What if every parents' nightmare were to happen to you? How would you react?
I was out shopping, grabbing some vegetables and mineral water to replenish our grocery during my lunch break. I was on the phone with hubby when he said, "Call me back in one minute." He does that to me, a lot and it usually means something important is happening. I called him back and he said in a calm and clear voice, he said, "...listen to me very carefully. Drop whatever you're doing and drive home. Don't ask any question."
I wonder what most wives would do?
Would they listen?
Would they protest?
Would they do the typical 'drama melayu' scene of "Kenapa Bang? Apa dah jadi Bang? I baru nak bayar shopping ni...cakaplah sekarang!" and blah blah...
Sometimes I would mess around with the kids, pretending that we're in an emergency situation and they must do exactly as they're told quickly and without asking any questions because in an emergency situation, every second counts. You must be acute and quick to react. When someone says, "Get down!" you must get down without hesitation. Hence, this was one of those moments...
To me, this was a test of faith! A test for me to see if I trusted the head of my household enough to do exactly what he says without question. Do you trust your leader? In a life and death situation, trust is important. A moment's hesitation could change outcome. I knew something was wrong but what? All sorts of things were going through my head. A fire? One of the kids fell and broke their leg? He said, don't ask questions so I didn't. It was not out of fear. It was out of faith. I guess I trust him, always have from the moment we first met.
I had my load of basket. I had just finished picking up the last item on the list. The till was empty. I could have just went to the till and paid the groceries and then do as he says. The thought was tempting...but instead, without hesitation, I dropped the shopping basket, ruffled inside my handbag for the car keys and drove home. It was a 30 minutes drive on the highway.
As I was driving, he called. He asked me where I was and I said, I was on the highway. He told me someone broke into the house and our eldest girl was in the house. He said, something happened to her.
I wonder what would most mothers imagine?
What would they do?
How would they react?
I must say...I imagined the worst! I imagined...one stop crisis center.
I became hysterical. I was sobbing and crying and screaming, "Oh my God! my baby! my baby! what happened to my baby!" Hubby was lecturing and screaming over the phone, saying "Who didn't close the window? I told everyone so many times to close the window, to lock the doors. I knew this was going to happen!"
I tried to calm myself but as soon as I thought about it, I started becoming hysterical again. I was pressing on the accelerator but the car seemed to be going slower...I felt my legs were heavy but I knew I had to keep driving.
Hubby said, "As soon as you get home, take her to the police station."
"Police station?" I replied through my sobs. "I must take her to the hospital..."
His voice softened, "What do you think happened?" he asked
I knew then that most likely things were not as bad as I imagined. His tone of voice reassured me. I calmed down. I didn't ask anything. Didn't ask what happened. I asked, "Who is with her now? Is she alone?" He had asked the security guard to keep her company until one of us got home. I said, "OK" and hanged up.
When I got home, she was downstairs. She opened the door and I could see she's been crying. I asked if she is okay and she said, she is. The only thing that was bruised was one of her fingers which she used to punched the intruder. Yes! my daughter punched the guy who broke into our house and luckily, he ran away and she was okay.
I wonder what would you have done?
What would I have done?
Hubby told us many times about the possibility of intruders entering the house and that we should never have this mentality of "It won't happen to me!"
We have taught the kids to realize that whatever happens to others could potentially happen to us. The attitude that "it won't happen to me!" is not an option. If we thought it wouldn't happen to us, we would not take any precautions or be prepared. We must take all precautions and be prepared and to have trust in God to protect us (tawakkal).
However, we never taught her what to do in such a situation. It was purely her own reaction and she was brave. I have brought her up from a young age to 'not fear anything but God'. When she was little and afraid of monsters under the bed, I used to tell her that even if there were monsters or ghosts, God is the One who created these things hence, we must fear nothing but God." However, I never anticipated that she would respond in this way so, I must say MashaAllah! Only Allah could have helped her...
Showing posts with label Raising kids in Malaysia: challenges and advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Raising kids in Malaysia: challenges and advice. Show all posts
Sunday, 12 April 2015
Thursday, 23 October 2014
Divorced Kids: My parents no longer love one another but THEY LOVE ME!
I don't like this subject. It is a difficult one to write about. It is personal and often, misunderstood. Most people talk about divorce# as a 'bad' thing. It is the thing that is hated most by God. No one is saying it is good but in reality, it is happening and statistically, it is happening more often now than ever before. Many divorced couples eventually find their own respective suitors and hopefully, (inshaAllah) live happily ever after. :-)
Even if they don't find the 'one', hopefully they find themselves which in itself WORTH more than having to stay in an unhappy or worse, miserable (or abusive) situation. If two people (despite all methods and means) fail to live together peacefully, they do not have to kill one another. There is a peaceful way out hence, divorce is allowed. It maybe the most hated thing in the world in the eyes of God but He allowed it (in Islam anyway, not sure in other religions).
However, I want to talk about the "collateral damage". With the rising numbers of broken marriages, children (some young, some older) are the center to this issue. Fortunately, children are extremely resilient. They handle things much better than adults (sometimes). Younger children are even better at handling difficult situations. They know less and hence, are less prejudice. Older children have developed a mind of their own, but often not fully equipped to understand the entire situation. Some children are more emotionally mature than others. Alhamdulillah, if you have these kids you are so blessed :-) It is up to both parents (despite their own disagreements) to ensure that they send a positive and consistent message to the kids. Younger children may not understand much but it maybe sufficient for them to know that "Mummy and Daddy no longer live together anymore. Mummy or Daddy has moved out and is staying somewhere else." They need to realize that the arrangement is permanent. However, the most important thing is for them to know:
1. It is not their fault.
2. Just because Mummy and Daddy no longer love one another, they both still love the children.
3. Mummy and Daddy will always be there for them (even though separately).
Often, children become the victim of tug of war between parents. Even if one parent is the culprit, it is still a negative influence on the child. The psychological effect on the child for having made to choose sides or to 'blame' one party or feel resentment will only cause damage to the child's emotional development and well-being. The general rule is to KEEP CHILDREN OUT OF THE CONFLICT. Both mother and father must also be very sensitive to the children's surrounding. Even if both mom and dad have agreed to handle the situation delicately, there maybe negative ideas being thrown about by family members that may cause distress to the child and harm their gentle minds. You know those movies where mom (or dad) sits and talks to the child, explaining to them in a matter of fact way about man, life and universe with no emotional entanglement. I love doing that with my kids. If that is too difficult, get a story book that talks about these issues.
The problem sometimes in our Malay culture is we do not talk to our children. It is unfortunate since we have so much to talk to them about. Islam and its vast sea of content is just swirling around, waiting for us to jump and dip our hands into these precious knowledge to hand down to our offspring. Children are also amazingly forgiving. They have no DENGKI, DENDAM, HASAD, KESUMAT....they are pure and sincere. So, do not taint them with our weaknesses and bad habits. STOP THE NEGATIVE CYCLE NOW! We are already passing down our bad genes e.g. if we have Diabetes. Don't pass down our bad thoughts as well. Instead, let them be everything we always wanted to be (but wasn't) when we were their age. Let them be strong, intelligent, forgiving, understanding and most of all, let them feel no matter what happens to the world, their mom and dad will always love them.
Even if they don't find the 'one', hopefully they find themselves which in itself WORTH more than having to stay in an unhappy or worse, miserable (or abusive) situation. If two people (despite all methods and means) fail to live together peacefully, they do not have to kill one another. There is a peaceful way out hence, divorce is allowed. It maybe the most hated thing in the world in the eyes of God but He allowed it (in Islam anyway, not sure in other religions).
However, I want to talk about the "collateral damage". With the rising numbers of broken marriages, children (some young, some older) are the center to this issue. Fortunately, children are extremely resilient. They handle things much better than adults (sometimes). Younger children are even better at handling difficult situations. They know less and hence, are less prejudice. Older children have developed a mind of their own, but often not fully equipped to understand the entire situation. Some children are more emotionally mature than others. Alhamdulillah, if you have these kids you are so blessed :-) It is up to both parents (despite their own disagreements) to ensure that they send a positive and consistent message to the kids. Younger children may not understand much but it maybe sufficient for them to know that "Mummy and Daddy no longer live together anymore. Mummy or Daddy has moved out and is staying somewhere else." They need to realize that the arrangement is permanent. However, the most important thing is for them to know:
1. It is not their fault.
2. Just because Mummy and Daddy no longer love one another, they both still love the children.
3. Mummy and Daddy will always be there for them (even though separately).
Often, children become the victim of tug of war between parents. Even if one parent is the culprit, it is still a negative influence on the child. The psychological effect on the child for having made to choose sides or to 'blame' one party or feel resentment will only cause damage to the child's emotional development and well-being. The general rule is to KEEP CHILDREN OUT OF THE CONFLICT. Both mother and father must also be very sensitive to the children's surrounding. Even if both mom and dad have agreed to handle the situation delicately, there maybe negative ideas being thrown about by family members that may cause distress to the child and harm their gentle minds. You know those movies where mom (or dad) sits and talks to the child, explaining to them in a matter of fact way about man, life and universe with no emotional entanglement. I love doing that with my kids. If that is too difficult, get a story book that talks about these issues.
The problem sometimes in our Malay culture is we do not talk to our children. It is unfortunate since we have so much to talk to them about. Islam and its vast sea of content is just swirling around, waiting for us to jump and dip our hands into these precious knowledge to hand down to our offspring. Children are also amazingly forgiving. They have no DENGKI, DENDAM, HASAD, KESUMAT....they are pure and sincere. So, do not taint them with our weaknesses and bad habits. STOP THE NEGATIVE CYCLE NOW! We are already passing down our bad genes e.g. if we have Diabetes. Don't pass down our bad thoughts as well. Instead, let them be everything we always wanted to be (but wasn't) when we were their age. Let them be strong, intelligent, forgiving, understanding and most of all, let them feel no matter what happens to the world, their mom and dad will always love them.
Saturday, 25 May 2013
What is the real strength in character? A lesson from a child
On Thursday, the last day of school my daughter's school was celebrating teacher's day and the children were told to wear nice clothes. Unfortunately due to a miscommunication, the message didn't reach me and my poor child went to school in her uniform. Her eyes filled with tears as soon as she saw her friends dressed up in beautiful baju kurung and the boys in baju melayu. I felt terrible but I took her hand, explained the situation to her class teacher and left her in good hands.
It may seem small but to a child...it is a first step in facing a hardship and dealing with disappointments. I watch my children grow up and see all the little hardships they face, the disappointments, the changes they have had to deal with, moving to a different country, changing schools, making new friends, going through a separation, adjusting to new family life; and sometimes it seems too much to handle but I see so much strength in them SubhanAllah!
Life is full of hardships and disappointments but these difficulties are the building blocks of our strength and character.When I asked my brother who is an ex-MCKK "Would you send your boys to a boarding school despite all the stories we hear today of alleged bullying?" His answer was simply "YES" and his reasoning: it was those hardships that made him who he is today. It made him strong, resilient and a fighter.
Everyone faces hardship but just by mere survival is not good enough. For a person to go through a test and to come out angry, bitter, vengeful and unrepentant does not do justice to the wealth that lies behind those hardships. Hardships are meant to shape us into better people, to elevate oneself to become wiser, more humble, more patient, more forgiving and more understanding. I consider this as true victory. Those who are cancer survivors and become volunteers for cancer support groups. Those who lose children through horrifying events and become champions in saving other families from similar fate. Those who survive through war and volunteers to help war victims. Those who go through difficult relationships and are able to solve their differences and become friends.
I've had a fair share of frictions with various individuals throughout my life but we have been able to resolve matters and be friends. I have so much respect for them and are proud to be their friends, May Allah SWT reward them.
So, when I picked my daughter up from school at the end of the day, I was pleased to see her smiling, laughing and playing with her friends. She had totally forgotten about what she was wearing and neither of us spoke about it. She was simply excited to tell me all about her interesting day of eating sweets and playing games, Alhamdulillah.
"Remember, happy people have often experienced as much adversity as those who are unhappy. What sets them apart is that they have the good sense to manage their memories in a way that enriches their lives."
- Life lessons from the monk who sold his ferrari-
Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Dealing with questions from a teenager
It is tough raising teenagers. The world is a confusing place and they need us to understand their world, their reality, their peer pressure...to help them make sense of what is around them and how does Islam fit into that reality. They need guidance on how to view the world from the islamic viewpoint. I am no expert but this is a question which was posed to me, and I hope I handled it in the best way.
Question: What will happen if we do all the things Islam ask us to do, and we do all of it but in the end for whatever reason, we do not go to Jannah (paradise). What would be the point of all that? We will not get this life like fun things and we will not get the hereafter either.
Y'know there's two things that we need to address here.
1. You are making an assumption that despite doing what Allah wants you to do, you will still not enter Jannah. That's the wrong way of viewing things. For that reason, we need know and understand Him. Allah doesn't break His promise. He doesn't betray our trust, He doesn't forget, He is not weak. He is nothing that we human are. He SWT says in the Qur'an
Question: What will happen if we do all the things Islam ask us to do, and we do all of it but in the end for whatever reason, we do not go to Jannah (paradise). What would be the point of all that? We will not get this life like fun things and we will not get the hereafter either.
Y'know there's two things that we need to address here.
1. You are making an assumption that despite doing what Allah wants you to do, you will still not enter Jannah. That's the wrong way of viewing things. For that reason, we need know and understand Him. Allah doesn't break His promise. He doesn't betray our trust, He doesn't forget, He is not weak. He is nothing that we human are. He SWT says in the Qur'an
“Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has Faith, verily, to him will We give a new Life, a life that is good and pure and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions.”
[Al Qur’an 16:97]
When Allah SWT tells us to do fardh actions and avoid haram, we must trust that by doing these things for His sake, He will fulfil His promise to us, by His Mercy we hope for His Jannah.
We need to make a choice and that choice we have to make now. What do we want? Do we want the Hereafter or do we want this life? If we want this life, then we will only get this life but if we strive for the hereafter then, we will have this life and the hereafter (17:18-21, 42:20)
Allah SWT is All Forgiving, All Merciful. We are humans and He made us imperfect, we make mistakes, we do silly things but we can seek forgiveness and we can repent and we hope for His Mercy. So, by doing what Allah wants us to do is never a waste of time. Every good deed we do, we will see it and every bad deed we will see it on the day of judgement. Nothing is ever a waste....
2. When you say...by doing the things Allah wants us to do that we are 'missing' out on this life. What does it mean? What are we missing? Are we really missing out on fun things?
Freedom doesn't guarantee happiness. The people who wear whatever they want to wear, go out with whoever they want, have various relationships...does that make them happy? Going to parties and discos, mixing men and women...it maybe fun and exciting for a while but the rest of the time...it is emptiness. The happiness is short lived, not permanent, there is no calmness or tranquility...and we keep trying to fill that emptiness with more and more excitement but it is like a bottomless pit with no satisfaction. This life is like a mirage...you're in a desert and you see water and run towards it but when you reach it, it's gone. (9:38, 6:32, 24:39)
Instead fill our hearts with the love of Allah and we will get calmness, tranquility, satisfaction that cannot be replaced or substituted by anything or anyone.
This is because of all the desires in this world and the wants we have in this world, there is one desire that is greater than all others which is the desire to worship. Some people worship money, wealth, things, people...whatever but there is only One that deserves to be worship and can actually fulfil that desire we have, and that is to worship Allah.
So, don't be worried...don't be put off by doing the right things because you are afraid of missing out on something 'fun'....truth is you are not missing out on anything. Instead, you receive the greatest treasure of this life and the next.
Friday, 12 October 2012
Answering a child's question on 'rasuk' and 'hantu'
My son sat beside me with a serious look on his face. He asked me if it is true that there are ghosts in his school. He said that some students were possessed (rasuk). I asked him if he saw it and he said no but his friends told him.
I was like..."Kau percaya la kawan2 kau tu..." (and you believe your friends!)
He was saying "Diorang kata diaorang nampak dengan mata kepala diorang sendiri" (they said they saw it with their own eyes on their own heads)
So I said with a half serious sounding voice "Ye lah. Ade ke sesiapa yang nampak dengan mata kepala orang lain." (of course, does anyone see with other people's eyes on other people's head?)
He looked slightly confused. I like teasing my kids sometimes or my students. It is cute to see their reaction and the look on their faces.
Anyway, the serious bit came. I said
"Look! these things exist. All these ghosts Pochong, Momok, etc...etc...they are all Jinn or Syaitan. They just want to disturb us and scare us but we must remember that everything that exists in this universe belongs to Allah, is created by Allah so, the only One we should fear is God."
I continued...
First of all, we must believe (have Yakin) that God is the Most Powerful. Nothing else have Power but Him.
Secondly, try to avoid all these things as much as we can. Don't look for them, don't try to find them because even though they live in this world but they are in a different dimension so, don't look for trouble but if you do come across these things then....
Thirdly, seek protection from Allah SWT. We can seek protection by reciting Ayatul Qursi.
ٱللَّهُ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ٱلۡحَىُّ ٱلۡقَيُّومُۚ لَا تَأۡخُذُهُ ۥ سِنَةٌ۬ وَلَا نَوۡمٌ۬ۚ لَّهُ ۥ مَا فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَمَا فِى ٱلۡأَرۡضِۗ مَن ذَا ٱلَّذِى يَشۡفَعُ عِندَهُ ۥۤ إِلَّا بِإِذۡنِهِۦۚ يَعۡلَمُ مَا بَيۡنَ أَيۡدِيهِمۡ وَمَا خَلۡفَهُمۡۖ وَلَا يُحِيطُونَ بِشَىۡءٍ۬ مِّنۡ عِلۡمِهِۦۤ إِلَّا بِمَا شَآءَۚ وَسِعَ كُرۡسِيُّهُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضَۖ وَلَا يَـُٔودُهُ ۥ حِفۡظُهُمَاۚ وَهُوَ ٱلۡعَلِىُّ ٱلۡعَظِيمُ
and wherever you go, before you leave the house or in your journey or whenever you feel afraid, you can read "bismillahillazi la yadurru (arabic)..."
بِسـمِ اللهِ الذي لا يَضُـرُّ مَعَ اسمِـهِ شَيءٌ في الأرْضِ وَلا في السّمـاءِ وَهـوَ السّمـيعُ العَلـيم
In the name of Allah, by whose name nothing is harmed neither on the earth or in the heavens. And He is the All Hearer, All Knowing.
then he said that even though these boys read Qur'an, they read what they knew but they were still affected by the possession.
I replied, "Don't be afraid. Always read with yakin (conviction) and you must have confidence that Allah is the Most Powerful and nothing else is more Powerful. If you fear Allah, you will not fear anything or anyone but if you do not fear Allah then you will fear everything and everyone."
However, if these things still harm you or if anyone harms you, it means that Allah SWT is testing you. It doesn't mean that these things have any power because nothing can help you nor harm you without the permission of Allah. So, don't be afraid but don't go looking for trouble either.
Besides, you are a man. You will be the protector. Men are supposed to fight against oppression, to protect their family. You cannot be afraid when you are in the battlefield. Look at the sahabah (companions of the Prophet) they were not afraid of anything or anyone. So, we want to be like them inshaAllah.
The best part was he hugged me and said 'thank you mom' Alhamdulillah...:-)
I was like..."Kau percaya la kawan2 kau tu..." (and you believe your friends!)
He was saying "Diorang kata diaorang nampak dengan mata kepala diorang sendiri" (they said they saw it with their own eyes on their own heads)
So I said with a half serious sounding voice "Ye lah. Ade ke sesiapa yang nampak dengan mata kepala orang lain." (of course, does anyone see with other people's eyes on other people's head?)
He looked slightly confused. I like teasing my kids sometimes or my students. It is cute to see their reaction and the look on their faces.
Anyway, the serious bit came. I said
"Look! these things exist. All these ghosts Pochong, Momok, etc...etc...they are all Jinn or Syaitan. They just want to disturb us and scare us but we must remember that everything that exists in this universe belongs to Allah, is created by Allah so, the only One we should fear is God."
I continued...
First of all, we must believe (have Yakin) that God is the Most Powerful. Nothing else have Power but Him.
Secondly, try to avoid all these things as much as we can. Don't look for them, don't try to find them because even though they live in this world but they are in a different dimension so, don't look for trouble but if you do come across these things then....
Thirdly, seek protection from Allah SWT. We can seek protection by reciting Ayatul Qursi.
ٱللَّهُ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ٱلۡحَىُّ ٱلۡقَيُّومُۚ لَا تَأۡخُذُهُ ۥ سِنَةٌ۬ وَلَا نَوۡمٌ۬ۚ لَّهُ ۥ مَا فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَمَا فِى ٱلۡأَرۡضِۗ مَن ذَا ٱلَّذِى يَشۡفَعُ عِندَهُ ۥۤ إِلَّا بِإِذۡنِهِۦۚ يَعۡلَمُ مَا بَيۡنَ أَيۡدِيهِمۡ وَمَا خَلۡفَهُمۡۖ وَلَا يُحِيطُونَ بِشَىۡءٍ۬ مِّنۡ عِلۡمِهِۦۤ إِلَّا بِمَا شَآءَۚ وَسِعَ كُرۡسِيُّهُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضَۖ وَلَا يَـُٔودُهُ ۥ حِفۡظُهُمَاۚ وَهُوَ ٱلۡعَلِىُّ ٱلۡعَظِيمُ
and wherever you go, before you leave the house or in your journey or whenever you feel afraid, you can read "bismillahillazi la yadurru (arabic)..."
بِسـمِ اللهِ الذي لا يَضُـرُّ مَعَ اسمِـهِ شَيءٌ في الأرْضِ وَلا في السّمـاءِ وَهـوَ السّمـيعُ العَلـيم
In the name of Allah, by whose name nothing is harmed neither on the earth or in the heavens. And He is the All Hearer, All Knowing.
then he said that even though these boys read Qur'an, they read what they knew but they were still affected by the possession.
I replied, "Don't be afraid. Always read with yakin (conviction) and you must have confidence that Allah is the Most Powerful and nothing else is more Powerful. If you fear Allah, you will not fear anything or anyone but if you do not fear Allah then you will fear everything and everyone."
However, if these things still harm you or if anyone harms you, it means that Allah SWT is testing you. It doesn't mean that these things have any power because nothing can help you nor harm you without the permission of Allah. So, don't be afraid but don't go looking for trouble either.
Besides, you are a man. You will be the protector. Men are supposed to fight against oppression, to protect their family. You cannot be afraid when you are in the battlefield. Look at the sahabah (companions of the Prophet) they were not afraid of anything or anyone. So, we want to be like them inshaAllah.
The best part was he hugged me and said 'thank you mom' Alhamdulillah...:-)
Monday, 20 August 2012
Siblings ARGUE ARGUE ARGUE
They are at it again, my two older ones...squabbling, arguing, fighting with words. I left the room and all I said was "Hey you two, just make sure your arguing don't turn into crying..." cause sometimes it does!
Sometimes it is actually very funny, often hilarious and could be turned into some kind of comedy. I should just tape it sometimes without their knowledge and play it back to them someday when they are older. Right now they are arguing about who is more spotty i.e. who has more chicken pox spots.Yup that's kids...they argue about the silliest of things, ridiculous things...often adults too argue about lame things. So, how can we blame the children?
Sometimes I think they actually enjoy it...my two older ones. They actually enjoy having a real good B****y lame squabble which ends with name calling. Maybe it is a kind of sibling bonding session, maybe it makes them closer, built that kind of brotherly-sisterly love or something. I don't know! Sometimes when I say, "Hey you two stop arguing!" They look at me as if they just noticed my presence and say "we're not arguing!" Hmm...
That's just siblings I guess...argument is part of life. Siblings argue and fight but they will make up soon enough. I just hope that will always be the case...
Sometimes it is actually very funny, often hilarious and could be turned into some kind of comedy. I should just tape it sometimes without their knowledge and play it back to them someday when they are older. Right now they are arguing about who is more spotty i.e. who has more chicken pox spots.Yup that's kids...they argue about the silliest of things, ridiculous things...often adults too argue about lame things. So, how can we blame the children?
Sometimes I think they actually enjoy it...my two older ones. They actually enjoy having a real good B****y lame squabble which ends with name calling. Maybe it is a kind of sibling bonding session, maybe it makes them closer, built that kind of brotherly-sisterly love or something. I don't know! Sometimes when I say, "Hey you two stop arguing!" They look at me as if they just noticed my presence and say "we're not arguing!" Hmm...
That's just siblings I guess...argument is part of life. Siblings argue and fight but they will make up soon enough. I just hope that will always be the case...
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Parenting is so COOL! two little stories to share.
 |
| The beautiful Mercy of Allah who puts love and mercy in the hearts of parents |
STORY ONE: ABOUT LOVE
My son came and sat down beside me, staring at me as I was reciting Qur'an. It usually means he wants something, a drink, some food, request for a new toy...I looked at him irritated. "What do you want?" I yelped. (In my mind I was thinking...why do you kids always have to disturb me when I'm doing something important?)
He looked at me hesitating to speak.
"Come on, just say what you want!" I was getting more frustrated.
He plucked up the courage to finally speak his mind. He said "Mummy, one day if i ever love my wife more will you remind me?" I looked him, bit surprised by his question.
"What do you mean?" I asked "If you love your wife more than who, Allah?"
He said, "No, if I love her more than you."
His face was serious..."will you please remind me!"
Oh...how my heart melted like butter. "Come here, baby" I said putting my arms around him.
"Mack!" I said calling his pet name. "Love is not like a cake where you have given me one whole cake and when you have a wife, you have to cut the cake into half to give half to me and half to your wife. Love is not something solid that has to be divided. Love is something that grows. The more you give, the more it grows."
"First of all..."I continued "You should love Allah number ONE and the Prophet SAW." Then, you have your responsibility towards your mom, your siblings, your wife and kids but love is not something where the more you share, the less it becomes. Love is enough for everyone. Also, inshaAllah I too will love your wife and she will love me and so there will be more love to share with more people, okay?"
His serious face broke into a smile. "Oh! I think I understand" he said.
WELL, how do you explain love to a child? Even most adults do not understand it and poets have composed on it and writers have written on it but what is love? I don't know much but I do know that love is like a fruit tree, if you look after a fruit tree, nurture it and give it enough good soil, sun and water...it grows and it will produce more and more fruits. It is unrestricted and will give goodness to all those who appreciate it.
STORY TWO: ABOUT MAKING DUA
My daughter came into my room as I was lying down relaxing, having some 'ME' time.
"Mom! can we go and watch Batman?"
I was like..."What? it is Ramadhan and you want to go and watch a movie???"
"Yeah...well what's wrong with that?" she asked.
I said,"I mean, it is Ramadhan and people want to do Ibadat and read Qur'an. I don't want to watch a movie. I still have to catch up on so many Juz!"
She looked disappointed but she conceded and said "Oh! okay mom"
Then, the next day I went to KFC to buy food for Iftaar and guess what? They gave me two RM4.00 off coupons for TGV cinema. I didn't even realized it when I was ordering the food. I thought this is Rizk! So, I came home and said to my daughter. "Err...did you make dua?"
She said, "about what?"
Me, "About watching Batman."
She said, "no!"
Me, "Well, I've got two cinema coupons and so, I guess we could go and watch Batman if you want."
and so, we did end up watching "The Dark Knight rises" last night. It was entertaining and fun. We shared a cake before the movie and a Tropicana smoothie from Secret Recipe. We even had coupons off pop corns, so we shared a regular pop corn between us. She told me how happy she was for the mom and daughter bonding session.
I told my daughter, "see Fudge (her pet name). This is Ramadhan where whatever dua you make inshaAllah it will be granted. In fact, you didn't even have to make dua. you just need to say...'I want to watch Batman' and look! here we are. So, use this opportunity to make lots of dua during this month okay? Ask Allah for all good things, for Iman, taqwa, make it easy for us to practice Islam, for rizk, for health and NOT to watch Batman!" I said to her with a joking smile.
Children grow so fast...it is not easy to bring them up in this very challenging environment. May Allah SWT make it easy for us Ameen.
SOME PARENTING DUA
 | |||||||||||
| And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous." |
 |
| Dua for a soleh/solehah child, for the child to love salah (prayer) |
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Parenting secrets...to be shared
Well, it is not actually a secret but I just want to highlight the qualities that one develops when one becomes a parent. It really doesn't matter if you are a parent to your own biological child or if you have adopted children. Simply by assuming the role of being a parent, you join the parenting club. You then discover so many secrets to life that you may not have understood before...
You hold the tiny baby in your arms. This young, innocent, helpless being is at your mercy and you hold it with such gentleness and care. Having that much power over something does not mean that you will abuse it. Most normal sane intelligent human beings do not abuse their children and would never dream of harming them. When you hold your baby for the first time, you get a glimpse into the future. This child depends on you to sustain him/her, to feed, clothe, clean, teach, protect and everything else until this child achieves independence and the ability to look after him/herself. You realize that the power you have is a Trust (Amanah) from Allah SWT.
Psychologist have argued this as a case that POWER by definition DOES NOT CORRUPT an individual rather, it is the failure of that person to see his position as a responsibility and when other factors such a pride, greed or jealousy takes over that the person see power as a means to manipulate, oppress, subjugate and abuse others.
Sometimes parents get so mad at their kids for something they did wrong but by hating the child's actions does not mean they no longer love their children. You love your children no matter what they do or who they are. Sometimes when I am tired or stress and I just want the kids to leave me alone and go away, it doesn't mean that I no longer love them. Sometimes I tell them to go away and suddenly I hear a cry or a scream and I will just get up from my relaxing 'me' time to ensure that they are okay.
Moms just do it instinctively...all of the sudden the adrenaline kicks in and your tiredness disappears. You will always love your children in whatever situation. The love is there all the time, it is forever and unchanging and that is also known as 'unconditional love'.
Parents learn that when you are angry at someone, it doesn't mean you hate them. You may hate their bad action, you may be disappointed in them or just frustrated but you will always love them.
The real reason for parents to love their children unconditionally is because they do not have any need from the child. The child needs the parents, the child is dependent on the parent but the parent should never depend on the child. Have you seen a little toddler? He is so excited to gain some independence by being mobile...he runs around the park but every so often he will find his mother or father. This is because despite his new found 'freedom' he still requires the security and comfort that his parents give to him.
The parent is there like a solid block that stands tall and strong; and the child looks to that for support and strength. There is no doubt that parents enjoy the love, the affection that the child gives 'unconditionally' and adoringly to the parents but to enjoy that gift is different from relying on it. A child does not have the maturity to carry the burden of supporting the parents. The child cannot be given the responsibility to 'mother' or 'father' the parent. It should be the other way around. As a doctor, I have heard young pregnant moms say "I want a baby because I want to be loved". That is dangerous and it could be a sign of some underlying personality problem or previous childhood issues that needs to be resolved before that person has a child.
This is also important for single parents (moms or dads) to just be aware of...sometimes when we become a single parent, it is ever so tempting to start relying on our children for support. However, that could be detrimental to the child. Find your close friends or family members for strength and support but when it comes to the children, you are their source of strength NOT the other way around. Remember: do not burden your child with your emotional problems or weakness.
Life is all about problems as Allah SWT tells us that life is a test and hence, the task in life is to problem solve. Bringing up children and nurturing them is also about teaching them how to solve life's problems. When you love your child, it is a natural instinct to protect them from the world, to solve their problems for them, to do things for them but doing everything for your child would hamper his/her growth and ability to become independent. Childhood is merely a trial period in preparation for adulthood. Children need parents to teach them how to behave, the difference between right and wrong, self discipline, organization, time management and all the NILAI-NILAI MURNI (good morals and manners). They need the skill to grow into responsible adults.
Boys need to learn to become responsible leaders, to be tough in life because they will be the bread winners, the protectors, the one responsible for the entire family. They need to have the skills to protect the family, the community, the state. They also need to learn to be kind, understanding and forgiving as these are important leadership skills.They need to be able to negotiation, communicate and resolve conflicts.
Girls need to learn to have inner strength, to have patience, caring and kindness. However, they also need to be strict and to be able to impose boundaries because they are responsible for the upbringing of the children, to instil discipline into the child, teaching the children to have good values, morals and manners. They need to learn to express themselves and get their views across and to demand for their rights. They hold the key to the checks and balances of the husband-wife relationship.
FINALLY
Children need the active input from both parents, the mom and dad and this is irrespective of whether the couple are still together or living apart. Children will form a special relationship with each parent and no one should ever prevent the child or be an obstacle for the child to develop that healthy relationship with either of his/her parents.
Always think about the interest of the child. Avoid jealousy or creating any negativity or rifts between the child and his/her parents. Children are a trust (an Amanah from Allah SWT). As we bring up our children we start to realize that we learn so much from them as much as they learn from us.
1. HAVING ULTIMATE POWER DOES NOT CORRUPT
You hold the tiny baby in your arms. This young, innocent, helpless being is at your mercy and you hold it with such gentleness and care. Having that much power over something does not mean that you will abuse it. Most normal sane intelligent human beings do not abuse their children and would never dream of harming them. When you hold your baby for the first time, you get a glimpse into the future. This child depends on you to sustain him/her, to feed, clothe, clean, teach, protect and everything else until this child achieves independence and the ability to look after him/herself. You realize that the power you have is a Trust (Amanah) from Allah SWT.
Psychologist have argued this as a case that POWER by definition DOES NOT CORRUPT an individual rather, it is the failure of that person to see his position as a responsibility and when other factors such a pride, greed or jealousy takes over that the person see power as a means to manipulate, oppress, subjugate and abuse others.
2. ANGER DOES NOT EQUAL HATE.
Sometimes parents get so mad at their kids for something they did wrong but by hating the child's actions does not mean they no longer love their children. You love your children no matter what they do or who they are. Sometimes when I am tired or stress and I just want the kids to leave me alone and go away, it doesn't mean that I no longer love them. Sometimes I tell them to go away and suddenly I hear a cry or a scream and I will just get up from my relaxing 'me' time to ensure that they are okay.
Moms just do it instinctively...all of the sudden the adrenaline kicks in and your tiredness disappears. You will always love your children in whatever situation. The love is there all the time, it is forever and unchanging and that is also known as 'unconditional love'.
Parents learn that when you are angry at someone, it doesn't mean you hate them. You may hate their bad action, you may be disappointed in them or just frustrated but you will always love them.
3. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
The real reason for parents to love their children unconditionally is because they do not have any need from the child. The child needs the parents, the child is dependent on the parent but the parent should never depend on the child. Have you seen a little toddler? He is so excited to gain some independence by being mobile...he runs around the park but every so often he will find his mother or father. This is because despite his new found 'freedom' he still requires the security and comfort that his parents give to him.
The parent is there like a solid block that stands tall and strong; and the child looks to that for support and strength. There is no doubt that parents enjoy the love, the affection that the child gives 'unconditionally' and adoringly to the parents but to enjoy that gift is different from relying on it. A child does not have the maturity to carry the burden of supporting the parents. The child cannot be given the responsibility to 'mother' or 'father' the parent. It should be the other way around. As a doctor, I have heard young pregnant moms say "I want a baby because I want to be loved". That is dangerous and it could be a sign of some underlying personality problem or previous childhood issues that needs to be resolved before that person has a child.
This is also important for single parents (moms or dads) to just be aware of...sometimes when we become a single parent, it is ever so tempting to start relying on our children for support. However, that could be detrimental to the child. Find your close friends or family members for strength and support but when it comes to the children, you are their source of strength NOT the other way around. Remember: do not burden your child with your emotional problems or weakness.
4. TEACHING HOW TO PROBLEM SOLVE
Life is all about problems as Allah SWT tells us that life is a test and hence, the task in life is to problem solve. Bringing up children and nurturing them is also about teaching them how to solve life's problems. When you love your child, it is a natural instinct to protect them from the world, to solve their problems for them, to do things for them but doing everything for your child would hamper his/her growth and ability to become independent. Childhood is merely a trial period in preparation for adulthood. Children need parents to teach them how to behave, the difference between right and wrong, self discipline, organization, time management and all the NILAI-NILAI MURNI (good morals and manners). They need the skill to grow into responsible adults.
Boys need to learn to become responsible leaders, to be tough in life because they will be the bread winners, the protectors, the one responsible for the entire family. They need to have the skills to protect the family, the community, the state. They also need to learn to be kind, understanding and forgiving as these are important leadership skills.They need to be able to negotiation, communicate and resolve conflicts.
Girls need to learn to have inner strength, to have patience, caring and kindness. However, they also need to be strict and to be able to impose boundaries because they are responsible for the upbringing of the children, to instil discipline into the child, teaching the children to have good values, morals and manners. They need to learn to express themselves and get their views across and to demand for their rights. They hold the key to the checks and balances of the husband-wife relationship.
FINALLY
Children need the active input from both parents, the mom and dad and this is irrespective of whether the couple are still together or living apart. Children will form a special relationship with each parent and no one should ever prevent the child or be an obstacle for the child to develop that healthy relationship with either of his/her parents.
Always think about the interest of the child. Avoid jealousy or creating any negativity or rifts between the child and his/her parents. Children are a trust (an Amanah from Allah SWT). As we bring up our children we start to realize that we learn so much from them as much as they learn from us.
Friday, 27 April 2012
The struggles of parents
It is the time of the month again when the pay check comes in and the bills and all expenses have to be settled. Each month my heart sink when I do the calculations. My mom always tells me that bringing up children nowadays are expensive and difficult, unlike the olden days...
I don't know how true she is. I don't know if she simply couldn't remember how difficult it was for her to bring me up and how expensive I was or whether things are getting harder and harder as the Capitalist system puts more pressure on parents and children alike. I try to visualize the lives of people in the past, in previous eras and decades. It must have been difficult living during the time of Prophet Yusuf a.s. when the fear of parents are that your children maybe eaten by wolves, it must have been difficult living during world war 2 in Britain where children were separated from their parents to live away from the cities. It must have been difficult to live during the times of the Japanese invasion in Malaya.
I don't think there was ever a time when raising children was easy or when life was easy. It must have been difficult for our first man and woman, Adam and Hawa having to deal with the envy of Qabil over Habil that lead to the first murder in the history of mankind.
This is the promise of Iblis and his clan when Allah SWT cursed him. Iblis held vengence for Adam and the children of Adam until the end of the days...
قَالَ أَنظِرۡنِىٓ إِلَىٰ يَوۡمِ يُبۡعَثُونَ (١٤) قَالَ إِنَّكَ مِنَ ٱلۡمُنظَرِينَ (١٥) قَالَ فَبِمَآ أَغۡوَيۡتَنِى لَأَقۡعُدَنَّ لَهُمۡ صِرَٲطَكَ ٱلۡمُسۡتَقِيمَ (١٦ثُمَّ لَأَتِيَنَّهُم مِّنۢ بَيۡنِ أَيۡدِيہِمۡ وَمِنۡ خَلۡفِهِمۡ وَعَنۡ أَيۡمَـٰنِہِمۡ وَعَن شَمَآٮِٕلِهِمۡۖ وَلَا تَجِدُ أَكۡثَرَهُمۡ شَـٰكِرِينَ (١٧) قَالَ ٱخۡرُجۡ مِنۡہَا مَذۡءُومً۬ا مَّدۡحُورً۬اۖ لَّمَن تَبِعَكَ مِنۡہُمۡ لَأَمۡلَأَنَّ جَهَنَّمَ مِنكُمۡ أَجۡمَعِينَ (١٨)
Surah Al A'raf: 14 - 18
(13) He said, “Then give me respite until a day when all will be resurrected. (14) He (Allah) said, “You are granted respite’’. (15) He said, “Now that You have led me astray, I will certainly sit for them (in ambush) on Your straight path. (16) Then I will come upon them from their front side and from their behind, and from their right and from their left. You will not find most of them grateful. (17) He (Allah) said, “Get out of here, condemned, rejected. Indeed, whosoever will follow you from among them, I will fill Hell with all of you together. (18)
So, that is the promise of Iblis and his only purpose in life. Him and his clan are constantly devising ways and means to fulfill that goal and they can see us from where we do not see them.
Furthermore, the current system being implemented all over the world is based on the man-made Capitalist system, a secular system that prioritizes freedom, benefit, profit and life's pleasures above everything else. Even as individual Muslims we struggle to reconcile our Islamic values with the values promoted by the secular beliefs e.g. allowing our children to have boyfriends versus free-mixing is not allowed in Islam, letting them watch TV versus surah Al Asr where we should not be wasting time, providing a secure home for our family versus loan with interest (riba) is not allowed. Everything we see, everything we do within this current system is in contradictory to our belief. Sometimes we feel like it is so hard to be a good Muslim but we try anyway, to be the best that we can even thought we know that within the current system, we can never be the best that we truly want to be.
So, I guess this is the greatest challenge of bringing up children today, bringing them up within a secular system, a secular society and struggling to teach them Islam...
May Allah SWT make it easy for all parents and may Allah SWT bring the Khilafah soon. Ameen.
I don't know how true she is. I don't know if she simply couldn't remember how difficult it was for her to bring me up and how expensive I was or whether things are getting harder and harder as the Capitalist system puts more pressure on parents and children alike. I try to visualize the lives of people in the past, in previous eras and decades. It must have been difficult living during the time of Prophet Yusuf a.s. when the fear of parents are that your children maybe eaten by wolves, it must have been difficult living during world war 2 in Britain where children were separated from their parents to live away from the cities. It must have been difficult to live during the times of the Japanese invasion in Malaya.
I don't think there was ever a time when raising children was easy or when life was easy. It must have been difficult for our first man and woman, Adam and Hawa having to deal with the envy of Qabil over Habil that lead to the first murder in the history of mankind.
This is the promise of Iblis and his clan when Allah SWT cursed him. Iblis held vengence for Adam and the children of Adam until the end of the days...
قَالَ أَنظِرۡنِىٓ إِلَىٰ يَوۡمِ يُبۡعَثُونَ (١٤) قَالَ إِنَّكَ مِنَ ٱلۡمُنظَرِينَ (١٥) قَالَ فَبِمَآ أَغۡوَيۡتَنِى لَأَقۡعُدَنَّ لَهُمۡ صِرَٲطَكَ ٱلۡمُسۡتَقِيمَ (١٦ثُمَّ لَأَتِيَنَّهُم مِّنۢ بَيۡنِ أَيۡدِيہِمۡ وَمِنۡ خَلۡفِهِمۡ وَعَنۡ أَيۡمَـٰنِہِمۡ وَعَن شَمَآٮِٕلِهِمۡۖ وَلَا تَجِدُ أَكۡثَرَهُمۡ شَـٰكِرِينَ (١٧) قَالَ ٱخۡرُجۡ مِنۡہَا مَذۡءُومً۬ا مَّدۡحُورً۬اۖ لَّمَن تَبِعَكَ مِنۡہُمۡ لَأَمۡلَأَنَّ جَهَنَّمَ مِنكُمۡ أَجۡمَعِينَ (١٨)
Surah Al A'raf: 14 - 18
(13) He said, “Then give me respite until a day when all will be resurrected. (14) He (Allah) said, “You are granted respite’’. (15) He said, “Now that You have led me astray, I will certainly sit for them (in ambush) on Your straight path. (16) Then I will come upon them from their front side and from their behind, and from their right and from their left. You will not find most of them grateful. (17) He (Allah) said, “Get out of here, condemned, rejected. Indeed, whosoever will follow you from among them, I will fill Hell with all of you together. (18)
So, that is the promise of Iblis and his only purpose in life. Him and his clan are constantly devising ways and means to fulfill that goal and they can see us from where we do not see them.
Furthermore, the current system being implemented all over the world is based on the man-made Capitalist system, a secular system that prioritizes freedom, benefit, profit and life's pleasures above everything else. Even as individual Muslims we struggle to reconcile our Islamic values with the values promoted by the secular beliefs e.g. allowing our children to have boyfriends versus free-mixing is not allowed in Islam, letting them watch TV versus surah Al Asr where we should not be wasting time, providing a secure home for our family versus loan with interest (riba) is not allowed. Everything we see, everything we do within this current system is in contradictory to our belief. Sometimes we feel like it is so hard to be a good Muslim but we try anyway, to be the best that we can even thought we know that within the current system, we can never be the best that we truly want to be.
So, I guess this is the greatest challenge of bringing up children today, bringing them up within a secular system, a secular society and struggling to teach them Islam...
May Allah SWT make it easy for all parents and may Allah SWT bring the Khilafah soon. Ameen.
Monday, 5 March 2012
Challenging situation advising a child on da'wah to non-Muslims
It is not easy dealing with kids. They often ask challenging questions. I think that is the reason why parents in the 'olden' days used to say "Don't ask so many questions" or I used to get something like "Only Syaitan ask too many questions" or the typical Malay response "Aku makan garam lebih lama daripada engkau" translated as "I've eaten salt longer than you."
Yeah...try saying that to children nowadays and you might just get a response such as "That's why you have high blood pressure." Kids are smart...so, we need to allow them to express themselves but they need guidance.
Anyway, my 8-year old son asked me a very important but challenging question last week. He has non-Muslim friends and he likes to play with them but sometimes he doesn't know how to deal with them. He doesn't know if he should do da'wah to them or say anything about Islam to them. He is worried that his non-Muslim friends do not know about Jannah and Jahannam. He asked me about it and I wasn't sure how to answer him.
A few days later, we went for a walk at the park and we sat down for breakfast after wards. I said to him..."you know you asked me a question before about non-Muslim friends?"
So, I tried to explain to him the best I could. This is what I said...sort of...
1. First of all the issue of Jannah and Jahannam belongs to Allah. It is not up to us and it is not in our power or control. Allah decides who He wants to put in Jannah and who He wants to put in Jahannam. All we know is what Allah says in the Qur'an. So, when Allah says in the Qur'an 3:85 "And whoever desires a religion other than Islam, it shall not be accepted from him, and in the hereafter he shall be the losers."
We just have to accept this is what Allah says cause it is His Jannah and that is what He has decided.
Sometimes it is normal for humans to say something to make people feel better such as if a person dies and someone says "Don't worry he is in a better place." Truth is can we say something that is not our decision to make? It would be different if we had the power to put people in Jannah but we don't. We can make dua for Muslims but otherwise, the best thing to say is إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّآ إِلَيۡهِ رَٲجِعُونَ
2. At the same time, we should be worried about our position in the hereafter rather than judging anyone else. There is no point in judging anyone. Sometimes people judge others because they are too afraid to reflect on themselves. It is much easier to just point out the faults of other people than to recognize our own faults. Sometimes we fall into the same trap by saying something like..."that person wants to judge me but he/she is not so good either..." inevitably we are judging that person and the cycle goes on and we haven't really addressed the crucial issue of self reflection.
Allah says 39:41 "Surely We have revealed to you the Book with the truth for all mankind; so whoever follows the right way, it is for his own soul and whoever errs, he errs only to its detriment; and you are not a custodian over them."
So, let's look at whether we are following the Book or are we disobeying cause it is really for our own sake in the hereafter, not for anyone else. We can give advice to people but that is about it. Everyone decides for themselves what they want to do and where they want to go.
3. Your children may want to be friends or play with non-Muslims but the most important thing is for them to know who they are, why are they Muslim and for them to be the best Muslim they can be, for the sake of Allah. No one is perfect...we all make mistakes but we need to try our best. Being Muslim does not make us better than anyone else, it just gives us the responsibility to obey Allah and to pass on the message in the best way that we can. We should be proud of Islam but never proud of ourselves. We are only the servants of Allah.
As for non-Muslims, there are many occasions where people have converted by observing Muslims rather than being told anything. However, if they ask about Islam it is important to tell them the Truth. Don't hide things from people to try to appease them. There are no favors in trying to make Islam more palatable.
Sometimes a right 'moment' may come for us to say something to someone about Islam even if it is just to make them have a better understanding but there is no need to preach to anyone. Sometimes we may say the wrong things or make mistakes but we need to learn from them. Certainly, do not call them names or degrade them or insult the things that they worship because Allah says surah 6: 108 Do not insult those whom they invoke other than Allah, lest they should revile Allah in transgression without having knowledge. This is how We have made the deeds of every community attractive in their sight. Then, to their Lord is their return, after which He shall tell them what they have been doing.
Make people think about things, if they want to think about it...and remember, guidance is from Allah.
Al Baqarah: 256 There is no compulsion in Faith. The correct way has become distinct from the erroneous. Now, whoever rejects the Taghut (the Rebel, the Satan) and believes in Allah has a firm grasp on the strongest ring that never breaks. Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.
Yeah...try saying that to children nowadays and you might just get a response such as "That's why you have high blood pressure." Kids are smart...so, we need to allow them to express themselves but they need guidance.
Anyway, my 8-year old son asked me a very important but challenging question last week. He has non-Muslim friends and he likes to play with them but sometimes he doesn't know how to deal with them. He doesn't know if he should do da'wah to them or say anything about Islam to them. He is worried that his non-Muslim friends do not know about Jannah and Jahannam. He asked me about it and I wasn't sure how to answer him.
A few days later, we went for a walk at the park and we sat down for breakfast after wards. I said to him..."you know you asked me a question before about non-Muslim friends?"
So, I tried to explain to him the best I could. This is what I said...sort of...
1. First of all the issue of Jannah and Jahannam belongs to Allah. It is not up to us and it is not in our power or control. Allah decides who He wants to put in Jannah and who He wants to put in Jahannam. All we know is what Allah says in the Qur'an. So, when Allah says in the Qur'an 3:85 "And whoever desires a religion other than Islam, it shall not be accepted from him, and in the hereafter he shall be the losers."
We just have to accept this is what Allah says cause it is His Jannah and that is what He has decided.
Sometimes it is normal for humans to say something to make people feel better such as if a person dies and someone says "Don't worry he is in a better place." Truth is can we say something that is not our decision to make? It would be different if we had the power to put people in Jannah but we don't. We can make dua for Muslims but otherwise, the best thing to say is إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّآ إِلَيۡهِ رَٲجِعُونَ
2. At the same time, we should be worried about our position in the hereafter rather than judging anyone else. There is no point in judging anyone. Sometimes people judge others because they are too afraid to reflect on themselves. It is much easier to just point out the faults of other people than to recognize our own faults. Sometimes we fall into the same trap by saying something like..."that person wants to judge me but he/she is not so good either..." inevitably we are judging that person and the cycle goes on and we haven't really addressed the crucial issue of self reflection.
Allah says 39:41 "Surely We have revealed to you the Book with the truth for all mankind; so whoever follows the right way, it is for his own soul and whoever errs, he errs only to its detriment; and you are not a custodian over them."
So, let's look at whether we are following the Book or are we disobeying cause it is really for our own sake in the hereafter, not for anyone else. We can give advice to people but that is about it. Everyone decides for themselves what they want to do and where they want to go.
3. Your children may want to be friends or play with non-Muslims but the most important thing is for them to know who they are, why are they Muslim and for them to be the best Muslim they can be, for the sake of Allah. No one is perfect...we all make mistakes but we need to try our best. Being Muslim does not make us better than anyone else, it just gives us the responsibility to obey Allah and to pass on the message in the best way that we can. We should be proud of Islam but never proud of ourselves. We are only the servants of Allah.
As for non-Muslims, there are many occasions where people have converted by observing Muslims rather than being told anything. However, if they ask about Islam it is important to tell them the Truth. Don't hide things from people to try to appease them. There are no favors in trying to make Islam more palatable.
Sometimes a right 'moment' may come for us to say something to someone about Islam even if it is just to make them have a better understanding but there is no need to preach to anyone. Sometimes we may say the wrong things or make mistakes but we need to learn from them. Certainly, do not call them names or degrade them or insult the things that they worship because Allah says surah 6: 108 Do not insult those whom they invoke other than Allah, lest they should revile Allah in transgression without having knowledge. This is how We have made the deeds of every community attractive in their sight. Then, to their Lord is their return, after which He shall tell them what they have been doing.
Make people think about things, if they want to think about it...and remember, guidance is from Allah.
Al Baqarah: 256 There is no compulsion in Faith. The correct way has become distinct from the erroneous. Now, whoever rejects the Taghut (the Rebel, the Satan) and believes in Allah has a firm grasp on the strongest ring that never breaks. Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.
Thursday, 23 February 2012
My conversation with son regarding Iman.
Today my 8-year-old son asked me a question which I simply could not ignore. I'm sharing it here with everyone in the hope that it may benefit any moms and dads out there facing similar challenging questions and maybe to get ideas from others on how I may improve my explanations to my children. Also, if others may share their experiences of questions from their little lovely ones. Children are amazing MashaAllah!
Son: Mommy! can I ask you something about Iman?
Mommy: Sure, what about it?
Son: What is Iman? like...how do you get Iman?
Mommy: Well...Iman is not something you can hold or touch. It is not like your green toy that you can play with (he has his favourite green toy). It is about believing that God exists.
Son: (looking slightly confused)
Mommy: It is like this, do you believe in Allah?
Son: yeah...
Mommy: Well, you either believe that there is God or you don't. You cannot think God created the world today but He doesn't tomorrow. It is like, do you believe you are a human being?
Son: of course! (laughing)
Mommy: Okay, do you believe I'm your mommy?
Son: yeah...(DUH!!!)
Mommy: Well then you believe I'm your mom today and tomorrow and everyday so is the same with believing that God exist. When you believe that there is something that created the world and He is God then you always believe that. So that is Iman. Iman is to believe in Allah. He is the Creator.
Son: oh okay...
Mommy: Do you believe that the Qur'an is from Allah like it is Allah's words?
Son: err... (not sure)
Mommy: Well, every book has an author right? Who wrote Harry Potter?
Son: err...Harry Potter
Daughter: HAHAHA...you think that Harry Potter wrote Harry Potter?!!! haha...
Mommy: No...does Harry Potter even exists in real life to write Harry Potter?
Son: (smiled) no...
Mommy: and no! Daniel Radcliffe the actor did not write Harry Potter but it is JK Rowling. So every book has an author, a person who wrote the book.
Mommy: So, who wrote the Qur'an?
Son: Allah
Mommy: Well, okay...Allah did not write the Qur'an as such. People write down the words of the Qur'an but if I ask you to copy down Harry Potter's book, will it be your words or JK Rowling.
Son: JK Rowling.
Mommy: Yup...so, the words of the Qur'an is from Allah. Allah passed the words to Angel Jibrail and Jibrail passed it on to Prophet Muhammad (saw)
(thought I'd talk about the miracle of the Qur'an later...when he's a bit older)
Mommy: So, you believe that Allah exist, Allah is the Creator and that the Qur'an is His words. Do you believe in the day of judgment?
Son: Yes.
Mommy: Well, how do you know that there is day of Judgment?
Son: because Allah says so in the Qur'an
Mommy: That's right so, whatever Allah says in the Qur'an, the things that we see and the things that we can't see but we believe in them because God tells us about it. So, the six Rukun Iman that you learn at school, about belief in Allah, the angels, the prophets, the books, the hereafter and Qada' wal Qadr...when you believe in these things that means you have Iman. Anyone who believes in this has Iman. A Muslim has Iman, that is what makes him/her a believer.
Son: but sometimes Iman can be big or small right?
Mommy: Well, a person who believes in the six things have Iman regardless of whether they believe it themselves or through taqlid meaning just blind following...but Iman can be more or less. Sometimes like when we read Qur'an and remember Allah then, our Iman is stronger but sometimes when we're playing or doing other things and we forget about Allah then our Iman maybe weaker but we still have Iman. It doesn't mean that when we forget to think about Allah that we no longer believe He is the Creator. If one doesn't have Iman then they are not Muslim.
Mommy: Sometimes we remember Allah more and sometimes we don't remember so much. Sometimes we do bad things and make mistakes but whatever it is, if we believe in Allah that He is our Creator then we have Iman. We just need to work harder to make our Iman stronger, to be a better Muslim.
Mommy: It is like the story of Ibrahim in the Qur'an when he asked Allah to show him how Allah brought life to the dead and Allah asked if Ibrahim did not believe? but of course he believed but he said he wanted to be stronger in faith. It is like the other day snowy the cat caught a mouse and ate it. If I say to you, "I saw snowy the cat ate a mouse" would you believe me?
Son: yes...
Mommy: you believe but you might want to see it for yourself. You might be curious to see how snowy the cat catch a mouse. So, Ibrahim wanted to see it for himself to increase his faith and Allah SWT asked him to catch birds, to slaughter them and scatter them in four different places and then Allah SWT easily brought them back to life.
Son: and Ibrahim saw this?
Mommy: Yes... it is easy for Allah. He only needs to say 'be' and it happens.
إِنَّمَآ أَمۡرُهُ ۥۤ إِذَآ أَرَادَ شَيۡـًٔا أَن يَقُولَ لَهُ ۥ كُن فَيَكُونُ
His practice, when He intends to do something, is no more than He says, “Be”, and it comes to be. (Surah Yasin:82)
Son: Mom, what is Qada' wal Qadr?
Mommy: Qada' wal Qadr means that everything that happens in this universe has been written by Allah.
Son: Oh! how is that then?
Mommy: But it is not an excuse for us to do bad things then say it is all written by Allah. We do not know what Allah has written so, whenever we do something, it is our responsibility to do it the right or wrong way. We cannot blame anyone if we choose to do bad things.
Son: Okay...okay... I get it!
Mommy: Is that okay?
Son: yeah...
May Allah help us in explaining things to our kids. Amin
Son: Mommy! can I ask you something about Iman?
Mommy: Sure, what about it?
Son: What is Iman? like...how do you get Iman?
Mommy: Well...Iman is not something you can hold or touch. It is not like your green toy that you can play with (he has his favourite green toy). It is about believing that God exists.
Son: (looking slightly confused)
Mommy: It is like this, do you believe in Allah?
Son: yeah...
Mommy: Well, you either believe that there is God or you don't. You cannot think God created the world today but He doesn't tomorrow. It is like, do you believe you are a human being?
Son: of course! (laughing)
Mommy: Okay, do you believe I'm your mommy?
Son: yeah...(DUH!!!)
Mommy: Well then you believe I'm your mom today and tomorrow and everyday so is the same with believing that God exist. When you believe that there is something that created the world and He is God then you always believe that. So that is Iman. Iman is to believe in Allah. He is the Creator.
Son: oh okay...
Mommy: Do you believe that the Qur'an is from Allah like it is Allah's words?
Son: err... (not sure)
Mommy: Well, every book has an author right? Who wrote Harry Potter?
Son: err...Harry Potter
Daughter: HAHAHA...you think that Harry Potter wrote Harry Potter?!!! haha...
Mommy: No...does Harry Potter even exists in real life to write Harry Potter?
Son: (smiled) no...
Mommy: and no! Daniel Radcliffe the actor did not write Harry Potter but it is JK Rowling. So every book has an author, a person who wrote the book.
Mommy: So, who wrote the Qur'an?
Son: Allah
Mommy: Well, okay...Allah did not write the Qur'an as such. People write down the words of the Qur'an but if I ask you to copy down Harry Potter's book, will it be your words or JK Rowling.
Son: JK Rowling.
Mommy: Yup...so, the words of the Qur'an is from Allah. Allah passed the words to Angel Jibrail and Jibrail passed it on to Prophet Muhammad (saw)
(thought I'd talk about the miracle of the Qur'an later...when he's a bit older)
Mommy: So, you believe that Allah exist, Allah is the Creator and that the Qur'an is His words. Do you believe in the day of judgment?
Son: Yes.
Mommy: Well, how do you know that there is day of Judgment?
Son: because Allah says so in the Qur'an
Mommy: That's right so, whatever Allah says in the Qur'an, the things that we see and the things that we can't see but we believe in them because God tells us about it. So, the six Rukun Iman that you learn at school, about belief in Allah, the angels, the prophets, the books, the hereafter and Qada' wal Qadr...when you believe in these things that means you have Iman. Anyone who believes in this has Iman. A Muslim has Iman, that is what makes him/her a believer.
Son: but sometimes Iman can be big or small right?
Mommy: Well, a person who believes in the six things have Iman regardless of whether they believe it themselves or through taqlid meaning just blind following...but Iman can be more or less. Sometimes like when we read Qur'an and remember Allah then, our Iman is stronger but sometimes when we're playing or doing other things and we forget about Allah then our Iman maybe weaker but we still have Iman. It doesn't mean that when we forget to think about Allah that we no longer believe He is the Creator. If one doesn't have Iman then they are not Muslim.
Mommy: Sometimes we remember Allah more and sometimes we don't remember so much. Sometimes we do bad things and make mistakes but whatever it is, if we believe in Allah that He is our Creator then we have Iman. We just need to work harder to make our Iman stronger, to be a better Muslim.
Mommy: It is like the story of Ibrahim in the Qur'an when he asked Allah to show him how Allah brought life to the dead and Allah asked if Ibrahim did not believe? but of course he believed but he said he wanted to be stronger in faith. It is like the other day snowy the cat caught a mouse and ate it. If I say to you, "I saw snowy the cat ate a mouse" would you believe me?
Son: yes...
Mommy: you believe but you might want to see it for yourself. You might be curious to see how snowy the cat catch a mouse. So, Ibrahim wanted to see it for himself to increase his faith and Allah SWT asked him to catch birds, to slaughter them and scatter them in four different places and then Allah SWT easily brought them back to life.
Son: and Ibrahim saw this?
Mommy: Yes... it is easy for Allah. He only needs to say 'be' and it happens.
إِنَّمَآ أَمۡرُهُ ۥۤ إِذَآ أَرَادَ شَيۡـًٔا أَن يَقُولَ لَهُ ۥ كُن فَيَكُونُ
His practice, when He intends to do something, is no more than He says, “Be”, and it comes to be. (Surah Yasin:82)
Son: Mom, what is Qada' wal Qadr?
Mommy: Qada' wal Qadr means that everything that happens in this universe has been written by Allah.
Son: Oh! how is that then?
Mommy: But it is not an excuse for us to do bad things then say it is all written by Allah. We do not know what Allah has written so, whenever we do something, it is our responsibility to do it the right or wrong way. We cannot blame anyone if we choose to do bad things.
Son: Okay...okay... I get it!
Mommy: Is that okay?
Son: yeah...
May Allah help us in explaining things to our kids. Amin
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Courage 3: children and courage
I am no expert but I don't think anyone is...especially when it comes to bringing up our own kids. Even though we have the Qur'an to guide us, a clear message of what is right and wrong but when it comes to understanding our kids, explaining to them, shape and mold them...sometimes we get things right and sometimes we get things wrong. We constantly learn from our mistakes and we try again a different way. All I know is this...children have more courage than we think!
Bringing out the courage in our children
1. Tell them it is okay to feel afraid
Franklin D Roosevelt said that "The only thing that we must fear is fear itself".
In order to overcome the fear, we need to face the fear...
Facing the fear is a process of acknowledging fear, recognizing fear and knowing that it is okay to feel afraid. To feel afraid is not the problem but to let the fear restrict you or prevent you from moving forward, to achieving what you need to achieve that is the problem.
Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared. - Eddie Rickenbecker.
Ever watched those movies of some psychological thriller where the mom tells the child something like 'I know you're afraid, so am I but you have to be brave and we're going to get through this together'... yeah sounds cheesy but it works. When your child is afraid, tell him or her it is okay but they can overcome that fear by being brave, by having the courage.
2. Make them face their fears
In the olden days this is called 'tough love'. The method of tough love is a tool used only by tough parents who love their children but is able to put that love aside in order to see the child succeed in the future. Tough love is not about hitting, abusing, shouting or embarrassing the child... it is not about depriving the child of their most important things in life such as love, nourishment, knowledge and education but tough love is about making the child face their fears...
Human beings are most afraid to face up to their own mistakes, their own short comings. If your child has done something wrong, the best thing you can ever do for that child is to make him/her face her mistakes e.g. if he broke grandma's favorite vase, get him to clean up the mess and apologize to grandma ready to face whatever punishment grandma has in store. Grandma may say, 'it is okay dear, I forgive you' or Grandma may say 'you will have to spend a week scrubbing the floor' and in which case, let him scrub the floor for a week.
Facing our fears is a sign of maturity, it builds our ability to self-reflect and face consequences in life. Islam teaches us to face our fears, to self reflect, to face up to our mistakes, to apologize to those whom we have wronged and to repent to Allah SWT. People who have not been brought up to face their fears, admit to their mistakes will often be those who are quick to blame others for their own faults or to shun away when things get tough.
3. Help them to face the difficulties in life and show them ways to overcome them.
Facing hardship is part of life. Life is full of hardship especially for the believers because we have been warned that this life is a test, not a place for play and amusement. This world has been described as a prison for the believers because the true reward is in paradise so, teach our children to face hardship, help them to face the difficulties in life, do not shield them from the hardships of life but show them ways to overcome them, to deal with them, to succeed and to shine.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. You playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”.
– Coach Carter, staring Samuel L Jackson.
4. Praise them when they show bravery.
Anything that a child does that requires for him/her to overcome his/her fear is something brave, so praise him. A child may not want to go to school because of fear, so make them face their fear and when they come home, praise them and tell them how brave they are for going to school e.g.
A young child of 4 years old cried because he didn't want to go to nursery in the morning. This was only his 2nd day. The mother made him go to nursery and when the mother picked him up later in the afternoon, she bought him a sweetie and said "you were so brave to go to nursery today. You didn't want to and you were afraid but you went anyway and that was very brave. I'm so proud of you." She gave him a kiss and he sucks on the sweet happily.
Use positive associations. Children thrive on positive associations. The Prophet SAW was beautiful in the way he taught children about Islam. He used to say to Abdullah ibn Umar "I love you, go and pray two rakaat sunnah"
5. Leading by example
There is no dispute that children learn more from observing us than from what we say to them. If we show courage, they too will show courage but if we show cowardice, they too will show cowardice. If we have a phobia of spiders and screams every time we see those creepy crawlies, chances are they too will have a negative feeling towards them.
6. Tell them stories of courage and the brave
Read to them stories of courage and bravery preferably of the Prophets and his companions. Encourage them to read stories that have good moral values, autobiographies of people who have achieved extraordinary things or fictional books that contains characters with courage.
Remember those Hollywood movies, if they're going to watch them then at least get some good out of it, talk to them about how brave Harry Potter was for facing his arch nemesis. Don't just make it into a pure entertainment but let your child pick up on the good characteristics in the movie and to identify the bad characteristics in the movie.
7. Teach them to fear nothing but Allah SWT
I was with my 4 year old son and we started talking about Allah. Then, he said "but we are scared of Allah". He remembered a time when we were in the car and there was thunder and lightning. He was scared and I told him that Allah SWT made the thunder and lightning so, Allah is more powerful. He associated it as being we should be scared of Allah so, I said "Yes, we are scared of Allah but only because we love him and we are scared to do something that He doesn't like such as not listening to mummy and daddy or hitting your sister."
Before our children go to sleep, we are encouraged to read to them surah An Nas, Al Ikhlas and Al Falaq as well as Ayatul Kursi. Remind our children the meanings of these surah such as when we read
وَسِعَ كُرۡسِيُّهُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضَۖ وَلَا يَـُٔودُهُ ۥ حِفۡظُهُمَاۚ وَهُوَ ٱلۡعَلِىُّ ٱلۡعَظِيمُ
We should remind our children that Allah's throne covers all of the heavens and the earth; and so He is All Powerful and we should not fear anything but Allah SWT.
We should only be afraid of the punishment of Allah SWT and if He is not happy with us as the Prophet Muhammad SAW said after this painful encounter with the people of Taif...
اللهم إليك أشكو ضعف قوتي وقلة حيلتي وهواني على الناس
ياأرحم الراحمين أنت أرحم الراحمين
أنت رب المستضعفين وأنت ربي
إلى من تكلني إلى عدو يتجهمني أم إلى صديق مكلته إمري
إن لم يكن بك غضب علي فلا أبالي ولكن عافيتك هي أوسع لي
أعوذ بنور وجهك الذي أضاءت له السموات و الأرض
وأشرقت له الظلمات وصلح عليه أمر الدنيا والأخره
أن ينزل بي غضبك أو يحل علي سخطك
لك العتبى حتى ترضى ولاحول ولاقوة إلابك
ياأرحم الراحمين أنت أرحم الراحمين
أنت رب المستضعفين وأنت ربي
إلى من تكلني إلى عدو يتجهمني أم إلى صديق مكلته إمري
إن لم يكن بك غضب علي فلا أبالي ولكن عافيتك هي أوسع لي
أعوذ بنور وجهك الذي أضاءت له السموات و الأرض
وأشرقت له الظلمات وصلح عليه أمر الدنيا والأخره
أن ينزل بي غضبك أو يحل علي سخطك
لك العتبى حتى ترضى ولاحول ولاقوة إلابك
English translation and the essence
of the Arabic supplication of the Prophet
Oh, Allah, I appeal to you for the weakness in my strength,
and my limited power,
and the treatment of contempt and humiliation from people.
To you, the most Merciful of all the Merciful ones,
you are the Lord of the oppressed, and you are my Lord
and my limited power,
and the treatment of contempt and humiliation from people.
To you, the most Merciful of all the Merciful ones,
you are the Lord of the oppressed, and you are my Lord
Under whose care are you leaving me to?
To an enemy oppressing me?
Or to a friend you have given control of my affair?
If there is no anger from you on me I will forever be content.
However, your blessing is vastly important for me
To an enemy oppressing me?
Or to a friend you have given control of my affair?
If there is no anger from you on me I will forever be content.
However, your blessing is vastly important for me
I seek refuge with the glory of your light,
which the heavens and earth are lit form,
your anger will not befall on me,
nor your displeasure descends on me
which the heavens and earth are lit form,
your anger will not befall on me,
nor your displeasure descends on me
To you is the supplication until you are pleased,
and there is no control or power except by you
and there is no control or power except by you
As I said at the beginning of this blog article, I am no expect. This is just something I would like to share and discuss with my friends and anyone who wants to read it...
Saturday, 7 January 2012
Courage (2): to speak the truth
Courage to face the enemy and to speak the truth
إِنَّمَا ذَٲلِكُمُ ٱلشَّيۡطَـٰنُ يُخَوِّفُ أَوۡلِيَآءَهُ ۥ فَلَا تَخَافُوهُمۡ وَخَافُونِ إِن كُنتُم مُّؤۡمِنِينَ (١٧٥) وَلَا يَحۡزُنكَ ٱلَّذِينَ يُسَـٰرِعُونَ فِى ٱلۡكُفۡرِۚ إِنَّهُمۡ لَن يَضُرُّواْ ٱللَّهَ شَيۡـًٔ۬اۗ يُرِيدُ ٱللَّهُ أَلَّا يَجۡعَلَ لَهُمۡ حَظًّ۬ا فِى ٱلۡأَخِرَةِۖ وَلَهُمۡ عَذَابٌ عَظِيمٌ
Allah SWT says in surah 3: 175-176 "It is none but Satan who frightens (you) of his friends. So, do not fear them; but fear Me, if you are believers. Those who hasten towards disbelief should not make you grieve. They cannot harm Allah at all. Allah intends not to spare for them any share in the Hereafter. For them there is a mighty punishment.
The world of men is more frightening than any creatures of the unseen. War, torture, rape, killing of the innocent, mass murder, nuclear bombs and white phosphorus bullets are more devastating and destructive than the harm committed by evil spirits.
The world today is dominated by the Capitalist system that puts profit and economic value above any other value. The present superpower, US has created itself as the icon of power and invincibility, instilling fear across the globe with their military presence. They use guns, jet fighters, drones and tanks to force weaker nations into submission.
For years, the western powers have planted puppet leaders all over the Muslim world, leaders who would fulfill the bidding of their masters and betray the rights and honour of their own people. These western backed dictators have ruled the lands with an iron fist, using the military and security personals against their own people. These leaders would sacrifice the lives of millions all for their own selfish gains. They abuse and torture the people to make them conform and to keep silent.
However, the people in these lands have shown courage and bravery. They stood up peacefully, without guns, without tanks, with nothing but the word of truth to speak against the tyrant ruler. Let me reassure you, if you did not believe me before that the ordinary people in Egypt who demonstrated in Tahrir Square, the people in Tunisia, the people in Syria have shown the world the true meaning of courage. Bravery and courage is to stand up for what is right, in the face of fear and hostility.
Prophet Muhammad (saw) said
"The master of martyrs (sayyid al-shuhada) is Hamza, and a man who stands up to a tyrant ruler and gives him nasiha (advice). And so the ruler kills him"
The Prophet (SAW) continued to say : 'By Allah you have to enjoin good (Maroof) and forbid evil (Munkar), and hold against the hand of the unjust ruler (Zalim), and force him on the truth strongly, or you have to limit him to the truth'
There is courage in working to change the corrupt man-made system that has plagued the world. We live in a system that feeds on the blood and sweat of ordinary people as the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. This requires courage to stand up for the truth, to go against the flow of the current and it requires perseverance. This is because the struggle is not a physical entity but the struggle is against an idea...a mentality that has spread its tentacle like an odourless poisonous gas, its poison affecting every person inhaling it and the person is corrupted without even realising. This work requires awareness and the struggle to wake others into awareness. It takes courage, it takes perseverance and it takes time...and far more pertinent, it takes a strong belief in Allah SWT that He will give us the victory.
The courage in our men
We believe in our men, whoever you are, wherever you are and no matter what you do or do not, however good or bad you are ... we believe that as long as you have Iman, you believe in Allah SWT, one day when the time comes, and when the Khilafah (Islamic state) is re-established and when the Khalif will rise up and call you, you will answer him because...
Allah SWT says in surah al Anfal (spoils of war) : 24
يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱسۡتَجِيبُواْ لِلَّهِ وَلِلرَّسُولِ إِذَا دَعَاكُمۡ لِمَا يُحۡيِيڪُمۡ
O you who believe, respond to Allah and the Messenger when He calls you to what gives you life,
يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱسۡتَجِيبُواْ لِلَّهِ وَلِلرَّسُولِ إِذَا دَعَاكُمۡ لِمَا يُحۡيِيڪُمۡ
O you who believe, respond to Allah and the Messenger when He calls you to what gives you life,
We belief that you will have the courage to protect us, to liberate the innocent men, women and children who are imprisoned, to liberate the people from the clutches of oppression, to liberate humanity from this plague of Capitalism and to bring truth and justice to the world. You will be like Umar bin Al Khattab when he entered Jerusalem in his tattered clothes, and the people saw him and cried due to his humbleness, courage and strength. He entered Jerusalem not as an occupier but as a liberator. We believe that is what you will be.
وَمَا لَكُمۡ لَا تُقَـٰتِلُونَ فِى سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡمُسۡتَضۡعَفِينَ مِنَ ٱلرِّجَالِ وَٱلنِّسَآءِ وَٱلۡوِلۡدَٲنِ ٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَآ أَخۡرِجۡنَا مِنۡ هَـٰذِهِ ٱلۡقَرۡيَةِ ٱلظَّالِمِ أَهۡلُهَا وَٱجۡعَل لَّنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ وَلِيًّ۬ا وَٱجۡعَل لَّنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ نَصِيرًا (٧٥)
What has happened to you that you do not fight in the way of Allah, and for the oppressed among men, women and children who say, “Our Lord, take us out from this town whose people are cruel, and make for us a supporter from Your own, and make for us a helper from Your own. " An Nisa: 75
وَمَا لَكُمۡ لَا تُقَـٰتِلُونَ فِى سَبِيلِ ٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡمُسۡتَضۡعَفِينَ مِنَ ٱلرِّجَالِ وَٱلنِّسَآءِ وَٱلۡوِلۡدَٲنِ ٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَآ أَخۡرِجۡنَا مِنۡ هَـٰذِهِ ٱلۡقَرۡيَةِ ٱلظَّالِمِ أَهۡلُهَا وَٱجۡعَل لَّنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ وَلِيًّ۬ا وَٱجۡعَل لَّنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ نَصِيرًا (٧٥)
What has happened to you that you do not fight in the way of Allah, and for the oppressed among men, women and children who say, “Our Lord, take us out from this town whose people are cruel, and make for us a supporter from Your own, and make for us a helper from Your own. " An Nisa: 75
Courage is the one who stands for the truth.
Courage is the one who fights for the oppressed to bring back the justice system of Islam.
Courage is the one who humbles himself to the ordinary people but speaks out against the powerful oppressors and dictators.
Courage is the leader who is at the forefront of the battle in protecting the people.
Courage is the one who faces his fears and overcomes them.
Courage is the one who fights for the oppressed to bring back the justice system of Islam.
Courage is the one who humbles himself to the ordinary people but speaks out against the powerful oppressors and dictators.
Courage is the leader who is at the forefront of the battle in protecting the people.
Courage is the one who faces his fears and overcomes them.
 | |
| Lord of the rings. The return of the king. Aragorn. |
Aragorn: I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth.
There are lessons to be learned from movies but only if we have the correct viewpoint in life, a view that has been shaped and molded by Islam.
NEXT: Children and courage
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Courage (1)
The most appealing thing about Hollywood movies is its ability to get the audience involved in the story, to get completely absorbed into the plots and characters, to feel how the characters feel and to sometimes even become the character.
Many Muslim parents sense a dilemma in allowing their children to watch these movies even the cartoons or childrens' fiction such as Harry Potter. No doubt even the most ‘innocent’ of movies will have subliminal messages, inappropriate romance, contradictions to our Islamic culture and values. However, there could potentially be positive lessons to be learned.
Human beings maybe easily influenced especially at a tender age but only if they are uninformed, only if we never taught them to critically evaluate the things they watch and the information that they receive. If we give them the correct information, values and ideas from our Islamic Aqeedah then InshaAllah they will be able to reject the contradictions and to emulate the positive aspects portrayed.
A positive message that stands out in these children’s movies is courage and bravery.
Courage is defined in the online Oxford dictionary as the ability to do something that frightens one or strength in the face of pain or grief.
Courage manifest itself when a person is able to overcome his/her fears and faces the thing that frightens them. It is the ability to get past this emotion and to face the challenges ahead.
Hermione: You'd be okay Harry. You are a great wizard
Harry: Not as good as you.
Hermione: Me? Books and cleverness....there are more important things like friendship and bravery.
(Harry potter and the philosopher stone)
Allah SWT says in the Qur’an surah 3: 160
إِن يَنصُرۡكُمُ ٱللَّهُ فَلَا غَالِبَ لَكُمۡۖ وَإِن يَخۡذُلۡكُمۡ فَمَن ذَا ٱلَّذِى يَنصُرُكُم مِّنۢ بَعۡدِهِۦۗ وَعَلَى ٱللَّهِ
فَلۡيَتَوَكَّلِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ
If Allah is your helper none can overcome you, and if He withdraw His help from you, who is there who can help you after Him? In Allah let believers put their trust.
The Qur’an teaches the Muslims to have no fear. This courage and bravery comes from our believe in Allah SWT and that nothing bad can ever happen to us without His permission. A Muslim relies on Allah SWT alone and we do not fear anything but Him.
We do not fear the created unseen (ghaib)
There are many things that are ghaib in this world. Allah SWT informs of the world of the unseen such as the Jinn, angels, Jannah and Jahannam. Malay movies are often plagued by fear of ghosts, hantu, jembalang and all kinds of scary creatures. In the movies, they promote all forms of ‘ilmu pati-geni’ and sihir. However, do we cultivate the attribute of courage and bravery? Do we get the characters to show strength of Iman in believing that these things cannot harm us without the permission of Allah? Do we encourage the audience to truly seek protection from Allah SWT against these khurafat? Do we highlight the fact that All Knowledge, All Power belongs to Allah SWT alone and that these things do not have any Power except that which Allah SWT has permitted for them?
What about sihir (black magic)?
Surah al Baqarah: Harut and Marut (2:102)
And follow that which the devils falsely related against the kingdom of Solomon. Solomon disbelieved not; but the devils disbelieved, teaching mankind magic and that which was revealed to the two angels in Babel, Harut and Marut. Nor did they (the two angels) teach it to anyone till they had said: We are only a temptation, therefore disbelieve not (in the guidance of Allah). And from these two (angles) people learn that by which they cause division between man and wife; but they injure thereby no-one save by Allah's leave. And they learn that which harmeth them and profiteth them not. And surely they do know that he who trafficketh therein will have no (happy) portion in the Hereafter; and surely evil is the price for which they sell their souls, if they but knew.
Allah SWT allows the existence of sihir as a test for those who choose to learn it, perform it and use it. Harut and Marut were sent as a test to the people of Babylon, offering to teach them this knowledge but it came with a warning. This 'magic' would cause the separation between man and wife and those who choose to learn from it were sinful. They will not harm anyone with it except those whom Allah allows. Hence, the test is for those who choose to learn and perform such magic.
Allah SWT warns us that Syaitan are ever so willing to mislead mankind and will use any form of vice such as alcohol, drugs, sexual relationships and whatever they can including black magic to tempt mankind into faltering and falling astray.
قَالَ فَبِمَآ أَغۡوَيۡتَنِى لَأَقۡعُدَنَّ لَهُمۡ صِرَٲطَكَ ٱلۡمُسۡتَقِيمَ (١٦) ثُمَّ لَأَتِيَنَّهُم مِّنۢ بَيۡنِ أَيۡدِيہِمۡ وَمِنۡ خَلۡفِهِمۡ وَعَنۡ أَيۡمَـٰنِہِمۡ وَعَن شَمَآٮِٕلِهِمۡۖ وَلَا تَجِدُ أَكۡثَرَهُمۡ شَـٰكِرِينَ (١٧) Surah al A'raf
He said, “Now that You have led me astray, I will certainly sit for them (in ambush) on Your straight path. (16) Then I will come upon them from their front side and from their behind, and from their right and from their left. You will not find most of them grateful. (17)
Surah An Nisa':119 "(Syaitan said) And I will lead them astray and I will tempt them with false desires..."
Surah An Nisa':119 "(Syaitan said) And I will lead them astray and I will tempt them with false desires..."
However, this does not mean that we should not protect ourselves as no one is immune to temptation. We need to constantly remember Allah SWT, recite Qur'an and make dua to Him to protect us from these things. However, we should not fear the unseen but rather we should fear our own accountability and actions.
The only aspect of the unseen that we ought to fear is the fear of Jahannam. Jahannam is the fire whose fuel are men and stones. Everything else is the creation of Allah SWT whose purpose in life is to distract us from the worship of Allah, to distract us from being obedient to Allah. No doubt they have been given the ‘power’ to seduce, to enhance our feelings of desire, fear and negative emotions, to whisper to us, encourage us to enter Jahannam alongside them but that is the test that we have to face. To face such test, we must have courage and bravery.
NEXT: courage to face the enemy and to speak the truth.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)