We are individuals and we do not need to compare ourselves to others but we do need to work together to have a functional society

I am reading this book by Jordan Peterson ’12 rules of life’. It has been a long time since I’ve actually read a proper book, one that I can touch and turn the pages. Most of the time, I am reading scientific papers in scientific journals or hundreds of pages of thesis. Anyway, a good book makes a person think, and stimulates thoughts and ideas. It opens up other avenues of possibilities as an explanation as to ‘why’ or ‘how’. I love his book as well as listening to his lectures. I have been philosophising all of my life and it is great to be around those who do. 

Anyway, in one of the chapters he talks about the child and how as a child, we are dependent on others, not just in our physical needs but also in our social needs, the need to compare ourselves to others, as a standard, to test the boundaries of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ behaviours or socially acceptable etiquettes. However, as we grow and blossom into adulthood, we start to formulate our own individuality and no longer require that need to compare ourselves, our lives or our achievements to others because we recognize that each and everyone’s lives are unique and different, and that success cannot be measured in a unidimensional fashion. Instead, our lives are multidimensional, composed of our family, career, friends, hobbies and so many aspects. It would be quite inappropriate to simply look at one dimensional and come to a conclusion that one’s person life is better than another. We could make a general comparison that perhaps, a person living in a warzone faces many more challenges than one living in peace. That might be an understatement. I am not talking about that. I am talking about those living within near similar environments and yet, every aspect of our lives are different. Let’s just take the most basic, some people have many siblings maybe even 6 or more and yet, is not close to any one of them, some people may have only 1 or 2 sibling and yet, they are best of friends. How do you compare? How do you say one is better than the other? Hence, there are no comparisons. Just a singular look into each and everyone’s lives, their own strengths and weaknesses.

Individuality is often celebrated in developed societies with advanced thinking. However, in less advanced societies, we find that people are still comparing themselves with others and sometimes, feel the need to bring others down in order to appear ‘more’ than what they are. In actual fact, no one needs to appear ‘more’ than anyone. Good or bad is not determined by what others do but is determined by its quality.  A sweet apple is not sweet, simply because another apple is sour. A sweet apple is sweet because of its intrinsic quality and the ability of the taster to taste that sweetness. This need to compare to others, is a primal behaviour that perhaps occur due to some arrested development. A child who never quite grow up to be confident enough to embrace their individuality and still needs the acceptance and approval of others. Let’s tell our kids and ourselves that It is okay to break away from the norm, to be different, to think differently but it is not okay to disrespect or to bully others. 

If we widen the scope of what is acceptable within the area of mubah (what is allowed in Islam), we would find that maybe our society would be less judgemental and perhaps, people would be happier. If we believe there is only one cake left in this one cake shop, we will all be fighting for that one cake; not realizing outside of that cake shop, there are a hundred other cake shops with various other cake selections and icing. If we believe that success is only unidimensional, then no one would ever be happy. In his book, he also talks about how no matter how good a person is at something, there will always be someone who would be better. Most people will admit Schumacher as the best F1 driver of all time because he won the title 7 times, but many will argue it was Senna or perhaps Hamilton. I told my daughter about this concept, and she asked me, ‘well, if whatever you do, there will always be someone who is better, then who is the best?’ I replied, ‘Ronaldo’ (with a smile). 

Anyway, I am not saying I am right about all these thoughts. I’m just expressing it. When I was growing up during my primary school years, I moved from Convent Kajang to SK Subang Jaya. My friends and classmates, were unique and identifiable in their characters. I felt that life in Malaysia had so much colour. It was as if ‘shiny happy people’ was playing on repeat in the background. We were smart, we were hardworking but we were also naughty and sometimes, feisty; but we looked out for one another. We had no problems speaking our minds, expressing our thoughts, sharing jokes or being sarcastic, but we always respected one another. Bullying was almost unheard of, at least where I was from. I think being 12, and growing up, we were really able to explore our individuality and among friends, there was a lot of acceptance as well as respect. 

Back then, individuality was celebrated but today, I see kids and there’s no spark in their eyes. They wear the same uniform, the girls wear the same headscarf, and they even look the same sometimes which is scary. They are expected to do the same things, say the same things and hardly ever question authorities in an intelligent manner. Where’s is the life? Colours? Originality? Even the music is just the same beat. Where is New Wave or Metal or Blues or Rock? And despite Medicine, Engineering, and Law spewing out 100s and 1000s of new graduates each year, some with no job to go to, we still brainwash our kids to pursue those careers instead of pursuing their dreams. Sometimes parents and teachers are afraid and we think that their passion will not provide them with job security. Well, in this economic situation, what is job security? Dreams are good, as long as we give our kids the pathway to make it happen, to make it real. The message we should give young people is not, do this subject because you will make more money but go out there and pursue your passion, as long as it is halal, but be prepared to work your damn asses off. That is what everyone will have to do. 

At a time where teenagers’ lives are ruled by gadgets and entertainment, the reality is they have to work harder than we ever had because beyond these four walls that we provide for them, this safe haven, life is a jungle and everyone is fighting to survive. I am not talking about fighting one another, I am talking about fighting against the cold harsh environment, the economic crisis, the crazy rules and laws that are hell bound in trying to make this already complicated life more difficult, the corrupted ideas, the drum machine and bad lyrics, politicians that only God knows what they’re talking about or doing, manipulative media and so much more. 

Hence, more than ever they don’t need enemies. People don’t actually need to fight one another, or bully one another, or to compare themselves to one another, to push anyone down instead. We are individuals and we should be celebrating our individuality. We do not need to fit into the norm and be like everyone else. We do not need to label people, but we do need to work together in order to be a functional society.

Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl6s1x9j4QQ
Led Zep Black Dog