Friday 29 April 2011

The wedding of the year...

Was watching Katherine and Williams' wedding today and apart from the choir singing, sermons and mentions of trinity which is not part of my belief, I think everyone can agree that we all enjoy watching a happy wedding. It was indeed a happy wedding, a significant event during a time of economic crisis, possibly a closure to the rather tragic and unhappy years of Charles and Diana.

What really struck me was how the British have always shy away from overt expressions of patriotism and nationalism...unlike America, waving of flags, singing of national anthems on normal daily occasions is so...unlike the British and having lived in Britain for a while, I personally find the drowning of national anthem, the nationalistic songs being repeated again and again on TV and speeches and national day parades that is held in Malaysia rather distasteful, a bit cringey and of course not to mention haraam in the first place.

The British establishment has achieved today something that possibly have not been achieved so successfully by any other nation...this event was so timely, and the mood was so beautifully orchestrated, a memory that will probably be ringing national anthems in people's minds for the rest of their lives, a stronger impact than having to stand up and sing the song every morning during school assembly. Well, you start to wonder if there are side gains to this event than just two people professing their love to one another.

I have no doubt that these two individuals genuinely wanted to get married but...with a very anticipated wedding, a silver jubilee on the way and the Olympics next year...I have no doubt that nationalistic and patriotic feelings will sweep over Britain like a hurricane without people knowing it; despite over 5 decades ceasing to be an empire, they have managed to capture the world's attention with simply a wedding. No other royal family in the world has that much publicity.

Like I said, everyone enjoys a happy wedding and I certainly love weddings...the clothes, the food, the festive atmosphere and the gathering of families. It was a great feeling to see two people tie the knot...and in Islam, when a woman is given away by her father (or wali) and forms a marriage contract with a man, it is legally binding...marriage is a good thing so don't get me wrong...I'm not criticizing the wedding as such but this is not just another ordinary wedding. We need to be careful and to pose certain questions, not to be swept away by cheering crowds...not to become part of a wandering herd.

Patriotism is a feeling shared by the common people in defending a land, a country...and nationalism is a feeling shared by a group of people, bonded by pride of their tribe, race, skin-colour or nationality. It is a superficial bond, one that can often lead to feeling of superiority above others. It is clearly a feeling rebuked and warned by our Prophet Muhammad (saw) because he (saw) was once asked about asabiyyah (nationalism) and he replied """  leave it! it is rotten."

Nationalism and patriotism has gained its momentum and will soon sweep across the British isle like a tsunami. In some ways...I am glad I'm not there to witness it.

Thursday 28 April 2011

To speak Malay or not to speak Malay: is that the question?

I was just reading some news article today highlighting the need for Malaysians to feel proud of the Malay language. The article talks about how other nations such as Japan, Korea, China and France being proud of using their language for official events.


To me, a language is a just a means of communication. If you can express yourself and be able to make your target audience understand your points and ideas then, you have mastered a language. To be proud of a language, national anthem or flag is all part of nationalism. As I’ve written in previous articles, nationalism and national pride are alien concepts, rebuked by the Prophet (saw) so, to use that as a basis of promoting a language is dangerous.

I do however agree on a point made by the article, if other nations can master their own language and English so, why can’t we? That is a good question. Why is it that a good majority of Malays in this country including some academics and professionals are unable to master several languages? It is a difficult question to answer. Studies have shown that children are supposed to absorb languages like a sponge. In Europe, children are taught many different European languages, French, German, Italian and English. So, what is the problem with children in this country?

These are questions…but I think the answer lies deeper embedded in the culture of the Malay people, in their mentality and possibly in the history of colonization in Malaysia. There may be potential baggage to be unpacked, issues to be resolved or some post-traumatic colonial era leading to feelings of inferiority, lack of self belief, stereotyping?

I refuse to believe that there is an inherent problem because I have witness many people who have been given the opportunity to leave this place and they flourish wherever they are to master English, Arabic, French and other languages…but these are a handful of people compared to the masses. We do not want to create a two-tier system where only a handful of people can jump over the hurdles whilst the others suffer in silence.

Yet, what is it about the Malay psyche that makes it so hard for them to absorb languages like a sponge. I have noticed how my children were sidelined by other kids at their previous school because my kids could only speak English at that time, and the other children didn’t want to speak to them. I have seen how some waiters in restaurants avoid my husband and would rather look down on the floor and hit the wall as long as they don't have to speak to an Englishman. I have seen how Medical students are struggling to get their ‘he’ and ‘she’ correctly sometimes turning the poor patient into a hermaphrodite.

On the other hand when we were at Pulau Kapas, our young guide spoke excellent English. I am still baffled by this issue but it is a real problem that needs to be addressed. Could it be due to our education system?

When I was trying to coach my daughter on English SATs, I was impressed by the syllabus. One part of the exam is comprehension and non-verbal reasoning. It is trying to get the children to express their understanding of the implied meaning of the article or a sentence. It is a very different approach from the Bahasa melayu UPSR that my daughter is now learning. This exams focus more on facts, grammar and words e.g. there is a picture of a man chopping a branch of a tree and the question is ‘which word is best used for the sentence’…the sentence is “Encik Ali sedang ____ dahan pokok” and the choices are ‘menebang’ ‘mencantas’ ‘memotong’ ‘menoreh’.

I thought to myself, so what? If I was to say to my friend in a conversation, ”Awak tahu ke? Semalam saya memotong/menebang/mencantas dahan pokok di hadapan rumah saya sebab ianya mengganggu pemandangan indah di luar tingkap.”

So, will my friend be wondering, ‘should she be using memotong, menebang or mencantas…’ or should she be trying to understand the fact that yesterday, I chopped off the branch of a tree, the branch was blocking my view of the beautiful scenery outside my window.’

So, to me language is to communicate, to reach out to others, to understand other people’s ideas, thoughts, emotions, it is to express one’s views. To my patients, I speak whatever language that they feel comfortable with and to be fair, most of my patients whether they are Malay, Chinese or Indian, they prefer to speak in Malay.

Sometimes I come across some lecturers who can switch from perfect English to perfect Malay with ease and I respect them. They inspire me to one day be able to do that, to speak perfect Malay…not because of my pride for the language but because Allah swt loves perfection. The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Surely, Allah has prescribed perfection on everything.”

To me, there is no superior language other than the language of the Qur’an; the words that came from the Creator Himself and He has challenged all of us to produce something similar to it, and none has been able to produce any book, any prose, any literature, any poetry, any article as beautiful, as accurate, as intelligent, as meaningful as the Qur’an. So, there is nothing great about Malay, English or any other language…it is a useful communication medium and it just so happens that at present, English is used as a global medium.

Wednesday 27 April 2011

Belonging to two places: understanding the struggle in adjusting to a new place

The days when I am in my office getting on with work, I am accompanied by BBC world service in the background. Yesterday’s edition of the Strand, they were talking about Tahar Ben Jelloun’s new book “A palace in the old village”. I haven’t read the book but the discussion surrounding the book highlighted to me my own experiences and feelings.


I went back to visit London in February 2011 to tie up loose ends and whilst I was there, I started to recall my old life in the UK, my family, my friends and my experiences. I felt that I was at home and that was where I belonged. Then, when I returned to Malaysia after 10 days I really felt lost, I started to miss the life I had in London, the interactions I had with people in the UK, their mentality, the etiquettes of drivers, the aloofness of people, how people would open doors for you or how there’s always a gentleman to come to the aid of a damsel in distress. It may all sound romantic but human beings are often oblivious to the tiny gestures of others when it has become routine or common practice…I never used to appreciate these things when I was there but returning with fresh eyes made me realized the things that I took for granted.

Being away from an environment that I felt comfortable with and adjusting to a new life, a new set of culture…I was slowly feeling more and more low…every day I felt like I was struggling…I felt like my long extended holiday was overdue and it was time for me to go back home. I had questions about myself, about this place, about the people and about the life and most of all, I wasn’t sure if what I felt was normal. I wasn’t sure if this was part of the psychological process of relocating. I was also afraid that people would accuse me of being ‘ungrateful’ or ‘ego-centric’ or that I have forgotten my roots…

The discussion yesterday surrounding Ben Jelloun’s book made me realized that I am not alone and that my experiences were common…it is called ‘belonging to two places’. There are many people out there who have lived in a place for many years and then, migrated to another place…but they don’t simply let go of their previous life, they don’t leave everything behind and embrace a new life but rather, they leave a part of themselves behind. They can never truly ‘fit-in’ their new environment, to follow the rest of the crowd but they can build a new life, gain new experiences, touch new hearts and possibly introducing some of their ideas to the people around them.

Despite all the recent UK government and media bashing against Islam and Muslim, and the economic turmoil and government constant interfering in health and taxes…I had a good life in the UK. I had fond memories of finding the truth about Islam, of friends, wonderful sisters who gave me so much strength, memories of friends and colleagues in the medical field, of people who inspired me. My memories of working in the hospital, there were hilarious moments and some tragic moments and of course, the best memories of all were when my children were born.

I am now starting to realize and to understand that we will always have some of our roots there, our families, our friends, our memories…

I know that there is no need to be attached to a particular land…for all the earth and the whole universe belongs to Allah. Allah has put me now in a different place and I have to lift my spirits and to give to the people around me whatever knowledge and experiences that I have. I may not feel that I belong here but in the end…we do not belong anywhere rather we belong to Allah, The Almighty.

Sunday 24 April 2011

Sorting things out in my own head

I would be lying if I said things have been easy, that my relocation have been smooth sailing...on the contrary, it has been very hard, like a roller coaster ride or more like a sea journey, at times the journey is smooth and the sea is calm and at times, we are hit by a heavy storm almost tipping the ship over on occasions

When we first got here, everything was new and exciting and the reasons why I left UK was still fresh in my mind. Now those reasons seem so far away...as memories become less vivid and negative emotions heal...but sometimes we need to remind ourselves so, these were my reasons:

1. Islamaphobia - a situation that was getting worse, on a national, government and media level a constant attack on Islamic values and rules, women' dress code and other aspects of Islam; on an individual level - several verbal and physical abuse reported on Muslims and mosques.
2. Political interference in health
3. The government sponging off the middle income families with high taxes and making it unbearably difficult to survive
4. Fear of growing old and dying in a non-Muslim land
5. Not having family support
6. Individualistic people who refuses to accept responsibility for their own actions and health
7. Problems of bringing up children in a place where sexual perversion is glorified, there's lack of discipline and lack of respect.

So, should I remind myself of these valid reasons?

However, Malaysia is not a perfect getaway especially to work and live...there are problems here too and some of these irritations are:

1. Drivers who have no courtesy and believe they are being expert drivers but in reality are completely irresponsible. Expert driver is one who values safety, values the lives of others and himself so, he will have patience, courtesy and give way to others. He signals and keeps to the correct lane.

2. Bosses with inferiority complex - This is something completely new to me, those who have to flex their muscle in order to feel that they are respected and that their orders are followed. They have to try and put others down just to make themselves feel elevated. These aren't leaders cause real leaders will earn the respect of his followers by listening, understanding the issues, encouraging and motivating. He/she will allow his people to grow and expand their skills. A real leader has self-respect and he doesn't need to 'show' who is boss.

3. Lack of objectives - the sad reality of those who chase after progress, beautiful buildings, to simply establish things but with no real understanding of the objectives. Hence, the planning is all mixed up and faces future problems when the project is completed.

Then, there are bigger issues such as:
1. Nationalism, patriotism etc...
2. Dirty politics including fitnah, lewdness etc...
3. Non existence of Ideology and identity...who do you want to be? true Muslim? secular? capitalist? socialist? nationalist? the country have no idea what it wants to be, the leaders have no clear idea where they're  heading and individuals have no idea who they want to be.

So, it is truly frustrating being in an environment where there's so much confusion.

In the UK, the country was very clear about its ideology. It is capitalistic and the nation's identity is secular. It was easy for me to identify myself because I rejected Capitalism and secularism but instead my identity is a Muslim.

Now, I am here in a so called Muslim country but the nation is not ideologically Islam neither is it truly capitalistic...it embraces the capitalist economy and rule by the law and constitution constructed by the British but it doesn't truly understand nor adopt capitalism nor secularism...and the identity is mix and match of the West and Islam; neither here nor there. The secular Muslims are just copycats of the West, whereas those who profess to call for Islam are narrow-minded and exclusive. So, it has been difficult to get my head around all these issues, to understand, to put myself within this reality, this context...

Some of my friends tell me that I have a lot to offer this place, ideas to pass, knowledge to share and motivation to give. I know that I have a role to play and a responsibility but how can I give when my own internal emotions are in turmoil, I have frustration, anger, disappointment and sometimes despair...I need to be able to strengthen myself and fit myself into this puzzle, to anchor myself on solid ground...then inshaAllah I will be able to be more productive, to help others and hopefully to be able to give something to the people.

I am still not truly certain if my place is here...and sometimes I feel like I just want to leave this place right now but...I know that going back to UK would be going back to the problems I left behind. I want to stay here, I want to make things work but I need time...and time is a great healer. Truly, the decision of Allah is the best of decision.

Wednesday 13 April 2011

Struggling with an identity and venting my frustration

Time is running out and I need to make a decision by November this year. I need to decide whether this is the place to be and settle or whether we should go back to the UK. I can't live a double life...it is too unsettling and not to mention expensive.

Yet, I can't seem to make a decision...I don't want to go back but I can't seem to let go either. I miss the little things in the UK. I miss the coolness of Autumn and falling of leaves, the anticipation of Spring and the mild weather. I miss the ease of driving, the polite and civilized drivers. I miss entering the front door at the end of a working day, escaping from the bitter cold into the warm of a heated house, kicking my shoes off, having a warm cup of tea and snuggling under a nice warm duvet.

However, it isn't so much about the life, the system or the weather. There are so many wonderful things here, beautiful things that God has created and life can be built wherever we are and as for the weather, I don't mind the heat.

What I miss more than anything is the identity as a Muslim. Although I was born and brought up in this place but I was a different person. That person is gone, buried forever... I found Islam when I was in the UK, true Islam, unadulterated Islam, Islam that is not mixed with any specific culture. I was part of a global ummah of Muhammad (saw) and it transcended all ethnicity, languages, skin colour and cultures. My re-embracing of the Deen cleansed me of any seed of nationalism, tribalism, patriotism and it built upon me the love and allegiance only to Allah, His Messenger and the Muslim ummah. I dare to proclaim that there is no further trace of nationalism (Asabiyyah) within me and why should there be when the Prophet Muhammad (saw) said (from the narrations of Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi) ..."people should give up their pride in nations because this is a coal from the coals of hellfire. If they do not give this up then Allah will consider them lower than the lowly worm that pushes itself through faeces."

So, why do we want to be low in the eyes of Allah? Why do we cling on to a concept that was introduced to us by western colonialist whose agenda was to divide and rule us?

The Muslims in Britain have stood up for themselves and they are continuously struggling to stand up for Islam, to become brothers and to ally themselves with the Muslims all over the world. They have shaped an identity of being Muslim first and foremost, the women are fighting for their rights to worship Allah swt by covering their awrah despite efforts to remove their head scarfs and the face-veils from some of our sisters such as in France, the Muslims are struggling to ensure adherence to halal and haram and some are calling for the re-establishment of the Khilafah because they have tasted the true nature of the Western capitalist system that seeks to enslave other nations and destroy the very fabric of their own societies through the decline in moral values and the promotion of freedom.

So, when are we going to stand up for ourselves and to embrace an identity that suits our own belief, to reject an identity exported by the west, to reject a culture that has no origin in our history and roots and concepts that are in opposition to our aqeedah. 

I want to be a Muslim regardless of my race, my ancestors...I know who I am and I know who are my family, my parents, grandparents, great grandparents and where they come from but my history did not start with independence from British rule and the struggle to 'catch up' with western civilization and conforming to the western standards of what constitute 'development' and progress. No! My history started 1400 years ago when a man was given a task, a very noble but heavy task to convey the message that there is 'no god but Allah'. My history saw the building of a nation, from an uncivilized desert people who rose to become the best of people, the highest of civilization and culture, founders and pioneers in science, technology and medicine, an empire that stretched towards two thirds of the globe, a civilization that produced thinkers, leaders and heroes such as Ibn Sina (Avicenna), Al-Razi (Rhazes), Omar al Khattab, Harun al-Rasyid, Muhammad al Fatih, Salahuddin Al-Ayubi and many more well known figures. That is my history and I am a proud citizen of a proud nation, the ummah of Muhammad (saw) and citizen of al-Khilafah.

IN SEARCH OF THIS TRUTH

  I am in a quest to search for THIS truth. People ask, 'why are you still searching for the truth?’  You have found Islam.  You believe...