons about life and I want you to listen carefully. These are lessons about LOVE, life and relationships…

Daughter: (Blink, still staring into space)

Mom: The first lesson is to fill 99% of your heart with the love of Allah SWT and the Prophet Muhammad (saw) and only leave 1% of your heart for the love of the people. When I say the people I mean everyone including your mom, your dad, your siblings, your family, your friends and in the future, your husband.

Daughter: (Looked perplexed but found the voice to say) Why only 1%?

Mom: Well because people are people, people might disappoint you, they might hurt you, break your trust even your parents might do those things or if you love someone so much and they die… they might still leave you in that way but Allah SWT will never leave you, never disappoint you and will never betray you. When your heart is filled with the love of Allah, no matter what people do to you, you will never feel so bad because your heart is already full but if you do not fill your heart with Allah SWT then, you might end up filling it with rubbish.

Daughter: What kind of rubbish?

Mom: Well…rubbish such as the love of men who is not related to you.

Daughter: Like boyfriends?

Mom: Exactly and once you fill your heart with rubbish, it is not easy to get rid of it.

Daughter: Oh! Like when my room is full of rubbish, it is not easy to tidy it all up?

Mom: Yeah, that’s right.

(by the way, we’re not saying men are rubbish but to fill your heart with someone who is unrelated and irrelevant to you that is like filling your room with rubbish)

SO LESSON ONE IS TO FILL 99% OF YOUR HEART WITH THE LOVE OF ALLAH SWT AND ONLY 1% WITH THE LOVE OF EVERYONE AROUND YOU INCLUDING YOUR PARENTS, SIBLINGS, FAMILY, FRIENDS AND HUSBAND.

PEOPLE CAN HURT YOU, BETRAY YOU OR LEAVE YOU THROUGH DEATH OR OTHER WAYS BUT ALLAH WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU...

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HOW MUCH ARE WE AWARE OF OURSELVES...OF OTHERS...OF EVERYTHING?

Have you ever felt terribly annoyed by a shopper blocking your way? You’re pushing your trolley along this aisle and they’re standing there staring at a tin of tomato completely oblivious to you? Yes... it happens all the time.


When I was in the UK, these things don’t happen often. Most of the time people are aware of other people and often responsive to the needs of others e.g. opening doors for other people, helping someone with a heavy suitcase... but sometimes when they do block the aisle... it is because the person has made a conscious decision that they have the ‘rights’ to be there...that their individualistic rights to be in the middle of the aisle is more important than anyone else’s right of way...it is a totally selfish individualistic but conscious decision...

When I keep facing this kind of similar behaviour in Malaysia... initially I started to believe that people were terribly individualistic and selfish... but after a while I start to realize that most of the time people are genuinely unaware... they are simply unaware that they are standing in the middle of the aisle blocking other people’s way. It is not because of a self conscious decision to be selfish and individualistic but rather their level of consciousness of their surroundings is at a minimum level...

This is something that I have come to notice more and more... the lack of awareness... people are walking around, driving around almost subconsciously. How many people out there are just living day to day...going to work, completing chores, studying but completely unaware of themselves, of others, of their surroundings and of the bigger issues that dictate what goes on in the world?

Awareness is the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects or sensory patterns.

Self awareness is an important aspect of human psychology and scientists have dedicated time and research in understanding the development of self awareness and awareness of others in children. It is thought that intelligence is related to early development of awareness. Children start to become aware or conscious of themselves around the age of 1-2 years old...and it is a process that they go through until they reached the age of 4-5 years old...

Islam teaches us the most fundamental issues of awareness. The process of awareness that should make Muslims achieve the highest level of intelligence.

1. Awareness of the existence of God – it is not sufficient to simply believe in God as a form of theoretical or knowledge rather, this believe should instigate an awareness in the believer that God exists and He is present at all times.

Allah SWT says in 50:16 “And indeed We have created man, and We know what his ownself whispers to him And we are nearer to him than his jugular vein.”

This is awareness for us...this should provoke an awareness inside us that God is nearer to us than ourselves...

The Prophet SAW says in hadith of Jibrail when he SAW explained about ihsan. He said “It is to worship Allah as though you are seeing Him and while you see Him not, yet truly He sees you.”



2. Awareness of the Qur’an being word of God – Often Muslims are taught to respect the Qur’an, in awe of the Qur’an, to recite and memorize it but how often are we taught to be aware of the Qur’an being the speech of Allah... that each word has meaning and implications in our lives? Such awareness should propel us into action... into being the person that the Qur’an tells us to become.


3. Self awareness – Islam teaches us to be aware of ourselves, our thoughts, our ideas, our feelings and behaviour. It tells us to self- reflect (muhasabah) or in the Western world it is known as reflective practice...to look back upon our day and reflect upon our deeds, to improve ourselves everyday... to critically analyse ourselves and to change any negative thoughts or actions into positive ones...

Allah SWT says in 50: 17 – 18 “(Remember) that the two receivers (recording angels) receive each human being, one sitting on the right and one on the left. Not a word does he or she utter but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it)

 4. Awareness of others – islam also teaches us to be aware of others...aware of their thoughts, feelings, behaviours, wants and needs...to treat people with kindness and respect. To deal with problems justly and in accordance to the shariah...to have good manners towards others and to be harsh against those who insult Islam.



5. Awareness of the environment and surroundings – Islam creates a sense of awareness inside us to care for the environment, living creatures and our surroundings. Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet SAW said “a man came across a thorn in the road and said, ‘I will remove this thorn so that it does not harm a Muslim.’ For that reason he was forgiven”


6. Awareness of halal and haram – regardless of whether a Muslim adheres to the shariah, one should still be aware of halal and haraam, right and wrong, good and bad...how the shariah is a guidance and should dictate how a Muslim should live and how the shariah should organize the society. This is awareness of the system...the Islamic system.


7. Awareness of the political situation of the Ummah. The Prophet SAW says “those who go to sleep not thinking about the affairs of the Ummah is not one of us” and “those who wake up without thinking about the affairs of the ummah is not one of us."


Hence, awareness should be the core feature of the Muslim’s mind and being. The simple day to day activities such as courtesy whilst shopping, safe driving, opening doors for others are basic awareness that should be as natural as breathing. The higher level functioning of our mind should be awareness of ourselves, our actions, our surroundings and how we interact with ourselves, others and our relationship with Allah SWt...this is perfectly demonstrated by Ali r.a when he was in the midst of a battlefield and he was about to kill his enemy but his enemy spat at him and so, he released him out of fear that he would kill the man because of anger rather than for the worship of Allah SWT. This is the elevated personality with true awareness of himself, of his enemy, of his surrounding and of his relationship with Allah.

We too need to develop this awareness...the true awareness for us to become the exemplary character.

Amazing Libyan doctors...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-14689451

My utmost respect and admiration to the doctors, healthcare workers and volunteers in Tripoli, Libya for their courage, strength, professionalism in facing such an unimaginable devastating situation.

May Allah SWT reward you and may He give me the same qualities as these amazing people. I'm just not sure if I would be strong enough....

This is the story of Qarun...where did the wealth lead him..???

Al-Qur'an surah Al-Qasas, explanation as adapted from Tafsir Ibn Kathir

76. Verily, Qarun was of the Musa's people, but he behaved arrogantly towards them. And We gave him of the treasures, that of which the keys would have been a burden to a body of strong men. Remember when his people said to him: 'do not exult. Verily Allah likes not those who exult'

Qarun was a man who lived during the time of Prophet Musa (as). He was reported to be the son of Prophet's Musa's paternal uncle. He was not born rich but he asked Musa to make dua to Allah to make him rich. At first Musa disapproved and adviced him against it but Qarun was persistent and so, Allah SWT fulfilled his wish and gave him richness beyond any other men. It was narrated that the keys to Qarun's treasure were made of leather, each key like a finger, and each key was for a separate storeroom. when he rode anywhere, the keys would be carried on sisty mules with white blazes on their foreheads and white feet. After becoming wealthy, Qarun started to show terrible pride and so, the righteous people reminded him by giving advice, telling him not to be arrogant and proud of his wealth. Exult meaning...rejoicing and gloating

77. But seek, that which Allah has bestowed on you the home of the Hereafter, and forget not your portion of lawful enjoyment in this world; and be generous as Allah has been generous to you, and seek not mischief in the land. Verily, Allah likes not the mischief makers

His friends continue to advice him to use the richness that was given to him by Allah for good deeds, for jihad, da'wah, zakat, sadaqah and all forms of spending for the sake of Allah; it is also allowed for a rich person to spend a portion of his wealth for lawful enjoyment (halal things) like buying property, cars, horses, spending for his family BUT NOT for haraam things like going clubbing, girlfriends etc...and they adviced him to be generous and not to spend his wealth to cause mischief on earth such as the rich people today...who spend their wealth in destabilising the economy or corrupting the system.

78. He said: 'This has been given to me only because of the knowledge I possess.' Did he not know that Allah had destroyed before him generations, men who were stronger than him in might and greater in the amount they had collected? But the criminals will not be questioned of their sins.

However, this is the response of Qarun...he believed that the richness that he possessed was due to his own knowledge but Allah SWT reminded him that countless generations before him were destroyed despite their strength and wealth...after all, the strength and wealth that people possess all belongs to Allah SWT. Allah SWT warns that the criminals will not be questioned because there is no hisab for them, they will go straight to the punishment.

79. So he went forth before his people in his finery. Those who were desirous of the life of the world, said: Ah, would that we had the like of what Qarun has been given! Verily, he is the owner of a great fortune.'

So, Qarun used to walk around arrogantly and showing off and the people looked at him and wanted what he had... They wished that they too would be given the same wealth and fortune as Qarun...

80. But those who had been given the knowledge said: 'woe to you! the reward of Allah is better for those who believe and do righteous deeds, and this none shall attain except the patient.

There were others who could see beyond the shallowness of the wealth and status... they had the understanding of the hereafter and so, they reminded the people not to envy Qarun or to believe that the wealth he possessed is good for them rather, the reward of the hereafter is better.

81. So, we caused the earth to swallow him and his dwelling place. then he had no group to help him against Allah, nor was he one of those who could save themselves.

This was the end of the life of Qarun...he was swallowed by up the earth together with his dwelling and richness.

82. And those who desired his position the day before, began to say 'Know you not that it is Allah Who expands the provision or restricts it to whomsoever He pleases of His servants. Had it not been that Allah was Gracious to us, He could have caused the earth to swallow us up! Know you not that the disbelievers will never be successful.

So, the people who envied him before, who wished to attain the same position as Qarun repented and recognised their mistake. They realised that it is Allah SWT who gives the provision, who expands it to some and restricts it to some as a test for all of us. When Allah SWT gives us more, we should be grateful and spend the wealth for good deeds and when He restricts our provision, we should have patience and make dua to be alleviated from the difficulties.

We must always remember the story of Qarun and not to become arrogant, conceited and haughty in the event of being given power, position or wealth...as we too could be swallowed up by the earth or punished in another way.

'the disbelievers will never be successful' meaning...in the end...in the hereafter the disbelievers will never achieve success...will never attain Jannah.

Wallahu A'lam.

A message to my 8-year old...the grass is always greener on the other side

I took the kids swimming today...
Then after a while my 8-year old son became moody
He didnt want to play with the others and he didnt want to share the floats
Normally I will get angry and sometimes just shout at him to behave but today I told him to sit by the side of the pool whilst I sorted out the others...
The other children continued to play and enjoy themselves so, I came back to sit with my son.
We sat side by side, he had his hands supporting his face and so I copied him...
He started laughing
I asked him "What's wrong baby?"
He said "I want to go back to England...I dont like it here."
I asked him why...
He said he feels different and sad...

I can't begin to express how I felt to hear him say that...no mother wants to hear that her child is sad
My first instinct is to protect him, to buy the tickets today and go back to UK immediately but the next challenge of being a parent is to be tough...to make decisions that no other person can make...
To tell the children that they can't have what they want.
To tell the person that you love with all your heart that you can't give them what they want or what they think they need...that you can't take them out of a situation that they feel is unbearable...because you love them.

The challenge doesn't end there...the next step is to explain to him the ways of the world...how the grass is always greener on the other side...that things don't remain still, people change, his friends have changed, England has changed and we can't just go back and expect to be the same and feel the same. How do you explain all that to an 8-year old when sometimes you may find it difficult to even convince yourself?

So, I just reminded him that this is our home now...we cannot go back. We still have one another and that is all that matters...

I used to wonder everyday if I have made the right decision to come back but now...I know I have. How do I convince my son that in the whole scheme of things, the bigger picture...this is better for us. As a child all he can think about is making friends, friendly teachers, fun learning methods at school...all the things he missed in the UK. He's not thinking about financial situation, government agenda, media propaganda against Islam and issues that even some adults do not care to bother...

I just hope that he will understand one day and that he will not blame me for it. He will understand that parents have to make the decision based on what we think is right at the time...based on the limited knowledge and understanding that we have as human beings.... we cannot see the future... we do not know what is around the corner...but we have to decide anyway what is best for now and hope that the future will be as we pray it will be.

Luckily...Alhamdulillah children are resilient...half an hour later he was playing, laughing and going out with his friends to play...

Dealing with anger: part 3

If you don't know what I'm talking about then, please refer to Part 2, thank you...

At the first stage of anger which is the triggering state, we need to be aware of our feelings...if we are sensing anger then, this is a good stage to manage ourselves before the anger escalates.

In a narration by Abu Hurayrah r.a. a man came to the Prophet SAW and said "advise me" and the Prophet SAW said "Do not be angry". The man asked the question again and again and each time the Prophet SAW said "Do not become angry or furious"

So, before we become angry the best thing to do is NOT TO GET ANGRY, if possible...
At this phase, we can choose various calming down methods and it also depends on what situation we're in e.g.

example 1

If you are having a discussion with a person and it is getting more heated, you might start to detect symptoms of anger in yourself. Try to remain calm  and think clearly about what you would like to do next, either to stop the conversation, change to a lighter subject or continue but without getting agitated. Remember that a discussion based on emotions will not be  productive.

example 2

If a disagreement with a spouse is getting slightly emotional and you're sensing the signs and symptoms of anger. You could say something like "Can we discuss this a bit later?" or leave the room or go to the toilet and lock the door or as what I do sometimes...say "I think I need to pray now." Remembrance of Allah is always a good way of calming down and gives you time to clear your mind.
example 3

When you feel your children are starting to annoy you or make you angry....you could give them a warning such as "I am starting to feel angry now by your behaviour, please leave the room and I will talk to you later."

Escalating phase...

If you are already in the escalating phase then, remember your anger can either escalate into a crisis phase or you can still calm yourself down...

Find your own techniques of bringing down your anger...choose a particular hadith or ayat of the Qur'an that is easy to remember so that you can pluck it up quickly from your mind. It can even be just one word such as 'Jannah' or maybe even 'Jahannam' whichever works for you.

The Prophet SAW says "When one of you becomes angry, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good otherwise he should lie down."

This is a great advice mashaAllah because it is difficult to remain angry when one is seated and even more difficult when lying down. It will certainly prevent the person from doing physical actions that might escalate to assault.

There are many other methods out there to control and manage anger at this stage...it is up to you to find a method that works for you as long as it is within the realms of Shariah.

However, what happens if you have reached the crisis phase...and the anger can no longer be controlled? Well, this is the tricky part. The only thing that can be done at this stage is for you to stay away from the people or the people to stay away from you. At this stage, do not make any hasty decisions and at the back of your mind, remember that you are at a heightened state of arousal...all your thoughts, ideas and feelings may not truly reflect what you would feel during normal times. So, let these thoughts, ideas and feelings pass...but do not make any decisions or take any destructive actions. Still try to sit or lie down if possible.

If you find that you have reached this stage when you are trying to deal with the children. It is good to discuss with your spouse before hand so that the two of you can detect each other's anger and for one spouse to 'salvage' the situation by taking over the handling of the children while you 'cool off'.

Once you have calmed down...and going through the recovery phase then, try and think positive rather than reminiscing the event that trigger your anger. You are still within danger zone and your anger might flare up. Go and do something else...e.g. go for a walk or watch TV...

Wait until you are truly calm and that you are thinking clearly again before you start to reflect on what happened and how you can deal with the situation in a productive way.

Remember this hadith of the Prophet SAW

"The strong is not the one who over comes people by his strength but the strong is the one who controls himself whilst in anger."

Dealing with anger: part 2

"The best of you are those who are slow to anger and swift to cool down...beware of anger for it is a live coal on the heart of the descendant of Adam."

Hadith Prophet Muhammad SAW, riwayat at Tirmidhi

Have you identified yet the trigger factors that makes you angry or 'lose your temper'?

Anger is an emotion and like any emotion, we cannot touch, see, smell or hear but it is something that we can definitely feel...

The feeling of anger can however trigger some physiological responses in the body. We will detect the changes in our breathing, it may become more rapid and shallow...we may detect that our heart beats faster...we may become sweaty, shaking, hot flushes...our muscles tense up and we may grit out teeth...our tone of voice may become higher and we might feel a lump in our throat...all of these are signs and symptoms of anger.

It is important to recognise when we are angry in order to prepare ourselves to deal with our anger. When anger strikes, our judgment gets clouded and we might find it difficult to think clearly. Our perception of the situation may become exaggerated and often phrases such as..."always" or "never" will appear in our speech such as "You never listen to me!" or "You are always doing this!". Our ideas may become rigid and we lose the ability to discuss objectively.

Breakwell (1997) describes the 'anger - assault' cycle.

Anger does not necessarily lead to violence or assault however, the threshold of an act of assault is lowered when a person is angry.

Breakwell describes a 5 - stage process

A. The trigger phase - where a trigger factor setting off the anger
B. Escalation phase - the anger level starts to ascend - at this point, the person can still control his anger and the anger can either escalate or dissipates.
C. Critical phase - once the anger has reached this phase, it is difficult to use any calming method
D. Recovery phase - the anger starts to cool down, at this phase the anger might be re-triggered so, be careful
E. Post crisis phase - the ability to think clearly returns and the person is almost back to normal.

Understanding the the signs and symptoms of anger and the different phases of anger will help us to detect anger when it manifest within us and will prepare us for what to do next

Dealing with anger Part 1

"A strong man is not a good wrestler but a strong man is the person who controls himself at the time of anger"

Prophet Muhammad (saw) in saheeh Bukhari

Faupel, Herrick and Sharp (1998) argues that anger is a secondary emotion arising from another emotion such as fear. Most of us get angry from time to time, some get angry more often than others, some people are known as 'bad tempered', becoming angry easily whilst others are 'mild tempered', they don't express anger often.

Whatever the case, anger is a human emotion. It may arise from other feelings such as disappointment, pain, fear, jealousy or it maybe a manifestation of a physical triggering factor such as when a person is tired, stressed, preoccupied or anxious.

The first step in controlling anger is self - reflection

The first step in controlling anger is to reflect on ourselves. In Arabic, self reflection is known as 'Muhasabah'. Knowing what makes us angry, the situations that might trigger our anger is an important step in avoiding and managing anger. Take a bit of time to reflect on yourself. Think about the times when you have 'lost your temper' and think of the reasons why you lost it. What was the situation that triggered your anger? What was your state of mind at the time? Would that particular issue trigger your anger if you were in a different state of mind, e.g. if you were not tired or preoccupied?

For e.g. I am a mother of 4 and often when I'm tired my level of tolerance is lowered and the likelihood of me getting angry for small minor issues are raised.

We will talk about how to deal with anger later...but the first step is recognising our weaknesses and situations that can trigger anger within us.

For e.g. My sensitive issue is Islam and the Ummah. When I am faced with criticism of the Ummah , I will start feeling the changes in my body's physiological response, the rapid breathing, the increase in pulse, shakiness, lump in the throat, raised and pressured speech...all symptoms of anger. That is when my speech may become harsh or strong, and sarcasm becomes apparent.

Again, we will talk about how to deal with this later...

Hence, we can actually detect the physiological changes in ourselves due to anger...

So, exercise one is to do self reflection or 'muhasabah' and get to know ourselves...

Happy reflecting!


Contents:
- recognising anger and its stages
- anger management
- dealing with those who are angry
- when to seek help

A dedication to those struggling in this path of adapting to change

This is dedicated to my friends who maybe going through the different stages of struggle in this relocation process…in dealing with changes to their environment, weather, people, mentality, culture, language and even accent, all of which can have a profound effect on a human being, mentally and emotionally. I’m no expert but in the last year and a half, I’ve struggled through this process in my life…it can only be described as embarking on an obstacle course involving mountain climbing, swimming across a turbulent ocean and getting lost and found in a jungle. 

The first few weeks I would describe it as ‘honeymoon’ period. Everything was new and exciting especially being surrounded by a loving and welcoming family. All my senses were accentuated, just looking at a banana tree at the back garden amazed me or seeing an eagle flying in the skies above…everything was simply amazing. The reasons why I left my life in London are still fresh in my mind and I was in a state of euphoria to have finally escaped into a different world. 

After a while, practicalities started to kick in and with practicalities come bureaucracy and problems. Applying for jobs, the children school, visa, moving house etc…etc… This is when reality hits! This is when I felt like I was climbing up a mountain and was never reaching the top. Everything was getting on top of me and I was tired, stressed and disillusioned by the system, the people’s mentality and the whole society. I started to compare the past and the present, pros and cons, good and bad and started to wonder, if life was really as bad as I thought it was. Was life in London worse than what I am facing today? Doubt started to creep in and of course, the whisperings of Syaitan is always so near and it amplified my feelings of regret, disappointment and fear. 

In my mind, I went through an internal struggle. Should I stay or should I go? I started doubting my own decisions and wonder if it would be easier to just pack up and leave, to continue life from where we left off? 

By that time, I have started working and my kids have started going to school. I was feeling pressured to assimilate into the general population, to adopt the culture of the people and to ‘blend’ into the new environment. However, I was finding myself resisting to the change, resisting to being ‘assimilated’. I didn’t want to be like everyone else just for the sake of it. I started to question myself, why do I need to fit in? Why do I need to conform to the rest of society? Do I even agree with the rest of society? I felt myself swimming in a vast ocean, being swept by currents and torrents as I struggle to maintain my head above water. 

I considered what others might think of me. I tried not to express too much dissatisfaction to them and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings or make them defensive. After all, this is my struggle not theirs.  At the same time, I was getting uncomfortable…people used to stare at us when we went out, they would look at my kids when they speak because of their British accent. It made me uncomfortable and that was a struggle too. A struggle to not be uncomfortable but to be accepted as being slightly different, that speaking in English does not make us bad Muslims for example and to retain a British accent does not equate to being cocky or pretentious. 

I started to recognize the same struggles in my children as they attempted to fit into a new schooling environment, a different learning culture, mentality and language. It made me feel guilty that I had dragged them half way round the world and for what purpose? I doubted whether I had made the right decision for them. I started to wonder that even if it wasn’t for my own sake, maybe we should move back for their sake. 

At this point in my relocation process, I needed to make a choice. I had to look back to the reasons that led me here. Why did I move? What did I want to achieve? What have I achieved so far? And what would I achieve if I went back? I needed to take a step back and observed my life objectively; from a bird’s eye view, as a spectator rather than the actor.  I looked at the pros and cons, the good and bad, comparing my ‘new’ life to the ‘old’ one. Keeping up with the news back in London helped me realize and remember the problems that led me here. It also helped me to realize that the life I left behind had also moved on…going back will not be as easy as returning from a holiday. It would again be another re-location for me and my family. I started to look around me again and appreciated the things I have, the people I’ve gotten to know and the little things in life that makes me happy. When we first moved here, I told my kids that “it doesn’t matter where we are as long as we have each other. We could be in the Sahara desert and we can still be happy because we are together, as long as we have Allah SWT.” I still believe in that.

I needed to make an informed and pro-active decision if I wished to adopt completely the culture of my new home, such as the concept of ‘live with the Romans, act as the Romans’ or if I wanted to hold on to my own identity and potentially influencing others to understand my viewpoints as well as to change some of my deficiencies and adopting good aspects from my new environment. 

I am so fortunate Alhamdulillah that I have such a strong network of support from my family and have made great new friends as well as holding on to good old friends.

I have come to the stage where I have found my place within this society. I have so far managed to retain some aspects of myself from my previous home as well as adapt and incorporate some of the positive aspects of this new culture. It is still a struggle for me and from time to time I still get that occasional spat of spontaneous idea to pack up and leave but that thought is getting far less in between. I call this current stage…the stage of acceptance and adaptation. 

The journey is not over yet but for the benefit of my friends who are struggling with me (you know who you are), I believe perseverance is the key…

Surah Al Baqarah: 153 “O you who believe, seek help through perseverance and Salat; for Allah is with the persevering ones.”

Are women really more emotional?

I am often skeptical with the perception that 'women are emotional'

Where is the evidence? Either textually or observation or argumentation no one has been able to convince me that women are created more emotional than men.

Besides, what is emotional? What is emotion? As Maher Zain sings..."what about anger, love and pain, can you touch them with your hands so are they really there?"

Surely we can feel emotion but can we quantify it, can we judge it? Emotions are the feelings that we feel and there are various strands of feelings such as love, anger, pain, disappointment, happiness, sadness, jealousy and much more...

So, if emotions are feelings but where do they come from? Does it come from the brain, the heart, the lungs, the liver or the kidney? Are they simply carried by hormones, neurotransmitters or electrical impulses?

The Prophet SAW says that """Every child is born in a state of Fitrah"

If we study a baby of either gender...the baby is pure with no concepts but the baby has needs such as the need to eat, the baby feels hunger. As the baby grows, he or she will start to explore the world out of curiosity to attempt to reach out to objects...at this point there is no distinction between a boy or girl baby. They both laugh, they both cry.

So, what we can observe is that human beings are born with instincts. The instinct to survive (gharizatul al baqa'), the instinct to worship (gharizatul at-tadayyun) and the instinct to procreate (gharizatul al nau') and it is from these instincts that emotions manifest itself. In other words, emotions are a manifestation of the instincts.

When someone comes to attack you, you may feel scared or angry. When you look at a beautiful scenary, you may feel aweness towards the Creator. Hence, emotions are simply the manifestation of instincts and instincts are present in both men and women. One cannot claim that only women have instinct whilst men do not.

So, men and women can 'feel'. So, when two men argue and they feel angry and they start to fight one another...is that not emotional?

Maybe through observation, one might think that women expresses emotions better than men but does that make them more emotional?

Perhaps, we can argue that women are more 'irrationally' emotional than men e.g.
Husband comes home after a long stressful day at work, he just wants to put his feet up and watch TV. He is not his cheerful self. Wife senses this and start asking "is everything ok?"
Husband: "yeah..everything's fine" (he just wants to forget about work and relax)
wife: (there's something wrong...why doesn't he share his problem with me?) Wife says "can you tell me what is wrong?"
Husband: "No, nothing's wrong" (well, nothing is wrong now. I'm back and home and I want to watch TV)
wife: (He doesn't want to share his problems with me...he doesn't love me)

So, is this a typical situation of men versus women? Maybe! but can we conclude from this that the women is more emotional than men? or the fact that she has not understood the reality of work, feel empathy towards his situation and take a pragmatic approach that if he wants to talk, he will talk. It would not be a problem if she just says "okay, well if you need to talk, you know I'm here" and then get on with whatever she's doing.

So, are women more emotional? or maybe less pragmatic?

And if the women are less pragmatic, is that innate or is it due to upbringing? This nature versus nurture argument. Men are generally brought up to have more responsibilities such as financial, as a protector, a leader. Pragmatism is a quality required in fulfilling these roles. Leaders are trained to be able to handle their own emotions and others, they need to think about problems and solutions so, is it possible that boys are taught to express emotions differently through what is expected of them and their responsibilities?

I do not believe that Islam dictates women to be emotional rather if we look at the examples of the sahabiyyah we will find strong women with strong minds that became the backbone to great male leaders.

After the treaty of al Hudaibiyah, the companions of the Prophet SAW were disappointed and failed to follow his instructions to shave their heads and slaughter the animals as a symbol of their hajj. They were devastated that they could not perform the hajj on that particular year. The Prophet SAW confided in his wife, Safiyyah who advised him to carry on and shave this own head and sure enough, after noticing the actions of the Prophet SAW, his companions followed.

When Abdullah ibn Az Zubair fought a battle against al Hajjaj and things were getting intense. He lost a lot of his supporters due to their fear of Hajjaj. He knew that if he was to face Hajjaj on that day, he would be killed so, he sought the advice of his mother Asma' bint Abu Bakar. Her advice to him was:

"It's your affair, Abdullah and you know yourself better. If however, you think that you are right and that you are standing up for the Truth, then persevere and fight on as your companions who were killed under your flag had shown perseverance. If however you desire the world, what a miserable wretch you are. You would have destroyed yourself and you would have destroyed your men."

So, there is strength in women as well as strength in men. Both men and women have been created with instincts and able to express emotions. It is only how we choose to express our emotions, how we handle it and how much we allow our emotions to control our behavior.

I don't believe that women are more emotional than men and even if they seem to be, the only likelihood explanation is that it is due to conditioning and cultural expectations.

95% sure I'm staying here

I believe I am now about 95% sure that I'm staying here. This is our home now and good or bad, we'll have to fight our own battles. Read about the rise in British gas bills up to 200 pounds...yeah, I remember what it was like. When petrol prices were raised, there was a strike involving truckers causing chaos up to the French borders but a year later, petrol prices went higher than what it was.

That is the British Capitalist system where the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer. Up to 90% of the nation's wealth is in the hands of 10% of the population. That was my exact query when we were having a lecture on Malaysia's Vision 2020...how can we implement a Capitalist system that from its basis is all about making profit and human problems and issues become secondary? How can such a system become fair and equitable?

Sometimes I wonder whether the people in the developing countries are even clear about the principles of the Capitalist economic system and if they do know about scarcity and unsatieable wants, do they even question these basic principles? Is scarcity true? Can we say that the resources of this world is finite when from our own Aqeedah, it is Allah SWT who provides for us? Can we say that a human being's wants are endless and so, we need to produce more stuff to fulfil the human wants? Even if we agree that the human being will always want more...as our Prophet SAW says as narrated by Anas "If the son of Adam had a valley full of gold, he would like to have two, for nothing fills his mouth except dust. And Allah forgives him who repents to Him.”

So, okay..human beings are never satisfied but does that mean the economic system should be designed to produce more and more to fulfil the desires of human beings. If a child wants ice-cream, should we design an ice-cream machine that will give him ice-cream 24 hours a day? or do we have an economic system that fulfils the basic needs of everyone, provide food, clothing and shelter and then allow the people to have luxurious items according to their means.

We need to know that not everything that originates from the West is good; and certainly, the Western economic system is a man-made system. Any man-made system is bound to have flaws, biasness and potentially oppressive.

Have patience and do not regret...

The thing I missed most about being stuck at Kampung Gajah is the ability to appreciate time. When I was there, I was counting the days. Now, being back into the 'real' world, life is simply a cycle of 24 hours with no clear day to day distinctions.

We don't plan our lives. We often take things for granted especially when we're young, we don't think about the consequences of our actions. We never think about the day to day processes or the system that governs us. We never think about how our little decisions will affect the rest of our lives or how the system defines our future.

We all have certain goals, things we want to achieve and many of these goals are short terms such as passing a particular exams, getting a particular job, getting married and yet, all these decisions are based on uncertainty and we can only make our decision based on what knowledge we have at the time.

This is the limitations of human beings. We can never foresee everything. We can never have the all encompassing knowledge of what is past, present and future that only Allah SWT, the Creator has. Even the present sometimes remain unclear but life has to move on and we need to make decisions daily, sometimes at a split second.

Alhamdulillah the Creator has given us a guidance, the Qur'an and He has given us the 'istiharah' and sometimes if we think that we have lost our way, we wonder "why this happened?" or "why did I make that decision?" or "why did this happen to me?" We have to go back to where we started and know that if we have made that decision based on Ahkam Shariah and that we have prayed the 'istiharah' then, we have to persevere and put our Tawakkal in Allah because we have not yet reached the end of the road and Allah knows what is in store for us and what is best.

Too often human beings are impatient, seeking for immediate gratification but we forget that patience and perseverance is the key to success in this world and the next. We need to focus on that clear goal right at the end which is further away from the immediate goals...the clear goal of Akhirah in order for us to see things clearly and set our little goals in this life. It is not easy but it is the only right way.

How clear is 'clean'?

I need to say something about the 9th July march although I do not support 'clean 2.0' specifically. First, let me state my stance before anyone get the wrong idea.

I ONLY support the re-establishment of the Caliphate through non-violent means i.e.
1. Elevation of the thinking of people and to increase their understanding of Islam as a comprehensive system.
2. Exposing the plots and plans of the colonialist and their agents.
3. Nusrah - protection given for the re-establishment of the Caliphate by those with military power.

So, don't get the wrong idea about this entry. I'm just expressing my opinion and is meant for those like myself who are stuck in the middle of those who are for the 'clean 2.0' demonstration and those who are against. Most people (like myself) have no clear understanding of what this demonstration is for, what is the objective? This is partly because it is a collaboration by many different factions each with its own ideas and agenda. Each has something that they are dissatisfied about. To me, it seems that they just need an outlet to express their dissatisfaction. At the same time, we have wolves outside our home ready to blow the house down so, we need to be aware of those external factors who are ever so willing to 'interfere' and manipulate public sentiment as they attempted to do in the Egyptian demonstration.

However, I don't appreciate those who try to scaremonger the public, predicting all sorts of threat of violence and turmoil.

When I was living in the UK, I was a victim of the British government propaganda against Islam to the point that when I walk down the street, people eyed me with suspicion (so I was told). I was slightly oblivious to their stares and partly because when someone stare at me, I often wonder if they are one of my patients. However, the point is...Muslims in general are viewed with suspicion and I've heard cases where Muslim women in hijaab have been shouted at e.g. "Have you got a bomb under there?" or "Do you know where is Osama Bin Laden?"

So, I will not be coerced into a reactionary fear by any person(s) or party.

I believe it is important for the public to have a clear understanding of the facts and issues raised by any group. The people should be able to make their own decision of what is right and wrong based on two things:
1. the reality: the objectives, the facts, the issues and anything related has to be explained and understood.
2. the criteria of what is right and wrong, good and bad based on Ahkam Shariah.

It is a misconception to think that the public is too ignorant to understand fundamental issues. These are not exclusive to the intellectuals only. This is evident because a Bedouin in the desert can have a clear understanding of the existence of the Creator whilst there are professors who are atheist. Therefore, the understanding of reality and fundamental issues are not exclusive to those with Masters and PhD. 

I'm tired of propaganda...to be expected to act and behave in a reactionary way based on scare mongering and hear say from the east or the west. If we want to be an elevated society with maturity in our thinking, we need to first understand what is the problem through studying it. We need to understanding the problems and issues and then, understand the proposed solution. However, that is still not good enough because solutions proposed by human beings are subjected to bias and sometimes lack of clear thinking. We need to refer the solutions back to the Creator (Ahkam Shariah).

Day 11 Kg Gajah: No more Kampung Gajah

Today I escaped from eVillage, as they call it Elephant Village (Kampung Gajah). Through out my stay there, I did not see any elephants but we came across a snake, few frogs, lots of mosquitoes and even a bee hive.

I am exhausted after 11 days of didactic lectures and sleeping late last night studying for today's exams. I slept all the way home on the bus. The whole 11 days were an experience but I will not miss it and hope that I will never have to go through anything similar ever again in my entire life. No offense to Kampung Gajah, it was a beautiful place.

However, it is always important to take the positive view of the world so, I am glad that I have a better understanding of Dasar Ekonomi Baru (DEB), Dasar Pembangunan Nasional (DPN), Perolehan Awam, Pengurusan aset kerajaan etc...etc...and it so happens that we are having our Perolehan meeting on Tuesday, so I will surely show off my knowledge with clauses and legalities.

I'm tired and lost for words...for the first time in my life, I am unable to express my true inner feelings and what I'm really thinking. Maybe things will start to make more sense tomorrow...

Day 8 Kg Gajah: tired...mental saturation

After 8 days of non-stop didactic lectures from 8am until 7pm...I have reached mental saturation. Today we discussed about "vision 2020" which is to make Malaysia a developed nation by the year 2020.

In paper, it sounds like a reasonable plan. However, I asked this question to the lecturer with regards to the challenge of the just distribution of wealth to the population. I said "The world today is implementing the Capitalist economic system. We know that the Capitalist economic system is about profit making, obtaining wealth for one's own benefit. Even if we look at developed nations like the UK the quotes that we often hear about the inequality between the rich and the poor is that 90% of wealth is in the hands of 10% of the population so, how do we propose to achieve a just distribution of wealth if we are also following the Capitalist economic model?"

Unfortunately, I did not get any answer.

Let me just answer myself.

Firstly, if we were to follow the Capitalist economic model we will never achieve a just and equitable balance of wealth in society because of the nature of Capitalism. It is as though we are trying to make "sambal tumis" whilst using the cooking ingredient and method of making a "rendang". We will not be successful in making "sambal tumis" and who knows, we might not even be successful in making "rendang" because our intention was not to make "rendang". So, there you go!

Actually, some of the policy ideas are brilliant ideas thought of by a brilliant man. However, there are two issues:

1. The objective is unclear. To achieve a status of a developed nation we need to have a clear IDEOLOGICAL objective. Ideology means a system of life that is based on a concrete basis that has answered the fundamental questions in life such as why we are here? So, do we wish to become a developed Capitalist nation or do we wish to become a developed Islamic nation? or are we thinking that we can come up with a new formula of a developed 'rojak' nation?


2. In paper, the policies and vision sounds great but in reality are we able to translate the theory into practice? Our education system and our culture is geared towards theoretical e.g. I was waiting at my son's school to pick him up and I had the opportunity to listen to his ustazah teaching the class. She was talking about the importance of solat...a very important topic. However, as she was chatting away information these year 2 pupils all about the importance of solat, a little boy said "but teacher, we haven't prayed Asr". What did the teacher do? Nothing...she carried on talking about the importance of solat. To me, it would've been better if she stopped yelping about the importance of solat and just took the children to the prayer room and asked them to pray.


This is what I mean, the emphasis on theory but not putting the theory into practice. I'm not blaming that one teacher because she is not an isolated case. It is the culture and mentality of the people AND that needs to change. We need to develop the clear thinking and the clear objective and then, to be able to take the necessary steps and actions to translate that thinking and objective into reality.

Still day 7 Kg Gajah: still making the best out of it.

Played table tennis today after 15 years! It was fun Alhamdulillah.

The best thing about Kg Gajah is that I have nothing else to do here, no distractions and so, can focus on getting some exercise.

I'm supposed to be studying tonight for the exams but...I'm procrastinating. Hopefully, my daughter won't read this blog or it would be a bad example cause I'm always telling her to study and revise for her exams.

Hmm...instead I'm blogging.

I'm feeling okay now probably because I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...the light is approaching fast, time is moving quickly and soon it will be time to go home. Hope is a powerful thing to keep us going as human beings. Without hope, we are lost forever.

It is hard to imagine those people who are detained without charge such as those in Guantanamo Bay, and even some in the custody of US or UK such as Babar Ahmad. They must have such strength to remain sane and to keep having that hope and reliance in Allah SWT. I guess...there is always hope as long as we believe in Allah and know that this life is only a passing moment. May Allah help this Ummah, give them strength and patience and may the Khilafah be re-established soon. Ameen.

Day 7 Kg Gajah: making the best out of it.

The lecturer today was very funny. He digressed a lot but his stories were interesting and funny. He  had a nice Kedah accent. I like Malay guys from Kedah. They are often straight forward and chilled out. He was also giving us good advice such as the need to have a purpose in life.

In fact, I was just thinking about it last night. How the Muslims today have lost their true purpose in life. We live in this world and we need to know why we are here? where we come from? who created us and why? If we look at the Capitalist, they believe that they are here to make profit, to increase their wealth. They will go all out and strive to achieve that goal. Some will do it the ethical way and some will do it the non-ethical way but whatever the case, they will strive for this wealth. For those who choose to do it the non-ethical way, you will not find them stealing RM10 or RM100; they will go all out for millions of ringgit.

However, if you look at the Muslims today. There are many who have not even sorted out the fundamental question of what is their purpose in life. They are torn between the Deen (hereafter) and this life (Dunya) and in the end, do they achieve either?

Allah swt says in surah 17: 18 - 21 "Whoever desires the quick - passing of this world. We readily grant him what We will for whom We like. Then, after wards, We have appointed for him Hell; he will burn therein in disgraced and rejected. And whoever desires the Hereafter and strives for it, with the necessary efforts then such are the ones whose striving shall be appreciated. On each We bestow from the Bounties of your Lord and the Bounties of your Lord can never be forbidden."

So, this amazing Qur'an explains to us the reality of this life and the desires of mankind as well as the rewards that we will achieve in accordance to our desires. For the one who desires this world, Allah will give it to him. After all, the whole universe belongs to Allah and He will give it to anyone of his slaves regardless of whether they are Muslim or not; but those who desire this world will only get this world, they will get nothing in the hereafter. As for the one who desires the hereafter...and strives in proportion for it, they will achieve that which they strive for which is the rewards of the hereafter.

To understand what is striving for the hereafter, we need a standard, a bench mark. Our standard is the Prophet (saw) and his sahabah for they are the ones promised Jannah. So, how did the sahabah strived for Jannah. Did they get torn between this world and the hereafter? or did they just went for it? Surely, we can see from history that they just went for it. They strove to fight for Allah's cause, they fought in battles, gave away their wealth and their positions and they worked to establish Islam as a complete system on this earth. So, for these people, Allah will reward them their efforts with the rewards in the hereafter.

However, in this life Allah will give His bounty to both parties and it is up to Allah to give more or less to whom He Wills.

Unfortunately, many Muslims are unaware of this and often gets confused. They often get defensive when the west accuse Islam of being 'extreme' and fundamental. However, Islam is fundamental and it is extremely DECISIVE. Decisive because you either believe in God or you don't, you either believe in the hereafter or you don't, you either obey Allah or you don't. There is no sitting on the fence and to have the slightest DOUBT in the existence of Allah or the Hereafter or any articles of faith (Rukun Iman) is a disease. This disease is called hypocrisy (nifaaq). So, the Islamic Aqeedah is decisive and when we are sure 100% that Allah is the One true God and we believe 100% that the Qur'an is from Allah, His words...then, we will witness all the truth contained in the Qur'an.

The problem with the Muslims today is that they still have doubt, the lack of confidence in some aspects of Islam. Why do I say this? It is evident by the way they doubt the implementation of the Shariah. They doubt the Islamic system, the Khilafah. They doubt that it will work, they doubt that it will solve their problems.

When people say..."The difference between the sahabah and the Muslims today is in their Iman". We need to question that statement. What does that mean? I would prefer to use a clear example, the sahabah believed that Islam will solve their problem and that the Islamic system is the best system because it comes from Allah so, they worked for it even though many surah and ayat in the Qur'an at the time has not yet been revealed. When they were in Makkah, they had no clue what the Islamic system was going to look like and yet, they believed in it. They had confidence that Islam will provide them a system that is comprehensive and will look after their issues.

Today, even with a history of the Islamic rule spanning from the time Madinah was established as an Islamic state by our Prophet (saw) and the Khilafah went through glorious periods during the Khulafa' ar Rashidin, the Umayyads, the Abbasids and the Uthmani...we have written records of scientific achievements and famous scholars...we have buildings in places like Granada, Baghdad, Syria and the completed Qur'an and volumes of Hadith...we still cannot have complete confidence and belief that Islam is the best system for mankind.

We worry about how the non-Muslims would accept the Islamic system, we worry about becoming a Taliban state or like Saudi Arabia where women can't drive...all the worries in the world but if we were to study those concerns, we will realize that these problems arise because there is no Islam being implemented anywhere in the world. If the Jews in Madinah can accept the rule of Islam and the leadership of Prophet Muhammad (saw) then, I have no doubt that the non-Muslims in Muslim lands will accept the rule of Islam especially when the rights of the Dhimmah (non-Muslim citizens of the state) is read to them.

The problem is not with the non-Muslims. The problem is with us and our understanding and confidence in our own Deen, in our Aqeedah, in our belief in Allah and the belief that Islam can solve all of our problems.