Dealing with anger Part 1

"A strong man is not a good wrestler but a strong man is the person who controls himself at the time of anger"

Prophet Muhammad (saw) in saheeh Bukhari

Faupel, Herrick and Sharp (1998) argues that anger is a secondary emotion arising from another emotion such as fear. Most of us get angry from time to time, some get angry more often than others, some people are known as 'bad tempered', becoming angry easily whilst others are 'mild tempered', they don't express anger often.

Whatever the case, anger is a human emotion. It may arise from other feelings such as disappointment, pain, fear, jealousy or it maybe a manifestation of a physical triggering factor such as when a person is tired, stressed, preoccupied or anxious.

The first step in controlling anger is self - reflection

The first step in controlling anger is to reflect on ourselves. In Arabic, self reflection is known as 'Muhasabah'. Knowing what makes us angry, the situations that might trigger our anger is an important step in avoiding and managing anger. Take a bit of time to reflect on yourself. Think about the times when you have 'lost your temper' and think of the reasons why you lost it. What was the situation that triggered your anger? What was your state of mind at the time? Would that particular issue trigger your anger if you were in a different state of mind, e.g. if you were not tired or preoccupied?

For e.g. I am a mother of 4 and often when I'm tired my level of tolerance is lowered and the likelihood of me getting angry for small minor issues are raised.

We will talk about how to deal with anger later...but the first step is recognising our weaknesses and situations that can trigger anger within us.

For e.g. My sensitive issue is Islam and the Ummah. When I am faced with criticism of the Ummah , I will start feeling the changes in my body's physiological response, the rapid breathing, the increase in pulse, shakiness, lump in the throat, raised and pressured speech...all symptoms of anger. That is when my speech may become harsh or strong, and sarcasm becomes apparent.

Again, we will talk about how to deal with this later...

Hence, we can actually detect the physiological changes in ourselves due to anger...

So, exercise one is to do self reflection or 'muhasabah' and get to know ourselves...

Happy reflecting!


Contents:
- recognising anger and its stages
- anger management
- dealing with those who are angry
- when to seek help