So, will your marriage last more than the average three years?

I was reading the newspaper recently and if you have read it too, you would know that the average length of marriage used to be seven years and it has now reduced to three years. Not good news to future newly wed couples especially since weddings are getting more expensive. In other words you're spending more for less durability. It is like...you used to pay RM5.00 for a battery that lasts and lasts and lasts...but now you're paying RM20.00 for a battery that goes flat in an hour.

I wonder why marriages nowadays do not last so long unlike our grandparents or even parents who seems to be married forever. My mom and dad have been married for 42 years...just imagine! I've only been married for 14 years but considering the average, we've completely passed the 7 years so whatever happens after this, we've done well! (okay...just joking...may we have more happy years ahead. Amin) :0

Anyway, I would like to share with you a scenario. Do you remember your first job interview? You spent so much time looking for a job, you've looked through career pages in the newspaper, surfed the internet, spent hours and hours composing the best CV, cracked your head on how to make your CV seemed extraordinary. Finally, you found that perfect job and you applied for it. You waited with anticipation, day after day for a positive response and finally the day arrived when you received that call...they called you for an interview. You rushed to the shops to buy yourself a new attire, new perfume, new shoes, new hair gel (if you're a bloke)  and you spent hours in front of the mirror rehearsing what you were going to say.

Do you remember how nervous you were on the day of the interview. You kept checking your watch to make sure you're not going to be late. You finally arrived at the interview and as you entered the room, you felt your heart pounding like neverbefore. You did your best to try and impress the panelist and as you waited for the result, you imagined how wonderful your life would be if you somehow got the job. You can almost see yourself in that office, in the chair, behind the desk, doing the things that you've always wanted to do...then, finally you received that phone call that informed you..."YES! you got the job!"

You were completely ecstatic because you realized that  your life has just begun.

But now, what would you do? Would you:

a) Feel satisfied, feel that you have achieved what you set out to achieve? start to relax and become complacent. You believe that you do not have to try so hard anymore... and that things will just somehow miraculously 'work out' and you will blossom and be a great worker by doing nothing? You imagine the excitement you would feel from going to work everyday just like how you felt when you attended the interview?

or

b) Feel that your career has only just begun...you feel motivated, enthusiastic to do your best, find out and learn about your roles and responsibilities. You want to grow into your job, to always strive to do better, to be better, to expand your skills, to impress your boss, to be promoted and to earn more?

I'm sure most sane and intelligent people will choose (b) so I'm not actually talking about a job but a relationship or more specifically, a marriage... now, can you understand the similarity, right?

So, you have started your 'dream job' with this 'dream company' and it is now three months later... you're getting familiar with your roles and responsibilities but you realize that you have so much more to learn.You realize the more you learn, the less you know and the more effort you have to put in. You still 'love' your job but the 'excitement', the 'anticipation' that you experienced before you went for the interview just seems so far away, it seems insignificant now compared to all these other experiences that you're getting...

Again, I'm not talking about a job but a relationship...it must seem clear that the 'courting' stage, the excitement, the yearning and wanting is just an initial phase that would seem insignificant and a small tiny fraction compared to a lifetime of getting to know one another, learning about one another and working together to make the relationship grow, all the experiences that the two of you will go through together...

This is where most experts believe is the failure of today's marriage. There's too much emphasis on the initial stage...the courting, the excitement, the being 'in love' but unlike the job...people forget that marriage is just like starting a new job. You need to work hard to make things work, you need to work hard to keep your job and even harder to get promoted!

In a world where there is more 'freedom', more socializing, people are deluded to think that they have more choices...they think that they can always find someone 'better'. If one girl gives him hell, it is much easier to just leave and find another one. If one guy pisses her off, she thinks he's not worth it and goes off to another man. This attitude of 'I can leave whenever I want' means guys and gals will spend most of their lives just hopping from one relationship to the next cause when things get tough, they leave... there is no commitment to make things work.

The truth is, no matter how many people you 'date', relationships start from ZERO...and it starts the day you get married. Remember that dream job that you've been yearning for...well, the day you start your job is when it all starts...and you need to work pretty damn hard in order for you to keep your job and to make your career flourish.

So, do not be deceived by the 'freedom' that you have. There are no more choices than there's ever been. Just more opportunity to commit haraam (sorry! that's a fact) In the end, Allah SWT chooses your mate for you...you still end up with one person and you still have to work hard regardless...