My grand auntie passed away yesterday in Teluk Intan, Perak. I don't even know exactly how old she was, only that she was old but whenever I saw her, she always had a smile on her face. She never complained and she always said good things. My grandmother died when I was little and I was truly inspired by her. I knew my 'nenek' was very close to my grand auntie and I looked towards her as a source of closeness to my own grandmother. I guess they were similar in many ways, religious and prayed a lot, always said good and kind words and had sound knowledge of the Deen.
I've been thinking about this life and how it is a linear journey. Talking about it to my children the other day and telling them how I was in their shoes once upon a time. In the beginning when you were young, life is about looking forward. You are moving ahead through time, constantly looking towards the front. You grow everyday, learning and absorbing knowledge of the world, you go to school to get an education, you start to think about what you want to be when you grow up, who might be your life partner and the children you might have. You are egocentric and are mostly concerned about yourself and your immediate surroundings. You may even go through the rebellious teenager stage but still knowing that one day, you will be have to be a responsible adult, to earn your own living and look after a family.
However, as you approach the half way journey from the time your life begins and where your life will end....you are still looking ahead but you are also starting to look behind you. You start to look into that rear view mirror to see the things you left behind, the things you have achieved in your life. You start to think about the things you have achieved in your career, the knowledge you attained, the children you have, the people who have coloured your life and those whom you have helped or helped you. You look behind to evaluate your achievements and to help you figure out all the things you still want to achieve in life.
At this half way mark, you start to re-evaluate your life on what things are important. You may still have certain career things you would like to achieve like furthering your studies or attaining awards or titles, you start to reflect upon your own childhood in your children and how you want better things for them, to be more successful than yourselves, to not make the same mistakes. It is almost as though you re-live your beginnings through them, first day of school, silly arguments with friends and making up afterwards, getting told off by teachers, the fear of getting in to trouble for not bringing the right books to school, watching the sun rise for the first time, going on a long car journey and staring outside the window. Children make you feel young because when you see things through their eyes, everything is new, exciting and interesting.
At this point in your life, you start to think about your contributions to society and what have you done to make life better for others? I guess that is why many people start doing voluntary work at this stage, although there are also many who start earlier on in life. Anyway, you realize that there is a bigger world out there and you are an insignificant tiny dot amongst so many other dots. Maybe you feel more stable and established in your own lives and career to start thinking about helping others, although I do admire people who start charity or voluntary work at a young age.
Then, you look at your parents and realized how old they have become....and how they behave as though they have come towards the end of their lives. My dad once told me that at his age, he looks forward and sees only one thing: AFTERLIFE. Towards the end of the journey, this life is about looking back and what you have achieved. You rearview mirror gets magnified and at that moment, even your career no longer takes centre stage....all titles disappear....your strength wanes and the only thing that seems to put a happy smile on your face is listening to the laughter of your grandchildren.
Hence so is life and we are all heading that way....
When I look to the future and as I look pass all the things I am still hoping to achieve in my career, my young children, my dreams of running away on a charity mission or circumbulating the Kaabah, touching the great wall of China, marvel at the Taj Mahal and the geisers in New Zealand. Well, looking past all of those dreams that insyaAllah will one day come true, I would simply like to see at the end of it a woman who is constantly smiling, saying good and kind words to her children and grandchildren, never misses to pray on time and still having sound knowledge and sound mind....I wish to be like my grandmother and my grand auntie. They are my true "idols".
أعظم الله أجرك وأحسن عزائك وغفر لميتك. takziah dr.
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