A dedication to those struggling in this path of adapting to change

This is dedicated to my friends who maybe going through the different stages of struggle in this relocation process…in dealing with changes to their environment, weather, people, mentality, culture, language and even accent, all of which can have a profound effect on a human being, mentally and emotionally. I’m no expert but in the last year and a half, I’ve struggled through this process in my life…it can only be described as embarking on an obstacle course involving mountain climbing, swimming across a turbulent ocean and getting lost and found in a jungle. 

The first few weeks I would describe it as ‘honeymoon’ period. Everything was new and exciting especially being surrounded by a loving and welcoming family. All my senses were accentuated, just looking at a banana tree at the back garden amazed me or seeing an eagle flying in the skies above…everything was simply amazing. The reasons why I left my life in London are still fresh in my mind and I was in a state of euphoria to have finally escaped into a different world. 

After a while, practicalities started to kick in and with practicalities come bureaucracy and problems. Applying for jobs, the children school, visa, moving house etc…etc… This is when reality hits! This is when I felt like I was climbing up a mountain and was never reaching the top. Everything was getting on top of me and I was tired, stressed and disillusioned by the system, the people’s mentality and the whole society. I started to compare the past and the present, pros and cons, good and bad and started to wonder, if life was really as bad as I thought it was. Was life in London worse than what I am facing today? Doubt started to creep in and of course, the whisperings of Syaitan is always so near and it amplified my feelings of regret, disappointment and fear. 

In my mind, I went through an internal struggle. Should I stay or should I go? I started doubting my own decisions and wonder if it would be easier to just pack up and leave, to continue life from where we left off? 

By that time, I have started working and my kids have started going to school. I was feeling pressured to assimilate into the general population, to adopt the culture of the people and to ‘blend’ into the new environment. However, I was finding myself resisting to the change, resisting to being ‘assimilated’. I didn’t want to be like everyone else just for the sake of it. I started to question myself, why do I need to fit in? Why do I need to conform to the rest of society? Do I even agree with the rest of society? I felt myself swimming in a vast ocean, being swept by currents and torrents as I struggle to maintain my head above water. 

I considered what others might think of me. I tried not to express too much dissatisfaction to them and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings or make them defensive. After all, this is my struggle not theirs.  At the same time, I was getting uncomfortable…people used to stare at us when we went out, they would look at my kids when they speak because of their British accent. It made me uncomfortable and that was a struggle too. A struggle to not be uncomfortable but to be accepted as being slightly different, that speaking in English does not make us bad Muslims for example and to retain a British accent does not equate to being cocky or pretentious. 

I started to recognize the same struggles in my children as they attempted to fit into a new schooling environment, a different learning culture, mentality and language. It made me feel guilty that I had dragged them half way round the world and for what purpose? I doubted whether I had made the right decision for them. I started to wonder that even if it wasn’t for my own sake, maybe we should move back for their sake. 

At this point in my relocation process, I needed to make a choice. I had to look back to the reasons that led me here. Why did I move? What did I want to achieve? What have I achieved so far? And what would I achieve if I went back? I needed to take a step back and observed my life objectively; from a bird’s eye view, as a spectator rather than the actor.  I looked at the pros and cons, the good and bad, comparing my ‘new’ life to the ‘old’ one. Keeping up with the news back in London helped me realize and remember the problems that led me here. It also helped me to realize that the life I left behind had also moved on…going back will not be as easy as returning from a holiday. It would again be another re-location for me and my family. I started to look around me again and appreciated the things I have, the people I’ve gotten to know and the little things in life that makes me happy. When we first moved here, I told my kids that “it doesn’t matter where we are as long as we have each other. We could be in the Sahara desert and we can still be happy because we are together, as long as we have Allah SWT.” I still believe in that.

I needed to make an informed and pro-active decision if I wished to adopt completely the culture of my new home, such as the concept of ‘live with the Romans, act as the Romans’ or if I wanted to hold on to my own identity and potentially influencing others to understand my viewpoints as well as to change some of my deficiencies and adopting good aspects from my new environment. 

I am so fortunate Alhamdulillah that I have such a strong network of support from my family and have made great new friends as well as holding on to good old friends.

I have come to the stage where I have found my place within this society. I have so far managed to retain some aspects of myself from my previous home as well as adapt and incorporate some of the positive aspects of this new culture. It is still a struggle for me and from time to time I still get that occasional spat of spontaneous idea to pack up and leave but that thought is getting far less in between. I call this current stage…the stage of acceptance and adaptation. 

The journey is not over yet but for the benefit of my friends who are struggling with me (you know who you are), I believe perseverance is the key…

Surah Al Baqarah: 153 “O you who believe, seek help through perseverance and Salat; for Allah is with the persevering ones.”