Influences: Labyrinth (the movie) - about goals and friendship

I watched this movie 'Labyrinth' when I was around 12-years old.

I remembered thinking how beautiful Jennifer Connelly was. She was so young then. She played the character Sarah. To me, she was just a typical spoilt girl who created this fantasy world for herself. The first scene was her, dressing up as a princess and reciting a script from a book. She was not happy that she had to look after her baby brother. Whilst baby sitting, as part of the script from the book, she called on the Goblin King to take her brother away and that's exactly what the Goblin King did.

The rest of the movie was about her trying to get her baby brother back. It was a self-discovery and character building. She had to sacrifice her comforts and go through dangers in order to save him.

The introduction

The Goblin King was of course, in love with her but as a 16 year old girl, she was not interested in him and was only focused on getting her baby brother back. He tried to enchant her with his 'magical' powers and to make her forget; watching this next scene (the ballroom) when I was 12 years old, I did wander like 'how the hell is she going to forget her baby brother, just because the Goblin King put her in a bubble, and got her all dressed up as a princess' but I supposed it was a metaphor because she was in a 'bubble', completely oblivious to everything else that was happening around her. 

I really like the way that she was just unfazed by him. I believed that is how women should be. That we should focus on whatever our mind is set upon, and not to be enticed by anyone or anything. 

The ball 'As the World Falls Down'

Along the way, she made friends. She met Hoggle, Ludo and Sir Didymus who helped her overcome the Goblin King. 

This movie influenced me in two ways: 

1. To focus on whatever I put my mind into and not be distracted by other things. In my case, it was my studies. 

2. Friendship is more important than romance. I think that was the main reason why my husband and I finally got together after years of being apart. We got married after we were both single again and more than anything, it was because we were friends. 

When you are friends with someone, you never pretend to be anything else. All your reactions, your speech, your ideas are exactly who you are. My husband and I, we used to spend time together when we were young because we enjoyed each other's company. The things I loved and admired about him are still the same things I love and admire about him now, and the things that annoys me about him now, are still the same things that used to annoy me when we were young. We don't need to change, just because we got married. We evolve and be better because we want to stay together and marriage requires a lot of understanding and compromise. When you are 'seeing' someone, forget about romance. Just get to know that person. If they have annoying habits or character, it is never going away; find the things that make you admire them. If you can't find any, get out of the relationship. 

To me, being friends is about hanging out, sharing thoughts and ideas, expressing what crazy things that is in your mind, learning new things from one another and sometimes, just being in the same room without having to say or do anything, it is just that comfortable silence. Then, you know you can be with that person for the rest of your life because their presence is good enough. Sometimes when they are not there, it is like the light has disappeared. I used to feel like even though I was surrounded by so many people but, I felt something was missing and as soon as he appeared, it is like the he brought an entire crowd with him, even if he was alone. 

The final scene was her defeating the Goblin King. In this scene, she recited the words that would destroy him. To me, this is when she grew up because she put her brother before herself, she went through all the obstacles in order to get him back and she was finally successful in achieving what she had set her mind to do. This movie inspired me to be focus on the things that I wanted to achieve in my life, to be unfazed by anything or anyone who wanted to distract me from my goals. 

Influences: Faith No More (Mike Patton)

The first heavy metal band I listened to was actually Metallica. My friend, Syed Izul (who is now my husband), we used to hang-out at Subang Parade in 1992, whilst waiting for my SPM results. He took me to the music shop once, and got the guy to put on Metallica's 'Master of Puppets'. I listened to it until the end on the headphones. As I said in my blog post 'Influences: Classical Music', I had classical background, so to me it wasn't something totally new. The way I heard it, Metallica was technical and the rifts were similar to parts in classical. So, it felt familiar to me.

Then another friend of mine, One Z introduced me to Faith No More. When I listened to Mike Patton, I was blown away by his voice. He just had the most versatile voice. He also had an incredible character. You can say, he was eccentric. In some ways, he reminded me of my husband. Mike Patton was just a really interesting guy and really smart. What I liked about Mike Patton was he did not believe in the 'rock and roll' lifestyle. He was just interested in making music.

Falling to Pieces (Official Music Video)

This song 'falling to pieces' was one of my favorite songs of all times; and it represented me during my late teens and early 20s. I was sort of 'falling to pieces' and having issues within myself. I never really had issues with other people, but I was having deep turbulence. People used to say I looked pretty calm, but deep inside was a whirlpool that could have sucked everything that came its way. No one could help me, I needed to sort myself out. Listening to Mike Patton and his 'craziness' made me feel I wasn't alone. 

And who would have thought this guy (up there) would be singing opera? He was acknowledged as probably the best vocals of all time. It is said that he voice range is six octaves, with half notes. That is amazing. I am no vocals expert but hey, that is impressive. 

I really like this next interview of Mike Patton. He talks about the vocals as another instrument, which is completely true (if you think about it). Also, I feel I can really relate to the things he said. Being 40+ I feel like I am now calm and that I have achieved everything I set to achieve in life, Alhamdulillah. I am happy where I am (within myself). 

I think when you're young, you are full of energy and there is this beast that just wants to burst out of you. Everything just felt so close, and within reach and you just want to grab everything. Rock and Metal music fulfils that kind of beasty animal that wants to destroy everything. However, as you get older, things gradually move further away and you start to see from a perspective. You start to understand more things, you don't feel like you need to get everything now. That beast is tamed and perhaps even wise, and insightful, like the dragon in Merlin. 

When you are young, you are constantly looking forwards. Everything is about what you want to achieve, 'I want, I want, I want' but as you get older, you start looking backwards and reflect on all the things you had, the things you achieved. When I look back, I feel grateful for everything I ever did in my life, the good and even the bad, because I learned a lot from past mistakes. Most of all, I am glad I did those things when I was young. It would have been tragic to have a midlife crisis and to start jumping up and down, head-banging at 40 years old. Anyway, this is Mike Patton, at 44 years old. 

Influences: Depeche Mode

I think the first ever Depeche Mode song I listened to was 'Everything Counts' from 'Construction Time Again' album 1983. I used to sneak into my brother's room and took his cassette tapes and listen to them. He had some cool British music and I just fell in love with Depeche Mode.

I was already playing the piano and when I listened to these artists making all sorts of incredible sounds using the keyboard, I was amazed. I wanted to make those same sounds but I had no clue how to. Every time I listened to DM, I tried to isolate just one sound and then, another sound and another. There were so many blends of sounds from one instrument, and the keyboard had its own melody, independent of the vocals. I just couldn't understand how they could produce something like that, or write music like that. It was intriguing and a mystery.

From there, I listened to more songs like Shake the Disease, People are People, and I just couldn't get enough of them. In Malaysia, we didn't get a lot of British exposure. On terrestrial TV, it was mostly US influence, there was Solid Gold but no Top of the Pops. I used to listen to BBC World Service just to get a glimpse of British New Wave. When I was old enough to have my own pocket money and able to buy things, I bought every single Depeche Mode Album there was in the music shop. I got 'Black Celebration' (1986), 'Music for the Masses' (1988) and 'Violator' (1991) which was their latest album at the time. I also bought their 'Singles 81 - 85'.

You know, even if you listen to every single possible genre in the world, there is always one genre that just represents you. It is like, it represents your soul, and New Wave does that to me. No matter what I listen to, whether it is Rock, Metal, Blues, Rap, Soul, Pop or Country music; it never quite 'get me' the way New Wave does. When I put on 'Depeche Mode' it just feels like I am at home, almost like it beats the same as my heart.

Some people say DM songs are pretty dark, almost depressive. I don't feel so. Listening to it, doesn't make me depressed. To me, it is mysterious with many layers. Every time I listen to the same song, there is always another layer, another perspective. I feel like the music is rich with tiny sounds and it is captivating. Sometimes, you need to really concentrate on those little noises. The lyrics too are intelligent. Another attribute of the band that attracted me were the many difficult issues addressed within the lyrics such as 'Get the balance right' and 'Walking in my shoes'. I get bored of love songs, I mean it is okay if it is a love theme from a movie, but Pop songs are all about boy meets girl, and girl meets boy, falling in love, falling out of love. I wanted more from lyrics. I wanted songs that meant something, that talks about life or failure of the system, without just using a lot of swear words. I wanted intelligent lyrics.

Shake the Disease (Live 1988)

Influences: Classical Music

My life has been pretty musical. Growing up, my mom used to sing every morning in the kitchen whilst making breakfast. Thinking about it, it did felt like I was living in Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, without the Dwarfs (of course). She had an amazing voice and would just burst into a song, while she was cutting onions. She was a hard core Elvis fan, (hence, I knew most of the Elvis's songs) until she met Al-Arqam and started listening to all their Nasyids instead. Then, I was introduced to Nadamurni and the Zikr.

When I was in my teens, I was introduced to Heavy Metal and Blues; and the Subang boys used to get amazed by how I would listen to Faith No More, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Sepultura and that genre of music. Not sure why though, perhaps because most girls at the time was into RnB and Soul music. I guess what they didn't know was before Metal, my first experience was Classical Music. 

My father loved Classical music. It was probably the only music he ever listened to, apart from Andy Williams. He had this collections of Vinyl records, of Mozart, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Vivaldi and much more. Therefore, from as far back as I can remember, Classical music was always there imprinted in my brain cells. My father was a workaholic and he hardly ever bought anything for himself except for a turntable. When he was seconded to IIUM, he hardly had time to listen to those records anymore. So, I was the one who made full use of it and would listen to all of it. When I showed interest in playing the piano, he promised he would buy me one after he returned from Hajj. At the time, I was around 7 years old. As promised, he bought me a piano after he returned and I started playing classical music instead of just listening to them. Sometimes, he would lie down on the sofa while I was practicing. Perhaps, entertained by my classical music playing. 

Then, in the early 1980s, my brother introduced me to New Wave and I fell in love with Depeche Mode and in the 1990s, I was introduced to Heavy Metal. I suppose, to me it was just another genre. I still love Classical music to this day and share this passion with my own kids. 

To me, music opens up the mind because you are not confined to one particular genre. There are so many possibilities. You can improvise, you can mix different songs together. The same piece of music can be played in so many different ways, it can be allegro or adagio; it can be different genre such as Johnny Cash's country version of Depeche's Mode Personal Jesus. 

Classical music is pretty technical. You need to play the right notes, there is the fingering, the tempo, the dynamics and everything has to be perfect. It has shaped me into the person I am today. Nowadays, I have sort of turned out a workaholic (like my dad) and hardly have time to practice the piano but I still do play sometimes, and encourage my daughter to play. Sometimes, we play together or I play, and she sings. 

Here are some of my favorites: 

Vivaldi - Storm 

Rachmoninoff's theme from Paganini in A minor Op.43 - in the movie 'Somewhere in Time' 

Influences: My so-called life

This was a TV-series created in 1994; at the time I was in the UK studying A-levels. It was about a high school girl, Angela Chase and just typical high school issues, having a crush, but what intrigued me about the TV series, was the vocalization of her thoughts and I thought that was really well done. Growing up, I had this voice in my head that was just talking all the time, most of the time philosophizing, trying to make sense of everything and coming up with theories on just about anything. So, watching Angela Chase and listening to her thoughts was very refreshing. In other words, it is normal. People actually do that. I am not weird.

One of my favorite scenes was this one. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIbGGwx5CS0

This was the first time I heard this great song. 

Anyway, Angela had a big crush on Jordan; and even though she was so in love with him but she had her principles and she stood for what she believed in. She didn't succumbed to pressure. She was thoughtful, intuitive. She looked quiet but when she spoke, it was really profound. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be observant and thoughtful and introspective. I wanted to have my own principles, to stand up for what I believed in.

When it came to Brian, the neighbor who had a crush on her, she does come across as self-centered and self-absorbed and I supposed, she was oblivious to his feelings; I think that is very typical of an ordinary teenage girl. Girls are selfish; unless they have been 'brainwashed' by a patriarchal society, and trained to be submissive and to constantly 'give', with no spunk or thoughts of their own. I told my husband that girls are meant to be self-centered, it is a form of self-protection. You want girls to first learn to love themselves, to look after themselves, to have self-worth and that tinge of self-centered and selfishness will get them far in life. To be self-centered, is to be in complete control of yourself, without trying to control anyone else. You can't control anyone, you can't expect anything from anyone but at the same time, no one should expect anything from you. You can't give expecting to get something in return. That would be insincere. You can't give love, and then expect to receive love. That is why being self-centered is important for girls because being self-centered means, you are not even thinking about anyone else, you are only thinking about yourself, and learning about yourself, and getting to know yourself, and picking out the things you love about you and the things you hate, about you. You grow within yourself, to be the person that you want to be. If you have a daughter, let her be a little bit self-centered; as long as she loves her siblings (if she has any) or has one best friend that she would protect to the ends of the earth, then she is fine. 

Girls who are self-reflective, will have better awareness of their own needs, and wants, and their own feelings. It is important for girls to chase their dreams whether it is their career, or studies, or interests and hobbies. That was exactly what Angela Chase did. She had so much in her mind, she thought about stuff all the time, and her beliefs, she wanted to help people, like the episode with the angel when she was looking out for her friend Ricky. She was really loyal to her friends, More importantly, she loved herself, and her principles more than she loved the guy of her dreams. Eventually, that made Jordan fell in love with her. 

The natural process of emotional growth for girls is that the maternal instinct comes later, when they have children and that is when they will sacrifice, protect and unconditionally love their children. For a woman, their real love is for their kids. The kind of love that you would do anything and expect nothing in return. That is a mother's love. Sometimes this love is tainted by cultural obligations like the expectation that the child has to somehow 'repay' the mother, To me, that takes the pureness and sincerity away. 

I think as a young girl, I was pretty self-centered. I had my beliefs, my principles, I wanted things for myself. I wasn't too bothered about what the guys wanted. My studies were the most important thing to me and later on, my career and my achievements. I had to readjust everything when I had my first child. Suddenly, it was no more about me. It was all about the kid, and that mind shift just happened naturally. I don't think I even thought about it, or had to convince myself. It just happened. 

My so-called life was just one season. They couldn't continue because, some said the network didn't want to invest on a second season and on top of that, the hectic schedule proved too much for the young actresses and actors, especially Claire Danes, who decided she couldn't commit for the second season (according to what was written in Wikipedia), who knows what is the truth. Anyway, to me, it was a classic and it had all the important teenage growing up issues from relationship with parents, siblings, friends, love, betrayal. It dealt with difficult topics such as runaways, pimples, parental affairs, crushes. In every episode there was always something to think about. If you have teenage daughters, get them to watch 'My so-called life'. There are no cell phones, no internet, no social media, just the old fashion real life interactions and conversations. 

When boys grow up thinking all women will sacrifice for them like their moms. Well...think again.

Hey there, how are you? It has been around 3 months since the lock down due to the Covid-19 pandemic started and even though we are in 'conditional' movement control order now (cMCO) but everyone is still pretty much vigorous in social distancing and taking necessary precautions. Although over here, the numbers are coming down but you can never too careful. So, good to see that the majority of people are using their common sense. 

Anyway, I am not going to talk about Covid-19 even though it is a big part of our life and dictating our social and global economy but on a lighter note, I want to talk about a little thing that happened today at the dinner table that sort of, enlightened me about men. Well, my son who is now almost 18 and he keeps taking MY stuff from the fridge and eating them or drinking them. It is like, I love iced mocha and that is my daily reward. After a long day of work, I will sit down and have my iced mocha or sometimes, just a small bottle of Pepsi. We try not to have carbonated drinks so it is a treat. Then this son of mine, he takes my 'treat' and finishes it. You may think it is no big deal, but a woman will buy something nice and keep it for a significant occasion. It doesn't mean we do not want it or have forgotten about it. We are saving it for a special moment that we feel is deserving of it. When I buy that self-treat, I have this entire imagination of relaxing and having it whilst watching some stupid TV drama on Netflix. So, when the moment comes, and I open the fridge and it is gone, the entire imagination shatters and I am left with disappointment and ANGER. 

Well, my husband used to do that and for many years I got mad at him and eventually, he stopped doing it. Now, my son is doing it and it dawned upon me. I bet at some point growing up, my husband must have done it to his mother and as moms, we sacrifice everything for our children without question. Yes, that is what moms do. Sometimes, we would rather our kids are happy or have a treat rather than ourselves. So, most of the time when my son asked for the iced mocha, I would just say, 'sure, go ahead, take it'. Mothers, we just give everything to our kids without wanting anything in return. So, eventually these boys turn to men and they are conditioned to believe they can take advantage of all women, including their wives. Yup, maybe it is a long shot but think about it. When boys grow up believing that the first woman they ever knew and loved would sacrifice everything for them, and would provide everything and do everything for them, they actually think all women will treat them in that way. 

Well, here's news boys! Moms are moms, the only person in the world that is going to do all that for you is your mother (that is if you are lucky to have a mother who gives you unconditional love), but reality check, no other woman would do that, definitely not your wife or girlfriend. Mothers sacrifice everything for their kids (boys or girls) because their baby is like an extension of themselves, after all, the baby came out of their womb. For me anyway, I feel like my babies are a part of me but I don't feel that way about anyone else and definitely, do not feel I need to sacrifice for any man. 

On the contrary, women want men who are considerate, understanding and would sacrifice for them instead, not the other way around. So, a simple lesson for everyone, for moms out there, break the cycle, if you want to do everything for your son or sacrifice for your son, or if you think like your son is the best in the world (I know I do) then, have some realization, he is not God's gift to everyone, just to you. For men out there, only your mom will do everything for you, and fuss on you and sacrifice everything for you, no other women will so, if you feel suffocated well, good news! you only have ONE mom, and if you actually enjoy it, BAD NEWS, you only have ONE mom. No other women will fuss over you. 

So, I put my foot down and today, at the dinner table with my husband by my side, when my son asked to have my Pepsi, I told him, he can only have a sip and do not finish it. I said, "I bet this is what happens to every guy, they treat their moms this way and then, they think they can do the same to their wives. Well, your wife is not your mother. So, I am going to teach you a lesson boy, for the sake of your future wife, you cannot take someone else's drink or food or whatever it is, and finish it. That is rude and inconsiderate." and I looked at my husband, I think they both got the message.