Celebrating the differences between men and women in Islam

So many of us have been away from Malaysia for a long time, living abroad for many years. I guess we missed a lot of developments and changes that happened in this country, economically, politically, infrastructure and mentality. Sometimes I have forgotten all the things that I experienced when I was growing up here and sometimes I expect that maybe things have changed.


However, my recent chat with my teenage daughter made me wonder if some things have changed at all. She is expressing the same disatisfaction and heart-ache that I felt when I was growing up as a young Muslim girl in this country especially in terms of the gender inequality and the views of men and women in Islam.


Fortunately for me, I was given the opportunity to study abroad and to experience the struggle of the western women and feminists in a male dominated society and to find answers in the gender equality in Islam. Fortunately for my daughter, she has someone to try and explain to her these issues and I pray to Allah SWT that I will be able to explain this to her, to make her understand that Islam is perfect and balanced in the way it regulates men and women as well as the relationship between the two genders.


I dedicate this to my children, my girls and my boys and anyone else who feels this aching in their chest whenever the issue of gender inequality is raised.

The first thing that humans should know is that men and women are created equal. We are EQUAL but NOT THE SAME. We have biological differences and physical capabilities.


WE ARE EQUAL that both are slaves to Allah SWT, that we are both subjected to His rules and laws, that we are both demanded to worship Him alone, that He will reward us, both men and women for our good deeds.


Surah An Nisa:124 "And whoever does righteous good deeds, male or female, and is a (true) believer such will enter paradise and not the least injustice, even to the size of a speck on the back of a date-stone, will be done to them."

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He has made some obligations equal for both men and women e.g. the five daily prayers, the fasting in Ramadhan, the Hajj, the Zakat, the da'wah. He has made things that are forbidden equal to both men and women such as drinking alcohol, eating pork, taking riba (usury) and committing zina. The punishment for those who commit haram are equal for both men and women.


There are some who deceive themselves to believe that "it is okay for men to fool around with women because they can marry more than one" but this is a lie and is not the sunnah of the Prophet SAW in his practice of polygamy. Allah SWT made lowering of the gaze, for men to not look at women and women to not look at men an obligation for both parties. (Surah an Nur: 30-31)

However, men and women are NOT THE SAME. Men have been given the physical strength and leadership qualities for a good reason whilst women have been blessed with capacity of child birth and nurturing qualities for a good reason.




Is this gender equality??

Unlike western feminism that makes men the standard and women having to constantly prove themselves to be as good, or the mentality of whatever men does, a women can do better, Islam does not promote a competition between men and women in their capabilities other than the competition to attain TAQWA. Islam does not discriminate either of the sexes but celebrates these differences with promise of immense reward.



Unlike the west that looks down upon the natural gift of women as the vessel of life, a mother. Islam raises the women status above the men for her very nature of being a mother.

Abu Hurairah (radi Allahu anhu) reported that a person came to the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) and asked: “Who among people is the most deserving of my fine treatment?” He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) replied: “Your mother.” He then asked, “Who next?” The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) replied: “Your mother.” He asked again: “Who next?” He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said again, “Your mother.” He again asked, “Then who?” He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Your father.” [Sahih Bukhari]

On the other hand, Islam raises the level of a man as the leader, the protector and provider. He leads, he is responsible, he works and he provides for the family. (Surah An Nisa: 34)

This is a responsibility of a man. Allah SWT gave him the responsibility to protect and fight for His Cause, to protect the weak and needy and the act of Jihad and syahid is linked to immense reward. Protecting, jihad fi sabillah is NOT a choice but an obligation for all able bodied men.


Surah An Nisa:75 "And what is wrong with you that you fight not in the Cause of Allah, and for those weak, ill treated, and oppressed among men, women and children, whose cry is: "Our Lord! rescue us from this town whose people are oppressors; and raise from us from You one who will protect, and raise form us from You one who will help."

Women have an important role as mothers and nurturers. She has a responsibility to look after her home and kids and she is rewarded immensely for her actions. However, she is also given the rights to own property, inheritance, to work and to contribute actively within society. It is an obligation for her to seek knowledge and to be able to raise her children with physical health as well as strong adherence to the Deen and understanding.


Even though she is allowed to work but this is HER CHOICE, unlike men where there is NO CHOICE. The man is the bread-winner, the main provider and if a woman chooses to work, she only supplements the needs of the family and herself. NO WOMEN SHOULD BE FORCED TO WORK or WORSE, TO PAY FOR HER HUSBAND'S DEBTS AND CREDIT CARDS.


All researchers know the difference between a PRINCIPAL INVESTIGATOR (PI) and a co-investigator, a lawyer knows the difference between the partner and the salaried lawyer, doctors know the difference between the specialist and the masters student. The difference is in the degree of responsibility and responsibility weighs more than the title or status. Hence, a man is the leader of the family and he shoulders the burden of providing, protecting and leading.


Islam has given both men and women GREAT EXAMPLES TO FOLLOW

The Prophet SAW is the best example. He is an example for men as the best leader, the best husband, the best father and the best sahabah. We have great leaders as examples such as Abu Bakr As-Siddiq, Umar Bin Al-Khattab, Uthman Bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib, Abdullah Ibn Umar and many more. Leaders who are strong in character, decision makers, strong fighters and yet, kind, loving and gentle towards their women, elderly and children.

These are the YARDSTICK for Muslim men and a standard that needs to be upheld.

As for women, we have been given the example of Asiyah the wife of Firaun, Maryam the mother of Isa, Khadijah r.a, Fatimah r.a and Aisya r.a. These are strong women who loved Allah SWT and the Messenger more than anyone else.

The examples of women are those who PUT THEIR LOVE AND TRUST IN ALLAH SWT ALONE. Asiyah the wife of Firaun went against him by believing in the ONENESS OF ALLAH SWT and when Firaun tortured her, she only called to Allah SWT and said (At Tahrim: 11) "And Allah has swt forth an example for those who believe: the wife of Firaun when she said "My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Firaun and his work and save me from the people who are Zalimun."

So, refrain from looking to the west for answers in solving the issues of gender inequality rather embrace the truth of Islam in its definition of the rights and responsibilities of men and women.

Capitalism has reduced our community to love the dunya and fear death, instill the DISEASE OF WAHN in our men that they fear to die for the sake of Allah SWT and clinging on to the luxuries of this world. Capitalism has reduced men to beings that are subjugated by desires and lust, to commit haram and even syirk (sihir/khurafat) in order to attain the things they covet in wealth and women, preventing them from taking the just and right actions and fulfilling their responsibilities as leaders, husbands and fathers.



Capitalism has promoted women to fight for freedom BUT DUPED them into believing that freedom equals the selling of her body as a commodity and yearning for love and acceptance by men until she no longer values herself as the honoured servant of Allah SWT, the Almighty.

Ya Allah! May we be those who LOVE YOU ONLY and do not make us love anyone more than we love YOU. Fill our hearts with the remembrance of YOU for syaitan is eager to enter an empty heart...and protect us from the evil actions and intentions of others. Ameen.