Struggling with an identity and venting my frustration

Time is running out and I need to make a decision by November this year. I need to decide whether this is the place to be and settle or whether we should go back to the UK. I can't live a double life...it is too unsettling and not to mention expensive.

Yet, I can't seem to make a decision...I don't want to go back but I can't seem to let go either. I miss the little things in the UK. I miss the coolness of Autumn and falling of leaves, the anticipation of Spring and the mild weather. I miss the ease of driving, the polite and civilized drivers. I miss entering the front door at the end of a working day, escaping from the bitter cold into the warm of a heated house, kicking my shoes off, having a warm cup of tea and snuggling under a nice warm duvet.

However, it isn't so much about the life, the system or the weather. There are so many wonderful things here, beautiful things that God has created and life can be built wherever we are and as for the weather, I don't mind the heat.

What I miss more than anything is the identity as a Muslim. Although I was born and brought up in this place but I was a different person. That person is gone, buried forever... I found Islam when I was in the UK, true Islam, unadulterated Islam, Islam that is not mixed with any specific culture. I was part of a global ummah of Muhammad (saw) and it transcended all ethnicity, languages, skin colour and cultures. My re-embracing of the Deen cleansed me of any seed of nationalism, tribalism, patriotism and it built upon me the love and allegiance only to Allah, His Messenger and the Muslim ummah. I dare to proclaim that there is no further trace of nationalism (Asabiyyah) within me and why should there be when the Prophet Muhammad (saw) said (from the narrations of Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi) ..."people should give up their pride in nations because this is a coal from the coals of hellfire. If they do not give this up then Allah will consider them lower than the lowly worm that pushes itself through faeces."

So, why do we want to be low in the eyes of Allah? Why do we cling on to a concept that was introduced to us by western colonialist whose agenda was to divide and rule us?

The Muslims in Britain have stood up for themselves and they are continuously struggling to stand up for Islam, to become brothers and to ally themselves with the Muslims all over the world. They have shaped an identity of being Muslim first and foremost, the women are fighting for their rights to worship Allah swt by covering their awrah despite efforts to remove their head scarfs and the face-veils from some of our sisters such as in France, the Muslims are struggling to ensure adherence to halal and haram and some are calling for the re-establishment of the Khilafah because they have tasted the true nature of the Western capitalist system that seeks to enslave other nations and destroy the very fabric of their own societies through the decline in moral values and the promotion of freedom.

So, when are we going to stand up for ourselves and to embrace an identity that suits our own belief, to reject an identity exported by the west, to reject a culture that has no origin in our history and roots and concepts that are in opposition to our aqeedah. 

I want to be a Muslim regardless of my race, my ancestors...I know who I am and I know who are my family, my parents, grandparents, great grandparents and where they come from but my history did not start with independence from British rule and the struggle to 'catch up' with western civilization and conforming to the western standards of what constitute 'development' and progress. No! My history started 1400 years ago when a man was given a task, a very noble but heavy task to convey the message that there is 'no god but Allah'. My history saw the building of a nation, from an uncivilized desert people who rose to become the best of people, the highest of civilization and culture, founders and pioneers in science, technology and medicine, an empire that stretched towards two thirds of the globe, a civilization that produced thinkers, leaders and heroes such as Ibn Sina (Avicenna), Al-Razi (Rhazes), Omar al Khattab, Harun al-Rasyid, Muhammad al Fatih, Salahuddin Al-Ayubi and many more well known figures. That is my history and I am a proud citizen of a proud nation, the ummah of Muhammad (saw) and citizen of al-Khilafah.