Belonging to two places: understanding the struggle in adjusting to a new place

The days when I am in my office getting on with work, I am accompanied by BBC world service in the background. Yesterday’s edition of the Strand, they were talking about Tahar Ben Jelloun’s new book “A palace in the old village”. I haven’t read the book but the discussion surrounding the book highlighted to me my own experiences and feelings.


I went back to visit London in February 2011 to tie up loose ends and whilst I was there, I started to recall my old life in the UK, my family, my friends and my experiences. I felt that I was at home and that was where I belonged. Then, when I returned to Malaysia after 10 days I really felt lost, I started to miss the life I had in London, the interactions I had with people in the UK, their mentality, the etiquettes of drivers, the aloofness of people, how people would open doors for you or how there’s always a gentleman to come to the aid of a damsel in distress. It may all sound romantic but human beings are often oblivious to the tiny gestures of others when it has become routine or common practice…I never used to appreciate these things when I was there but returning with fresh eyes made me realized the things that I took for granted.

Being away from an environment that I felt comfortable with and adjusting to a new life, a new set of culture…I was slowly feeling more and more low…every day I felt like I was struggling…I felt like my long extended holiday was overdue and it was time for me to go back home. I had questions about myself, about this place, about the people and about the life and most of all, I wasn’t sure if what I felt was normal. I wasn’t sure if this was part of the psychological process of relocating. I was also afraid that people would accuse me of being ‘ungrateful’ or ‘ego-centric’ or that I have forgotten my roots…

The discussion yesterday surrounding Ben Jelloun’s book made me realized that I am not alone and that my experiences were common…it is called ‘belonging to two places’. There are many people out there who have lived in a place for many years and then, migrated to another place…but they don’t simply let go of their previous life, they don’t leave everything behind and embrace a new life but rather, they leave a part of themselves behind. They can never truly ‘fit-in’ their new environment, to follow the rest of the crowd but they can build a new life, gain new experiences, touch new hearts and possibly introducing some of their ideas to the people around them.

Despite all the recent UK government and media bashing against Islam and Muslim, and the economic turmoil and government constant interfering in health and taxes…I had a good life in the UK. I had fond memories of finding the truth about Islam, of friends, wonderful sisters who gave me so much strength, memories of friends and colleagues in the medical field, of people who inspired me. My memories of working in the hospital, there were hilarious moments and some tragic moments and of course, the best memories of all were when my children were born.

I am now starting to realize and to understand that we will always have some of our roots there, our families, our friends, our memories…

I know that there is no need to be attached to a particular land…for all the earth and the whole universe belongs to Allah. Allah has put me now in a different place and I have to lift my spirits and to give to the people around me whatever knowledge and experiences that I have. I may not feel that I belong here but in the end…we do not belong anywhere rather we belong to Allah, The Almighty.