Relocation experience: should I stay or should I go?

Everything changes. Yes, that's how it is.
Four years ago I was in a different country, leading a different life, married to a different man and having different problems. Four years down the line, I am in another country, and although it is my birth country but it doesn't make it easier. I left Malaysia when I was 17 years old. I spent half of my adult life in the UK and now I'm back and I'm having to adapt. I think it is harder to adapt when you're older. You are more set in your ways. You get irritable easier and more grumpy and have less tolerance towards people or the environment.

As for work, I am now an academician. I used to be a General Practitioner in the UK. I spent most of my time doing clinical work but now, I am also doing other things apart from seeing patients like teaching and research. Research is something completely new to me and fortunately, I enjoy it very much. Publishing in a medical journal is another challenge, although I have done it once or twice before when I published in the Student BMJ but this time, it is actually part of my work. I have to publish so, there is an added pressure. However, I enjoy writing even if it is scientific. I am due to publish my first original paper soon. WATCH THIS SPACE!

Yes, married to a different man. There's nothing much to say about the end of my previous marriage although we didn't walk into court hand-in-hand but Alhamdulillah, it was civilized and I'm glad we kept in good terms for the sake of the children. As for my new marriage,  it is with someone I've known and love all my life but still, marriage is marriage. Only in Jannah will we find true love and happiness so I pray for that moment that me and my husband will be together hand in hand, running in meadows, sitting on velvet cushions and sipping sweet honey without any hardship, to simply look into each other's eyes and to feel love and serenity. Yes...that's heaven. Ameen.

As for having different problems. Well, life is a test and problems are everywhere. We're given the brain to solve problems. Hence, problems are good for us. Without problems, how do we exercise our brain cells? Maybe I have become more sceptical and maybe I have come to a stage that I just can't be bothered anymore about trivial matters. There are bigger issues in this world like such hunger, war, poverty, oppression, unjust systems. There are even bigger issues to contend with which is the end of the world or end of life and after life.

Although I am in this very tiny computer room and my fingers are typing away to God knows, only a handful of people who will actually read this rant but my mind is expanding to the universe. I refrain from feeling too happy or too sad for I know that life brings waves of happiness and sadness. I have met enough people and enough patients to see illness, pain and suffering. I have seen enough trauma and accidents to know how fragile life is. I have faced enough evil to stand my ground and my faith inshaAllah.

Do I recommend relocation? I still cannot answer that question. I guess it depends on your personal reasons and what you aim to achieve. Alhamdulillah I feel I have achieved most things that I personally would like to achieve but still, it has cost me other things. As you know, there's advantages and disadvantages in everything. You just have to make a decision and make the best out of it. Don't get me wrong, I never regretted my decision. I'm just saying that no matter where you are, problem will find you. There will always be trouble. It is a matter of weighing out disadvantages versus benefits.

So, there you go. TEPUK DADA TANYA SELERA (literally translated as HIT YOUR CHEST AND ASK YOUR APPETITE) In other words, it is up to you to decide.

Hello Malaysia: Let go of ROUTINE...embrace CHAOS

I'm still here...still surviving this urban jungle. Still having that feeling of awe every time I feast my eyes on the Petronas Twin Towers. Still get that 'WOW!' feeling as I watch it light up defining the skyline of Kuala Lumpur. 

The main difference I have identified living in Malaysia compared to UK is the absence of routine. In the UK, life is ruled by routine. Things don't change much in UK apart from the seasons and weather. Every thing else tends to remain the same. Life is predictable. Every day is just the same. Even TV series tend to follow a schedule. Dr Who Christmas special will be followed by a new season. Saturday night is X-factor night. I can imagine our trip to UK, we won't be much surprised! Things will be more or less the same. In some ways that would be reassuring and a comfort. 

In Malaysia however, life is fast paced, unpredictable. One minute there is a park and the next there's a skyscraper. A highway can spring up behind your back garden before you can say 'Why?' Well...okay I'm exaggerating but it feels that way. You can't plan things too far ahead. There's always that impromptu weddings, birthdays, family gatherings and 'teh tarik sessions'. 

In the UK, my friends and I used to make plans to see one another a month ahead but in Malaysia, it is just a phone call away like BRING...BRING..."Hi Assalaamualaikum" 

Me: Wa Alaikum salaam

Friend: What you doing today?

Me: Not sure yet

Friend: I though we could go for coffee

Me: Okay. Sure

Hence, nothing's planned and I've learned to live that way...living day to day. Everyday is a surprise. Yes...life is full of surprises. 

Here's another example.

EMAIL: You are invited to a dinner tonight at blah blah...

Yup! work dinner 

Me sending sms to work collegue 

"Slms. Hi are you going to the dinner tonight?"

Reply: huh? What dinner?

Me: check email

Reply: Oh...are you going?

Me: Yup

Reply: OK

I used to get totally stressed out cause this is so UN-BRITISH, unplanned, un-routined like totally out of the blue and unexpected. Nowadays, I'm just chilled...so chilled. 

Kid: Mom! I've got extra school tomorrow (Sunday)

Me: Okay. What time?

Kid: I have to get there by 6.30am

Me: Okay. 

Yup...whatever. 

I have come to realize that there's nothing in this life that cannot be solved insyaAllah. Whatever comes our way, we will sort it out. Things change and we just need to adapt. No need to get stressed out about it. Worse comes to worse....can always move somewhere else although I love this place so much despite all of its craziness, unpredictability and messed up mentality. I love it here Alhamdulillah. 

2011 into 2012: Looking back and visualising the future

2011 has been a turbulent year, indeed for the world and for this helpless soul. In February 2011 during my return to the UK for personal matters, the world was greeted by the 'wave of change' that was sweeping the Arab world starting with the fall of President Ben Ali of Tunisia and followed by the large scale demonstration in Tahrir Square, Egypt.

At the time, Muslims were hopeful to see the return of the Khilafah but unfortunately, the fall of the Mubarak regime was replaced by quasi-democracy and the struggle for freedom and Islam in the Arab world continues ...into the year 2012.

Change in the Muslim World

The world economy has not been predicted to recover, still riding on a roller-coaster. Inflation has shot up by more than 50% from the time I went back to the UK in February to the recent return of my other half. The economic recovery is slow and US/Europe are still struggling to get their economy to stabilize.

The Telegraph: predictions for economy 2012

In Malaysia however, good news for some but not for others as the government announce a new pay scheme for government employees, raising the basic salary for others up to half or a quarter fold but has caused a stir to the injustice of a few grades who tend to lose out. There are also fears that this will lead to inflation thus, affecting private sector workers and self-employed individuals.

This move is in no doubt related to the impending elections which is argued to be an act in favour or not in favour of the present government depending on who you are and which salary grade you are in. So, lots of issues to ponder about and to satisfy the inquisitive mind.

As for me, life started early in the year almost like watching 'Lost in Translation' as I struggle to adjust to this new dull, monotonous, brain dead, no sense of real purpose or direction kind of movie which turned half way through the year into a car chasing scene from 'The Bourne Identity' and towards the end of year evolved into 'Nightmare on Elmstreet' or some kind of psychological thriller and finally settled into something like the ending of 'Ombak Rindu' with some real moral and ethical message in the end, plenty of good lessons to be learned and maybe with a twinge of Adam Sandler's comedy movie to just complete the whole theater experience. this is because sometimes things that happen in Malaysia can be so serious and profound but at the same time ridiculous and ironically funny. I really don't know how to explain it in a better way...

So, what are we to look forward to in 2012?

Well, there's the Olympics in London which I am glad to say I am not there to experience it. I don't need any 'super powers' to predict the added security, overspending, criticisms and complaints by many different parties on how the Tory government is mishandling the whole situation and of course, there will be some scare mongering of some 'fundamentalist' Muslims who will try to mess all the fun by some bomb-plot. How do I know this? Well...I don't but sometimes when you keep watching the same sort of  movie, you can almost predict what is going to happen next.

There is the unraveling of the political change sweeping the Arab world. We will watch with hope and great interest to see the Muslim ummah grow and develop in their mentality, thinking and culture; to make that choice to either choose the man-made system of democracy or the system of Allah SWT, the Khilafah.

Finally, there is of course the prophecy of armageddon 2012. I really have no idea who predicted this or started this chinese whispers but it has been spread from mouth to mouth, and on You Tube. For Muslims, it should be clear to us that the knowledge of the hour is with Allah SWT alone. We just need to be ready for it at all times by obeying Him and fulfilling our duties and responsibilities.

“They ask you about the (final) Hour - when will be its appointed time? Say: ‘The knowledge thereof is with my Lord (alone): None but He can reveal as to when it will occur. Heavy were its burden through the heavens and the earth. Only, all of a sudden will it come to you.’ They ask you as if you were eager in search thereof: Say: ‘The knowledge thereof is with Allah (alone), but most men know not.’” (The Noble Quran, 7:187)

So, 2012 what do I hope from you?

I have so many resolutions and plans and overwhelmed by work deadlines already. There's gonna be stress, love, laughter and sadness... there's gonna be hope and everything that life has to offer but in the end, there's only one purpose... to worship the One who creates and controls everything.
 

Returning home: The best decision I've ever made

I asked a friend once how long it took her to settle in Malaysia after relocating and she told me it took her two years. Here I am two years later and I am feeling settled or at least I'm feeling contented. I am so happy to be back in Malaysia.

Despite all the hassles, paperwork, turbulence, craziness, roller-coaster ride that I went through but it was all worth-it. I can see things more clearly now and I am beginning to understand life, concepts, feelings more than I ever did before...even though I feel like it is just the beginning of the road for me. There are still so many things that are unsettled in my life and decisions to be made but overall, I believe that coming back is one of the best decisions I've ever made and I am grateful to Allah SWT.

Sometimes I still feel agitated and sometimes I feel like I just want to fly away as things are constantly changing around me but whatever happens after this, I know that it will be for the best as long as I have trust in the One who made me and who controls everything.

إِن يَنصُرۡكُمُ ٱللَّهُ فَلَا غَالِبَ لَكُمۡ‌ۖ وَإِن يَخۡذُلۡكُمۡ فَمَن ذَا ٱلَّذِى يَنصُرُكُم مِّنۢ بَعۡدِهِۦ‌ۗ وَعَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَلۡيَتَوَكَّلِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ (١٦٠)

If Allah is your helper none can overcome you, and if He withdraw His help from you, who is there who can help you after Him? In Allah let believers put their trust. (Surah Al Imran: 160)

HOW MUCH ARE WE AWARE OF OURSELVES...OF OTHERS...OF EVERYTHING?

Have you ever felt terribly annoyed by a shopper blocking your way? You’re pushing your trolley along this aisle and they’re standing there staring at a tin of tomato completely oblivious to you? Yes... it happens all the time.


When I was in the UK, these things don’t happen often. Most of the time people are aware of other people and often responsive to the needs of others e.g. opening doors for other people, helping someone with a heavy suitcase... but sometimes when they do block the aisle... it is because the person has made a conscious decision that they have the ‘rights’ to be there...that their individualistic rights to be in the middle of the aisle is more important than anyone else’s right of way...it is a totally selfish individualistic but conscious decision...

When I keep facing this kind of similar behaviour in Malaysia... initially I started to believe that people were terribly individualistic and selfish... but after a while I start to realize that most of the time people are genuinely unaware... they are simply unaware that they are standing in the middle of the aisle blocking other people’s way. It is not because of a self conscious decision to be selfish and individualistic but rather their level of consciousness of their surroundings is at a minimum level...

This is something that I have come to notice more and more... the lack of awareness... people are walking around, driving around almost subconsciously. How many people out there are just living day to day...going to work, completing chores, studying but completely unaware of themselves, of others, of their surroundings and of the bigger issues that dictate what goes on in the world?

Awareness is the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects or sensory patterns.

Self awareness is an important aspect of human psychology and scientists have dedicated time and research in understanding the development of self awareness and awareness of others in children. It is thought that intelligence is related to early development of awareness. Children start to become aware or conscious of themselves around the age of 1-2 years old...and it is a process that they go through until they reached the age of 4-5 years old...

Islam teaches us the most fundamental issues of awareness. The process of awareness that should make Muslims achieve the highest level of intelligence.

1. Awareness of the existence of God – it is not sufficient to simply believe in God as a form of theoretical or knowledge rather, this believe should instigate an awareness in the believer that God exists and He is present at all times.

Allah SWT says in 50:16 “And indeed We have created man, and We know what his ownself whispers to him And we are nearer to him than his jugular vein.”

This is awareness for us...this should provoke an awareness inside us that God is nearer to us than ourselves...

The Prophet SAW says in hadith of Jibrail when he SAW explained about ihsan. He said “It is to worship Allah as though you are seeing Him and while you see Him not, yet truly He sees you.”



2. Awareness of the Qur’an being word of God – Often Muslims are taught to respect the Qur’an, in awe of the Qur’an, to recite and memorize it but how often are we taught to be aware of the Qur’an being the speech of Allah... that each word has meaning and implications in our lives? Such awareness should propel us into action... into being the person that the Qur’an tells us to become.


3. Self awareness – Islam teaches us to be aware of ourselves, our thoughts, our ideas, our feelings and behaviour. It tells us to self- reflect (muhasabah) or in the Western world it is known as reflective practice...to look back upon our day and reflect upon our deeds, to improve ourselves everyday... to critically analyse ourselves and to change any negative thoughts or actions into positive ones...

Allah SWT says in 50: 17 – 18 “(Remember) that the two receivers (recording angels) receive each human being, one sitting on the right and one on the left. Not a word does he or she utter but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it)

 4. Awareness of others – islam also teaches us to be aware of others...aware of their thoughts, feelings, behaviours, wants and needs...to treat people with kindness and respect. To deal with problems justly and in accordance to the shariah...to have good manners towards others and to be harsh against those who insult Islam.



5. Awareness of the environment and surroundings – Islam creates a sense of awareness inside us to care for the environment, living creatures and our surroundings. Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet SAW said “a man came across a thorn in the road and said, ‘I will remove this thorn so that it does not harm a Muslim.’ For that reason he was forgiven”


6. Awareness of halal and haram – regardless of whether a Muslim adheres to the shariah, one should still be aware of halal and haraam, right and wrong, good and bad...how the shariah is a guidance and should dictate how a Muslim should live and how the shariah should organize the society. This is awareness of the system...the Islamic system.


7. Awareness of the political situation of the Ummah. The Prophet SAW says “those who go to sleep not thinking about the affairs of the Ummah is not one of us” and “those who wake up without thinking about the affairs of the ummah is not one of us."


Hence, awareness should be the core feature of the Muslim’s mind and being. The simple day to day activities such as courtesy whilst shopping, safe driving, opening doors for others are basic awareness that should be as natural as breathing. The higher level functioning of our mind should be awareness of ourselves, our actions, our surroundings and how we interact with ourselves, others and our relationship with Allah SWt...this is perfectly demonstrated by Ali r.a when he was in the midst of a battlefield and he was about to kill his enemy but his enemy spat at him and so, he released him out of fear that he would kill the man because of anger rather than for the worship of Allah SWT. This is the elevated personality with true awareness of himself, of his enemy, of his surrounding and of his relationship with Allah.

We too need to develop this awareness...the true awareness for us to become the exemplary character.

A dedication to those struggling in this path of adapting to change

This is dedicated to my friends who maybe going through the different stages of struggle in this relocation process…in dealing with changes to their environment, weather, people, mentality, culture, language and even accent, all of which can have a profound effect on a human being, mentally and emotionally. I’m no expert but in the last year and a half, I’ve struggled through this process in my life…it can only be described as embarking on an obstacle course involving mountain climbing, swimming across a turbulent ocean and getting lost and found in a jungle. 

The first few weeks I would describe it as ‘honeymoon’ period. Everything was new and exciting especially being surrounded by a loving and welcoming family. All my senses were accentuated, just looking at a banana tree at the back garden amazed me or seeing an eagle flying in the skies above…everything was simply amazing. The reasons why I left my life in London are still fresh in my mind and I was in a state of euphoria to have finally escaped into a different world. 

After a while, practicalities started to kick in and with practicalities come bureaucracy and problems. Applying for jobs, the children school, visa, moving house etc…etc… This is when reality hits! This is when I felt like I was climbing up a mountain and was never reaching the top. Everything was getting on top of me and I was tired, stressed and disillusioned by the system, the people’s mentality and the whole society. I started to compare the past and the present, pros and cons, good and bad and started to wonder, if life was really as bad as I thought it was. Was life in London worse than what I am facing today? Doubt started to creep in and of course, the whisperings of Syaitan is always so near and it amplified my feelings of regret, disappointment and fear. 

In my mind, I went through an internal struggle. Should I stay or should I go? I started doubting my own decisions and wonder if it would be easier to just pack up and leave, to continue life from where we left off? 

By that time, I have started working and my kids have started going to school. I was feeling pressured to assimilate into the general population, to adopt the culture of the people and to ‘blend’ into the new environment. However, I was finding myself resisting to the change, resisting to being ‘assimilated’. I didn’t want to be like everyone else just for the sake of it. I started to question myself, why do I need to fit in? Why do I need to conform to the rest of society? Do I even agree with the rest of society? I felt myself swimming in a vast ocean, being swept by currents and torrents as I struggle to maintain my head above water. 

I considered what others might think of me. I tried not to express too much dissatisfaction to them and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings or make them defensive. After all, this is my struggle not theirs.  At the same time, I was getting uncomfortable…people used to stare at us when we went out, they would look at my kids when they speak because of their British accent. It made me uncomfortable and that was a struggle too. A struggle to not be uncomfortable but to be accepted as being slightly different, that speaking in English does not make us bad Muslims for example and to retain a British accent does not equate to being cocky or pretentious. 

I started to recognize the same struggles in my children as they attempted to fit into a new schooling environment, a different learning culture, mentality and language. It made me feel guilty that I had dragged them half way round the world and for what purpose? I doubted whether I had made the right decision for them. I started to wonder that even if it wasn’t for my own sake, maybe we should move back for their sake. 

At this point in my relocation process, I needed to make a choice. I had to look back to the reasons that led me here. Why did I move? What did I want to achieve? What have I achieved so far? And what would I achieve if I went back? I needed to take a step back and observed my life objectively; from a bird’s eye view, as a spectator rather than the actor.  I looked at the pros and cons, the good and bad, comparing my ‘new’ life to the ‘old’ one. Keeping up with the news back in London helped me realize and remember the problems that led me here. It also helped me to realize that the life I left behind had also moved on…going back will not be as easy as returning from a holiday. It would again be another re-location for me and my family. I started to look around me again and appreciated the things I have, the people I’ve gotten to know and the little things in life that makes me happy. When we first moved here, I told my kids that “it doesn’t matter where we are as long as we have each other. We could be in the Sahara desert and we can still be happy because we are together, as long as we have Allah SWT.” I still believe in that.

I needed to make an informed and pro-active decision if I wished to adopt completely the culture of my new home, such as the concept of ‘live with the Romans, act as the Romans’ or if I wanted to hold on to my own identity and potentially influencing others to understand my viewpoints as well as to change some of my deficiencies and adopting good aspects from my new environment. 

I am so fortunate Alhamdulillah that I have such a strong network of support from my family and have made great new friends as well as holding on to good old friends.

I have come to the stage where I have found my place within this society. I have so far managed to retain some aspects of myself from my previous home as well as adapt and incorporate some of the positive aspects of this new culture. It is still a struggle for me and from time to time I still get that occasional spat of spontaneous idea to pack up and leave but that thought is getting far less in between. I call this current stage…the stage of acceptance and adaptation. 

The journey is not over yet but for the benefit of my friends who are struggling with me (you know who you are), I believe perseverance is the key…

Surah Al Baqarah: 153 “O you who believe, seek help through perseverance and Salat; for Allah is with the persevering ones.”

95% sure I'm staying here

I believe I am now about 95% sure that I'm staying here. This is our home now and good or bad, we'll have to fight our own battles. Read about the rise in British gas bills up to 200 pounds...yeah, I remember what it was like. When petrol prices were raised, there was a strike involving truckers causing chaos up to the French borders but a year later, petrol prices went higher than what it was.

That is the British Capitalist system where the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer. Up to 90% of the nation's wealth is in the hands of 10% of the population. That was my exact query when we were having a lecture on Malaysia's Vision 2020...how can we implement a Capitalist system that from its basis is all about making profit and human problems and issues become secondary? How can such a system become fair and equitable?

Sometimes I wonder whether the people in the developing countries are even clear about the principles of the Capitalist economic system and if they do know about scarcity and unsatieable wants, do they even question these basic principles? Is scarcity true? Can we say that the resources of this world is finite when from our own Aqeedah, it is Allah SWT who provides for us? Can we say that a human being's wants are endless and so, we need to produce more stuff to fulfil the human wants? Even if we agree that the human being will always want more...as our Prophet SAW says as narrated by Anas "If the son of Adam had a valley full of gold, he would like to have two, for nothing fills his mouth except dust. And Allah forgives him who repents to Him.”

So, okay..human beings are never satisfied but does that mean the economic system should be designed to produce more and more to fulfil the desires of human beings. If a child wants ice-cream, should we design an ice-cream machine that will give him ice-cream 24 hours a day? or do we have an economic system that fulfils the basic needs of everyone, provide food, clothing and shelter and then allow the people to have luxurious items according to their means.

We need to know that not everything that originates from the West is good; and certainly, the Western economic system is a man-made system. Any man-made system is bound to have flaws, biasness and potentially oppressive.

Belonging to two places: understanding the struggle in adjusting to a new place

The days when I am in my office getting on with work, I am accompanied by BBC world service in the background. Yesterday’s edition of the Strand, they were talking about Tahar Ben Jelloun’s new book “A palace in the old village”. I haven’t read the book but the discussion surrounding the book highlighted to me my own experiences and feelings.


I went back to visit London in February 2011 to tie up loose ends and whilst I was there, I started to recall my old life in the UK, my family, my friends and my experiences. I felt that I was at home and that was where I belonged. Then, when I returned to Malaysia after 10 days I really felt lost, I started to miss the life I had in London, the interactions I had with people in the UK, their mentality, the etiquettes of drivers, the aloofness of people, how people would open doors for you or how there’s always a gentleman to come to the aid of a damsel in distress. It may all sound romantic but human beings are often oblivious to the tiny gestures of others when it has become routine or common practice…I never used to appreciate these things when I was there but returning with fresh eyes made me realized the things that I took for granted.

Being away from an environment that I felt comfortable with and adjusting to a new life, a new set of culture…I was slowly feeling more and more low…every day I felt like I was struggling…I felt like my long extended holiday was overdue and it was time for me to go back home. I had questions about myself, about this place, about the people and about the life and most of all, I wasn’t sure if what I felt was normal. I wasn’t sure if this was part of the psychological process of relocating. I was also afraid that people would accuse me of being ‘ungrateful’ or ‘ego-centric’ or that I have forgotten my roots…

The discussion yesterday surrounding Ben Jelloun’s book made me realized that I am not alone and that my experiences were common…it is called ‘belonging to two places’. There are many people out there who have lived in a place for many years and then, migrated to another place…but they don’t simply let go of their previous life, they don’t leave everything behind and embrace a new life but rather, they leave a part of themselves behind. They can never truly ‘fit-in’ their new environment, to follow the rest of the crowd but they can build a new life, gain new experiences, touch new hearts and possibly introducing some of their ideas to the people around them.

Despite all the recent UK government and media bashing against Islam and Muslim, and the economic turmoil and government constant interfering in health and taxes…I had a good life in the UK. I had fond memories of finding the truth about Islam, of friends, wonderful sisters who gave me so much strength, memories of friends and colleagues in the medical field, of people who inspired me. My memories of working in the hospital, there were hilarious moments and some tragic moments and of course, the best memories of all were when my children were born.

I am now starting to realize and to understand that we will always have some of our roots there, our families, our friends, our memories…

I know that there is no need to be attached to a particular land…for all the earth and the whole universe belongs to Allah. Allah has put me now in a different place and I have to lift my spirits and to give to the people around me whatever knowledge and experiences that I have. I may not feel that I belong here but in the end…we do not belong anywhere rather we belong to Allah, The Almighty.

Struggling with an identity and venting my frustration

Time is running out and I need to make a decision by November this year. I need to decide whether this is the place to be and settle or whether we should go back to the UK. I can't live a double life...it is too unsettling and not to mention expensive.

Yet, I can't seem to make a decision...I don't want to go back but I can't seem to let go either. I miss the little things in the UK. I miss the coolness of Autumn and falling of leaves, the anticipation of Spring and the mild weather. I miss the ease of driving, the polite and civilized drivers. I miss entering the front door at the end of a working day, escaping from the bitter cold into the warm of a heated house, kicking my shoes off, having a warm cup of tea and snuggling under a nice warm duvet.

However, it isn't so much about the life, the system or the weather. There are so many wonderful things here, beautiful things that God has created and life can be built wherever we are and as for the weather, I don't mind the heat.

What I miss more than anything is the identity as a Muslim. Although I was born and brought up in this place but I was a different person. That person is gone, buried forever... I found Islam when I was in the UK, true Islam, unadulterated Islam, Islam that is not mixed with any specific culture. I was part of a global ummah of Muhammad (saw) and it transcended all ethnicity, languages, skin colour and cultures. My re-embracing of the Deen cleansed me of any seed of nationalism, tribalism, patriotism and it built upon me the love and allegiance only to Allah, His Messenger and the Muslim ummah. I dare to proclaim that there is no further trace of nationalism (Asabiyyah) within me and why should there be when the Prophet Muhammad (saw) said (from the narrations of Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi) ..."people should give up their pride in nations because this is a coal from the coals of hellfire. If they do not give this up then Allah will consider them lower than the lowly worm that pushes itself through faeces."

So, why do we want to be low in the eyes of Allah? Why do we cling on to a concept that was introduced to us by western colonialist whose agenda was to divide and rule us?

The Muslims in Britain have stood up for themselves and they are continuously struggling to stand up for Islam, to become brothers and to ally themselves with the Muslims all over the world. They have shaped an identity of being Muslim first and foremost, the women are fighting for their rights to worship Allah swt by covering their awrah despite efforts to remove their head scarfs and the face-veils from some of our sisters such as in France, the Muslims are struggling to ensure adherence to halal and haram and some are calling for the re-establishment of the Khilafah because they have tasted the true nature of the Western capitalist system that seeks to enslave other nations and destroy the very fabric of their own societies through the decline in moral values and the promotion of freedom.

So, when are we going to stand up for ourselves and to embrace an identity that suits our own belief, to reject an identity exported by the west, to reject a culture that has no origin in our history and roots and concepts that are in opposition to our aqeedah. 

I want to be a Muslim regardless of my race, my ancestors...I know who I am and I know who are my family, my parents, grandparents, great grandparents and where they come from but my history did not start with independence from British rule and the struggle to 'catch up' with western civilization and conforming to the western standards of what constitute 'development' and progress. No! My history started 1400 years ago when a man was given a task, a very noble but heavy task to convey the message that there is 'no god but Allah'. My history saw the building of a nation, from an uncivilized desert people who rose to become the best of people, the highest of civilization and culture, founders and pioneers in science, technology and medicine, an empire that stretched towards two thirds of the globe, a civilization that produced thinkers, leaders and heroes such as Ibn Sina (Avicenna), Al-Razi (Rhazes), Omar al Khattab, Harun al-Rasyid, Muhammad al Fatih, Salahuddin Al-Ayubi and many more well known figures. That is my history and I am a proud citizen of a proud nation, the ummah of Muhammad (saw) and citizen of al-Khilafah.

Reminiscing my early days back in Malaysia

I was just reading some of the blog entries I made 10 months ago. I'm just glad that I documented it because it just seemed so long ago and so distant from where I am today. All the hassle of filling in forms, going from one government department to another and the frustration of dealing with inefficiencies...that feeling is gone. I can barely remember any of it. The only government encounters I have is to renew my children's visa every 6 months. We have renewed hubby's visa for 5 years and no more going to immigration for that purpose for a little while.

Still, some other issues have emerged that I am trying to digest, to observe all of the reality, to analyse and to make sense of what it is all about. Why do some people behave that way? Why do they think that way? is it insecurity, inferiority or something else?

There's still so much in myself that I need to sort out. My dissatisfaction with a few things when I was in UK and now, realising more and more new realities that have emerged where I am now. The comparison of the two cultures, all the negatives and all the positives is just on-going. Sometimes, I can't even sort these things out in my own head.

Anyway, before I came back to Malaysia I used to wonder why people who have gone back can't answer all of my questions or they can't understand what information that I need. Now I understand why...because I'm at the other side and knowing means forgetting what you didn't know. So, I am glad I jotted it all down in a blog so that I can remember...and I hope that others might benefit from it.

So...10 months on there's light at the end of the tunnel. Filling in forms and hassles in government departments do come to an end...eventually.

A list of things that I've realised since I've left UK

1. You do not have to be in control of everything.

Yes! What a relief! You do not have to be in control of everything. The house doesn't have to be spotless! You do not have to work, look after children, prepare the meal and still look like Miss Universe. You can make mistakes. You sometimes will lose your temper. You get ill and exhausted sometimes and you just want to have a rest and it is all okay. Most importantly, you are not in control of how your child will turn up. You are not in control of anything. Forget about "What will happen if I do this..." or "What will happen if I do that..." You just concentrate on what you have to do, what is Fardh, what is haraam and your accountability; and leave all the rest to God.

2. You do not have to be the "perfect mom"

Yes! Your children do not need you 24-7. They do not need you breathing down their backs. You just need a trustworthy adult to be around to make sure they are okay and leave them to play, to fight, to laugh and to cry. Give them your love and enforce the discipline that they need. They need to know the boundaries and they need to know that you are boss!

3. Children do NOT need toys.

Oh boy! they really don't. They need space to run around and each other. Let them use their imagination. Their whole surrounding is their play area and everything in it are their toys. They love playing with leaves, with stones, with boxes...even ants! Instead buy yourself nice things. LOL!

4. Studying is a great past time.

If you want a great past time for your kids. Get them to study. Get them to find out things. Get them to do research. Discuss with them about the world, history, geography, science...all these knowledge is about God's creation. There is nothing more fulfilling than getting to know the Creator.

5. Night is for sleep and day is for seeking the bounty of Allah.

Qur'an Surah Rum: 23 "And among His Signs is your sleep by night and by day, your seeking of His bounty. Verily in that are signs for people who hear."


Day time is a time for work, school, study, visiting friends and relatives, going shopping. Day time is activity time. There is no time for rest except when you are ill; like I'm ill at the moment with a bit of fever or just a short nap after praying zuhur to rejuvenate yourself. After that, go out and seek the bounty of Allah, go out and seek the rewards of Allah. There is no time to procrastinate.

6. House work is not a chore! and work can be very fulfilling.

There is no such word as 'chore' in the Malay language. There is 'house-work' and there is 'office work'. Wherever you are, home or office you have to work. To live is to survive and to survive you need to work, you need to do something. Those who claim that life is for pleasure and enjoyment usually ends up doing nothing. They anticipate for the time when they will be free to do other things that are enjoyable like when it is time to go home from work, friday night when it is time to go to the pub, weekend when they can 'enjoy' themselves. The rest of the time they are not living but they are dead...just doing what they need to do because they have to, because it is a chore.

Every second we are living...and in everything that we do there is opportunity for reward in this world and the hereafter. If we put our effort into it and if we do things with others.

Furthermore Allah swt says "O you who believe! Answer the call of Allah and His Messenger when He calls you to that gives you life". Hence, Islam is the ingredient that gives us life. So, we need to answer to the call of Islam and perform all the things that we need to do as Muslims such as in Da'wah and Jihad. Hence, procrastination is not an option.

7. Rizk is completely and utterly in the hands of God.

God gives and He takes away and no one else can give it to you or take it away from you. Everything that you have no matter where it came from is from God so, be thankful to Him alone. However, you need to work hard because that is what you have to do. You must be like the bird that goes out in the morning seeking its provision. Living off the benefit system is not an option. It is a system that demotivates people, separates the strong-willed from the weak. It is a system that divides people into classes and eventually destroys them. Instead, make it easy for people to set up small businesses. Give them land to grow things and produce crops...Stop giving people small hand-outs; just give them a life!

Past...present...future

It is true what is said in the Qur'an as Allah swears "By time! Man is clearly at a loss except those who have Faith and does righteous good deeds, and to remind one another with the Truth and to remind one another with patience." Allah swears by the Time that He, Himself has created that human beings are wasting time...

I'm saying this because...I'm just thinking about six months ago when I was waiting to return to Malaysia; I was dreaming to meet my family again and what kind of life I was going to have and here I am, I have fulfilled my dreams. I have achieved what I wanted to achieve. My feeling of longing for the future, the anticipation is now a reality, it is the present and somethings are already in the past.

Now, I am longing for other things. I am dreaming of next week when I should be getting my new car, when I'll be going to visit Melaka for a family trip, or my dream of going to visit the beach in Pahang at the next school holiday. However, after next week that will be the past and who knows whether I will be going to Melaka or not; but if I do, it will no longer be a dream, an imagination but it will be a memory. Hopefully, a sweet memory.

This is life. We are constantly yearning to get to the next level. As a child, we want to grow up. When we are at University, we want to graduate and work. When we start our jobs, we want to get a promotion. Sooner or later, we will get to where we want to be or maybe not but still, time carries on and it waits for no one.

Sometimes we get broken-hearted and it feels like nothing can ever make the feelings of pain go away and yet, time is a healer. The thing that seems so important and crucial today may not be as important tomorrow. Things that seem very intense today may seem rather trivial tomorrow.

Sometimes after we have achieved what we wanted to achieve and we tend to think, now what? or what's next? This goes on and on until one day we reach the end of our journey and then we understand that is the final destination. That is actually our target and yet, have we prepared for it?

Hence, the surah Al-Asr (The Time) a reminder for me that we are all lost in this world, victims of time and space, rushing herds except those who have Iman and does the righteous good deeds. The deeds prescribed to us by the Creator. It gives another meaning to this life, another level of consciousness.

Setting your own pace

6th April 2010

Alhamdulillah, things have settled down. From the time we first came home...all the bureaucracy, the visa, the interviews, the wait...now, things are in place and the pieces of the jigsaw is starting to form a picture. It may not be completed yet but at least you can see a picture emerging.

Everyone around me have been kind and helpful. However, it is important for me to set my own pace. There is a lot of learning to be done even for example, the roads in Malaysia. I've got lost several times just because I missed my turning and having to go through the whole of KL to get to where I wanted to go. It was terribly frustrating but that is part of the learning process. Next time, I know (or hope) that I won't make the same mistake again. I will insyaAllah NOT miss my exit. There have been times when I've taken the wrong turning and ended up going through a short cut...so, I've also learned something from my mistake...something good. That is life.

I've spent the last 3-4 months learning the Malaysian system especially when it comes to immigration. How to apply for visa for your spouse, your kids, where is Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri or what is it? It was a very steep learning curve...and now, I'm learning about the health system in Malaysia and my responsibilities at work.

It is very interesting and challenging. I am the type of person who likes to know how things work. Some people can just jump in and start doing things and experiment with new ideas; these people are known as the Activists but not me. I like to observe first and get to know the bigger picture. It is important for me to know my role within that bigger picture...and at the moment I'm starting to get a visual image of the bigger picture. When I can see my role within that bigger picture then, I can start to fly...

I also realise that I'm joining a highway of people...it's like if you're driving on a highway, you know that everyone has already set their pace and they are comfortable with that environment. I'm just joining the highway but I've been lucky that I manage to join the other traffic with ease but I still haven't decided on my pace or which lane I should go into, should I stay on the slow lane, middle lane or the overtaking lane. I'm still watching for large heavy vehicles, for sign boards, for other cars that are driving at 100mph.

What I'm trying to say is that you will take a bit of time to get familiar with your new life. You need time to know the system, to adjust and to be comfortable with your surroundings. I believe this is a normal process. There are still days when I ask myself, "Why am I here?" but those times are getting rare. There is no doubt that I miss certain things in the UK but I'm starting to feel that I belong here. Besides, if all else fails...I just look at my kids and I know no matter where we are, we'll be okay as long as we're together. May Allah keep us in His Protection at all times. Amin.

Family outing, Rizk and lightning.

After 3 months...finally I feel settled here. We started our weekend with a shopping trip and dinner at KFC. Everyone in UK says the best part about living in a Muslim country is the halaal food. I agree that there's more choice of halaal food around including fast-food. Still, with the recent news of halaal stamps being bought from private company, one has to be very careful where one eats.

I feel like I've learned a lot within this 3 months about myself, about others, about Malaysia and about life itself. Things are a lot more uncertain here but there is more need to rely on Allah and to constantly seek for His Help, His Mercy and Guidance. I think finally...or should I say at last I've understood Rizk (Rezeki). We always say Rizk is from Allah but in the UK, this concept is tainted by the Government's Benefit system and people feel that their reliance is on the state. In a country where there is no Benefit system, people who lost their jobs or not yet found a job or works hard to earn a living; they somehow still get their Rizk and sometimes the Rizk comes through sources you do not expect. The difference is that people work harder to attain their rizk, to fulfil their responsibility to their families.

Since I've been here and going through all the challenges I went through; the concept of Rizk, Tawakkal, Sabr have all become very real to me; it's no longer theoretical. You need to hold on to these things in order to survive. It is like being trapped on a sailboat in the middle of a thunderstorm; you really have no choice, you have to put your Trust in Allah.

The other day I was at work and it was 2 more minutes to home-time. I could hear the sound of thunder in a distance. I thought to myself...if I don't leave now I'm going to be caught in a thunderstorm. So, I grab my things and got in the car. The wind was strong but there was no rain yet. I drove at maximum speed limit. Then suddenly as I got closer to the city-centre, I could see the lightning. It came from the heavens and struck the ground, one after another. As I got even closer to the centre of KL, the lightning was almost within my reach. The sound of the lightning strike was enough to put fear into my heart. I couldn't do anything else apart from reciting Qur'an and just trying to keep my hands on the steering wheel. You know sometimes you watch the documentary of people who actually chase storms. They will be talking about the storm and how great it is, with their windscreen wipers full blast and a tornado right next to their 4X4. I always thought those people were mad and here I was inside the eye of the storm itself (but not by choice). Lightning was striking from my front, my back and the side of the car. Suddenly all the other cars were behaving themselves, 2-second rule was observed and nobody tried to cut anyone up and they had their signals on. "One good thing about rain in Malaysia" I thought. The rain fell down like someone had just switched on the shower tap; it was terrential! I could barely see outside the windscreen and we were crawling our way in the rain at 10km/hr.

It made me think about life. We go through life and sometimes we will be trapped in a thunderstorm. You can't stop (cause the cars behind you will start beeping), you can't escape and all you have to do is to just wade yourself through it until the thunderstorm ends with a lot of Faith and Tawakkal in Allah.

It made me think about how close I am to Allah; to His Creation of something great and terribly powerful. Yet, who is more powerful? The lightning or the One who made the lightning. thunderstorms and lightning seems to be a daily occurence here at the moment but it never fails to make me feel awed by the magnificent power of God's Creation.

Now I truly feel like I'm living here...

To truly feel like you live somewhere is when you're working there. So, yesterday I was a tourist but today, I was truly a resident or what you call 'Bermastautin'. I have to say that the people here are very helpful and very generous with their effort and their time.

I am very fortunate Alhamdulillah to work in a fairly new Medical faculty. The people are enthusiastic and we have recently been relocated to our new high-tech Medical campus with a brand-new outpatients department next door. It is all new and exciting. On my first day, we have paper-work to sort out as usual and I was then taken around various sites to familiarise myself with the place and people.

I am so glad that I started work half way through the week. That means I have a gentle 2-day introduction to everything. There's so much information to absorb including all the different clinics to attend in various different locations but Alhamdulillah I'm glad that I'm quick at learning routes and of course thanks to googlemaps and the kindness of others to show me around.

Then, there's so much reading to do. I need to familiarize myself with KKM guidelines rather than DOH guidelines. Unlike law, Medicine is fairly standardise all over the world but there's always some subtle differences. I mean my colleague was giving a tutorial to students on 'sore throat' and although I've managed 100s possible 1000s of sore throats but teaching is slightly different from routine practical general practice. Teaching requires a lot of knowledge based facts whereas practical management requires more weighing up facts and making the best judgements. So, I had a lot to think about and personal reading to do. Besides, in the UK we are taught to broaden our thinking and exercise more lateral thinking but the focus is not so much on in-depth knowledge. However, I am no longer just a clinician but I am also an academician. So, this requires in-depth and lateral thinking...sort out what we call 'enlightened thinking'; to know things in detail but to make judgements based on the comprehensive study of reality, possibly not just on that subject but to be able to link it to other matters...like the patient's lifestyle, environment, work, family, home, school etc...

Then, I had an hour long session on computer training. The great thing about Msians is that they are very helpful. They really take time to sit down and teach you things and to make sure that you are comfortable with the system. After that session, I really felt like I knew the computer system inside out although I'm sure I'd still suffer from teething problems.

So, I spent the rest of the afternoon downloading and reading guidelines.

From where I started a few months ago, I never thought I would end up here and I am so grateful to Allah swt for His Mercy and Guidance. There were times when things got very hard, there were times I felt like giving up and going back to my comfort zone but it is always darkest before the dawn and after all that I went through, I truly believe that the weapon of the believer is patience and perseverence.

Allah swt says in Surah Baqarah:45 "And seek help in patience and salaah and truly it is extremely heavy (hard) except for the Khashiun (the true believers)."

May He make us one of the Khashiun.

The hardest time of my life ever....

I think I've touched on every aspect of my life here in Malaysia so far...but there's one part that I haven't talked about at all; looking for a job.

I must say of all the things I've had to do, go through and struggle past; the job thing is the hardest thing of all. The reason is because as humans, we are most worried about our Rizk, it is because from the money we make we get to buy food, find shelter, clothe ourselves and day-to-day living expenses. It is one of the biggest worries of our life.

Before I go on to 'applying for a medical job in Malaysia' which is all about boring official stuff again that will only be relevant to some people and not others. I just wanted to say...waiting for an offer and not knowing where that offer is going to come from, whether it is going to come or not and when you're going to start earning again was the hardest, MOST difficult test for me. It was in essence the make or break of this whole "hijrah". Without a job, I will have to go back to the UK and everything will be lost...all the wonderful things I've experienced here will be gone in just one day. It was so hard to think about that and I prayed and prayed that Allah will not take this away from me.

It would be okay if you had financial security for the next 20 years or more but when you only have financial security for a few months...with the hope that you'll be starting work soon...you get what I mean? Even if it is for six months...you still need to start working. There is no such thing as 'job-seeker's allowance' here or social security or benefit; everyone has to work. In some ways it is good because that is how it should be, people should work for their living especially for men - they have a responsibility to do so and will be sinful if they don't.

At the same time, there is no safety net. I have heard stories of working men sleeping at the bus-stop (not because they are drunk!) but because they haven't got the money to go home after work. They've been out of work for a while and managed to find a job and for a month, they were sleeping at the bus stop and having showers at the mosque so that they could go to work everyday and get their first pay check. I can't help imagining how strong and determined these people are compared to people who have it easy their whole lives...living off benefit and the hard work of others.

All of these stories inspired me and made me feel humble and small...I've been to several interviews and was waiting and waiting for an offer. My advice is no matter what job you apply to in the Medical field, government or private...the process from start to finish takes at least 3 months so, you must be prepared mentally and financially. For some, it may even take longer and for others that I've come across, they gave up hope and went back to the UK or go to another country. You need true patience and tawakkal or at least I needed to have that within myself. I've never prayed so much in my life SubhanAllah!

During that time I just couldn't concentrate on anything else except to pray, read Qur'an and watch some silly TV program to take my mind off things, yeah...like Doctor who or Buffy. (Okay, don't laugh) but the idea of Vampires and Aliens was somehow comforting. Anyway, if you at any point in your move to Malaysia experience this feeling...just keep putting your Trust in Allah. The Syaitan will whisper all sorts of things to you like "why is this happening to me?", "if my istiharah dreams were good, why is this happening?" doubt will creep in...and every single evil thoughts will be thrown at you...but you must keep your Faith and Trust in Allah. All I can think of is how weak I was and how I have no knowledge of what is in front of me. I didn't know what is going to happen a week from now, a month or a year from now...but Allah knows...so, I just talked and talked to Him and tried to find my strength in Him.

In the end, Allah will give us what is good for us and if something is not good for us, no matter how much we want it we must redha (accept) but sometimes, we have accepted whatever Allah has decided for us and we are completely satisfied with it and then Allah gives us the thing that we really want. Alhamdulillah. Whatever it is, it is all a test...

Doubt started creeping in....

10th December 2009; I've only been home for a few days. I am suffering from jet-lag. I have all these hopes and plans but right now I feel like rubbish. I've been awake since 1 am and it is now nearly midday and I feel like a complete zombie. I still can't go to sleep and I'm starting to have doubts.

Doubts or in Arabic "was,was” is a terrible thing; whisperings of Syaitan. This is only my second day back and I'm thinking to myself, “What have I done?”, “Why am I here?”, “Was this really a good idea?” I was afraid to tell anyone, afraid that people might say, “I told you so...” but the thought of going back to the UK felt even worse. Besides, I've got nothing left in the UK – I've sold everything and there was nothing to go back to. Going back to UK would be like starting all over again here; house, car etc...etc....

To me, this was a beginning of a lesson – lesson of Tawakkal; to put my trust in the One who knows everything; The One who has control over everything; over the Heavens and the Earth. It was more a test of Iman. I have made this decision based on the Mercy of Allah, His Guidance – I must have Trust. To me, this wasn't theoretical any more. This was not about the article that I wrote on Tawakkal many months ago. This wasn't the circle that I gave on Friday night. This was reality and this was practical. To step back, relax, open my heart, stop worrying and just trust that things will be okay. To take the practical steps of whatever it is that I needed to sort out, jobs, immigration, schooling, whatever...and just make dua to Allah for the best outcome.

I felt like I've never in my life understood what Tawakkal meant until now. I felt like a fraud giving those talks before. I really understood that we have no knowledge, no control over our future. I had no idea what life was in store for me; which job I would get, where my rizk would come from but I realised that the only One who knows is the Almighty. He knows the past, the present, the future. He has full knowledge of my worries and concerns and He knows what is in store for me; a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. When I was born and when I would die. I am at this moment in time and I can't see beyond this time and place but He is All-Knower, All Wise. My only source of comfort was Solah and Qur'an.

Uncertainty is a torture for a human being. I started to think about those people who are in prison, held without charged not knowing what life was in store for them; or asylum seekers waiting for decision, will they be deported or will they be able to start a new life. My situation was rather comfortable compared to theirs. I had my family around me, I had a comfortable home to live in, my kids were pretty healthy and happy...it was just a matter of sorting things out, getting stuff organised yet, uncertainty was still hard especially for me; someone who is so used to routines and organisation.


I seeked comfort in e-mailing my cousin in Singapore who relocated back from the US around a year ago. She gave me the best advice a person could. Certainly, the best advice is always one that comes from Iman and Taqwa. She acknowledged my worries and concerns and reminded me that is only natural but to remain strong in Tawakkal and never to doubt the decision of Allah. I can't thank her enough. May Allah reward her.

Life is a funny thing. Human beings are so easy at becoming distressed. Where do we find tranquility other than the knowledge that there is something much greater than us out there who is All-Powerful and able to control all things?

First impressions

I'm not going to say much about the plane journey as it felt such a long time ago. I think it is adequate to say that traveling with four children on an aeroplane for 13 hours is pretty challenging. Nevertheless we got there in one piece despite the screaming...yup! my two year old was pretty frustrated after a whole day of no sleep, the excitement of going to the airport and getting on the plane at midnight, being served dinner at 1am and he's finally had enough! He wants his sleep...so, he started screaming and kicking and rolling on the floor until after what felt like eternity, he collapsed into a deep coma. All the other passengers heaved a sigh of relief but unfortunately, another passenger's baby started to scream but it didn't bother me, I was just glad I wasn't alone. One down three to go. Alhamdulillah my two older ones were occupied by their movie set and fell asleep later whilst my little 3 and half year old too managed to go to sleep. It was smooth sailing thereafter until it was time to land; the turbulence made us all felt sick; we had our seatbelts on and I looked across to my son, who was pale green. He said, "Mommy, I feel sick" and before anyone could do anything, he threw up on the aisle. "I'm glad there is no plane journey back, I'm glad this is just one way." I thought to myself.

The first real difference I noticed as soon as I stepped out of the plane was the atmosphere. I'm not talking about the weather which was pretty obvious but it was the atmosphere of relaxation. People were busy rushing about to get to their destination but in a more relaxed manner. There wasn't the need or urge to push past people, as though one is more important than everyone else. I could observe my surrounding and appreciate the things that are happening around me. I'm not 'blinkered' by my own life, my own individuality, like I do not need to acknowledge the presence of others. Over here, it felt like they were a part of my life and I was a part of their lives, that we shared a common space.

I could appreciate a parent consoling her crying child or a group of tourist looking around admiring what they saw or families hugging one another after such long departures. It felt good to be a part of the world.

I guess the important thing is to realise that each society will have its own norms and cultures. There is always good and bad, pros and cons. I see good things here as well as bad things but it is never good to keep comparing. For e.g. queuing is a British culture but it is not so important to queue in Malaysia; it is important to know when is your turn and give the person before you their turn. or keeping in lane is an important driving skill in Britain but not so here; but there's not much road rage cause everyone is more concerned about getting to destination in one piece. Cars and motorbikes will cut you up from right and left but it doesn't matter, there is no ego or pride. The atmosphere is definitely more relaxed....