The joys of Malaysia: food and family

12th December 2009

Went out with Kakak (my sister) and the four kids today and had some ice-cream and ayam goreng at Kedai Mamak, which is what Malaysians call Indian Muslims. Kedai Mamak is very famous here. Everyone loves going to Kedai Mamak because it is a Muslim restaurant, the food is great like roti canai, briyani, rice and whatever kuah (gravy) you want, and lots of tasty drinks like fruit juices, teh-O-ice (my favourite) and it is cheaper and tastier than going to other restaurants like McDonalds or KFC. Ahh...the choice of food in Malaysia.

The kids had ice-cream and my sister and I shared an ABC (air batu campur) or iced mixed as it is translated. It is a Malaysian specialty made from grated ice with syrup and all sort of stuff like jelly, Ahh...the food in Malaysia is like heaven, Alhamdulillah. I will live in Malaysia and forget about the UK just for the food.

Hadiya was saying how she missed home and she wanted to go back to her old home. I couldn't understand how she would miss that tiny little house we lived in at 213 Bensham Lane. It was a little house with a tiny little lounge and dining area, a small tiny kitchen that only one person can ever be in at any one time and two upstairs bedroom. Now we are at Malaysia at my mom's detached house. Even the room we're staying in is like twice the size of our old lounge. There is like 3 lounges and a large garden. Yet, she wants to go home....I felt a little sad because I knew that there was no home any more. I couldn't take her 'home' even if I wanted to....this is our home now.

I was rather amazed at how the kids have adapted so quickly to the weather. They don't seem bothered about the heat although we did spend quite a bit of time in the library where the air-condition was. The one thing that really frustrated me was their nyamuk bites; we were practically mosquito food. Every morning we would wake up to every inch of our legs, arms even face covered with bites. I made sure the kids had their long sleeve pyjamas on and put mosquito repellant on their faces. Things did get better after a few weeks.

The main thing for me was not missing the UK but the fear of new environment. It was about being taken out of my comfort zone. I can understand how a fish feels. When we bought our fish back in the UK, we were told to introduce the fish gently into its new environment, not to put the fish in the aquarium immediately. Now, I understand why...even if the aquarium is the most beautifully designed and decorated in the world, it is still a new environment, the fish is being taken out of its comfort zone into somewhere it is uncertain about. Okay, this is sounding weird as if I would know how a fish feels. I'm talking about me...I felt out of my comfort zone even if my previous life was not perfect. Now, I have family, a nice place to live etc....and it felt pretty scary. It would have been easier to just carry on with life the way it was....even though I wasn't very happy with it.

The other new thing for me was family life. In the UK, it was me, hubby and the kids; occasional encounters with hubby's family. Here, I was with my family all the time. I was living with mom and dad, and sister and nephew. Family life means there will be conflicts, disagreement, dissatisfaction but there is also helping out, sharing, talking, expressing emotions, support, love and all sorts of beautiful experiences. It is important to accept people for what they are, taking criticisms at face value especially from parents. More than anything, they criticize out of love. The alternative to that would be isolation, individualism that only leads to loneliness, lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.

It feels so nice to be amongst people, to live with others. I am never alone and I can do whatever I want and still leave that work and have a chat with someone. Things are done together like someone would put the washing machine on, someone else will hang up the clothes and another person will take it down and fold it. That is the joy of living with family, in a community, something I believe has long been lost in the UK....individualism and 'freedom' has taken away the joy of living together and being part of each others lives.

Above: picture of my two goldfish in UK

My encounter with MMC

11th December 2009

Today I had my first encounter with a Malaysian Government Agency; I went to visit MMC (Malaysian Medical Council) with my dad. It was nice to be treated with respect and be called 'Doctor'; never felt respected before in UK as a doctor. Even my dad got confused when they started calling me “doctor” and he was saying, “Which doctor?”; I guess it never occurred to him that his little daughter is now somebody respectable. It was quite funny actually.

I kept asking her questions about my application and after every question, she would say...”nanti, saya tanya pegawai (hold on, let me ask the officer in charge)” and I'm thinking to myself, if you can't answer any of my questions without speaking to the pegawai (officer) then, why don't I just speak to the officer myself; but apparently that is how things are done here. At least, she was very polite and nice.

I quickly realised that when it comes to government applications, I must take documents, photocopying, dates and endorsement very seriously. Even if you get one thing 'wrong', like the wrong colour form or undated documents, things will become 10 times more difficult. Every photocopy document has to be stamped and endorsed by a lawyer or some government official.

My advice to anyone considering to register with MMC:


1.Download the application form from MMC website and fill everything in. They will give you a list of all documentations that is required.

2.Make sure you get a testimonial from your consultant after every job that you have completed. If you can't get one from your consultant then, get one from the Medical personnel or in my case, from my VTS co-ordinator. The testimonial is very simple; it just needs to say something like....
“This is to confirm that Dr so and so was working at so and so hospital as a (grade) in (what specialty) from what date to what date”. If you want to give more information for e.g. On your performance or duties then you can add those things.

MMC requires testomony from all jobs you did within the last 3 years. However, I would recommend that you get testimonial from all jobs you ever did because you will need that if you are applying for job at Kementerian Kesihatan or some University Hospital application. If you are a GP trained in UK (like me) then it is easier to get a testimony from your VTS co-ordinator stating all the jobs you did during your VTS rotation. That means you do not need to approach all of your ex-consultants which could be tricky if they had retired, on prolonged leave or on holiday.

2.Make sure all your documents are photocopied and that the photocopies are endorsed by a lawyer or medical officer (like the GMC or equivalent) or Malaysian Hicom.

3.If your certificate is for some reason (like mine!!!) undated then, make sure you get them dated by your medical school/hospital. Otherwise MMC might have to call them to confirm that you did qualify from that Medical school.

4.It is better to send your application by hand (even if it is via someone else like family member or trusted friend) rather than post – as it has been known to get lost (not by the post-office) and make sure that you get a notice of receipt. You can make your application whilst still in the UK, post it to your family member and get them to take it for you to MMC. They will still need to see your original copies but you can do that later when you have arrived in Malaysia.

5.A top tip is if you are more than 45 years old, you are exempted from compulsory service so, you can go straight into private work (I believe – unless they change this man made law again).

So, that is the boring bit I'm afraid but pretty useful information I hope for those who are now in my position. When I decided to write down my experiences, it was also with the intention of helping those like me. Alhamdulillah I did get some useful tips from people but most of the time I was in the dark, groping for some light or rope or whatever to guide me to where I wanted to go. Most people who were in my position had established their lives and moved on. Many have forgotten all the details of their plight and little annoyances that they went through to get to where they are. I don't blame them. Nobody wants to remember details of their dealings with government officials. Even for me, it all seems a long time ago but I wanted to put this down in my blog for the benefit of anyone out there considering to return to Malaysia. I just hope that it will prepare them for some of the difficulties ahead.

Link to MMC website for information
http://www.mmc.gov.my/v1/

Doubt started creeping in....

10th December 2009; I've only been home for a few days. I am suffering from jet-lag. I have all these hopes and plans but right now I feel like rubbish. I've been awake since 1 am and it is now nearly midday and I feel like a complete zombie. I still can't go to sleep and I'm starting to have doubts.

Doubts or in Arabic "was,was” is a terrible thing; whisperings of Syaitan. This is only my second day back and I'm thinking to myself, “What have I done?”, “Why am I here?”, “Was this really a good idea?” I was afraid to tell anyone, afraid that people might say, “I told you so...” but the thought of going back to the UK felt even worse. Besides, I've got nothing left in the UK – I've sold everything and there was nothing to go back to. Going back to UK would be like starting all over again here; house, car etc...etc....

To me, this was a beginning of a lesson – lesson of Tawakkal; to put my trust in the One who knows everything; The One who has control over everything; over the Heavens and the Earth. It was more a test of Iman. I have made this decision based on the Mercy of Allah, His Guidance – I must have Trust. To me, this wasn't theoretical any more. This was not about the article that I wrote on Tawakkal many months ago. This wasn't the circle that I gave on Friday night. This was reality and this was practical. To step back, relax, open my heart, stop worrying and just trust that things will be okay. To take the practical steps of whatever it is that I needed to sort out, jobs, immigration, schooling, whatever...and just make dua to Allah for the best outcome.

I felt like I've never in my life understood what Tawakkal meant until now. I felt like a fraud giving those talks before. I really understood that we have no knowledge, no control over our future. I had no idea what life was in store for me; which job I would get, where my rizk would come from but I realised that the only One who knows is the Almighty. He knows the past, the present, the future. He has full knowledge of my worries and concerns and He knows what is in store for me; a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. When I was born and when I would die. I am at this moment in time and I can't see beyond this time and place but He is All-Knower, All Wise. My only source of comfort was Solah and Qur'an.

Uncertainty is a torture for a human being. I started to think about those people who are in prison, held without charged not knowing what life was in store for them; or asylum seekers waiting for decision, will they be deported or will they be able to start a new life. My situation was rather comfortable compared to theirs. I had my family around me, I had a comfortable home to live in, my kids were pretty healthy and happy...it was just a matter of sorting things out, getting stuff organised yet, uncertainty was still hard especially for me; someone who is so used to routines and organisation.


I seeked comfort in e-mailing my cousin in Singapore who relocated back from the US around a year ago. She gave me the best advice a person could. Certainly, the best advice is always one that comes from Iman and Taqwa. She acknowledged my worries and concerns and reminded me that is only natural but to remain strong in Tawakkal and never to doubt the decision of Allah. I can't thank her enough. May Allah reward her.

Life is a funny thing. Human beings are so easy at becoming distressed. Where do we find tranquility other than the knowledge that there is something much greater than us out there who is All-Powerful and able to control all things?

First impressions

I'm not going to say much about the plane journey as it felt such a long time ago. I think it is adequate to say that traveling with four children on an aeroplane for 13 hours is pretty challenging. Nevertheless we got there in one piece despite the screaming...yup! my two year old was pretty frustrated after a whole day of no sleep, the excitement of going to the airport and getting on the plane at midnight, being served dinner at 1am and he's finally had enough! He wants his sleep...so, he started screaming and kicking and rolling on the floor until after what felt like eternity, he collapsed into a deep coma. All the other passengers heaved a sigh of relief but unfortunately, another passenger's baby started to scream but it didn't bother me, I was just glad I wasn't alone. One down three to go. Alhamdulillah my two older ones were occupied by their movie set and fell asleep later whilst my little 3 and half year old too managed to go to sleep. It was smooth sailing thereafter until it was time to land; the turbulence made us all felt sick; we had our seatbelts on and I looked across to my son, who was pale green. He said, "Mommy, I feel sick" and before anyone could do anything, he threw up on the aisle. "I'm glad there is no plane journey back, I'm glad this is just one way." I thought to myself.

The first real difference I noticed as soon as I stepped out of the plane was the atmosphere. I'm not talking about the weather which was pretty obvious but it was the atmosphere of relaxation. People were busy rushing about to get to their destination but in a more relaxed manner. There wasn't the need or urge to push past people, as though one is more important than everyone else. I could observe my surrounding and appreciate the things that are happening around me. I'm not 'blinkered' by my own life, my own individuality, like I do not need to acknowledge the presence of others. Over here, it felt like they were a part of my life and I was a part of their lives, that we shared a common space.

I could appreciate a parent consoling her crying child or a group of tourist looking around admiring what they saw or families hugging one another after such long departures. It felt good to be a part of the world.

I guess the important thing is to realise that each society will have its own norms and cultures. There is always good and bad, pros and cons. I see good things here as well as bad things but it is never good to keep comparing. For e.g. queuing is a British culture but it is not so important to queue in Malaysia; it is important to know when is your turn and give the person before you their turn. or keeping in lane is an important driving skill in Britain but not so here; but there's not much road rage cause everyone is more concerned about getting to destination in one piece. Cars and motorbikes will cut you up from right and left but it doesn't matter, there is no ego or pride. The atmosphere is definitely more relaxed....

My decision to return home

My 4th child was born in 2007 and it was the happiest time of my life, for one thing the first few days of having a baby is always exciting and full of that serotonin rush. Secondly, I had my mom staying with me for one month. Her company was enough to make me feel complete. We used to spend hours chatting, sitting at the dinner table having some snacks or just a cup of tea.

Then, a month passed and she had to go back to Malaysia; leaving me in the UK and baby blues set in. The day she flew home, I was in bed the whole day completely depressed. I knew my heart was somewhere else.

Finally Sept 2009, when Hubby agreed to it after several discussions - the decision was made. I booked my tickets to make it more real. I was going home...

It is hard to explain my yearning to be with my parents. I imagine there are many people out there who will understand immediately and will be able to relate to how I was feeling. At the same time, there will be some who will never understand. I can't even explain it in words. I just missed them so much. After 17 years, I was home-sick.

So, my decision to return home was mainly due to family reasons. You know, people will return home, relocate, move to foreign lands for various different reasons. Whatever your reasons are, it is always important to realize that every society have its advantages and disadvantages; each place will have its own cultures and attitudes.

I didn't leave the UK to return to Malaysia based on rose-tinted glasses. Many people warned me that Malaysia is different from 17 years ago, things aren't great here, don't expect to find true Islam, there's a lot of problems and crimes. I was prepared for the worse. I understood that decisions had to be made based on concrete facts rather than fanciful ideas. For e.g. if I was expecting to find an Islamic State ala Nabuwwah - I would be completely disappointed. It is important to realise (if one haven't already) that there is no real Islamic State in the world today, not even Saudi Arabia. No country in the world today implements Shariah comprehensively. All Muslim countries today have adopted parts of their Laws/constitutions from the French or British. All Muslim countries today are secularised in some form or another. There is no Islamic State in its true form, like the one established by Prophet Muhammad (saw) in Madinah.

I'm not going to give a lecture on Islamic State but just merely stating a basic fact, to avoid any disappointment. Relocating is a major decision with various major stresses; you do not want to make that move based on the wrong decision or impression. However, I would say that living in Malaysia is more spiritually fulfilling for me personally. Hearing the adhan everyday, fixed prayer times, starting the day at Fajr time, allocated times for praying with various mosque and small praying areas available everywhere, there is higher inclination to read Qur'an and do Dikr. At the same time, I don't want to be complacent and feel that I have fulfilled my Ibaadah actions and that's okay. Islam is comprehensive and Ibaadah is one aspect of it. Still have to worry about financial dealings, interactions with non-mahrem (social system issues), state of the Ummah, what's happening round the world and political activities.

It is so easy to just get absorbed in my own life and problems. Anyway, my number one top tip advice is: the most obvious of all - never make a decision without asking Allah swt. Istiharah prayer is the key to any decision making. Alhamdulillah it is amazing...even if you think you really want something or you believe it's going to be great; still istiharah is the key because we do not know the future; and we may think that something is good for us or bad for us, but we never know for sure. Only the All-Knower, Most Knowledgeable knows the past, present and future.

So, my decision to return home was sparked by my yearning to be closer to my family and seeking the guidance from the One, All-Knower, All-Merciful Allah s.w.t.

Relocating back to Malaysia: Introduction

This blog is dedicated to all of my friends and those considering moving to Malaysia after years of living abroad. When I left the UK in December 2009 (intending to start a new life in Malaysia), many people were intrigued to know how life would unfold for me, how we would cope as a family and our experiences. In some ways, I am like a 'test case'; although I'm sure there have been many test cases before but, I thought I would share some of my thoughts and experiences.

I kept daily notes of my experiences and feelings. However, I couldn't put them in a blog yet. My first few weeks/months were filled with uncertainties and emotional turmoil. I wasn't sure if things were going to work and I didn't want my blog to end with a conclusion of “failed attempt”. I needed to settle down more and to at least, be slightly certain that things could potentially work-out, that there was light at the end of the tunnel and good news to be spread; inshaAllah.

Hence, here I am...two months later...things are not completely settled and I am still burdened by various worries and concerns. However, I am sure of one thing; Alhamdulillah we've made the right choice. Sometimes I still have a momentary doubt but that's just for a second or two.