Influences: My so-called life

This was a TV-series created in 1994; at the time I was in the UK studying A-levels. It was about a high school girl, Angela Chase and just typical high school issues, having a crush, but what intrigued me about the TV series, was the vocalization of her thoughts and I thought that was really well done. Growing up, I had this voice in my head that was just talking all the time, most of the time philosophizing, trying to make sense of everything and coming up with theories on just about anything. So, watching Angela Chase and listening to her thoughts was very refreshing. In other words, it is normal. People actually do that. I am not weird.

One of my favorite scenes was this one. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIbGGwx5CS0

This was the first time I heard this great song. 

Anyway, Angela had a big crush on Jordan; and even though she was so in love with him but she had her principles and she stood for what she believed in. She didn't succumbed to pressure. She was thoughtful, intuitive. She looked quiet but when she spoke, it was really profound. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be observant and thoughtful and introspective. I wanted to have my own principles, to stand up for what I believed in.

When it came to Brian, the neighbor who had a crush on her, she does come across as self-centered and self-absorbed and I supposed, she was oblivious to his feelings; I think that is very typical of an ordinary teenage girl. Girls are selfish; unless they have been 'brainwashed' by a patriarchal society, and trained to be submissive and to constantly 'give', with no spunk or thoughts of their own. I told my husband that girls are meant to be self-centered, it is a form of self-protection. You want girls to first learn to love themselves, to look after themselves, to have self-worth and that tinge of self-centered and selfishness will get them far in life. To be self-centered, is to be in complete control of yourself, without trying to control anyone else. You can't control anyone, you can't expect anything from anyone but at the same time, no one should expect anything from you. You can't give expecting to get something in return. That would be insincere. You can't give love, and then expect to receive love. That is why being self-centered is important for girls because being self-centered means, you are not even thinking about anyone else, you are only thinking about yourself, and learning about yourself, and getting to know yourself, and picking out the things you love about you and the things you hate, about you. You grow within yourself, to be the person that you want to be. If you have a daughter, let her be a little bit self-centered; as long as she loves her siblings (if she has any) or has one best friend that she would protect to the ends of the earth, then she is fine. 

Girls who are self-reflective, will have better awareness of their own needs, and wants, and their own feelings. It is important for girls to chase their dreams whether it is their career, or studies, or interests and hobbies. That was exactly what Angela Chase did. She had so much in her mind, she thought about stuff all the time, and her beliefs, she wanted to help people, like the episode with the angel when she was looking out for her friend Ricky. She was really loyal to her friends, More importantly, she loved herself, and her principles more than she loved the guy of her dreams. Eventually, that made Jordan fell in love with her. 

The natural process of emotional growth for girls is that the maternal instinct comes later, when they have children and that is when they will sacrifice, protect and unconditionally love their children. For a woman, their real love is for their kids. The kind of love that you would do anything and expect nothing in return. That is a mother's love. Sometimes this love is tainted by cultural obligations like the expectation that the child has to somehow 'repay' the mother, To me, that takes the pureness and sincerity away. 

I think as a young girl, I was pretty self-centered. I had my beliefs, my principles, I wanted things for myself. I wasn't too bothered about what the guys wanted. My studies were the most important thing to me and later on, my career and my achievements. I had to readjust everything when I had my first child. Suddenly, it was no more about me. It was all about the kid, and that mind shift just happened naturally. I don't think I even thought about it, or had to convince myself. It just happened. 

My so-called life was just one season. They couldn't continue because, some said the network didn't want to invest on a second season and on top of that, the hectic schedule proved too much for the young actresses and actors, especially Claire Danes, who decided she couldn't commit for the second season (according to what was written in Wikipedia), who knows what is the truth. Anyway, to me, it was a classic and it had all the important teenage growing up issues from relationship with parents, siblings, friends, love, betrayal. It dealt with difficult topics such as runaways, pimples, parental affairs, crushes. In every episode there was always something to think about. If you have teenage daughters, get them to watch 'My so-called life'. There are no cell phones, no internet, no social media, just the old fashion real life interactions and conversations. 

When boys grow up thinking all women will sacrifice for them like their moms. Well...think again.

Hey there, how are you? It has been around 3 months since the lock down due to the Covid-19 pandemic started and even though we are in 'conditional' movement control order now (cMCO) but everyone is still pretty much vigorous in social distancing and taking necessary precautions. Although over here, the numbers are coming down but you can never too careful. So, good to see that the majority of people are using their common sense. 

Anyway, I am not going to talk about Covid-19 even though it is a big part of our life and dictating our social and global economy but on a lighter note, I want to talk about a little thing that happened today at the dinner table that sort of, enlightened me about men. Well, my son who is now almost 18 and he keeps taking MY stuff from the fridge and eating them or drinking them. It is like, I love iced mocha and that is my daily reward. After a long day of work, I will sit down and have my iced mocha or sometimes, just a small bottle of Pepsi. We try not to have carbonated drinks so it is a treat. Then this son of mine, he takes my 'treat' and finishes it. You may think it is no big deal, but a woman will buy something nice and keep it for a significant occasion. It doesn't mean we do not want it or have forgotten about it. We are saving it for a special moment that we feel is deserving of it. When I buy that self-treat, I have this entire imagination of relaxing and having it whilst watching some stupid TV drama on Netflix. So, when the moment comes, and I open the fridge and it is gone, the entire imagination shatters and I am left with disappointment and ANGER. 

Well, my husband used to do that and for many years I got mad at him and eventually, he stopped doing it. Now, my son is doing it and it dawned upon me. I bet at some point growing up, my husband must have done it to his mother and as moms, we sacrifice everything for our children without question. Yes, that is what moms do. Sometimes, we would rather our kids are happy or have a treat rather than ourselves. So, most of the time when my son asked for the iced mocha, I would just say, 'sure, go ahead, take it'. Mothers, we just give everything to our kids without wanting anything in return. So, eventually these boys turn to men and they are conditioned to believe they can take advantage of all women, including their wives. Yup, maybe it is a long shot but think about it. When boys grow up believing that the first woman they ever knew and loved would sacrifice everything for them, and would provide everything and do everything for them, they actually think all women will treat them in that way. 

Well, here's news boys! Moms are moms, the only person in the world that is going to do all that for you is your mother (that is if you are lucky to have a mother who gives you unconditional love), but reality check, no other woman would do that, definitely not your wife or girlfriend. Mothers sacrifice everything for their kids (boys or girls) because their baby is like an extension of themselves, after all, the baby came out of their womb. For me anyway, I feel like my babies are a part of me but I don't feel that way about anyone else and definitely, do not feel I need to sacrifice for any man. 

On the contrary, women want men who are considerate, understanding and would sacrifice for them instead, not the other way around. So, a simple lesson for everyone, for moms out there, break the cycle, if you want to do everything for your son or sacrifice for your son, or if you think like your son is the best in the world (I know I do) then, have some realization, he is not God's gift to everyone, just to you. For men out there, only your mom will do everything for you, and fuss on you and sacrifice everything for you, no other women will so, if you feel suffocated well, good news! you only have ONE mom, and if you actually enjoy it, BAD NEWS, you only have ONE mom. No other women will fuss over you. 

So, I put my foot down and today, at the dinner table with my husband by my side, when my son asked to have my Pepsi, I told him, he can only have a sip and do not finish it. I said, "I bet this is what happens to every guy, they treat their moms this way and then, they think they can do the same to their wives. Well, your wife is not your mother. So, I am going to teach you a lesson boy, for the sake of your future wife, you cannot take someone else's drink or food or whatever it is, and finish it. That is rude and inconsiderate." and I looked at my husband, I think they both got the message.