The hardest time of my life ever....

I think I've touched on every aspect of my life here in Malaysia so far...but there's one part that I haven't talked about at all; looking for a job.

I must say of all the things I've had to do, go through and struggle past; the job thing is the hardest thing of all. The reason is because as humans, we are most worried about our Rizk, it is because from the money we make we get to buy food, find shelter, clothe ourselves and day-to-day living expenses. It is one of the biggest worries of our life.

Before I go on to 'applying for a medical job in Malaysia' which is all about boring official stuff again that will only be relevant to some people and not others. I just wanted to say...waiting for an offer and not knowing where that offer is going to come from, whether it is going to come or not and when you're going to start earning again was the hardest, MOST difficult test for me. It was in essence the make or break of this whole "hijrah". Without a job, I will have to go back to the UK and everything will be lost...all the wonderful things I've experienced here will be gone in just one day. It was so hard to think about that and I prayed and prayed that Allah will not take this away from me.

It would be okay if you had financial security for the next 20 years or more but when you only have financial security for a few months...with the hope that you'll be starting work soon...you get what I mean? Even if it is for six months...you still need to start working. There is no such thing as 'job-seeker's allowance' here or social security or benefit; everyone has to work. In some ways it is good because that is how it should be, people should work for their living especially for men - they have a responsibility to do so and will be sinful if they don't.

At the same time, there is no safety net. I have heard stories of working men sleeping at the bus-stop (not because they are drunk!) but because they haven't got the money to go home after work. They've been out of work for a while and managed to find a job and for a month, they were sleeping at the bus stop and having showers at the mosque so that they could go to work everyday and get their first pay check. I can't help imagining how strong and determined these people are compared to people who have it easy their whole lives...living off benefit and the hard work of others.

All of these stories inspired me and made me feel humble and small...I've been to several interviews and was waiting and waiting for an offer. My advice is no matter what job you apply to in the Medical field, government or private...the process from start to finish takes at least 3 months so, you must be prepared mentally and financially. For some, it may even take longer and for others that I've come across, they gave up hope and went back to the UK or go to another country. You need true patience and tawakkal or at least I needed to have that within myself. I've never prayed so much in my life SubhanAllah!

During that time I just couldn't concentrate on anything else except to pray, read Qur'an and watch some silly TV program to take my mind off things, yeah...like Doctor who or Buffy. (Okay, don't laugh) but the idea of Vampires and Aliens was somehow comforting. Anyway, if you at any point in your move to Malaysia experience this feeling...just keep putting your Trust in Allah. The Syaitan will whisper all sorts of things to you like "why is this happening to me?", "if my istiharah dreams were good, why is this happening?" doubt will creep in...and every single evil thoughts will be thrown at you...but you must keep your Faith and Trust in Allah. All I can think of is how weak I was and how I have no knowledge of what is in front of me. I didn't know what is going to happen a week from now, a month or a year from now...but Allah knows...so, I just talked and talked to Him and tried to find my strength in Him.

In the end, Allah will give us what is good for us and if something is not good for us, no matter how much we want it we must redha (accept) but sometimes, we have accepted whatever Allah has decided for us and we are completely satisfied with it and then Allah gives us the thing that we really want. Alhamdulillah. Whatever it is, it is all a test...