My early years of growing up in UPM Serdang

Beautiful memories of this old cottage where I spend my first 10 years of life 1974 - 1984

I revisited my old home in UPM Serdang 2015

This was my home. The home I was brought back to after I was delivered into the world. It was my home for the first 10 years of my life. I felt completely nostalgic when I had the opportunity to visit it after 30 years. I couldn’t fight back the tears. Seeing this beautiful little cottage brought back so much happy memories for me. It was the home where my mom used to sing every morning as she prepared breakfast. The home where my grandmother used to wake up very early to pray her extra prayers and stay right up until Fajr time. I would then hear the sound of her sweeping the outside porch, removing all the dead leaves that had fallen overnight. It was the home where me and my siblings would run around and play together. It was the home surrounded by beautiful greenery, wildness, sounds of crickets, toads croaking after it rains, the smell of freshness and settled dew in the morning. 

My father was a lecturer in the Environmental science faculty. He was a professor in ecology. He was a very strict man, the no-nonsense type. He barely ever smiled but sometimes when he does, he has a very sweet face but I owe it to him to instill my passion for knowledge. He made sure that we studied hard and that we emphasized on education. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have been a doctor. Don’t get me wrong, he never forced me into medicine. I have always enjoyed Biology as my favourite subject in school but I never saw myself as a doctor. I thought doctors were super smart people and a bit too serious for me. However, my passion for knowledge made me agree to study medicine because the prospect of being in University for 5 years instead of 4 years was appealing. I wanted more time to study.

My father’s strict parenting approach made me tough, determined and strong-willed. This was of course coupled with my mom’s soft, loving and kind approach, to give me a well balanced emotional support. I was a very hard-headed, strong willed child and if I wanted something, I would say, “no matter how, why, what, where and when, I would get it.”

I was also very efficient and organized child. My mom used to tell me that her father would say, “Don’t wait until tomorrow what can be done today.” At the age of 7 years old, I answered her back with these words, “Don’t wait until later, what can be done now.”

When my brother was sent off to boarding school in Malay College Kuala Kangsar; I was left with my sister for a year until she too left for Sekolah Seri Puteri and I was alone. For a while, I was an only child. I missed them both terribly, but my mom filled my loneliness. We would visit her every week and once a month, we would make that long trip to visit my brother in Kuala Kangsar, along those winding old roads because the PLUS highway was not yet built. The journey would take us at least 7 hours but I was happy. We would leave early in the morning sometimes praying subuh at a masjid along the way and when we reached the old MCKK building, my brother would be waiting for us with a smiling face regardless of when we arrived. There was never a time that he was not there waiting for us. He is the most wonderful brother, always smiling, always happy and always loving towards us. 

My sister is my best friend. We used to fight like cats and dogs but we could never be apart. Every morning, if she was at home I would wake up very early and I would wait until she wakes up because she was a late-riser. As soon as she woke up, I felt like my day had begun.

I had a wonderful happy childhood and my days in UPM was very nurturing. 

I left home and the country when I was 17 years old. The moment my foot step into the aeroplane, I was a full fledged adult. I was completely on my own. I no longer had my parents to turn to, to run into my mom’s arms for emotional support. There was no internet, handphone or watsapp. I wrote to my mom once a month and called only when necessary. I had no one to complain to if I was being told off or messed up. I had to deal with whatever issues all on my own, financial, social and emotional.

Yet, I was ready. I was ready to manage myself, my finances, my time, my studies and all my needs. I hate it when people say things like students studying overseas have an easy life. How can it be easy when you are thrown into the deep end, to adapt to a completely new environment, to manage everything yourself, to compete with students who have been brought up to think rationally, to be bold, to ask questions, to have opinions. The Malaysian education system never encouraged students to speak out, to think for themselves, to come up with challenging questions, to figure out the answers. As a result, Malaysian students are often labelled as ‘timid’, ‘quiet’ or ‘polite’ because we barely speak in class, barely ask questions. 

Anyway, I have wonderful memories of being brought up in the green lushes surrounding of UPM Serdang. That was the place I learned to ride the bicycle and used to cycle all around the campus, my favourite spot was to stop at the back of the veterinary faculty and look at rabbits and monkeys. I have memories of waiting for the UPM school bus that took us to our school in Kajang. 

I must say I had a very happy childhood and seeing my old home in UPM, Serdang reminded me of how fortunate I was to have all my experiences in life, the good and the bad. 

Amazed by Dr Zakir Naik's talk

Last night 7th October I went to watch Dr Zakir Naik LIVE at Putra World Trade Centre, Kuala Lumpur with my kids. This was my first time ever listening to his talk. He has been on a Malaysian tour for a few weeks now.

In the beginning, I was becoming a bit worried as he started to explain the meaning of Jihad in Islam. He talked about the Arabic definition of Jihad coming from the root word 'Jahada' meaning to strive and struggle. I agree with what he said but I was becoming concerned that he might be one of those 'apologetic' Muslims who restrict the meaning of Jihad to the struggle against one's own nafs...something which all human beings MUST do all the time as we struggle against our inner desires. That struggle for me is never ending until our last breath...

As the talk progresses however, I was completely amazed by his quotation not just of the Qur'an but also of the other scriptures. He went on to quote many Ayat in the Qur'an which talks about fighting (Qitaal) and giving examples on how he explains the command of fighting in Islam to non-Muslim by quoting their own scriptures on fighting. Fighting in the battlefield is undoubtedly a command from Allah SWT (Qur'an 2:216; 2:246; 9:5 and many others) and has been one method of striving and struggle to make the Truth prevail over the Falsehood (Qur'an 9:33). All men are obliged to be part of the army of Jihad under the Khilafah and to fight for Truth and Justice; and to fight against oppression; to observe all the rules and laws of fighting and NOT to oppress others.

Alhamdulillah Allah SWT has given Dr Zakir such a strong memory in memorizing the Qur'an and other scriptures and being able to explain very eloquently about the Deen and being able to answer questions thrown at him in a very sharp and clear way. However, Dr Zakir's message last night is that all Muslims are daie i.e. da'wah carriers and we have a duty to convey Islam to all people but I would like to add that da'wah is also to Muslims, to remind one another and the seeking of the knowledge of Islam is an obligation on all of us. Not everyone is given the talent to be an orator as Dr Zakir but there is no argument that is better than the Qur'an so even if we are no good at public speaking but inshaAllah with the knowledge of Islam, we will always hold the Truth and we can always convey the Truth.

May Allah reward Dr Zakir for his efforts and thank you for coming to Malaysia!

Attending Yasmin Mogahed's talk in UM, Malaysia

On Sunday night I went to University Malaya, The Islamic Centre to listen to a talk by sis Yasmin Mogahed.

I've came across some of her talks on youtube around a year ago and was so intrigued by the things she said. The things she said are not new but it is the way she delivers the message that is so friendly, so easy for people to accept because she explains things in a way that make us think and also understand our nature as human beings.

So, when I found out that sis Yasmin was in Malaysia I couldn't miss this opportunity.

The talk was about the ocean of life...how not to drown in it. She gave the analogy of the heart as the boat. How the dunya is the ocean and that we should not allow the ocean to enter the boat as it will cause the boat to sink. Similarly, the dunya should not enter our hearts as it will only destroy us and we will sink in it. We can have the dunya but only hold it in our hand.

The sister reminded us that we live in this life as a traveler as the Prophet SAW says "Live in this world as if you are a traveller or a stranger". She gave a simple example, when we travel and we stay at a hotel for a few days, do we start to buy furniture, hang pictures on the wall, decorate the room? No one does that and the reason for it is because we know we will be leaving soon. Hence, to live in this world as a traveller is to have a mindset that this is not our permanent home. We will be leaving soon and we will not become too attached to this place.

She talks about how our hearts should only be filled with the love of Allah SWT and our attachment should only be for Allah SWT. This life is a journey and we are the travellers in this journey. The journey of this life is actually a journey to towards Allah SWT. He created us and he has put us in this world and the journey is actually our route back to Him. However, sis Yasmin made an important point, something for us to ponder. What part of us should travel along this journey. So many of us emphasize on our physical journey, which is the actions that we undertake with our physical self meaning for e.g. when we start to cover our awrah or pray 5 times a day. That in itself is part of the journey, to change our actions for the better. We pray, we fast, we go to talks, we may even do da'wah but as we focus on doing these actions (which are very important things to do) but what about our heart? Do our hearts follow our bodies within this journey?

As we engage in the physical activities which Allah SWT commanded us to do but do our hearts grow with it? Have we changed the inside of ourselves? Have we developed the qualities that Allah SWT loves? The journey of the heart is to remove the bad, ill feelings and to fill it with good feelings or characteristics e.g. forgiveness, patience, mercy, generosity and all other good things

Our physical aspect maybe doing the things we ought to do but in our hearts, do we forgive those who harm us? Do we judge others and think we are better than them? Do we get easily angry or offended? It is so important in this journey and in our quest to perform our obligations towards Allah SWT that we remember is it our hearts that is returning to Allah SWT (or you can call it our souls). The two things have to come together because the heart in itself without doing the actions is inadequate but to do the actions without purifying the heart is also futile.

In our attempt to cleanse our heart through mercy, forgiveness, patience and so on it is important to remember that this is purely for the sake of Allah SWT. Do not attempt to do anything good for the sake of the people. What I mean is we should not do anything just to please the people. The only One we should please is Allah SWT. If we please the people, we may become disappointed or feel rejected if our hard work becomes unappreciated. We will then start to feel resentful. On the other hand, if people appreciate our work, we will start to become dependent on their approval and our desire to please people will only lead us to become a door-mat which is not what Islam encourages us to be.

We should do good things and avoid bad things for the sake of Allah SWT alone and we should fill our hearts with good characteristics and throw away the bad characteristics only to be closer to Allah SWT.

Here I just want to bring up this issue of approval and I will give you my example of wearing himaar (tudung) and jilbab (jubah). I used to dress exactly the same way in the UK as I do now in Malaysia. I have not changed much (except there are prettier jilbabs sold here in Malaysia) but the difference is only in the perception of society.

In the UK, anyone seen or dressed as a Muslim woman is considered 'backwards'. I would walk into a room and immediately, the perception is 'she is oppressed' or 'she has no brains underneath that piece of cloth' or 'she can't speak English' or after Sept 11th incident, 'she must be a terrorist, she's hiding some kind of explosive device underneath all that material'. But you know what? I really didn't care what people thought of me. I knew I was different but I knew I was right. I was doing something that my Creator wanted me to do even if the whole world thinks I'm crazy. Once this stranger lady walking down the street even called me 'mad' for wearing hijaab during the summer. I guess she doesn't know how hot Malaysia is compared to summer in the UK and I still wear the hijaab. I did not need the approval of anyone and I did not need them to validate who I was.

Now, in Malaysia I'm still the same in my appearance and behavior. However, the perception is that someone who wears himaar (tudung) and jilbab (jubah) must be a pious person, have to talk a certain way, walk a certain way, act a certain way which exhibit some kind of piety. Well, that's not me at all. It seems harder when you are expected to be this kind of person like in a very cultural Malay sense but you are not, even though you do look the part.

So, what I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what the people think or their perception or expectations, you just have to focus on pleasing Allah SWT. The negative attitude of others is irrelevant when you are doing something that Islam expects from you. Your criteria for judgment is not what other people say or think but it is the Qur'an and Sunnah.

As for the heart, regardless of how things are and how people are...we have to continuously fill our hearts with good characteristics; purely for the sake of getting closer to Allah SWT and like sis Yasmin said, our heart should follow our actions on this journey. We shouldn't be doing the obligatory actions but the heart is missing....the heart is stagnant or that the heart is filled with evil and ill intentions. May Allah SWT protect our hearts from illness.

Finding a golden gem

Most of the time as a doctor, I hope to give strength to my patients...but sometimes it is the patient who gives strength to me. Today I met an amazing lady who brought her brother to consult me. As we chatted through the consultation, she told me her story. Her 17-year old son died of cancer a few years ago and she spoke about the time they spent together and how she looked after him. She spoke about his strength as a young person dealing with a terminal illness.

She told me the story of how she helped her son come to terms with the diagnosis and the possibility of death. She told him to face each day as it comes, to not think about death but what you can do everyday whilst you're still alive. She told him that his illness came from Allah...no one would ask for such a thing for themselves and how she would rather ask Allah to give the illness to her than to her son but Allah chose him and it is a blessing because it means that Allah loves him.

She spoke of his last moments and listening to her, I couldn't help but to feel humbled. I was inspired by her strength, her acceptance of the situation and how she dealt with it in such an honorable way. I know there are so many carers out there who are like her, who use their tragic experience to help and give strength to others.

For me, the best part of my job is to find these golden gems. These are people who may not radically change the world but they inspire the people around them. They are the people who radiate with compassion and strength. I am so blessed to have such patients... they give me more than what I could possibly give to them. May Allah SWT reward her for her patience.

My dream of meeting a great man, Tun Mahathir

Today, I achieved one of my dreams.

It has always been a dream of mine to meet Tun Dr Mahathir live! Today, my dreams came true. 

I arrived at Dewan Agong Tuanku Cansellor (DATC), UiTM Shah Alam at 7.30am with my daughter. She had read Tun Mahathir's book and was interested to listen to his speech. Tun Dr Mahathir was invited to speak on 'Transformasi minda penyelidik muda'.

Whilst waiting for the programme to start, they showed a video of Tun Mahathir's biography taken from the History Channel. A lot of his story was from what we've already read in his book but there were photos and more personal touch. The most interesting aspect for me was the fact that he was a medical doctor; the first Malay doctor to open his own clinic in Alor Setar. He has the attributes of a true doctor, compassionate and the passion to treat and help his patients. He said that some of his patients were poor and he would never turn down a patient just because they couldn't pay, because that would be wrong. To me, that is the true nature of any doctor. A person can't do medicine if they do not have a small part of them that says, they do it to help people.



Finally, Tun Mahathir appeared and as he began his speech, the audience fell silent. The 5000 capacity hall was filled up by lecturers, staff members and students. I don't know anyone else in Malaysia who could still pull a crowd after retirement. He gave an hour long speech but when he said he thought it was a good idea to end his speech, it felt like he started only a minute ago.


As he walked down the aisle accompanied by UiTM vice chancellor, people crowded around him to take photos, asked for autograph and to shake his hand. I felt sad...I was only 8 years old when he became the prime minister. My mom was constantly praising him especially since he was a good looking man. He was young, energetic and full of ideas. He introduced the metric system and got rid of the old colonial measuring system, he told us to look towards the east instead of constantly blind following the west. He was brave enough to state the obvious problems faced by the Malays, for us to reflect upon ourselves and our weaknesses in order to change and be better. He made us understood history and the reasons behind the Malays being left behind in terms of education and economy.


His intentions were not to blame the British Colonialist and neither was it to create hatred or resentment for those who emigrated to Malaysia to seek better lives and richness for themselves and their families. It was to make the Malays realize their position, their situation, their weaknesses, their complacency and to change their mentality and behavior. Sometimes only those who truly care and love us will be honest enough to point out our faults and tell us the most painful truth about ourselves. 


Every race in this world has a story, a history and they share some cultural norms and values. They even share some similar traits...although individuals may differ and every individual have their own strengths and weaknesses but every particular race often have stereotypes. The younger generation often pose the question regarding their ancestry. They often question the origin of the 'Malay' itself. It is difficult to find a satisfactory answer and even the experts differ in their opinions as to the history of the Malay origin but I guess like any other race; these things evolve with time. The English origin are a mixture of Anglo-Saxon, Danes, Normans and over time, there has been inter-marriage with Welsh, Scottish and other European nations. It is even harder to determine the origin of Americans who were all immigrants from Europe, South America and other countries.


At the end of the day, we are all part of the human race but we do know that a particular race has similar features, collective identity and they share a history. History is one of the most important aspect of knowing who we are. Our own family history gives us knowledge of any inherited diseases or specific talents. By knowing our family history, we get a sense of who we are and a certain standard to uphold. My grandfather was a translator in the courts of Teluk Intan, he could speak English, Dutch, Tamil, Malay and Japanese; so we know from where my brother got his talent from. My great grandmother was a midwife or also known as 'bidan' and maybe that is where my interest in medicine came from.


Our knowledge of the Malay history and history of Malaya will make us understand where we were and where we ought to be. We should understand Islamic history from the birth of Islam i.e. the time of Prophet Muhammad SAW and until the demise of the Caliphate in 1924. That knowledge would make us aware of many political events and reasons why things are the way they are today and how did the West suddenly became a superpower from being in the dark ages.

If we are unaware of our history...if our future generation are illiterate with regards to the past then, they will be at risk of being manipulated by those who are attempting to re-write history and re-interpret things. 

The past is what we were; everything that is good, bad, mistakes and all. We need to face up to the past and reflect upon things in order to learn from them. The future is where we want to be and we need to identify what we want to be, what kind of people do we want to be? What do we wish to achieve? The present is where we make those changes... changes from the weaknesses that we have identified in our past and the changes that we need to make in order to achieve the things we want to achieve.


I wish that the Malays would first identify where we went wrong. We went wrong by viewing the occupier as being superior; that the British were superior than us. The British might have been superior in their military power and technology but they were no more superior in the capability to use their minds. Allah SWT has given all human beings a mind to think...we can all use it intelligently.


Secondly, we went wrong in accepting the British secular system as an official system. By accepting the secular system, we have isolated Islam from our daily lives...secularism means religion has no role to play in political life meaning, in anything that involves ruling and making laws in society. By doing so, we have shot ourselves in the foot because we are saying that Allah's presence is limited. He is limited only in our worship, in our personal activities but in society and how we govern ourselves and conduct our life outside of worship, Allah is somehow absent and that He somehow cease to exist in our minds.

Even though the British failed in converting the Malay Muslims to Christianity but they succeeded in making us 'secular'.

So, what is my dream for a Malay future...

To reject secular values. To know that Allah SWT is never absent and he never cease to exist in whatever we do. We could be sending our kids to school, waiting for a train, going to the bank, trying to buy a house or a car, looking for a job. He is there at all times and for everything we do, Allah SWT has given us guidance and rules on how these things should be conducted. Hence, whatever we can do within our individual capacity, we should be doing it and whatever we can't, we should be demanding for a system that will help us to worship Allah SWT and not a system that forces us to commit haram e.g. riba (interest)

Throw away this feeling of  'inferiority'. There is nothing great about any other race anywhere in this world. We are all human beings and we have been given the faculty of mind. It is up to us on how we want to use it. It doesn't mean that we should go about being arrogant but it means that we should be sure of who we are. We are Muslims and as Muslims, we are knowledgeable, hard-working, compassionate and obedient only to Allah SWT.

Amazing Libyan doctors...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-14689451

My utmost respect and admiration to the doctors, healthcare workers and volunteers in Tripoli, Libya for their courage, strength, professionalism in facing such an unimaginable devastating situation.

May Allah SWT reward you and may He give me the same qualities as these amazing people. I'm just not sure if I would be strong enough....