Mom's conversation with daughter about LOVE and LIFE (part 2)

Mom: Lesson no two is VALUE yourself. Allah SWT has given you the highest status. Always remember that you are SPECIAL. You are a Muslim girl.


Daughter: Why are we special?

Mom: We are special because The Prophet SAW says “The whole world is a provision and the best provision is the pious woman”. A woman is an honor in Islam. Allah has given the highest status for moms, wives and daughters so we must value ourselves.

Daughter: What do you mean value ourselves?

Mom: I mean we should never allow any men to touch us without marrying us first. Do you remember the story of Hawa. When Allah SWT created Hawa and Adam woke up and saw her and he wanted to touch her but Allah SWT says he cannot touch her until he married her so, Allah SWT married her to Adam and only after they were married that they could touch and have children. That is the rule of Allah SWT and that is what gives woman honour. A good man will honour you and give you respect. If he wants you, he has to prove himself.

Daughter: What do you mean he has to prove himself?

Mom: It means he has to respect you, meet your parents, propose to you and buy you the diamond ring.

Daughter: (smiling and grinning and looking at her finger) and if he doesn’t show respect, can I kick him?

Mom: Err…yeah. Just tell him to go away. We don’t need a man who doesn’t respect us.

LESSON TWO IS TO PUT A HIGH VALUE ON OURSELVES, THE VALUE GIVEN TO US BY ALLAH SWT, THE BIG BOSS HIMSELF.

Mom: Lesson number three is what women should expect from men. A man has to fulfill three criteria in order to become a real man. The first is to provide.

Daughter: How much does he has to provide?

Mom: A man has to provide everything for his family. He has to go out there and earn a living and make sure there’s food, shelter, clothing and then whatever else that the family needs.

Daughter: What if I work?

Mom: It doesn’t matter if you work or not he still has to provide for you and if he says ‘but you work…’ well, we say but Allah SWT says in surah an Nisa: 34 “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” so, we have been given the license by the BIG BOSS that he has to spend his money on us and the family, and when BIG BOSS says something, everyone must listen and follow, right?

Daughter: (grinning and thinking about not having to work) right!

Mom: So, it doesn’t matter if the woman work, the man has to provide and sometimes woman just likes to give and give... but when Allah SWT says something, that is the truth so, man must provide. Whatever we want to share is up to us, we can or we don’t have to, okay? A real man will always pay for the bills, Oh! and dinner...

Daughter: Okay (still grinning)

Mom: Second a man must PROTECT! It is a man’s job to protect. Protect his wife, his family, his community and the Ummah. That is why Allah SWT has made the Jihad an obligation for men. Real men must be out there to protect

Daughter: But a lot of men do not fight jihad!

Mom: Well, by right they should be! They either have to be fighting or have the intention to. Jihad is about protecting the Deen of Islam, protecting the weak and the oppressed. Bottom line, they must protect the women and children. They must protect their family. It is because nowadays men do not fight jihad that many men do not know what to do. Some of them end up becoming Mat Rempit or taking drugs or not doing anything. Men are leaders, they have to lead and they must protect. We really need these real men today...

Daughter: yeah…men shouldn’t be cowards.

Mom: The third is PROMISE. A man must fulfill his promise. A good man will keep his promise. He will be trustworthy.

Daughter: What kind of promise?

Mom: Any kind… if he promises to meet you at a certain time, he should be on time. If he promises to buy you something, he should buy it for you. If he promise to call, he should call. If he promise to get the groceries, he will get the groceries. There are men who are full of sweet but empty promises. They will promise you the world, the sun, the moon and the stars but they do not deliver. Don’t get sucked in by their sweet words… these are not the type of men that can be the leader of the family.

Mom: Let me tell you something...men are either serious about a girl or messing around. Some men only know how to mess around and they are the low-life that we should stay away from. Some men still don't know what they want in life, so leave them alone and let them find themselves but if a man approaches a woman, then he is either serious or messing. If he is serious then he will do the honorable thing and respect you but if he is messing around like saying things like... 'let's see how this goes' then, just LEAVE! Don't stay around. If he is truly serious, he will respect you and say his intentions. Otherwise, just forget it!

Daughter: yeah…because that kind of men is not worth it.

Mom: Well… yes. So, that’s the 3 criteria

Daughter: What about PRAYER?

Mom: Oh yes! What a clever girl! A man must pray to Allah SWT. He has to love Allah SWT and fulfil the most basic command. A man is the leader of the family. He has to lead the prayer and if he doesn’t even pray 5 times a day, there’s a serious problem. So these are the rule of 4 Ps: Provide, protect, promise and prayer.

LESSON NUMBER THREE: REAL MEN HAVE TO FULFILL 4 CRITERIA
1. PRAYER (SOLAT)
2. PROVIDE
3. PROTECT
4. PROMISE (TRUSTWORTHY)

Mom: Oh…there is one more thing. Men are tricksters.

Daughter: What do you mean tricksters?

Mom: Well, sometimes people will use tricks to get what they want like for e.g. to hold someone or to get money from them. One such trick is to threaten to leave if you don't give them what they want.

Daughter: Oh! If that happens we just say ‘bye’ ‘bye’

Mom: Yes…and you know why it is that easy? Well, because you have filled 99% of your heart with the love of Allah SWT. If your heart is filled with the love of Allah SWT then, you will never feel attached to another person and even if you think you like a person… you will never do anything that will anger Allah, like do bad things, things that are against the Shariah. If a person threatens to leave, then they can leave and it is no big deal but if a person who loves Allah SWT will do the honourable thing and respect you and he should not be committing haraam. Remember our value, right?

Daughter: Yeah… (thinking hard)

Mom: So you’ll remember all the things I’ve just said, won’t you?

Daughter: Of course

Mom: InshaAllah. May Allah SWT protect you from syaitan and the evils of this world. May He make you strong in the Deen. Amin.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO VALUE OURSELVES AS WOMEN AND TO FILL OUR HEARTS WITH THE LOVE OF ALLAH SWT, THEN WE LEAVE EVERYTHING IN HIS (SWT) HANDS...DO NOT FEAR ANYTHING OR ANYONE BUT ALLAH SWT AND PUT YOUR HOPE AND TRUST ONLY IN HIM.

I hope that this little conversation will be helpful to any mom, any girl out there looking for answers....