Friday 31 August 2012

What to do before your Indonesian maid leaves Malaysia on holiday

My maid was due to leave on Friday for a three week holiday during Eid-ul Fitri. It was the night before that we were suddenly informed that she needed to have things done prior to leaving. Otherwise, she won't be able to come back i.e. she cannot leave Indonesia.

So, on Thursday morning I had to take an emergency leave and go to the Indonesian embassy. I had a meeting to attend though at 2pm. It was a challenge, a scene from Mission Impossible. We got there at 7.30 am and there was a queue that seemed to go on forever. I parked my car next to the embassy and this guy came and said "Bagi saya RM20 dan saya boleh tolong bawa ke depan..." He was like shouting saying "Give me RM20!!!" I thought to myself, OMG! I am being approached by a 'lanun'.

Somehow, we managed to get to the front of the queue in front of the embassy gates. As soon as the gate opened, everyone was pushing and shoving but the guards made it clear that women go in first and men have to wait. Now, that is what I call a gentleman country. My maid had to go through a maze to get the necessary forms. I had to enter separately and wait for her. This 'makcik' approached me and asked if I could fill in the forms for her cause she could not read nor write. So, anyway we helped her and she shoved RM1 into my hand. I'm like..."No! no! I don't want money." but she insisted so, I shoved the money into my maid's hand.

There were so many people and we had to wait around until 9.30 am before the counter actually opened. I was like making doa that things will be done quickly so, I could get home in time to attend this meeting. Then Alhamdulillah our number was the first to be called.YEAY!

So, this is what we needed:

1. Borang tukar alamat - meaning a form to put the employer's home address on to the maid's passport
2. Insurance proteksi - Indonesian insurance which you have to get from the car park beside the embassy. You have to hand in the maid's passport, photocopy of the passport and employer's IC. It costs somewhere between RM115 - RM130 and there's only ONE Indonesian insurance.
3. Malaysian health and life insurance - there's several companies you can go to at the car park and they cost somewhere between RM75- RM100
4. Surat perjanjian - with all the documents above, maid's passport, employer's IC, insurance both Indonesia and Malaysia you need to fill in an agreement letter which you get from one of the counters and sign it.

To get the employer's address into the passport was pretty easy and didn't take very long. The queue for the Indonesian insurance at the car park took ages cause I guess a lot of maids were leaving the country for Hari Raya. The 'lanun' guy who asked me for money came back when I was queuing for the insurance. He was like telling me off saying "Kan saya dah cakap awak perlu insurance" Well, in my heart I was like...you approached me like a lanun (pirate) so how was I supposed to believe you? Anyway, I said "Takpe semua bagus, semua dah selesai. Jangan risau, jangan panik" Then, he was like defensive and said "Eh! saya tak risau dan tak panik" then he walked off.

I had to come back another day to sort out the employment agreement cause there was no time. The good thing is...they are quite advanced with using internet and stuff, so I could actually get the agreement letter bit done after my maid has left the country and email it to her.

There is a notice at the employment agreement counter regarding the worker's card that the maid has to make whilst she is in Indonesia. There are several centres they can go to all over Indonesia to make these cards. So, make sure you get the address of these centres and telephone numbers.

I came back another day to get the employment agreement signed and chopped. It is a standard agreement form that you get from the counter. I came at 4pm but the main entrance was closed so, I had to go in through the EXIT way. When I got there, the guy was like..."Kenapa datang lambat sekali, kita dah nak tutup Dik" but I charmed my way into getting him to sort it out. Then there was another lady who bullied and complained her way to get them to sort it out. Well, whatever works really! Yup...beg, charm or bully...

So, once the employment agreement was sorted and chopped, I scanned and emailed the documents to my maid. On top of that, the maid has to get a letter of 'release' from the head of the village (ketua kampung) to say she is allowed to go and work in Malaysia. Yup...as I say Mission Impossible. Alhamdulillah she got it all done and got the card.

With all the hassle...at least she simply strolled out of the country and back here with me!

So, for hassle free return and not having to pay fines and penalties blah blah... just sort these things out preferably NOT a day before your maid wants to go back.

Sunday 26 August 2012

The true meaning of love

The situation in Syria continues...the fighting, killing and suffering. Nobody wants to live in a war zone, everybody wants to live in peace. When I was making a decision to return to Malaysia, I was afraid that things might change. I was afraid if this country would suffer the same fate as Afghanistan, Iraq or the Middle East. I do not want to see war, chaos, disorder but the world is changing every day and the political situation all over the world seems so unstable, it is hard to imagine what will happen tomorrow.

I was watching Al-Jazeera and a Syrian man said something that affected me. He said his people have lost everything. They used to have a thriving economy, oil, universities, schools, business, factories but now they have lost everything...there is no businesses, no petrol, no homes, no security and not even knowledge. He said "we have nothing left except God".

Most people who listen to that statement would think this man is the poorest person alive, how pathetic is he compared to someone who lives in Sri Hartamas with a big mansion and several sports cars. In the eyes of the world, the one with the wealth, the children, the mansion, the fancy gadgets...that is the rich person, the successful person. However, for me...I have come to understand that when a person has lost everything they've ever loved, when God takes away everything and He leaves a person with nothing but Himself, that is actually the richest person alive.

Why? because the world and everything in it is nothing compared to a REALIZATION, an UNDERSTANDING...that all of this is temporary, is borrowed, is unreal compared to the reality of the hereafter. I don't know how else to say this but that REALIZATION, like when you're in a dark room and you can't see a thing but suddenly someone switch the light on and you start to see everything...that KNOWLEDGE, that ability to see what you have never seen before, that is what makes a person RICH beyond all means...beyond all wealth...beyond this world.

There will be sceptics or atheist or people who will think that I'm talking about some myth, some mumbo-jumbo or just making up a deity to make human beings feel better but No! I'm talking about holding on to the One who ensures that the sun rises in the morning, that the moon rises in stages to complete a full month, that the rain falls down from the sky to bring life to a barren land, the One that ensures that gravity exist at all times to pull us down firmly on the ground. I'm talking about the One who ensures everything is constant everyday without fail...

Surely we do not believe that the universe runs by itself like a ship without a captain, an airplane without a pilot or a hospital without a manager? Everything requires someone to regulate it, to make sure that things run smoothly and according to plan. Allah SWT says in the Qur'an:

Chapter 10:5 "He it is who made the sun a shining brightness and the moon a light, and ordained for it mansions that you might know the computation of years and the reckoning. Allah did not create it but with truth; He makes the signs manifest for a people who know. 

When you lose something special...you must remember that it is Allah SWT who took it from you. Allah gives and He takes and He replaces it with something better. When you sacrifice the things you love for the sake of Allah SWT, you start to appreciate the true meaning of love.

When everyone leaves you, when they hurt you, when your heart is broken, when you are harmed by others...you understand that God never leaves, He never forsakes you, He never ignores you, He heals, protects, comforts you. He forgives and He shows Mercy. He is always there ready to accept your repentance and ready to answer your prayers (dua). 


 

Monday 20 August 2012

Siblings ARGUE ARGUE ARGUE

They are at it again, my two older ones...squabbling, arguing, fighting with words. I left the room and all I said was "Hey you two, just make sure your arguing don't turn into crying..." cause sometimes it does!

Sometimes it is actually very funny, often hilarious and could be turned into some kind of comedy. I should just tape it sometimes without their knowledge and play it back to them someday when they are older. Right now they are arguing about who is more spotty i.e. who has more chicken pox spots.Yup that's kids...they argue about the silliest of things, ridiculous things...often adults too argue about lame things. So, how can we blame the children?

Sometimes I think they actually enjoy it...my two older ones. They actually enjoy having a real good B****y lame squabble which ends with name calling. Maybe it is a kind of sibling bonding session, maybe it makes them closer, built that kind of brotherly-sisterly love or something. I don't know! Sometimes when I say, "Hey you two stop arguing!" They look at me as if they just noticed my presence and say "we're not arguing!" Hmm...

That's just siblings I guess...argument is part of life. Siblings argue and fight but they will make up soon enough. I just hope that will always be the case...

Saturday 18 August 2012

Chicken pox and the kids

Two weeks ago my 6-year old daughter developed Chicken pox or Varicella Zoster. She was fine the day before, I took her shopping and noticed a few pimply spots on her nose. The next day she woke up with spots all over...circular red spots or known medically as 'maculo-papular'.

I recognised instantly that it has to be chicken pox but with no pre-spot symptoms or what we doctors call 'prodromal symptoms' such as fever, headache, lethargy, nausea or vomiting...I was still in denial. I took her to the GP and she confirmed it was chicken pox.

She gave her some liquid Aciclovir and also, a cream to put on her spots. The dose of oral Aciclovir is five times a day so, you have to give it to the child every 4-5 hours. There are lots of debate about the efficacy of Aciclovir. Most say that it only works if given early at least within 72 hours of contracting Chicken pox.

Chicken pox starts with a kind of small pimply rash, red in colour which turns into a larger red raised rash all over the body. It also becomes blisters.


I found out that she picked it up at nursery from one of the other children. The best time to get chicken pox is actually during pre-school age. The symptoms are mild although the spots look horrendous but their young rejuvenated skin will soon heal without much scarring inshaAllah provided they do not scratch.

The most infectious period is actually 2-3 days prior to the rash appearing and also during the period of blistering. Once the rash is totally crusted over and is dry, it is no longer infectious. So, the infectious period from appearance of first rash is usually around 10 days.

After 4-5 days the blisters start to crust over and looks sort of blackish. During this period, there is a mixture of rashes, blisters, red spots and those crusted over...


The rash is very itchy so, doctors usually recommend parents to put on some calamine lotion to soothe the child. It is best to dab the child with the lotion rather than to rub it on. Calamine doesn't really help to heal the rash but it does keep the skin cool. The child may also benefit from some anti-histamine medication such as Piriton (not recommended in children under 1 years old) for its anti-pruritic (anti-itching) properties. It is also slightly sedative and will help the child to sleep.

I was fortunate that I had chicken pox when I was younger because the older you are the worse symptoms you get. As I said, my daughter was laughing, jumping, smiling, playing, screaming happily all throughout the chicken pox period. You wouldn't imagine that she was ill at all...

Chicken pox is one of those illness that gives you life long immunity. Once you get it, you should not get it again. Some people claim that they develop chicken pox a second time, that could either be due to previous misdiagnosis. It is easy to misdiagnose chicken pox as there are so many other types of viruses that can give you post-fever rash (known simply as viral rash) or if it is true that one has chicken pox twice, that person is just truly UNLUCKY...what can I say? They are one of the unlucky ones out of thousands and millions who only get it once.

Oh! the other thing is...people do get mixed up between Chicken pox and Shingles. Chicken pox is when you get it the first time after being exposed to another person with CP. Shingles is when your old Chicken pox gets reactivated usually in a particular localised area without you being exposed to anyone else with Chicken pox. 

Anyway, just two days before Eid-ul Fitri, all my other kids developed those same red spots and blisters. The incubation period meaning the time from which you are exposed to someone with chicken pox and you developing symptoms is somewhere between 10-14 days. So, another misconception is that people believe if you are exposed to someone with CP today, tomorrow you will develop the spots!Duh!!!

As expected my eldest had the worst symptoms, fever, joint ache, headache and just feeling totally crappy! This time I was ready though, I have kept a supply of Aciclovir and as soon as we saw the spots, I gave her the medication. My youngest is covered with spots but he's laughing, playing, jumping around as usual. So, my advice to parents is...if possible get your kids to have chicken pox when they are preschoolers somewhere between 4-7 years old. You would be doing them a favour. That is why in some cultures, they have chicken pox parties just to get it out of the way.

On top of that, you can't run away from chicken pox. If you missed it as a child, you are most likely to develop it as an adult especially when you have kids of your own...they go to nursery and pick it up from somewhere, you too will pick it up from them.


Once healed the Chickn pox will be dried and totally crusted over...it is very important NOT to pick on the crust and allow the crust to shed itself. This is to avoid any scarring. Once, the crush is shed, new skin has been formed underneath and the rash will heal nicely inshaAllah.

As for me, we manage to spend a day of Eid-ul Fitri with family and I am glad that now they have all had chicken pox. There is blessing in everything and we just have to be grateful, have Tawakkal that everything happens for the best. Alhamdulillah

Sunday 5 August 2012

Parenting is so COOL! two little stories to share.

The beautiful Mercy of Allah who puts love and mercy in the hearts of parents


STORY ONE: ABOUT LOVE

My son came and sat down beside me, staring at me as I was reciting Qur'an. It usually means he wants something, a drink, some food, request for a new toy...I looked at him irritated. "What do you want?" I yelped. (In my mind I was thinking...why do you kids always have to disturb me when I'm doing something important?)

He looked at me hesitating to speak.
"Come on, just say what you want!" I was getting more frustrated.

He plucked up the courage to finally speak his mind. He said "Mummy, one day if i ever love my wife more will you remind me?" I looked him, bit surprised by his question.
"What do you mean?" I asked "If you love your wife more than who, Allah?"
He said, "No, if I love her more than you."
His face was serious..."will you please remind me!"
Oh...how my heart melted like butter. "Come here, baby" I said putting my arms around him.
"Mack!" I said calling his pet name. "Love is not like a cake where you have given me one whole cake and when you have a wife, you have to cut the cake into half to give half to me and half to your wife. Love is not something solid that has to be divided. Love is something that grows. The more you give, the more it grows."

"First of all..."I continued "You should love Allah number ONE and the Prophet SAW." Then, you have your responsibility towards your mom, your siblings, your wife and kids but love is not something where the more you share, the less it becomes. Love is enough for everyone. Also, inshaAllah I too will love your wife and she will love me and so there will be more love to share with more people, okay?"

His serious face broke into a smile. "Oh! I think I understand" he said.

WELL, how do you explain love to a child? Even most adults do not understand it and poets have composed on it and writers have written on it but what is love? I don't know much but I do know that love is like a fruit tree, if you look after a fruit tree, nurture it and give it enough good soil, sun and water...it grows and it will produce more and more fruits. It is unrestricted and will give goodness to all those who appreciate it.

STORY TWO: ABOUT MAKING DUA

My daughter came into my room as I was lying down relaxing, having some 'ME' time.
"Mom! can we go and watch Batman?"
I was like..."What? it is Ramadhan and you want to go and watch a movie???"
"Yeah...well what's wrong with that?" she asked.
I said,"I mean, it is Ramadhan and people want to do Ibadat and read Qur'an. I don't want to watch a movie. I still have to catch up on so many Juz!"
She looked disappointed but she conceded and said "Oh! okay mom"

Then, the next day I went to KFC to buy food for Iftaar and guess what? They gave me two RM4.00 off coupons for TGV cinema. I didn't even realized it when I was ordering the food. I thought this is Rizk! So, I came home and said to my daughter. "Err...did you make dua?"
She said, "about what?"
Me, "About watching Batman."
She said, "no!"
Me, "Well, I've got two cinema coupons and so, I guess we could go and watch Batman if you want."
and so, we did end up watching "The Dark Knight rises" last night. It was entertaining and fun. We shared a cake before the movie and a Tropicana smoothie from Secret Recipe. We even had coupons off pop corns, so we shared a regular pop corn between us. She told me how happy she was for the mom and daughter bonding session.

I told my daughter, "see Fudge (her pet name). This is Ramadhan where whatever dua you make inshaAllah it will be granted. In fact, you didn't even have to make dua. you just need to say...'I want to watch Batman' and look! here we are. So, use this opportunity to make lots of dua during this month okay? Ask Allah for all good things, for Iman, taqwa, make it easy for us to practice Islam, for rizk, for health and NOT to watch Batman!" I said to her with a joking smile.

Children grow so fast...it is not easy to bring them up in this very challenging environment. May Allah SWT make it easy for us Ameen.

SOME PARENTING DUA

And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous." 

Dua for a soleh/solehah child, for the child to love salah (prayer)

Friday 3 August 2012

My memories of Singapore "Kampung Melayu" Jalan Eunos

I miss my time in Redang Island. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. The clear blue sea, swimming among the fish, lazing by the beach watching the sun rise. It was almost paradise on earth. I loved watching the lifeguards being boisterous, pushing one another off the jetty, swimming in the deep water so easily like they were dolphins. They seemed so happy. They live such simple lives and how much I wish for a simple life.

I have lived all of my life in big cities. I was born and brought up in Kuala Lumpur and then spent 17 years in London. City life is all I ever knew. My only experience of 'kampung' (village) is going back to Singapore Kampung Melayu, Jalan Eunos, my grand-mother's house many years ago which by now, has been destroyed and the land taken over by the government. The compensation given were peanuts compared to the memories that have been taken away from the entire future generation.

My grand-mother's house was a real kampung house. My grand-ma's house was right opposite the masjid where my grand father used to be the imam before he had a massive stroke  and became bed ridden for 10 years. The house was massive with three living rooms and five bedrooms. Each living room is like the size of an entire apartment. You go down the steps into the kitchen which was humongous. However, the drawback was the toilet was outside in a small tiny hut with raised platform, a big gaping hole in the middle and a 'poo' pail underneath. As a small child, that was a disaster especially when you need to do your business in the middle of the night. However, we used to have chickens, goose and cats.

Those were the days when going back to Singapore for Hari Raya Eid-ul Fitri was like going to heaven. I used to enjoy it so much seeing my aunts and uncles, cousins and everyone. My Singaporean aunts and grand aunts were so loud. When they speak, the whole village could hear them. It was almost like they were shouting to one another but they were actually being friendly.

When my cousins come, we used to run around and play catching. We were so happy and I love to see people being happy. It was a simple life in my kampung. My grand-mother would spend most of the time in the kitchen. She was like super efficient and would do everything by herself. She will not allow anyone to help her because she didn't want people to get in her way. She always used to fry lots of chicken because that was my favourite and she used to cook so many dishes. She was always busy, always doing something. I don't think I ever saw her sitting down doing nothing.

She looked after my bed ridden grand father for 10 years. He had his bed just next to the kitchen and he could only say two words "Allah" and "Nab" which is for Zaynab (my grand mother's name). All the time I could hear him say "Allah...Allah...Allah...". I never met him when he was well but my mom tells me about him all the time, how clever he was, how intelligent he was, how understanding he was...I feel like I've known him all  of my life. My grand mother also looked after a niece who was paralysed since birth. she used to make dolls for us out of cloth. She would make a doll house too out of card board.

I enjoyed my childhood Alhamdulillah and it wasn't about anything big or expensive, it was the simple things in life that I enjoyed the most.


Wednesday 1 August 2012

Parenting secrets...to be shared

Well, it is not actually a secret but I just want to highlight the qualities that one develops when one becomes a parent. It really doesn't matter if you are a parent to your own biological child or if you have adopted children. Simply by assuming the role of being a parent, you join the parenting club. You then discover so many secrets to life that you may not have understood before...

1. HAVING ULTIMATE POWER DOES NOT CORRUPT

You hold the tiny baby in your arms. This young, innocent, helpless being is at your mercy and you hold it with such gentleness and care. Having that much power over something does not mean that you will abuse it. Most normal sane intelligent human beings do not abuse their children and would never dream of harming them. When you hold your baby for the first time, you get a glimpse into the future. This child depends on you to sustain him/her, to feed, clothe, clean, teach, protect and everything else until this child achieves independence and the ability to look after him/herself. You realize that the power you have is a Trust (Amanah) from Allah SWT.

Psychologist have argued this as a case that POWER by definition DOES NOT CORRUPT an individual rather, it is the failure of that person to see his position as a responsibility and when other factors such a pride, greed or jealousy takes over that the person see power as a means to manipulate, oppress, subjugate and abuse others.

2. ANGER DOES NOT EQUAL HATE.

Sometimes parents get so mad at their kids for something they did wrong but by hating the child's actions does not mean they no longer love their children. You love your children no matter what they do or who they are. Sometimes when I am tired or stress and I just want the kids to leave me alone and go away, it doesn't mean that I no longer love them. Sometimes I tell them to go away and suddenly I hear a cry or a scream and I will just get up from my relaxing 'me' time to ensure that they are okay.

Moms just do it instinctively...all of the sudden the adrenaline kicks in and your tiredness disappears. You will always love your children in whatever situation. The love is there all the time, it is forever and unchanging and that is also known as 'unconditional love'.

Parents learn that when you are angry at someone, it doesn't mean you hate them. You may hate their bad action, you may be disappointed in them or just frustrated but you will always love them.

3. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

The real reason for parents to love their children unconditionally is because they do not have any need from the child. The child needs the parents, the child is dependent on the parent but the parent should never depend on the child. Have you seen a little toddler? He is so excited to gain some independence by being mobile...he runs around the park but every so often he will find his mother or father. This is because despite his new found 'freedom' he still requires the security and comfort that his parents give to him.

The parent is there like a solid block that stands tall and strong; and the child looks to that for support and strength. There is no doubt that parents enjoy the love, the affection that the child gives 'unconditionally' and adoringly to the parents but to enjoy that gift is different from relying on it. A child does not have the maturity to carry the burden of supporting the parents. The child cannot be given the responsibility to 'mother' or 'father' the parent. It should be the other way around. As a doctor, I have heard young pregnant moms say "I want a baby because I want to be loved". That is dangerous and it could be a sign of some underlying personality problem or previous childhood issues that needs to be resolved before that person has a child.

This is also important for single parents (moms or dads) to just be aware of...sometimes when we become a single parent, it is ever so tempting to start relying on our children for support. However, that could be detrimental to the child. Find your close friends or family members for strength and support but when it comes to the children, you are their source of strength NOT the other way around. Remember: do not burden your child with your emotional problems or weakness.

4. TEACHING HOW TO PROBLEM SOLVE

Life is all about problems as Allah SWT tells us that life is a test and hence, the task in life is to problem solve. Bringing up children and nurturing them is also about teaching them how to solve life's problems. When you love your child, it is a natural instinct to protect them from the world, to solve their problems for them, to do things for them but doing everything for your child would hamper his/her growth and ability to become independent. Childhood is merely a trial period in preparation for adulthood. Children need parents to teach them how to behave, the difference between right and wrong, self discipline, organization, time management and all the NILAI-NILAI MURNI (good morals and manners). They need the skill to grow into responsible adults.

Boys need to learn to become responsible leaders, to be tough in life because they will be the bread winners, the protectors, the one responsible for the entire family. They need to have the skills to protect the family, the community, the state. They also need to learn to be kind, understanding and forgiving as these are important leadership skills.They need to be able to negotiation, communicate and resolve conflicts.

Girls need to learn to have inner strength, to have patience, caring and kindness. However, they also need to be strict and to be able to impose boundaries because they are responsible for the upbringing of the children, to instil discipline into the child, teaching the children to have good values, morals and manners. They need to learn to express themselves and get their views across and to demand for their rights. They hold the key to the checks and balances of the husband-wife relationship.

FINALLY

Children need the active input from both parents, the mom and dad and this is irrespective of whether the couple are still together or living apart. Children will form a special relationship with each parent and no one should ever prevent the child or be an obstacle for the child to develop that healthy relationship with either of his/her parents.

Always think about the interest of the child. Avoid jealousy or creating any negativity or rifts between the child and his/her parents. Children are a trust (an Amanah from Allah SWT). As we bring up our children we start to realize that we learn so much from them as much as they learn from us.

IN SEARCH OF THIS TRUTH

  I am in a quest to search for THIS truth. People ask, 'why are you still searching for the truth?’  You have found Islam.  You believe...