So, will your marriage last more than the average three years?

I was reading the newspaper recently and if you have read it too, you would know that the average length of marriage used to be seven years and it has now reduced to three years. Not good news to future newly wed couples especially since weddings are getting more expensive. In other words you're spending more for less durability. It is like...you used to pay RM5.00 for a battery that lasts and lasts and lasts...but now you're paying RM20.00 for a battery that goes flat in an hour.

I wonder why marriages nowadays do not last so long unlike our grandparents or even parents who seems to be married forever. My mom and dad have been married for 42 years...just imagine! I've only been married for 14 years but considering the average, we've completely passed the 7 years so whatever happens after this, we've done well! (okay...just joking...may we have more happy years ahead. Amin) :0

Anyway, I would like to share with you a scenario. Do you remember your first job interview? You spent so much time looking for a job, you've looked through career pages in the newspaper, surfed the internet, spent hours and hours composing the best CV, cracked your head on how to make your CV seemed extraordinary. Finally, you found that perfect job and you applied for it. You waited with anticipation, day after day for a positive response and finally the day arrived when you received that call...they called you for an interview. You rushed to the shops to buy yourself a new attire, new perfume, new shoes, new hair gel (if you're a bloke)  and you spent hours in front of the mirror rehearsing what you were going to say.

Do you remember how nervous you were on the day of the interview. You kept checking your watch to make sure you're not going to be late. You finally arrived at the interview and as you entered the room, you felt your heart pounding like neverbefore. You did your best to try and impress the panelist and as you waited for the result, you imagined how wonderful your life would be if you somehow got the job. You can almost see yourself in that office, in the chair, behind the desk, doing the things that you've always wanted to do...then, finally you received that phone call that informed you..."YES! you got the job!"

You were completely ecstatic because you realized that  your life has just begun.

But now, what would you do? Would you:

a) Feel satisfied, feel that you have achieved what you set out to achieve? start to relax and become complacent. You believe that you do not have to try so hard anymore... and that things will just somehow miraculously 'work out' and you will blossom and be a great worker by doing nothing? You imagine the excitement you would feel from going to work everyday just like how you felt when you attended the interview?

or

b) Feel that your career has only just begun...you feel motivated, enthusiastic to do your best, find out and learn about your roles and responsibilities. You want to grow into your job, to always strive to do better, to be better, to expand your skills, to impress your boss, to be promoted and to earn more?

I'm sure most sane and intelligent people will choose (b) so I'm not actually talking about a job but a relationship or more specifically, a marriage... now, can you understand the similarity, right?

So, you have started your 'dream job' with this 'dream company' and it is now three months later... you're getting familiar with your roles and responsibilities but you realize that you have so much more to learn.You realize the more you learn, the less you know and the more effort you have to put in. You still 'love' your job but the 'excitement', the 'anticipation' that you experienced before you went for the interview just seems so far away, it seems insignificant now compared to all these other experiences that you're getting...

Again, I'm not talking about a job but a relationship...it must seem clear that the 'courting' stage, the excitement, the yearning and wanting is just an initial phase that would seem insignificant and a small tiny fraction compared to a lifetime of getting to know one another, learning about one another and working together to make the relationship grow, all the experiences that the two of you will go through together...

This is where most experts believe is the failure of today's marriage. There's too much emphasis on the initial stage...the courting, the excitement, the being 'in love' but unlike the job...people forget that marriage is just like starting a new job. You need to work hard to make things work, you need to work hard to keep your job and even harder to get promoted!

In a world where there is more 'freedom', more socializing, people are deluded to think that they have more choices...they think that they can always find someone 'better'. If one girl gives him hell, it is much easier to just leave and find another one. If one guy pisses her off, she thinks he's not worth it and goes off to another man. This attitude of 'I can leave whenever I want' means guys and gals will spend most of their lives just hopping from one relationship to the next cause when things get tough, they leave... there is no commitment to make things work.

The truth is, no matter how many people you 'date', relationships start from ZERO...and it starts the day you get married. Remember that dream job that you've been yearning for...well, the day you start your job is when it all starts...and you need to work pretty damn hard in order for you to keep your job and to make your career flourish.

So, do not be deceived by the 'freedom' that you have. There are no more choices than there's ever been. Just more opportunity to commit haraam (sorry! that's a fact) In the end, Allah SWT chooses your mate for you...you still end up with one person and you still have to work hard regardless...

How much I love...

My previous post is about how much I miss my life in England...
This post is about how much I love my new life in Malaysia...

I love waking up at the same time every morning to the call of sweet Adhan, how beautiful it is to wake up remembering that our life in this world is to worship Allah SWT.

KLCC Twin Towers

I love my journey to work, to view the amazing KLCC Twin Towers everyday, a postcard scenery. The cotton wool clouds above the hills and the sun rising from behind it. To look up into the sky sometimes and see an eagle gliding above.

I love having different jobs to do everyday, all my different roles...I'm a clinician, a teacher, a researcher, an administrator, a coordinator but best of all is having breakfast in the morning with my team members who are also my good friends.

My beautiful work place

I love seeing my patients who are ever so grateful to listen to my explanations, to hear me say 'you make me so happy cause your blood sugar is now controlled'. I know...sounds weird but that is the joys of being a doctor. To follow up someone from HbA1C of 10.0 and it goes down to 5.9, that really makes my day!

I love teaching my students and the look I get sometimes on their faces when I can see something had just made sense. They're not just absorbing or memorizing but something 'clicked' or a switch has been turned on. If I can make one person understand one thing or to spark a thought in someone...I feel that I have achieved something that day. 

I love sitting in my office, even though the air condition is freezing cold...listening to some music and doing my work, hiding inside my cave. It makes me feel like I'm back in England but reality hits me as soon as I leave the building and I'm greeted by the strong heat from the sun. 

I love spending weekends with my family, visiting relatives, attending weddings or going shopping. I've come to the conclusion that the Malaysian population census has been greatly underestimated. This is because no matter where I go, which ever shopping mall or supermarket or leisure centre, it doesn't matter if it is in Kuala Lumpur, Kota Bharu, Kuantan, Malacca or Johor bahru. It doesn't matter if it is Carrefour, Tesco, Jusco, KLCC Suria, Midvalley Mega Mall or Subang Parade...wherever I go, it is jammed packed with people. There's hardly any parking spaces and it just feels like the whole of Malaysia has followed me there.

Pulau Kapas, off Terengganu

I love going on holiday trips to visit the beautiful beaches on the East Coast of Malaysia and the Islands...white sandy beaches, big waves, strong cold wind...I just wish that the people would take more care to keep the beaches clean and to preserve its natural condition. Development is okay but we should never compromise cleanliness, safety and heritage for a miserly profit!

I love the fact that I can stop at any highway rest areas and there will be a 'surau' (prayer room) and the fact that there's hose pipes in the toilets...these little conveniences that make it easy for me to fulfill my needs as a Muslim.

I love that Maghrib is always around 7 - 7.30pm and I have a regular routine through out the whole year without having to get confused over prayer times and sleep cycle.

I love having breakfast at the Mamak shop, to have 'Tosai' and Teh tarik. To be able to go to almost any restaurant and it is halaal.

I love our beautiful home and all its amenities. To wake up in the morning listening to the birds singing.

There's so much to love...the food, the people, my family and friends...but it is so easy to get comfortable and complacent. So easy to forget to be  grateful to Allah SWT. To be aware of the suffering of the Muslim Ummah, to be concerned for their affairs, to remember them, to speak about them, to be their eyes, ears and voices, to sense their pain...

I do not want to be the part of the body that has been anaesthetised, that I can no longer feel the cut or pain inflicted upon the rest of the body. I am afraid to be complacent...to think that I can let my guard down... to think that I have Islam because I can hear the Adhan, see Masjid everywhere and wear hijab without the fear of discrimination. There is so much more about Islam that is not being fulfilled here...in society, in the rules and laws, in the system itself. I must never forget! I must never let my guard down and feel secure, because that in itself is a trap! Wherever I am....wherever I go...I must remember who I am, my duties and responsibilities towards Allah SWT, myself, my family, my community and the Ummah.

Home is where the heart is...