IN SEARCH OF THIS TRUTH

 

I am in a quest to search for THIS truth. People ask, 'why are you still searching for the truth?’ 

You have found Islam. 

You believe in One God, and Muhammad SAW is a Prophet of God, and you believe that Qur’an is the Word of God. 

You’ve come to the ultimate truth. So, what you do mean you’re still searching for the TRUTH? 

Because I am never contented in accepting things as they are, in the societal sense. 

I will question and refuse to live in stagnation. Life is fluid and we grow, we mature, but all the time, we are changing, in our view of the world and to a certain extend in our personalities. We may become calmer, more patient, or more intolerant of rubbish. 

So, yes, I have found the truth and that is Islam BUT what is Islam and where can I find it? 

Because Islam is not stagnant. It is not inert; it is alive, and it grows, and it is meant to be implemented. It is life itself. 

So, yes, Islam is the Truth and yet when I see injustices in the World especially in the implementation of this Truth, in the implementation of Islam. I start to question, and my question is NOT is Islam the truth? I’ve answered this question with a YES. But my question is since Islam is the Truth and yet, I see all these injustices (in the Muslim world) there has to be something wrong with the way it is being implemented. There has to be a problem with the Muslims. The problem is not with God, but with Muslims themselves. There has to be a problem in their understanding of Islam and in their interpretation of Islam.

When I say injustice, I mean why are there a lot of oppression among the Muslim world where workers are being exploited, women are being exploited, the orphans’ property are being exploited, there are Muslim leaders who are the richest in the world and yet, the people are starving, there are wars where Muslims are killing Muslims, why? Why are there Muslims using the religion to justify their acts of injustice and aggression? Why are there Muslim countries who do not even allow women to be educated? What is all this RUBBISH? 

I am a person who holds on to principles. and in my mind and my heart Allah is Just. That is the principle, and therefore when I see humans implementing things in the name of God and in the name of the religion of God and yet, it has created injustice....

...for example, where men are demanding to be treated like gods and yet, not providing for their wives and children, not showing the love and mercy that Allah has said in the Qur’an, treating their wives badly, shouting, screaming and using them as punch bags for their frail egos. Where the leaders live in luxury and then go around with cameras and the media to visit the poor, handing crumbs like these people are beggars, I’m not buying into all these hypes. So, when I see this I get very disappointed because I hold on to the word of God because Allah says that He is just, and that Islam is balance and peace so when I see so called ‘Islam’ being implemented and there is no justice and there is no peace, I don’t question God or Islam, but I question those who implement it, I question the men and ask ‘Are you implementing Islam or are you implementing what you desire and using Islam to justify it?’ because I think men have a very big responsibility. You have been made leaders, you have been given this task to bring this justice into the world, and if you don’t, you’ve failed. You’re a failure and that’s what I see today. 

Failure in Muslim men to carry this responsibility, the responsibility to protect Islam, to protect Muslims, to protect women, children, orphans and to carry this light to the world. In my mind they have failed, and I've lost all respect for them, their kings, their leaders, their scholars, their 'ustaz', their community leaders etc. There are good men in this world I'm sure, but they are individuals, just struggling every day to make ends meet, those who work hard for their families, those who have two or three jobs to make ends meet, those who treat their mothers, wives, daughters with love and respect but they are just individuals. 

 

So, where is this JUSTICE? There are Muslim men who want the four wives but not the responsibility, not the work to provide for all of these wives and the children, and justifying that you don’t have to, because the wives earn. I saw a video once an Ustad saying, ‘women should not look for men with looks or money, but what’s important is his 'Deen' and wow! everyone is clapping. To me, these are slogans. Let me ask you, Ustad.... 

What does it mean, Deen (religion, Islam)? Does it mean having a beard, praying 5 times a day, going to the masjid but what about his responsibility as a husband, which Allah SWT says in the Qur’an to provide and protect (Surah An Nisa’: 34) and you’re not marrying a beard, you want to marry a man who can fulfil his responsibility to you as a husband and what about love, to treat your wife with compassion and mercy? (Surah 30: 21). That is the purpose of marriage, a place of sanctuary, a place where you can feel at peace and tranquil, your husband as a protector, who provides for your everything, physical things as well as emotional needs. If God says all this in the Qur'an, then why do we see domestic violence among Muslim couples? Why do we see men taking wives as unpaid maids? 

Men want the honor and status of being a leader, but they don’t want the responsibility of making sure the people are looked after, to actually be on the ground and work with the people. We have put leaders on such pedestal that they can’t even carry their own food; it has to be served to them and how is that similar to Umar Al Khattab or Abu Bakar as Siddiq who used to go into people’s houses and do house chores for them? We are so far away from the truth and that is why I say, I AM SEARCHING FOR THE TRUTH.

When I talk to my Christian friends, they talk to me about Jesus (Peace be upon Him) and I tell them you know I am a Muslim. I believe in Jesus, but I believe he is a Prophet of God, he has a mother but no father. He is special, a miracle, a sign from God but I don't and will never believe in Trinity, or the fact that God had his son killed on the cross to save us and all I have to do is to believe and I'm saved, and if it be that because I do not have this 'faith' in my heart, and in your eyes, I'm going to hell, well, so be it. I believe in 'La ilaha illAllah' (There is no God but Allah). Allah - meaning THE God. 

I’m not searching for a belief (Aqeedah) because I already have a one, but I’m searching for the implementation of this belief in society, and I don’t see it. And I do put 80% of these failure on Muslim men because if you think about it, Muslim men are so obsessed about women covering up, not leaving the house, not being seen on the streets, we’ve had that in Afghanistan for decades if not more and how advance is Afghanistan? Are scientific discoveries happening in Afghanistan? Are they coming up with cure for cancer? So, this obsession with 'controlling' women has got to change, it has to go. This narcissistic and egocentric behavior among Muslim men has got to go if you truly love Islam, stop obsessing and trying to control women. Learn to control yourself. 

Look at the time when we DID have Islam, when Islam was the light in the world. The first University was set up by a Muslim woman, in 895CE by Fatimah Al Fihri and yet, today (because we DO NOT HAVE ISLAM) I hear people who are so called ‘Islamic’ saying we don’t need degrees, we don’t need education and all we need is Islam. What does that mean? Do you even know? Don’t you know what when we did have Islam, we had people like Ar Razi, Al Biruni, scientist who made discoveries in medicine, physics, philosophy, psychology. Now we don’t have Islam. We have Islam in our hearts but not in reality. Muslims have the truth but have no idea what it is, or what it does, or how it should function in society. We are a lost generation and for that reason, I am still in search of THIS truth. This truth it exist in my heart, in my mind, in this book The Qur'an but not in reality. 

Como Eu Conheci Brasil

Estava um dia durante a pandemia e Eu me senti preso. Nós estamos em ‘lockdown’. Eu fui no APP olhando para penpals. Isso estava quando ele contactado. Nós falamos por dois ou tres dias, sempre ele vai me mensagem. Ele disse que ele mora no Brasil, em Sao Paolo. Eu nao sabia nada sobre Brasil. Todos os minha vida, eu achei que Brasil esta apenas Amazonia. Eu le sobre a Amazonia, eu assisti muitos documentarios sobre a Amazonia mas não sei sobre grandes cidades no Brasil.

Quando ele me disse que ele esta de Brasil. Eu disse dele que eu vi Brasil em um filme, ‘Fast and Furious 5’ e ele falei ‘nunca vi Brasil em um filme’. Ele me fiz muito rir!!! Eu achei que ele e muito interessante. Depois tres dia, ele me perguntou se eu queria falar com ele no videochamada. Eu disse que eu estava muita nervosa porque eu nao posso falar em Portugues. Ele nao pode falar em Ingles. Ele disse que se falamos no videochamada e nos gostamos uns outros entao apenas a idioma talvez um problema. Entao, eu concordei falar com ele.

Quando ele voltou pra casa de trabalho, ele me ligou.

Quando eu vi ele, Eu pensei que ele era o homem mais bonito que eu já vi. Eu pensei que ele era a pessoa mais doce e eu senti como se estivesse provando açúcar. Eu achava que o Brasil só existia em sonhos e aqui eu estava falando com um brasileiro. Foi um sonho se tornando realidade. Nunca experimentei o amor à primeira vista, mas isso é foi a primeira vez.

Eu vou sempre lembrar esse momento. O dia que eu apaixonada com o Brasil. Eu sempre dizer que quando vocês apaixonados com um brasileiro, é dificil ser com outros homens. Sem comparação. 

Ainda me lembro como ele parecia, o que vestia, como me olhava. Nós dois estávamos apaixonados um pelo outro e ele escreveu uma mensagem para mim mais tarde, que dizia que “eu acho que estou apaixonado”

E isso estava como eu conheci Brasil.

De isso momento, eu apaixonei com Brasil, a idioma, as pessoas, a cidade, a fazenda, a Amazonia, tudo. Eu decide aprender a idioma.

De esta dia, ele falar comigo todos os dias, dia todos.

Nunca conheci um homen como romantico que Brasileiro, como paciente e compreensão

Influences: Labyrinth (the movie) - about goals and friendship

I watched this movie 'Labyrinth' when I was around 12-years old.

I remembered thinking how beautiful Jennifer Connelly was. She was so young then. She played the character Sarah. To me, she was just a typical spoilt girl who created this fantasy world for herself. The first scene was her, dressing up as a princess and reciting a script from a book. She was not happy that she had to look after her baby brother. Whilst baby sitting, as part of the script from the book, she called on the Goblin King to take her brother away and that's exactly what the Goblin King did.

The rest of the movie was about her trying to get her baby brother back. It was a self-discovery and character building. She had to sacrifice her comforts and go through dangers in order to save him.

The introduction

The Goblin King was of course, in love with her but as a 16 year old girl, she was not interested in him and was only focused on getting her baby brother back. He tried to enchant her with his 'magical' powers and to make her forget; watching this next scene (the ballroom) when I was 12 years old, I did wander like 'how the hell is she going to forget her baby brother, just because the Goblin King put her in a bubble, and got her all dressed up as a princess' but I supposed it was a metaphor because she was in a 'bubble', completely oblivious to everything else that was happening around her. 

I really like the way that she was just unfazed by him. I believed that is how women should be. That we should focus on whatever our mind is set upon, and not to be enticed by anyone or anything. 

The ball 'As the World Falls Down'

Along the way, she made friends. She met Hoggle, Ludo and Sir Didymus who helped her overcome the Goblin King. 

This movie influenced me in two ways: 

1. To focus on whatever I put my mind into and not be distracted by other things. In my case, it was my studies. 

2. Friendship is more important than romance. I think that was the main reason why my husband and I finally got together after years of being apart. We got married after we were both single again and more than anything, it was because we were friends. 

When you are friends with someone, you never pretend to be anything else. All your reactions, your speech, your ideas are exactly who you are. My husband and I, we used to spend time together when we were young because we enjoyed each other's company. The things I loved and admired about him are still the same things I love and admire about him now, and the things that annoys me about him now, are still the same things that used to annoy me when we were young. We don't need to change, just because we got married. We evolve and be better because we want to stay together and marriage requires a lot of understanding and compromise. When you are 'seeing' someone, forget about romance. Just get to know that person. If they have annoying habits or character, it is never going away; find the things that make you admire them. If you can't find any, get out of the relationship. 

To me, being friends is about hanging out, sharing thoughts and ideas, expressing what crazy things that is in your mind, learning new things from one another and sometimes, just being in the same room without having to say or do anything, it is just that comfortable silence. Then, you know you can be with that person for the rest of your life because their presence is good enough. Sometimes when they are not there, it is like the light has disappeared. I used to feel like even though I was surrounded by so many people but, I felt something was missing and as soon as he appeared, it is like the he brought an entire crowd with him, even if he was alone. 

The final scene was her defeating the Goblin King. In this scene, she recited the words that would destroy him. To me, this is when she grew up because she put her brother before herself, she went through all the obstacles in order to get him back and she was finally successful in achieving what she had set her mind to do. This movie inspired me to be focus on the things that I wanted to achieve in my life, to be unfazed by anything or anyone who wanted to distract me from my goals. 

Influences: Faith No More (Mike Patton)

The first heavy metal band I listened to was actually Metallica. My friend, Syed Izul (who is now my husband), we used to hang-out at Subang Parade in 1992, whilst waiting for my SPM results. He took me to the music shop once, and got the guy to put on Metallica's 'Master of Puppets'. I listened to it until the end on the headphones. As I said in my blog post 'Influences: Classical Music', I had classical background, so to me it wasn't something totally new. The way I heard it, Metallica was technical and the rifts were similar to parts in classical. So, it felt familiar to me.

Then another friend of mine, One Z introduced me to Faith No More. When I listened to Mike Patton, I was blown away by his voice. He just had the most versatile voice. He also had an incredible character. You can say, he was eccentric. In some ways, he reminded me of my husband. Mike Patton was just a really interesting guy and really smart. What I liked about Mike Patton was he did not believe in the 'rock and roll' lifestyle. He was just interested in making music.

Falling to Pieces (Official Music Video)

This song 'falling to pieces' was one of my favorite songs of all times; and it represented me during my late teens and early 20s. I was sort of 'falling to pieces' and having issues within myself. I never really had issues with other people, but I was having deep turbulence. People used to say I looked pretty calm, but deep inside was a whirlpool that could have sucked everything that came its way. No one could help me, I needed to sort myself out. Listening to Mike Patton and his 'craziness' made me feel I wasn't alone. 

And who would have thought this guy (up there) would be singing opera? He was acknowledged as probably the best vocals of all time. It is said that he voice range is six octaves, with half notes. That is amazing. I am no vocals expert but hey, that is impressive. 

I really like this next interview of Mike Patton. He talks about the vocals as another instrument, which is completely true (if you think about it). Also, I feel I can really relate to the things he said. Being 40+ I feel like I am now calm and that I have achieved everything I set to achieve in life, Alhamdulillah. I am happy where I am (within myself). 

I think when you're young, you are full of energy and there is this beast that just wants to burst out of you. Everything just felt so close, and within reach and you just want to grab everything. Rock and Metal music fulfils that kind of beasty animal that wants to destroy everything. However, as you get older, things gradually move further away and you start to see from a perspective. You start to understand more things, you don't feel like you need to get everything now. That beast is tamed and perhaps even wise, and insightful, like the dragon in Merlin. 

When you are young, you are constantly looking forwards. Everything is about what you want to achieve, 'I want, I want, I want' but as you get older, you start looking backwards and reflect on all the things you had, the things you achieved. When I look back, I feel grateful for everything I ever did in my life, the good and even the bad, because I learned a lot from past mistakes. Most of all, I am glad I did those things when I was young. It would have been tragic to have a midlife crisis and to start jumping up and down, head-banging at 40 years old. Anyway, this is Mike Patton, at 44 years old. 

Influences: Depeche Mode

I think the first ever Depeche Mode song I listened to was 'Everything Counts' from 'Construction Time Again' album 1983. I used to sneak into my brother's room and took his cassette tapes and listen to them. He had some cool British music and I just fell in love with Depeche Mode.

I was already playing the piano and when I listened to these artists making all sorts of incredible sounds using the keyboard, I was amazed. I wanted to make those same sounds but I had no clue how to. Every time I listened to DM, I tried to isolate just one sound and then, another sound and another. There were so many blends of sounds from one instrument, and the keyboard had its own melody, independent of the vocals. I just couldn't understand how they could produce something like that, or write music like that. It was intriguing and a mystery.

From there, I listened to more songs like Shake the Disease, People are People, and I just couldn't get enough of them. In Malaysia, we didn't get a lot of British exposure. On terrestrial TV, it was mostly US influence, there was Solid Gold but no Top of the Pops. I used to listen to BBC World Service just to get a glimpse of British New Wave. When I was old enough to have my own pocket money and able to buy things, I bought every single Depeche Mode Album there was in the music shop. I got 'Black Celebration' (1986), 'Music for the Masses' (1988) and 'Violator' (1991) which was their latest album at the time. I also bought their 'Singles 81 - 85'.

You know, even if you listen to every single possible genre in the world, there is always one genre that just represents you. It is like, it represents your soul, and New Wave does that to me. No matter what I listen to, whether it is Rock, Metal, Blues, Rap, Soul, Pop or Country music; it never quite 'get me' the way New Wave does. When I put on 'Depeche Mode' it just feels like I am at home, almost like it beats the same as my heart.

Some people say DM songs are pretty dark, almost depressive. I don't feel so. Listening to it, doesn't make me depressed. To me, it is mysterious with many layers. Every time I listen to the same song, there is always another layer, another perspective. I feel like the music is rich with tiny sounds and it is captivating. Sometimes, you need to really concentrate on those little noises. The lyrics too are intelligent. Another attribute of the band that attracted me were the many difficult issues addressed within the lyrics such as 'Get the balance right' and 'Walking in my shoes'. I get bored of love songs, I mean it is okay if it is a love theme from a movie, but Pop songs are all about boy meets girl, and girl meets boy, falling in love, falling out of love. I wanted more from lyrics. I wanted songs that meant something, that talks about life or failure of the system, without just using a lot of swear words. I wanted intelligent lyrics.

Shake the Disease (Live 1988)

Influences: Classical Music

My life has been pretty musical. Growing up, my mom used to sing every morning in the kitchen whilst making breakfast. Thinking about it, it did felt like I was living in Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, without the Dwarfs (of course). She had an amazing voice and would just burst into a song, while she was cutting onions. She was a hard core Elvis fan, (hence, I knew most of the Elvis's songs) until she met Al-Arqam and started listening to all their Nasyids instead. Then, I was introduced to Nadamurni and the Zikr.

When I was in my teens, I was introduced to Heavy Metal and Blues; and the Subang boys used to get amazed by how I would listen to Faith No More, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Sepultura and that genre of music. Not sure why though, perhaps because most girls at the time was into RnB and Soul music. I guess what they didn't know was before Metal, my first experience was Classical Music. 

My father loved Classical music. It was probably the only music he ever listened to, apart from Andy Williams. He had this collections of Vinyl records, of Mozart, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Vivaldi and much more. Therefore, from as far back as I can remember, Classical music was always there imprinted in my brain cells. My father was a workaholic and he hardly ever bought anything for himself except for a turntable. When he was seconded to IIUM, he hardly had time to listen to those records anymore. So, I was the one who made full use of it and would listen to all of it. When I showed interest in playing the piano, he promised he would buy me one after he returned from Hajj. At the time, I was around 7 years old. As promised, he bought me a piano after he returned and I started playing classical music instead of just listening to them. Sometimes, he would lie down on the sofa while I was practicing. Perhaps, entertained by my classical music playing. 

Then, in the early 1980s, my brother introduced me to New Wave and I fell in love with Depeche Mode and in the 1990s, I was introduced to Heavy Metal. I suppose, to me it was just another genre. I still love Classical music to this day and share this passion with my own kids. 

To me, music opens up the mind because you are not confined to one particular genre. There are so many possibilities. You can improvise, you can mix different songs together. The same piece of music can be played in so many different ways, it can be allegro or adagio; it can be different genre such as Johnny Cash's country version of Depeche's Mode Personal Jesus. 

Classical music is pretty technical. You need to play the right notes, there is the fingering, the tempo, the dynamics and everything has to be perfect. It has shaped me into the person I am today. Nowadays, I have sort of turned out a workaholic (like my dad) and hardly have time to practice the piano but I still do play sometimes, and encourage my daughter to play. Sometimes, we play together or I play, and she sings. 

Here are some of my favorites: 

Vivaldi - Storm 

Rachmoninoff's theme from Paganini in A minor Op.43 - in the movie 'Somewhere in Time' 

Influences: My so-called life

This was a TV-series created in 1994; at the time I was in the UK studying A-levels. It was about a high school girl, Angela Chase and just typical high school issues, having a crush, but what intrigued me about the TV series, was the vocalization of her thoughts and I thought that was really well done. Growing up, I had this voice in my head that was just talking all the time, most of the time philosophizing, trying to make sense of everything and coming up with theories on just about anything. So, watching Angela Chase and listening to her thoughts was very refreshing. In other words, it is normal. People actually do that. I am not weird.

One of my favorite scenes was this one. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIbGGwx5CS0

This was the first time I heard this great song. 

Anyway, Angela had a big crush on Jordan; and even though she was so in love with him but she had her principles and she stood for what she believed in. She didn't succumbed to pressure. She was thoughtful, intuitive. She looked quiet but when she spoke, it was really profound. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be observant and thoughtful and introspective. I wanted to have my own principles, to stand up for what I believed in.

When it came to Brian, the neighbor who had a crush on her, she does come across as self-centered and self-absorbed and I supposed, she was oblivious to his feelings; I think that is very typical of an ordinary teenage girl. Girls are selfish; unless they have been 'brainwashed' by a patriarchal society, and trained to be submissive and to constantly 'give', with no spunk or thoughts of their own. I told my husband that girls are meant to be self-centered, it is a form of self-protection. You want girls to first learn to love themselves, to look after themselves, to have self-worth and that tinge of self-centered and selfishness will get them far in life. To be self-centered, is to be in complete control of yourself, without trying to control anyone else. You can't control anyone, you can't expect anything from anyone but at the same time, no one should expect anything from you. You can't give expecting to get something in return. That would be insincere. You can't give love, and then expect to receive love. That is why being self-centered is important for girls because being self-centered means, you are not even thinking about anyone else, you are only thinking about yourself, and learning about yourself, and getting to know yourself, and picking out the things you love about you and the things you hate, about you. You grow within yourself, to be the person that you want to be. If you have a daughter, let her be a little bit self-centered; as long as she loves her siblings (if she has any) or has one best friend that she would protect to the ends of the earth, then she is fine. 

Girls who are self-reflective, will have better awareness of their own needs, and wants, and their own feelings. It is important for girls to chase their dreams whether it is their career, or studies, or interests and hobbies. That was exactly what Angela Chase did. She had so much in her mind, she thought about stuff all the time, and her beliefs, she wanted to help people, like the episode with the angel when she was looking out for her friend Ricky. She was really loyal to her friends, More importantly, she loved herself, and her principles more than she loved the guy of her dreams. Eventually, that made Jordan fell in love with her. 

The natural process of emotional growth for girls is that the maternal instinct comes later, when they have children and that is when they will sacrifice, protect and unconditionally love their children. For a woman, their real love is for their kids. The kind of love that you would do anything and expect nothing in return. That is a mother's love. Sometimes this love is tainted by cultural obligations like the expectation that the child has to somehow 'repay' the mother, To me, that takes the pureness and sincerity away. 

I think as a young girl, I was pretty self-centered. I had my beliefs, my principles, I wanted things for myself. I wasn't too bothered about what the guys wanted. My studies were the most important thing to me and later on, my career and my achievements. I had to readjust everything when I had my first child. Suddenly, it was no more about me. It was all about the kid, and that mind shift just happened naturally. I don't think I even thought about it, or had to convince myself. It just happened. 

My so-called life was just one season. They couldn't continue because, some said the network didn't want to invest on a second season and on top of that, the hectic schedule proved too much for the young actresses and actors, especially Claire Danes, who decided she couldn't commit for the second season (according to what was written in Wikipedia), who knows what is the truth. Anyway, to me, it was a classic and it had all the important teenage growing up issues from relationship with parents, siblings, friends, love, betrayal. It dealt with difficult topics such as runaways, pimples, parental affairs, crushes. In every episode there was always something to think about. If you have teenage daughters, get them to watch 'My so-called life'. There are no cell phones, no internet, no social media, just the old fashion real life interactions and conversations. 

When boys grow up thinking all women will sacrifice for them like their moms. Well...think again.

Hey there, how are you? It has been around 3 months since the lock down due to the Covid-19 pandemic started and even though we are in 'conditional' movement control order now (cMCO) but everyone is still pretty much vigorous in social distancing and taking necessary precautions. Although over here, the numbers are coming down but you can never too careful. So, good to see that the majority of people are using their common sense. 

Anyway, I am not going to talk about Covid-19 even though it is a big part of our life and dictating our social and global economy but on a lighter note, I want to talk about a little thing that happened today at the dinner table that sort of, enlightened me about men. Well, my son who is now almost 18 and he keeps taking MY stuff from the fridge and eating them or drinking them. It is like, I love iced mocha and that is my daily reward. After a long day of work, I will sit down and have my iced mocha or sometimes, just a small bottle of Pepsi. We try not to have carbonated drinks so it is a treat. Then this son of mine, he takes my 'treat' and finishes it. You may think it is no big deal, but a woman will buy something nice and keep it for a significant occasion. It doesn't mean we do not want it or have forgotten about it. We are saving it for a special moment that we feel is deserving of it. When I buy that self-treat, I have this entire imagination of relaxing and having it whilst watching some stupid TV drama on Netflix. So, when the moment comes, and I open the fridge and it is gone, the entire imagination shatters and I am left with disappointment and ANGER. 

Well, my husband used to do that and for many years I got mad at him and eventually, he stopped doing it. Now, my son is doing it and it dawned upon me. I bet at some point growing up, my husband must have done it to his mother and as moms, we sacrifice everything for our children without question. Yes, that is what moms do. Sometimes, we would rather our kids are happy or have a treat rather than ourselves. So, most of the time when my son asked for the iced mocha, I would just say, 'sure, go ahead, take it'. Mothers, we just give everything to our kids without wanting anything in return. So, eventually these boys turn to men and they are conditioned to believe they can take advantage of all women, including their wives. Yup, maybe it is a long shot but think about it. When boys grow up believing that the first woman they ever knew and loved would sacrifice everything for them, and would provide everything and do everything for them, they actually think all women will treat them in that way. 

Well, here's news boys! Moms are moms, the only person in the world that is going to do all that for you is your mother (that is if you are lucky to have a mother who gives you unconditional love), but reality check, no other woman would do that, definitely not your wife or girlfriend. Mothers sacrifice everything for their kids (boys or girls) because their baby is like an extension of themselves, after all, the baby came out of their womb. For me anyway, I feel like my babies are a part of me but I don't feel that way about anyone else and definitely, do not feel I need to sacrifice for any man. 

On the contrary, women want men who are considerate, understanding and would sacrifice for them instead, not the other way around. So, a simple lesson for everyone, for moms out there, break the cycle, if you want to do everything for your son or sacrifice for your son, or if you think like your son is the best in the world (I know I do) then, have some realization, he is not God's gift to everyone, just to you. For men out there, only your mom will do everything for you, and fuss on you and sacrifice everything for you, no other women will so, if you feel suffocated well, good news! you only have ONE mom, and if you actually enjoy it, BAD NEWS, you only have ONE mom. No other women will fuss over you. 

So, I put my foot down and today, at the dinner table with my husband by my side, when my son asked to have my Pepsi, I told him, he can only have a sip and do not finish it. I said, "I bet this is what happens to every guy, they treat their moms this way and then, they think they can do the same to their wives. Well, your wife is not your mother. So, I am going to teach you a lesson boy, for the sake of your future wife, you cannot take someone else's drink or food or whatever it is, and finish it. That is rude and inconsiderate." and I looked at my husband, I think they both got the message. 

We are individuals and we do not need to compare ourselves to others but we do need to work together to have a functional society

I am reading this book by Jordan Peterson ’12 rules of life’. It has been a long time since I’ve actually read a proper book, one that I can touch and turn the pages. Most of the time, I am reading scientific papers in scientific journals or hundreds of pages of thesis. Anyway, a good book makes a person think, and stimulates thoughts and ideas. It opens up other avenues of possibilities as an explanation as to ‘why’ or ‘how’. I love his book as well as listening to his lectures. I have been philosophising all of my life and it is great to be around those who do. 

Anyway, in one of the chapters he talks about the child and how as a child, we are dependent on others, not just in our physical needs but also in our social needs, the need to compare ourselves to others, as a standard, to test the boundaries of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ behaviours or socially acceptable etiquettes. However, as we grow and blossom into adulthood, we start to formulate our own individuality and no longer require that need to compare ourselves, our lives or our achievements to others because we recognize that each and everyone’s lives are unique and different, and that success cannot be measured in a unidimensional fashion. Instead, our lives are multidimensional, composed of our family, career, friends, hobbies and so many aspects. It would be quite inappropriate to simply look at one dimensional and come to a conclusion that one’s person life is better than another. We could make a general comparison that perhaps, a person living in a warzone faces many more challenges than one living in peace. That might be an understatement. I am not talking about that. I am talking about those living within near similar environments and yet, every aspect of our lives are different. Let’s just take the most basic, some people have many siblings maybe even 6 or more and yet, is not close to any one of them, some people may have only 1 or 2 sibling and yet, they are best of friends. How do you compare? How do you say one is better than the other? Hence, there are no comparisons. Just a singular look into each and everyone’s lives, their own strengths and weaknesses.

Individuality is often celebrated in developed societies with advanced thinking. However, in less advanced societies, we find that people are still comparing themselves with others and sometimes, feel the need to bring others down in order to appear ‘more’ than what they are. In actual fact, no one needs to appear ‘more’ than anyone. Good or bad is not determined by what others do but is determined by its quality.  A sweet apple is not sweet, simply because another apple is sour. A sweet apple is sweet because of its intrinsic quality and the ability of the taster to taste that sweetness. This need to compare to others, is a primal behaviour that perhaps occur due to some arrested development. A child who never quite grow up to be confident enough to embrace their individuality and still needs the acceptance and approval of others. Let’s tell our kids and ourselves that It is okay to break away from the norm, to be different, to think differently but it is not okay to disrespect or to bully others. 

If we widen the scope of what is acceptable within the area of mubah (what is allowed in Islam), we would find that maybe our society would be less judgemental and perhaps, people would be happier. If we believe there is only one cake left in this one cake shop, we will all be fighting for that one cake; not realizing outside of that cake shop, there are a hundred other cake shops with various other cake selections and icing. If we believe that success is only unidimensional, then no one would ever be happy. In his book, he also talks about how no matter how good a person is at something, there will always be someone who would be better. Most people will admit Schumacher as the best F1 driver of all time because he won the title 7 times, but many will argue it was Senna or perhaps Hamilton. I told my daughter about this concept, and she asked me, ‘well, if whatever you do, there will always be someone who is better, then who is the best?’ I replied, ‘Ronaldo’ (with a smile). 

Anyway, I am not saying I am right about all these thoughts. I’m just expressing it. When I was growing up during my primary school years, I moved from Convent Kajang to SK Subang Jaya. My friends and classmates, were unique and identifiable in their characters. I felt that life in Malaysia had so much colour. It was as if ‘shiny happy people’ was playing on repeat in the background. We were smart, we were hardworking but we were also naughty and sometimes, feisty; but we looked out for one another. We had no problems speaking our minds, expressing our thoughts, sharing jokes or being sarcastic, but we always respected one another. Bullying was almost unheard of, at least where I was from. I think being 12, and growing up, we were really able to explore our individuality and among friends, there was a lot of acceptance as well as respect. 

Back then, individuality was celebrated but today, I see kids and there’s no spark in their eyes. They wear the same uniform, the girls wear the same headscarf, and they even look the same sometimes which is scary. They are expected to do the same things, say the same things and hardly ever question authorities in an intelligent manner. Where’s is the life? Colours? Originality? Even the music is just the same beat. Where is New Wave or Metal or Blues or Rock? And despite Medicine, Engineering, and Law spewing out 100s and 1000s of new graduates each year, some with no job to go to, we still brainwash our kids to pursue those careers instead of pursuing their dreams. Sometimes parents and teachers are afraid and we think that their passion will not provide them with job security. Well, in this economic situation, what is job security? Dreams are good, as long as we give our kids the pathway to make it happen, to make it real. The message we should give young people is not, do this subject because you will make more money but go out there and pursue your passion, as long as it is halal, but be prepared to work your damn asses off. That is what everyone will have to do. 

At a time where teenagers’ lives are ruled by gadgets and entertainment, the reality is they have to work harder than we ever had because beyond these four walls that we provide for them, this safe haven, life is a jungle and everyone is fighting to survive. I am not talking about fighting one another, I am talking about fighting against the cold harsh environment, the economic crisis, the crazy rules and laws that are hell bound in trying to make this already complicated life more difficult, the corrupted ideas, the drum machine and bad lyrics, politicians that only God knows what they’re talking about or doing, manipulative media and so much more. 

Hence, more than ever they don’t need enemies. People don’t actually need to fight one another, or bully one another, or to compare themselves to one another, to push anyone down instead. We are individuals and we should be celebrating our individuality. We do not need to fit into the norm and be like everyone else. We do not need to label people, but we do need to work together in order to be a functional society.

Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl6s1x9j4QQ
Led Zep Black Dog

Adam was not perfect, he was human and so are all of us.

I have been teaching my son tilawah al Qur’an and sometimes, when we come across the stories of the Prophet, I would talk to him about it. I was thinking about the story of Adam, his wife Hawa and how they were seduced by Iblis to eat from the forbidden tree. It so happened that when I visited my mom last week, she mentioned something about it and it led to a conversation. 

For those of you who do not know, the Malay culture has this kind of ‘fatalistic’ approach when it comes to religion. One often hears things like “who are we compared to so and so…” or “If some religious person can do such and such, how can we avoid blah…blah…blah.” Anyway, I hate that kind of fatalistic approach towards religion; same goes to this notion of “who am I…”...”I am not good enough”. I am not saying we should go around thinking ourselves so great or good or whatever, but just try and be positive and to have faith and hope in God rather than to keep bringing oneself down.

So, along these fatalistic lines, my mom said “If Adam can be seduced by Iblis to disobey God, well…who are we?” I knew she meant well but I told her this: that is not how we should look at it. That is not the lesson that God wanted us to take from that story. Adam was the first human, the best of creation that God even commanded the angels to bow down to Adam so, why should we bring ourselves so low to the level that we are fatalistic and have no chance whatsoever to redeem ourselves or be anything better?

I told her this; For each and every creation, there is a nature to it, an attribute; like metal is hard or cotton is soft.

God told us the story of Adam, the first human to make us understand our nature, the nature of a human being. A human being is weak, he makes mistakes, he is easily influenced and easily seduced by the devil or bad things, but he has the realization, he knew that he made a mistake, he realised that he had done wrong and he repented, he turned back to God and asked for forgiveness. That is what makes us amazing, it is our humbleness, our acceptance of our weakness and our ability to turn to repent and to change and make ourselves better.

On the contrary, Iblis was a strong believer and worshipper of God but when God commanded him to bow to Adam, he refused and thus, he became a transgressor. I asked my son, why was it that Iblis became a disbeliever when he disobeyed God and yet, when Adam disobeyed God, he was chastised and yet, he was not regarded as a disbeliever? Was God being unfair? He thought for a while but came to this conclusion. Iblis deliberately disobeyed God out of his ego and pride. He felt he was right because he arrogantly claimed that he was better than Adam. He was made from fire whereas Adam was made from clay. He never admitted he was wrong, he never repented, his arrogance made him a disbeliever.

In Adam’s case, his act of disobedience was caused by weakness, of being seduced and influenced and as soon as he committed the act, he realised it was wrong and he felt ashamed and regretful, he repented and asked for forgiveness. It wasn’t borne out of arrogance but out of weakness. Hence, it was considered a wrongful act, but not an act of disbelief.

At this age of 40+ I often tell people who are close to me, I am too old to play games and to deal with people who are arrogant. I value honesty, humbleness and respect. Just be honest, if you want something, ask; if you are not happy about something, say and if you don’t get what you want, deal with it. Stop being a brat.

I have come across some people who want to act like they are ‘perfect’ and in that attitude of grandiosity, they start blaming everyone else and try to bring others down just so that they think they can hide their weakness. In reality, they are far from it and the worse thing is, everyone else can see it. Just because people do not say anything, doesn't mean they agree. Most of the time, people just don't care! 

But let's be honest, everyone knows there is no such thing as ‘perfection’ in human and often, the one who tries too hard to be ‘perfect’ is usually the one who is most unfulfilled because they are trying to be something that is not in anyone's nature whereas the one who just embraces their life whatever it is, happy or crappy and all; is the one who is often most fulfilled.

God has shown us from the very start of human life; in Adam and his wife, Hawa even before they were transported to earth, that humans are weak and imperfect. In fact, if we think about the story and what actually drove them to eat from that forbidden tree in the first place? How did Iblis managed to convince them to eat from the forbidden tree? What was the trick that he used?

He told them that God did not want them to eat from the tree because it would turn them into angels, into immortals…in other words they would become ‘perfect’ or what they perceive as ‘perfection’. Ironic that human beings yearn to be ‘perfect’ and yet, it is our flaw, our weakness, our mistakes that made us ‘special’.

The thing I love about the Adam and Hawa story is just how much it truly highlights the human behaviour and how it encourages us to be human, to embrace our imperfection and to strive to be better, to seek forgiveness and to repent. I often tell my kids, get to know yourself, everything that is good about you and everything that is bad about you. Whatever that is good, enhance it, encourage it and whatever that is bad, and whatever you don’t like about yourself, you must accepted it first, before you can change it, manage it so that you can be a better person. Don't live your life in denial. Don't live your life pretending to be something that you are not. Don’t hate yourself. 

It is only from acceptance that we can change and overcome our weakness. Take a person who is disabled, like our para-olympians. How do they manage to overcome their disability to become successful in what they do? To achieve what seems like the impossible, even more than majority of those who do not have those disability in the first place? It is not from denying who they are and the disabilities that they have. Rather, it is from accepting the disability and finding ways to overcome it, to manage it, to use it as a strength.

I tell my kids that we have power and control only over ourselves and that is actually the only power that we have. None of us have power or control over anyone else. We can try to influence people but we may not succeed but if we can control our own self, our desires (nafs), our behaviour and attitude, then that is success.

I think annoyance is those people who display hypocrisy. They do things to others and yet, fail to see it in themselves. They criticize others and yet, fail to see those same characteristics in themselves. They are horrible and disgusting towards others and yet, when the same befalls on them, they shout and scream like 3-year olds. I don't know if it is the inability to self-reflect, low mentality or just arrested development. To me, if you hate something in someone then don’t be that. Be just. 

I told my kids that I am hardly ‘religious’ as such but to me, religion gives me principles and we need to have principles to hold on to, to guide us in making decisions, in determining good and bad, right and wrong. We need something strong and stable to hold on to; and the principles of justice is important. We cannot apply one rule to ourselves and another to everyone else because no one owes us any favours and no one gives a shit. If you are rude to people, they will be rude to you. If you treat people badly, they will treat you badly. If you are kind to people, they will be kind to you. Take a simple gesture, just try, when you walk down the street and sometimes, you catch someone’s eye, smile! 99% of the time the other person will smile back. The people are a reflection of who you are. If you have no one you can trust, it is probably because no one trust you.

So, hold on to what God says; let go of fatalistic views.  Learn from what God has told us about our nature. Be honest. Be reflective. Recognize your own flaws. Be repentant, be human.

The real value is in the experience

I've been listening to some of Jordan Peterson's motivational talks to college students and something he said, just reminded me of something I have always thought about but never quite so clearly. He said something like "be the person that you want to be, and I'm not talking about what you should be". I was thinking about this and it sort of tied in with a lot of stuff that I've been thinking about so, bear with me; while I sort out my thinking process.

I think whilst growing up, we sort of have an idea of what we want in life, or at least what we do not want. I've always wanted a simple life, living by a river and listening to the sound of the flowing water and just appreciating simple things. I never imagined myself being a doctor or a lecturer or a professor. Yet, this is my life but despite becoming all these things, I cannot say that I am not living the life that I always wanted because, we choose who we want to be, and we choose how we want to live our lives. Unless things happen to us, that we have no control over, like war or disease; I am talking about in normal circumstances, we choose what we want to be and in that sense, I am living the life I've always wanted because, as I said, I've always wanted a simple life and what I appreciate more than anything is EXPERIENCES. 

In that senses, me and my husband we are very similar because what matters to us is not so much of wealth or positions or any of these things but what matters most are the experiences we share; and I love him for that, because he has further enrich my life with so many new things, and old things like rekindling old interest such as football, planes, and drawings.

Like I said, I never imagined myself being a doctor or a lecturer, but it has actually provided me with that ability to gain experiences and not just my own but also the experiences of others. Today, for example, I was involved in a health screening and I met some of the most amazing people who shared their experiences with me, there was a lady who survived not one, but two types of cancer and honestly, she looked so well you wouldn't have imagined all the treatment she went through. She is a survivor and there are many people out there like her, survivors and I felt privileged that she shared her story with me. When experience is the most valuable thing in life, you cherish every moment, every sound, every word, every feeling, every taste.

When Mr Peterson says "be the person that you want to be, and I'm not talking about what you should be", it just made me realize something that has been playing in my mind. I remember being a teenager and it is a special time when I was just finding myself, and thinking about life, and what kind of person do I want to be; thinking back I had no restrictions. Of course, to a certain extend we are all 'brainwashed' and told what we should aspire to become; from our parents, teachers, society but the difference is simply to WHAT LEVEL? but essentially, I felt free to choose who I wanted to be. My parents, apart from telling me I had to study and do well in my exams, never told me what kind of person I should be. I had the pleasure of exploring that by myself, with my friends, to develop my own hobbies, I went through study phase, wild teenage phase, religious phase, conceptual phase; I was a free spirit who never wanted to confine myself to simply one thing, because I think even at that point experiences was important to me, to explore everything and to understand, different people and different environments.

I think some people never got to be who they want to be (and I'm talking about normal people, not crazy psychopaths here) because they were told what they should be. For example, a lot of people were told that to be successful they have to end up with a certain type of job, have a certain type of house, a certain type of husband or wife, a certain type of car and then, they work so hard to get all that and when they do achieve it at the age of 35 then they start to look back and wonder what they were missing; and then suddenly realized, they have all these things but they do not have themselves; and then perhaps (I don't know, this is just a theory) that is what people call mid-life crisis.

I always tell people that I am not ambitious and I am not particularly bothered about having a career; but here I am, with a career and Alhamdulillah, a very fulfilling one; and what is fulfilling is not the title or position; but the experiences. I enjoy developing new skills, like writing for example. I started writing since I was 10 years old. I just used to write my thoughts and then, I started writing stories, and blogs and then I started writing about history and general knowledge and now, I am writing manuscripts and research proposals. It is different because of the topics and writing style but it is still all about writing. It is like with music, when I was little, I was exposed to classical music because of my dad and then my brother got me interested in new wave and then, when I was a teenager, I was exposed to rock and metal. That wasn't such a big deal to me because, I love music and I was open to all genres. I mean music has only eight notes with 12 semitones but you can produce so many different tunes and in so many different ways, each piece is an experience and why do we restrict ourselves to only a few types of music when we can experience the entire range; and I have collected all of these experiences since the day I was born and so, it is easier for me to say 'been there and done that; and never wanna do it again.' kinda thing inshaAllah.

Hence, each sound, each word, each senses, each feeling, each time, each place, each moment is an experience; and if we value experience, we will always be rich.

Should Malaysians return home?

Well, apart from the obvious reasons of family, great food, lovely weather and beautiful holiday spots, I don’t actually believe Malaysians should return home but I do believe that it would be helpful indeed if they choose to.

When I first returned home, I was totally shocked at the complete make-over of Malaysia. Of course, the landscape and skyline have been changing throughout the years. However, the more subtle things that Malaysians who come back from holiday may not realize and took for granted started to creep up on me. Things such as there were less and less mixing of races in schools, more and more private schools and vernacular schools. Also, it was the atmosphere of fear I suppose, the fear to speak up, and the constant domination of a few individuals who seem to be very loud and yet, often hollow. I don’t know, it was very weird.

I decided to send my children to ordinary National schools and it was evident to me that the method of teaching have not changed, or perhaps got worse over the years. Things that I did in school such as English and BM summary were no longer in the syllabus. Children were expected to copy from textbooks and even to copy essays. I was reading the primary school year 5 history text book and it was full of pictures but very scarce in facts for example, the story of how J.W.W Birch died was not even told. I asked my son if the teacher had told them the story in class but nope! I mean I remembered going to school and found it very interesting. My friends and I, we all had our own characters and school life was fun but, nowadays even I find my kids school life pretty boring.

I honestly do not know what happened but after PRU-14 I felt the ‘wind of change’ and all the people who were ‘hibernating’ before seem to appear from the shadows. People are starting to speak out and to address certain issues which were pushed under the carpet previously. Issues such as ‘sexual harassment’, ‘bullying’ and even in some hospitals where ward rounds were conducted in languages other than Malay or English has been addressed. It is a good start.

Perhaps you wonder why it has taken so long for these things to surface. I can only assume it is because people were afraid or their complaints fell on deaf ears. In the case of the ward round in a language other than Malay or English, which inadvertently excluded some people who can only speak Malay or English, I suppose the fear is if you bring up the issue, it will lead to ‘racial tension’. Something that has been time and time again psychologically drummed into the Malaysian public. Now that the issue is being discussed and people are actually saying it is not a racial issue but an issue of being considerate; Well, you know what…there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Hence, I think Malaysia is already doing well (relatively). However, I do believe that Malaysians from overseas who decide to return can contribute tremendously in their expertise and specialist fields, as well as mentality and viewpoint. One thing that perhaps Malaysians overseas experience is what it is like to be an ethnic minority and having to fight for your rights and your beliefs. In the UK, I was an ethnic minority and being a Muslim woman in hijab, I guess indirectly I faced a lot of discrimination. I can’t remember being directly discriminated although I have been called ‘crazy’ for wearing a headscarf during the middle of summer and once I got harassed by some kid who wanted me to have his ‘babies’. Well, when you’re in that situation you have this choice to either be afraid or to fight back and I chose to fight. I chose to verbally speak my mind and tell some people off. I think that is a missing ingredient in Malaysia.

Often in Malaysia, I find there are a few loud people who are often ‘bullies’ and the others stood silently. Often these bullies or spoilt brats get what they want at the expense of everyone else. I think it is about time the majority speak their mind. By the way, I am not suggesting for all of us to turn into Siti Kassim but what I mean is for us to speak the truth and especially to stand up for Islam.

People say that all this butt licking started even during the time of Tun Mahathir. I don’t know. I sort of disagree because I think if we were to follow his example and his bravery and how he was not afraid to speak his mind and to call a spade a spade when it came to Zionism or those responsible for the economic crisis, we should have become a nation of brave souls. So, even if it is true that everyone was ‘afraid’ to say anything against him because he was a ‘dictator’ then I think he realizes now that is not good for the country and is encouraging us to be brave, to stand up for what is right.

So, Malaysians do come home because we need more people who can stand up for truth. For too long Malaysians in Malaysia has been plagued with this concept of ‘not rocking the boat’ and non-confrontational. We don’t need to confront everything or to start unnecessary arguments but justice must be for all.

I think since I returned in 2010 and God knows how long it was before that, people have been restrained in so many ways that it felt a heavy mountain was lifted off peoples’ back after PRU-14. I think people went a bit overboard after that and some individuals and groups were perhaps taking advantage of the situation to further their agenda but the majority public just needed a bit of a nudge to achieve equilibrium. It is easy to go a bit further than necessary. However, having people like Dr Nur Ilyani and others who were willing to speak up and to counteract certain agendas is a breath of fresh air. I think it is healthy because we need to give voice on both sides and to speak with clear understanding especially when it comes to religion.

I can understand for some who have been away for almost half of their lives will probably find it difficult to return. I thought about this when I wanted to make that decision and I knew that if I didn’t take the step to return home when I did, I probably never would so I am really ultimately happy that I made the decision when I did. If I had stayed in UK for 20 years, I probably would have to call myself British rather than Malaysian because our life, our definition, our memories, our existence is linked to our surroundings. So, that is understandable. Perhaps for the younger generation, do come home. Our nation is still building. It is not yet developed but we have at least achieved a two party ‘democrazy’ opps…I mean democracy; and we have survived.

Love you, Malaysia and happy 61^st birthday.

We need to best to lead us, not the worst! Thoughts of the month.

https://www.msn.com/en-my/news/national/khairy-malay-restlessness-real-but-umno-must-help-bridge-racial-divide/ar-BBM2jW1?li=AAaD62f&ocid=spartandhp

I haven’t blogged for a while because like the majority of the population, after the PRU-14 buzz, we all have to get back to our day job and move on with our lives. Like many of the ‘ordinary’ citizens we still keep up with the news, and sometimes make comments here and there but no longer religiously. When ‘Malaysia baru’ happened, I found that initially it was mostly ordinary citizens making comments because it was pure and intelligent but as time goes on, there were less intelligent comments and more propagandist. Nowadays, it feels like often the comments were 'planted' and is a waste of time to respond to. I don't know maybe it is just me. 

Just to highlight one thing because I am finding lately, within the last few months that the media is spewing up lots of misleading headlines, sensationalizing headlines and the news. I think Malaysians are really NOT into sensational journalism. I hope that the Malaysian journalist will stop emulating the British tabloids. It is not in our culture and perhaps it is not even in the British culture, I don't know. Perhaps many British people are also fed up with that sort of journalism. 

However, as far as Malaysians are concerned maybe Mak Ciks love to 'membawang' but when it comes to reading politics, people want facts and truth. No more hiding or treating the public like children who can’t handle bad news. We want to know the truth about 1MDB, the government debt etc so when the new government exposes certain things and then certain 'people' from the previous government start to criticize and to act like how they used to when they were in government, they say things like 'Don't expose...hush! hush! and don't frighten people'. It makes me wonder, do they even know why they are no longer in government?  

This is why we voted for change. We want to know the truth and how the government as well as the people can fix, improve and make things better. We want solutions. We do not want to sweep things under the carpet. I believe there is at least one person from the previous government who realizes this; and I hope that the others will follow his lead because ‘Malaysian baru’ will not happen with a new government but an opposition with an old mentality. People have rejected that brand of politics. The previous parties that make up the old government can still stand firm with its original objectives and it doesn’t have to change its philosophy but it needs to change the way in which it achieves the objectives. People have rejected the politics of deceit, self-gratification and grandiosity. People want an accountable government. 

So, no telling the people ‘if you can’t afford a house, go and rent’ or ‘if you can’t afford chicken, don’t eat meat’ or ‘if you’re not happy with the way the stewardess dress, go and look somewhere else.’ No matter how ridiculous the complaint is, as a government you need to answer wisely and intelligently. You need to educate the public and to address their concerns. We need the best of the people to lead us, not the worst!

My weekly news: Underage marriage and the Kelantan state government

Malaysians woke up this week with a few shocking news. First of all, the ex-PM has been charged today. I guess that wasn't so much of a shock. I am a bit sad, not for him but for my beloved country. I have read about these corruption cases involving leaders in other countries and many are comparing this to Marcos scandal of the Philippines many years ago but you just never expect it to happen to your own country. I can't think too much about it or I will get angry so I am going to be quiet and see how the case unfolds. I hope justice will be served. 

What I do want to talk about is the case of the 11-year old girl from Southern Thailand who recently 'married' a 41-year old man whom I believe happened to be her parents' employer. This little girl is from a poor family, father is a rubber tapper and mother is a cook. They are from Southern Thailand but lives in Gua Musang, Kelantan, North of Malaysia. 

A bit about the news report: 

https://www.thestar.com.my/news/nation/2018/06/30/41yearold-malaysian-weds-girl-30-years-younger-in-thailand/

There has been outrage and all sorts but I want to talk about the state government. This is because people are pointing fingers and pressuring our Deputy Prime Minister to do something. What we need to realize is that Malaysia already has a law against marrying a minor. According to the Malaysian law the age of consent is 16 years old. https://www.ageofconsent.net/world/malaysia

PLEASE READ THIS VERY CAREFULLY regarding STATUTORY RAPE. For any perverts who think they can have sex with a minor in this region. According to the Malaysian law any man caught having sex with a minor even with her consent is considered statutory rape. There is no 'ifs' or buts about it. 

The issue with this case is with regards to marriage because even though the legal marriageable age is 16 years old but the state Shariah court (Islamic court) can allow marriage to happen (with no minimum age) with evidence and investigation including no coercion, parent's consent obtained, child is mature enough to understand and other criteria. Each matter is handled on a case-by-case basis. The issue is about marriage only because sex before marriage in Islam is completely forbidden and sinful, therefore there is no issue of having sex at any age for that matter. 

However, in this particular case, the marriage was conducted OUTSIDE of Malaysia (in Southern Thailand) and is not recognized by Thailand nor Malaysian authorities. The man denied consummation of the marriage and is therefore, not considered statutory rape yet. 

The federal marriage law VS state shariah law. 

https://www.msn.com/en-my/news/national/change-state-shariah-laws-to-ban-child-marriage-say-lawyers/ar-AAzrMHp

My disappointment is actually with the state government of Kelantan. The state government is supposedly run by an Islamic party (PAS) and yet, what is it implementing in Kelantan? It argues that the Syariah court cannot set a minimum age for marriage due to the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad and yet, it conveniently ignored the Sunnah that Prophet Muhammad s.a.w promoted education and calls for all people to seek knowledge from cradle to the grave. 

We know during the time of the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w that there was no formal education and in fact, he himself was illiterate until he received the revelation. However, if he was alive today I have no doubt in my mind that he would ensure all children go to school and complete their education rather than to get married; because today, we have an opportunity that they never had before. We take it for granted because school has become a norm, even going to university is like nothing special. Yet, just imagine there was no school and university was unheard of at the time of the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. 

Did we know that the first ever university was established in the year 859 CE at Al-Karaouine, Morocco and it was founded by a woman called Fatima al Fihri? 

Evidence of the first university here

https://collegestats.org/2009/12/top-10-oldest-universities-in-the-world-ancient-colleges/

Yes, the first university of all time was founded by a Muslim woman. The Prophet Muhammad s.a.w would have been so proud to know that Muslims founded the first university and had he been alive today, I have no doubt he would send Aisyah r.a. and his daughter Fatimah to school and who knows? Aisyah with her brilliance could have furthered her studies and obtained a PhD Wallahu A'lam. 

The Prophet Muhammad s.a.w wanted to see men and women seeking knowledge and furthering their quest in finding the truth, proving the world around us and understanding the creation of God. So, why are we going backwards and focusing on getting 11-year olds to marry? The state should be focusing on kids to go to school and gain education. If the state government truly wants to implement Islam, it should ensure that all boys and girls obtain an education. Give help to those who are poor and cannot afford to go to school because it seems that their only option at the moment is to get married. Is that really an Islamic solution at a time where opportunity is for everyone? 

Sometimes Islam does not give us a particular law but it gives us concepts and ideas. It shows us a way on how to do things better. I would like to see the state government truly implement Islam, not just in the implementation of hudud but in its approach to life itself, to governance, to promote cleanliness on the streets, education for boys and girls, creating an atmosphere of seeking knowledge in all aspects of life, after all science is nothing else but the study of God's creation, to ensure that men are responsible and fulfil their duties towards their wives by providing for them and looking after the family. Show us true Islam, not be embroiled in political dirtiness and the culture of accusations. 

Give that 11-year old girl an alternative, show her there is another way. Send her to school, help her family and if 6 years from now after she obtained her Certificate of Higher Learning (SPM) results and she is still in love with this (by then) 47 year old man then marry them off. 

My weekly news: Fake news abolishment and free speech

Three days ago, in his usual lunch time speech our PM confirmed the abolishment of fake news act which was hastily brought in by ex-PM prior to the election. This is good news for most of us. However, since the results of GE-14, we have been inundated with various 'fake news' and often misleading headlines even from main stream media reporting, not to mention the various unnecessary negative and sometimes outright rude comments from some members of the public. So, how do we strike a balance between protecting the rights of people to express themselves versus the protection against fake and malicious intent? 

I agree that introducing a law is not the answer because even if a law was created with good intentions, it can somewhere along the way be abused by those in power. Therefore, we need a better long term solution. My thoughts would be on self-regulatory based on the concept of professionalism. First of all, let me introduce the meaning of Professionalism 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Professional

Professionals often pride themselves through their ability to self-regulate. Therefore, as a doctor I am a professional and I have a regulatory body which is the Malaysian Medical Council (MMC) that ensures doctors maintain a certain standard of practice through defined codes and ethical conduct, will not abuse their power and will be investigated if commit any medical wrongdoings. 

If as a nation we pride ourselves in our ability to express our views and not be restricted by a government law then perhaps we need to regulate ourselves. This regulatory should not come from the government because people hate government interference (irrespective of any government whether it is BN or PH or PAS). Therefore, these regulatory body should be independent. It is perhaps easier for media outlets for example, I am sure they have a regulatory body and if they don't, they should have. However, when we talk about the people in general, it is slightly difficult because people are people, so there are no one regulatory body as such. 

However, we can have general guidelines and NGOs or other professional bodies that can promote a responsible type of behaviour, a form of education to the public as to how to become professional in our responses and remarks towards others. 

For example:

1. When you read a news or statement do not react immediately, take time to think about it and how you would react. Don't jump to conclusions, do not assume. Just take a few seconds to think. 

2. Before you share a news or statement, think first what is your objective of sharing? Is it to educate or for malicious intent? Do not spread lies or have malicious intent. Spread for the purpose of education or information.

3. When we express our views, are we simply venting out our frustration or do we intent to incite feelings in others? Venting out our own frustration in public may not be a bad thing as long as people know that is what we are doing. We must always remember that whatever we write, will be read by people from God knows where and from which background. They may not always understand or agree. Therefore, be clear if we are simply venting out. Use emoticons if needed. 

On the contrary, if we intent to incite feelings in others, this may lead to sedition (hasutan). We must know the difference and we must be aware of our role in this issue. There is already a 'Sedition Act' in Malaysia and it is not going to be rid of anytime soon. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedition_Act_1948

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-29373164

There are a few issues that are considered 'sensitive' in Malaysia and it is already in the Malaysian constitution. This includes the rights of the 'Nine State Royal Kings' of Malaysia, the rights of the Malay Natives and Indigenous (Bumiputera) people and so on. How do we handle these issues? I don't believe we should declare these topics as untouchables, but I do believe that within our education system, the way we convey the message to our children should be clear. Make history interactive and let the children discuss these issues. Children are innocent, they do not yet have the understanding of good and bad but they need to know why history has shaped the way things are today. They need to appreciate history and learn to respect others. 

As for the constitutional rights as above, these should be protected and remain however, I also believe that our Malaysian Chinese and Indians whose parents, grandparents, perhaps even great-grandparents were born and brought up here, should be given some form of 'Bumiputera' equivalent status and rights. After all, their forefathers came here with a hope for a better life, a better future and equal opportunity. Most importantly, we share a history, a national language, a national anthem, same national heritage. We celebrate one another's culture and we have respect and understanding of one another's beliefs. Chinese and Indians learning Mandarin or Tamil is not a problem, if anything we should all become trilingual but exclusion is not the answer and vernacular schools is not the answer. I will leave it to the politicians and I know it sounds weird and people would probably cuss me for it but we all worked together to make this country great so, why not? 

Well, it is not for me to decide. I am just a small fish in the sea. However, the issue of fake news need to be address because we cannot allow those who are irresponsible or malicious to taint the good intent of the other 99% of the people in this country. At present, a month after the GE-14, the people are still in an intoxicated state, like someone who have just achieved freedom and people are saying whatever they want to say; but there needs to be some form of regulation and in most cases, equilibrium will be achieved by itself, unless a catalyst is introduced. So, be mindful people!