Work-life balance: what rubbish!

Have you ever heard of the term 'work-life balance'. It is an idea being sold to women all over the world especially in the West. It has become an aspiration of many women to achieve this state of balance between their working life and family life.

For a long time, I too was enchanted by this notion. Sometimes, I even believed that I have somehow achieved this work-life balance until something happens out of the blue as life always does, that tips this balance to one end of the scale or the other and I found that I was back to square one. The state of constant struggle to achieve a state of perfection.

Today, it suddenly struck me that there is no such thing as work-life balance. this whole idea was a scam, a bull**** to make women feel even more inadequate, encouraging women to chase after a rainbow. I realised this when I was told that I might have to attend another function this weekend and I'm doing a voluntary session the Sunday afterwards. In my mind...this question of 'am I achieving work-life balance' arise...but then it struck me, there is no such thing.

Today I realised that there is just life...and life is about work, about family, about friends, about grocery shopping, about going on holiday, about missing datelines, about rushing off from work to pick up your child's report card from school, about ringing home every hour to make sure that your child's fever is still under control. Life is about everything that a person has to do, has to fulfil their responsibility in whatever position they are in, in whatever circumstances that Allah has put them in.

I get totally fed-up when I come across people or articles talking about how Islam does not oblige women to work. Of course I know that but sometimes, the idea is sold as though under the Islamic state, all women stay at home and become 'ladies of leisure'. If that was the case then, why did Fatima r.a. daughter of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) had to work grinding flour until her hands were sore. Didn't she complained to her husband about it and he too complained that he had to work carrying water until his back hurts. Didn't they go to the Prophet (saw) asking him for a servant to help them and he refused them? Did he say to his beloved daughter "Oh my daughter, women do not have to work. That is the man's responsibility?" No! he never said that.

So, get over it. Khilafah or not, some women have to work.

The problem is not working women but the Capitalist secular system that puts unnecessary expectations on women to be super moms! Has anyone even define what this super mom is supposed to be or what she is supposed to achieve within her short life?

With the correct system, women who wants to work can work and women who have to work are left alone to get on with what they have to do. Believe me, they will do it well. They will be great mothers, great workers, great contributors to society. Just let them do what they have to do and don't put silly unattainable expectations on them.

Remembering UK...

Our mind is powerful and it controls us, our thoughts, behaviour and it shapes the way we view the world and feel towards things.

We are almost settled here in Malaysia but a part of me just can't let go of UK. A part of me has doubt, has fear of letting go. It is like getting rid of a security blanket. I don't know why.

For 17 years, that was the only life I knew. My friends, my home, the place my children were born and brought up, lovely memories of working in the hospital, great colleagues and good friends. We are our experiences and memories, the people we meet along the way and share our lives, our thoughts and feelings with. UK made me the person I am today and Malaysia was my childhood. there are a lot of things that I can list down (and I think I have already) regarding my annoyance and frustration with the UK but still...It was in the UK that I found Islam (ironically), it was in the UK that I understood what Islam was, real Islam, true Islam NOT the Western secular Islam the British government and their puppet 'shaikhs' are trying to sell the Ummah.

It was in the UK that I learned great Medicine and met great Doctors, good colleagues who were professional, conscientious, brave and caring. I can name a few people who really gave me encouragement, to believe in myself and to have faith and confidence in my own abilities.

Now, I am here in Malaysia and I can see the bigger picture... I understand it now, things I never understood before. Concepts that were once simply in my mind are now in my daily life, a reality.

I understand what is life and death. The Prophet (saw) says "Be in this world like a stranger or a traveler" or he said, "if you knew what I knew, you would not be too concerned about this world." What does it mean? It means this world is a box and we are in the box, but if you had a glimpse of what was beyond that box, you wouldn't be too concerned about the luxuries and comforts that you have in that box. Umar ibn Abdul Aziz wrote "Whoever is frequent in remembering death, is content with a little of this life."

Yet, some things I still can't bear to face up to...like the possibility of losing my loved ones, my parents. I know things will happen no matter how I feel or whether I can deal with it or not but some things are just too difficult to even imagine. In this life, we have attachments...and those things are not wealth, not houses or cars or money or richness but rather they are the people whom we love, our family, our friends, our children and fond memories.

I think the more I'm writing the more I am making less sense...I think what I'm trying to say is that...in my mind; I am not settled in Malaysia even though in reality I am. In my mind I still have ties to the UK...my memories. A tiny part of me sometimes says..."it has been great! it has been incredible! but I want to go back home now. I want to go back to UK."

Don't worry, it is just a tiny voice and as time goes on...the voice is getting softer and softer...but it is still a small voice inside my mind, or maybe my heart. I just want anyone who reads this to know that to feel like that is normal and it doesn't mean that things are not okay.

Our visit to Cherating, Pahang

We left home at 8.30am for a leisurely drive towards Kuantan. The journey there was absolutely breath-taking. It was one of the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. It was simply greenery, mountains, clouds as far as the eye can see. I mean everywhere in the world there's the beauty of God's creations. When I was in UK, I appreciated the four seasons. I don't think there is any reason for us to be proud of our 'country' as such because it doesn't belong to us, it is not our handiwork for us to be 'proud' of rather, it is all God's handiwork.

The wonder of Pahang is that it is unadulterated. It was just natural and pure as far as you can see. Apart from the highway which was man-made, there were no buildings, no concrete...it was just pure beauty.

We reached Cherating at around 1pm after a long leisurely drive and the kids fighting and screaming in the back. We checked in at our chalet and straight away went to the beach. The children were so excited as they have not seen a sandy beach in their lives. They have been to Deal, Kent many times to visit Grandpa and Jenny and they have enjoyed the stony beach there, throwing stone into the sea but this was a completely new adventure, a completely new level.

I am not criticizing God's creation over another but believe me, this beach was at another level; even compared to any beach you can find at the West coast of Malaysia. I know that there are other more beautiful beaches in the world or even in East coast Malaysia e.g. Pulau Perhentian, Pulau Kapas or Pulau Tioman...but Cherating was at a higher level. It is like comparing Long grain rice to Basmati Rice.

For three days we spent morning and evening at the beach; only leaving the beach at around 11.30 when the sun is up (most dangerous UV light) and returning to the beach when the sun is less intense at around 4.30pm. We spent our time at two different locations, one bay where the children could swim as far as they wanted without being worried of being swept away; it was like a natural swimming pool. The water was see-through and waist deep for a long way. The other beach was an open beach...there the children enjoyed the waves.

On the third day, we spent the morning at the beach after a nice early breakfast. There were restaurants all along the main village road...and Cafe 619 makes the best roti canai, nasi lemak at a very reasonable price. We checked out from the Chalet at 12 noon and made our way to Kuantan Town. We stopped at the town to have lunch at KFC...yes, we were missing fast-food. Then, we made our wonderful scenic journey home.

If you ever come to visit Malaysia...you must visit the beach in East Coast of Malaysia; it is best to visit between March - October before the monsoon season.