Friday 30 December 2011

You are enough for me

I can't wait to get home from work today because my new electronic piano has arrived. I haven't played the piano for many years cause I wasn't sure if the piano is allowed in Islam. Piano is a string instrument and most scholars say that 'wind' and 'string' instruments are prohibited.

So, I got rid of my guitar a long while ago and have not touched piano since but today, I am going to play on my electronic piano. Music expresses so much more than words sometimes.

Life is a beautiful experience...

We will never know happiness until we have felt sadness.
We will never know pleasure until we have felt pain.
We will never appreciate sweetness until we have tasted sourness.
We will never appreciate love until we have felt heart ache.
We will never appreciate what we have until we are about to lose it.
We will never appreciate company until we have been totally alone.
We will never appreciate the truth until we have gotten lost in falsehood.

Thank you Allah SWT for protecting me and guiding me.
Do not leave me for a single second of my life
I know for sure...You are enough for me :)



 

Saturday 24 December 2011

Rediscovering the pieces of the missing jigsaws - welcome home my lovelies.

Hubby and the girls returned from UK four days ago. They've brought back so much chocolates and we've been totally indulging ourselves. Now it feels like they have never left at all.
While they were away, the boys and I did enjoy ourselves. Life appeared more calm with less screaming, fighting and shouting but somehow, it just felt wrong...like something was missing. Even though, the boys didn't express verbally what was missing but I could sense that their behaviour was different. They were empty and sad.

Now, everything feels right like discovering the pieces of the missing jigsaws.

Maybe that is what it means to love. It is to fit into each other's lives like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that without them, the picture is incomplete and hollow. It is to be so comfortable in their presence that you no longer realize how much their mere existence fulfil your life. Sometimes, it is these things that we take for granted.

Sometimes, we think we need something more but maybe what we have is enough. Maybe what we have is better. I don't know. Why do we make our lives so complicated?

Whatever it is, we simply have to put our trust in Allah SWT. He is the One who knows what is good and what is bad for us. In the end, the most important thing is to enter Jannah (Paradise).

Last night I dreamt of water again...
InshaAllah maybe something good is coming.



Friday 23 December 2011

The best types of friends and the worst...

People just never fail to amaze and surprise. Just when you think you've seen it all, you come across someone who completely throws you off and you start to realize how human beings are capable of anything. Anyone is capable of anything. The only thing that shapes our behaviour is the ideas that we carry, thoughts or principles which often changes according to our beliefs and experiences.

For me, the best type of people are those who can inspire others. People who enter into your life and even after they are gone, they leave you a better person. When you think about them even after so many years, they put a smile on your face because you remember the good times and the good memories. When I was seventeen years old, I had a best friend who did just that. My friend was a talented musician and taught me about music, politics and opened my eyes to the windows of the world. Taught me to question the things around me. Taught me what it meant to feel 'alive'...


Everyone wants a friend who is knowledgeable, reliable, confident and knows what to do in times of trouble. Maybe Doctor Who is a fictitious character but it represents a person that everyone would value as a friend, somebody who can open your mind to life beyond the stars, to inspire you to save the world and make it a better place. To me, this should be a character of a Muslim. It is the Qur'an that gives us the knowledge beyond the stars, an explanation of everything, teaches us to put others before ourselves and to sacrifice our own needs to save humanity. 

This is in contrast to having a friend whom you believe and trust. You thought that they were caring, intelligent and reliable. However, they disappointed you and betrayed your trust. You think that a friend would be there for life but they leave you when you need them the most. You start making excuses for them because you still believe in them but soon, you understand that they are a 'snake' in disguise.

Sometimes you just have to accept that some people lie and manipulate for whatever reason, maybe out of their own fears, insecurities, undiagnosed personality disorder or maybe out of evilness but there is no point in trying to figure out why... because they are the ones with a problem. So, just let them go to sort out their issues and pray to Allah SWT that He will guide them and help them to discover love and forgiveness.

At the end of the day, truth will prevail and Allah SWT will show people for what they are. Someday, we will find the answers we were looking for, even if things do not get settled in this life but everything will be settled in the hereafter, from the smallest things to the largest things. So, whatever pain and hurt we have caused someone, we will see it. Pain and hurt are like cuts and wounds...it will heal with time but sometimes if the wound is large, it will leave a permanent scar.

It is best to leave painful memories alone.

and...

It is best to remember the people who have inspired you...
People who give more than they take.
Those whose memories put a smile on your face.
Thank you my 'childhood' friend, so happy for you that you have found someone who loves you and that you have a little family of your own. May Allah SWT give you and your family abundance of happiness.

Saturday 17 December 2011

Thank you Allah for making me a doctor

I was invited for lunch at a patient's house. It was one of the most beautiful houses I've ever been to. I've been to many different mansions but this was simply amazing.

Externally, it looked like another large detached house, surrounded by high walls but when you enter the front door and out into the courtyard, you are greeted by a swimming pool surrounded by palm trees. We had lunch beside the pool and I felt so happy just getting to know this nice family.

I wanted to cherish every minute, every second...

I felt so blessed Alhamdulillah to be a doctor, to be given the opportunity to enter into the lives of so many people and I want to take the time to remember each and everyone of my patient... to learn something from them.

When I was growing up I never thought I could be a doctor. I thought only the smartest people could do medicine instead, I wanted to become an engineer. After my SPM results, I applied to Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB) for a scholarship to study engineering in the UK. I've always wanted to go to the UK...it was my dream. I filled in the forms, sent the applications, went for the interview and received an offer.

I told my dad about the TNB offer, begging him to sign the agreement and consent but he refused. He was adamant that I should not go overseas and that I should stay locally. I cried for days but there was nothing I could do. The deadline for submitting the offer passed, TNB called asking me why I have not submitted my agreement and that they would still accept me. I told them I had to reject their offer and my heart broke to pieces. I was devastated because I thought my future was lost...

Then, a 'magical' thing happened, the few days later my dad came home and he said he had something to tell me. He said that I'm going to study A levels in the UK and to do Medicine. I couldn't believe my ears...I couldn't believe what was happening... I never thought in a million years that my dad would agree for me to study overseas. He was not the type of person who would change his mind.

Allah SWT showed me that anything is possible, that Allah SWT is the One who decides our future and that if Allah SWT wills for something to happen, it would happen no matter what and if Allah SWT forbids something from happening, it would never happen even if the whole world wants it to happen but one thing I realize is that we need to make an effort.

I spent a year studying for my SPM, eating, breathing and drinking SPM and I worked so hard to get the TNB scholarship and even though I had to reject it, Allah SWT replaced it with something better, Alhamdulillah.

I never thought I was smart enough to be a doctor but as soon as I started my house-man-ship I knew Allah SWT has chosen the best career for me. I wouldn't want to be anything else. Medicine is not about the title, the status, the money but it is about understanding life... it is about people... and their lives, their health and disease... it is about understanding human beings and what makes us function, what makes us alive, every heart beat, every breath, every thought and everything that we find out about ourselves ultimately lead us to one thing, the Creator.

This is because no matter how much medicine gives us the answer to the question 'how?'... it doesn't give us an answer to the question 'why?' Ultimately, why... it is because Allah SWT made it in such a way and that behind everything that works... there is something 'hidden', something supernatural, intelligent, incredibly powerful that makes things function the way it does and when things go wrong, no matter what we do as doctors, how hard we try, how clever we are at 'fixing' the human body, we have to concede that there's still something greater out there who decides which patient gets better and which patient doesn't and it is that 'something' that controls life and death.

Thursday 1 December 2011

Sleeping over water... Avillion Hotel Port Dickson



I'm sitting here on a comfy bed by the window in Avillion, Port Dickson just chilling out with my two boys. It is dark outside apart from the hazy half moon, the clouds have covered the stars tonight. I've stayed in many hotels before but this particular one just exceeds expectation. The water chalet stood right on top of the beach and right now, the tide is coming in...

I can see the sea-water rising underneath me. It is both amazing and frightening at the same time. We are completely exposed to the elements, the creation of Allah SWT. I can't quite describe how I'm feeling...I'm just in awe of the beauty of this place, the sound of the waves, the smell of the sea air, even the flash of the distant lightning...everything is beautiful. The whole experience is beautiful. It is like one of those experiences where you think you could start writing a book and finish it by morning. Unfortunately, I'm thinking more of a romantic novel rather than the chapter on 'Management of Anaemia in Pregnant Women' which I should be writing and is due within two weeks time! Well...let's not think about that tonight.




Life in Malaysia has been like a long extended vacation...so different from the UK. Britain never fails in reminding us about the problems in the middle east and constantly agitating the Muslim ummah by accusing us of being 'terrorist' and 'extremist'. However, over here...life is just so comfortable. Life is about family holidays, outings, shopping, sight seeing, fun-filled activities, visiting relatives and even work is enjoyable. I'm not complaining... but I'm afraid. Afraid of becoming complacent... afraid of forgetting completely about the world outside, the suffering of the ummah... in Palestine, in Iraq, in Egypt, in Afghanistan... sometimes it feels like the rest of the world is too far away... and we are trapped inside this glass bubble, that the whole world could be crumbling down, tearing apart and we wouldn't know about it. World War 3 could be starting, Khilafah could be re-established and we would still be strolling at shopping malls, eating at McDonalds and racing on the motorway, flashing at other drivers to move out of the way.

Sometimes it is even so hard to think...to think about real issues in life like geopolitical issues, economic problems and crisis, the agenda of the Capitalist nations and all the 'why' and 'how'.

Maybe that is why too much of my time has been spent on contemplating about irrelevant issues and sometimes wallowing in self-pity, just being completely self-absorbed. Watching BBC news today brought me back to the reality of the economic problems still facing the world and never ending middle east crisis that only the return of the Khilafah can solve. Sometimes we need to get back to the main road, back to where we started, to remind ourselves what is our true purpose in life? what is the straight path?

Surah Al An'am: 153
"And Verily, this is my straight path so follow it, and follow not other paths for they would separate you from His path." Imam Ahmad recorded that, An-Nawwas bin Sam`an said that the Messenger of Allah said, Allah has given a parable of the straight path, and on the two sides of this path, there are two walls containing door ways. On these door ways, there are curtains that are lowered down. on the gate of this path there is a caller heralding, `O people! come and enter the straight path all together and do not divide. ' There is also another caller that heralds from above the path, who says when a person wants to remove the curtain on any of these doors, `Woe to you! Do not open this door, for if you open it, you will enter it. The (straight) path is Islam, the two walls are Allah's set limits, the open doors lead to Allah's prohibitions, the caller on the gate of the path is Allah's Book (the Qur'an), while the caller from above the path is Allah's admonition in the heart of every Muslim.) At-Tirmidhi and An-Nasa'i also recorded this Hadith.

The sea has filled up beneath me...for the first time in my life, I'll be sleeping tonight on top of water. It is like a scene from one of my dreams...

I will only think about the ummah tonight...

IN SEARCH OF THIS TRUTH

  I am in a quest to search for THIS truth. People ask, 'why are you still searching for the truth?’  You have found Islam.  You believe...