Remembering UK...

Our mind is powerful and it controls us, our thoughts, behaviour and it shapes the way we view the world and feel towards things.

We are almost settled here in Malaysia but a part of me just can't let go of UK. A part of me has doubt, has fear of letting go. It is like getting rid of a security blanket. I don't know why.

For 17 years, that was the only life I knew. My friends, my home, the place my children were born and brought up, lovely memories of working in the hospital, great colleagues and good friends. We are our experiences and memories, the people we meet along the way and share our lives, our thoughts and feelings with. UK made me the person I am today and Malaysia was my childhood. there are a lot of things that I can list down (and I think I have already) regarding my annoyance and frustration with the UK but still...It was in the UK that I found Islam (ironically), it was in the UK that I understood what Islam was, real Islam, true Islam NOT the Western secular Islam the British government and their puppet 'shaikhs' are trying to sell the Ummah.

It was in the UK that I learned great Medicine and met great Doctors, good colleagues who were professional, conscientious, brave and caring. I can name a few people who really gave me encouragement, to believe in myself and to have faith and confidence in my own abilities.

Now, I am here in Malaysia and I can see the bigger picture... I understand it now, things I never understood before. Concepts that were once simply in my mind are now in my daily life, a reality.

I understand what is life and death. The Prophet (saw) says "Be in this world like a stranger or a traveler" or he said, "if you knew what I knew, you would not be too concerned about this world." What does it mean? It means this world is a box and we are in the box, but if you had a glimpse of what was beyond that box, you wouldn't be too concerned about the luxuries and comforts that you have in that box. Umar ibn Abdul Aziz wrote "Whoever is frequent in remembering death, is content with a little of this life."

Yet, some things I still can't bear to face up to...like the possibility of losing my loved ones, my parents. I know things will happen no matter how I feel or whether I can deal with it or not but some things are just too difficult to even imagine. In this life, we have attachments...and those things are not wealth, not houses or cars or money or richness but rather they are the people whom we love, our family, our friends, our children and fond memories.

I think the more I'm writing the more I am making less sense...I think what I'm trying to say is that...in my mind; I am not settled in Malaysia even though in reality I am. In my mind I still have ties to the UK...my memories. A tiny part of me sometimes says..."it has been great! it has been incredible! but I want to go back home now. I want to go back to UK."

Don't worry, it is just a tiny voice and as time goes on...the voice is getting softer and softer...but it is still a small voice inside my mind, or maybe my heart. I just want anyone who reads this to know that to feel like that is normal and it doesn't mean that things are not okay.