The joys of coorperation versus the misery of competition (PART TWO)

Unfortunately, for the manipulators there is no way they will ever learn how to coorperate with others. They are social defects to a lesser or higher degree. Psychologist differ as to whether these people are born this way or became this way through environmental factors. Consensus shows that it is most probably 50:50 in terms of nature versus nurture.

Anyone can be a manipulator. It is not a great skill. Fortunately, most people have learned to coorperate. Most people understand that coorperation creates a healthy, happy environment whether in the work place, in educational institution, in family or romantic relationships.

On the other hand, some people may come across very strong characters who appear to be 'controlling'. These are influential people but they are different from manipulators. These people do not attempt to use anger, sulking, threats, silent treatment in order to achieve what they want rather, it is through their strength of character and their ability to convince others their ideas and thoughts that people tend to coorperate with them. These people have the ability to inspire others and bring out the best from other people rather than to create a state of misery in others.

There are also situations within a relationship where a person (B) relies heavily on the other person (C). This form of relationship between person B and C is almost like a parent-child relationship even though they are both adults. Dependent relationships are unhealthy and person C will eventually feel frustrated, exhausted and annoyed by person B. This is especially so when the man is dependent on the woman. The man is the head of the family, he is the leader and being a  leader, it is completely lack of macho to start depending on the woman no matter how strong she is.

A relationship is about giving and taking on both sides. Each side wants to gain something and wants to give something. That is the nature of a romantic relationship. it is entirely different from a parent-child relationship. A parent loves the child UNCONDITIONALLY. This can only be so because the parent does not need the child. When I say the parents do not need their child, I mean...the child especially during the early years are completely dependent on the parents for vital needs e.g. food, shelter, mobility and emotional needs. The parents however, do not need the child even though we ENJOY the love we receive from them. Hence, not having any other intentions of gains or reward from the child makes the parents love for the child unconditional.

There is no such thing as 'unconditional' love when it comes to romantic relationships. Within a romantic relationship, there is always something that each party wants to gain from the other, whether it is financial, love, companionship, security, physical etc...no one gets into a romantic relationship with another person for no gain whatsoever. If one does not need anything from the other person then, they are most likely to leave that relationship. A one-way relationship never ever goes well.

In children however, there are many ways to instill and reinforce coorperation whether it is to instill coorperation of good behavior during a shopping trip or within sibling rivalry. There are many good parenting books which are highly recommended such as 'Children are from heaven by John Gray' or 'The complete secrets of happy children' by Steve Biddulph' and many others. There are also various TV programmes such as 'Super nanny' and similar to show parents different methods in bringing out the coorperative nature within our kids. There is a REAL NEED for books and materials that teaches us Muslim parents on how the Prophet SAW instill good behavior, good habits and coorperation in the young sahabah. One such material is a series of talk titled 'Children around the Prophet' by Sheikh Awadi which may be downloaded HERE inshaAllah.

Hence, in today's complex world and where caning is no longer the key to disciplining our younger generation, parents need to develop the soft skills in order to raise happy, healthy and coorperative children. This ability to coorperate is essential for the child to blossom into an adult whom can develop healthy and happy relationships with others whether it is in the work place, educational institutions and romantic relationships.