True "Idols" for Muslim girls and women today

Surah At Tahrim: 11-12

"And Allah has set forth an example for those who believe the wife of Fir'aun (Pharoah), when she said: My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Fir'aun and his work, and save me from the people who are Zalimun."

"And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of Imran who guarded her chastity. And We breathe into her through our ruh (Jibrail) and she testified to the truth of the Words of her Lord, and believe in the Scriptures and she was of the obedient (to Allah)"

As a Muslim girl growing up, I often thought it was unfair that men have so many examples to follow. Of course our Prophet Muhammad SAW was a man and he was the best of examples. Then there were great leaders e.g. Abu Bakar as Siddiq r.a., strong-willed man e.g. Umar Al Khattab r.a., a determined boy e.g. Ali r.a. , brave fighter e.g. Khalid al Walid, Jaafar bin Abi Talib, intelligent negotiator e.g. Mus'ab bin Umayr and many more...

I struggled to understand the true characteristic of a pious woman whom I should follow as an example, one who can be my "idol". Often the message given to girls are conflicting. We are often told to be a "wanita solehah" (pious woman) one has to be soft spoken, kind and sabar (patient). Yes! everything sabar...husband tak tanggung pon sabar...kene sepak terajang pon sabar*....Is that what we want our women to be? When a woman is opinionated and speaks her mind, she would be seen as "aggressive" or when she demands for her rights, she would be seen as a "gold digger" or "ungrateful". Basically, to be a "wanita solehah" one has to be brainless and easily bullied.

*husband not providing, being physically abused by husband

In a Capitalist world where men have embraced the concepts of "survival of the fittest" and "self gratification", we often find women subjected to unfair treatment and oppression. Most women nowadays work and they are expected to share 50% of the cost of living. In worse scenarios, they are expected to support their non-working husbands or even worse, having to take up bank loans and credit cards to support their extravagant male spouses. I'm sure we know of some women who are in severe debt or have gone bankrupt due to their husband's bad economic decisions and yet, in the end who is blamed? It would be the woman because she was being exactly what society expected her to be soft spoken, kind and patient...

Who is really brain-washing women to become like this? is it men i.e. man made law, customs, traditions or Islam?

As I read the beautiful verses of the Qur'an above, it made me realize about women and what are the true characteristics of a pious woman. 

Let's look at Maryam a.s. (the mother of Isa a.s). She was praised for her chastity, her obedience to God, that she kept herself isolated in worship to Allah SWT and that Allah SWT completed her. She didn't need anyone else... Even when she was about to give birth to Isa a.s. (the immaculate child), she secluded herself away from the people and gave birth to her baby in isolation, alone with Allah SWT as her protector.

The message here is a pious woman is one who worships Allah SWT alone, she keeps herself chaste and Allah SWT completes her (in her heart, soul, body and mind)

Then let's look to Asiah, the wife of Firaun. Firaun was the King of Egypt. He even claimed himself to be 'god' astaghfirullah! and yet, despite killing all the male infants of Bani Israel, he agreed to adopt Musa a.s. as their son because Asiah wanted to keep the child. That showed his love for her.

When Musa became a Prophet and taught people to worship Allah SWT alone, she believed in him and she went against Firaun, her husband. Out of fury, he tortured her but her response was not one of weakness or clinging to Firaun. She did not respond in the way that Malay dramas would like to depict a woman...falling at the feet of her husband, crying and saying something like "Oh Abang! sampai hati Abang buat saya macam ni. Maafkanlah saya Bang! " You know what I mean...that cringing scene that makes a woman look so pathetic causing my stomach to churn and feel this urge to vomit! I often wonder why does she has to apologize when usually it would be the husband that was having an affair or not fulfilling his responsibility or abusing her physically, mentally or emotionally.

Anyway, back to Asiah...wife of Firaun....

Instead of pleading to Firaun, Asiah turned to Allah SWT and prayed to Him to save her from Firaun and those who were oppressors. She asked for Allah SWT to build her a home in Jannah because she loved Allah more than anything else. She disobeyed her husband and turned against him for the sake of Allah.

the message here is: LOVE ALLAH SWT first above anyone else. Put everything in your hand (as sis Yasmin Mogahed would say) but not in your heart. Only keep Allah in your heart. Your husband is not your god Astaghfirullah! He is just a man whom if he fulfils his responsibilities towards you, Alhamdulillah but if he betrays you, then Allah is your protector and the One you hold dear to your heart.

Let's look at an example closer to our time. The best example of Khadijah r.a. (wife of Prophet Muhammad SAW). At the time when Muhammad SAW worked for her as a tradesman, she was 40 years old. She was a widower, rich, beautiful and highly intelligent. She had endless marriage proposals from leaders of Quraysh and rich tradesman. Yet, she refused to get married. She was contented with herself and her position.

The attraction she had towards Muhammad SAW was not based on his good looks. They hardly met face to face but she heard about him through her servant Maysarah. He often described Muhammad SAW as intelligent, reliable, honest, responsible and of course, he was known as the trustworthy (Al-Amin). Hence, it was these characteristics that prompted her to propose to him for marriage.

Good looks will fade in time but when you admire someone for their good characteristics, they will always have those qualities. When Khadijah r.a. married Muhammad SAW. He was an ordinary 20-year old man, an orphan with no great fortune or high status but yet, she saw something in him that made her admired and believed in him. Indeed, she was right...he became the best person ever and the best example for mankind.

Let the message to Muslim girls be this:

Build your relationship with Allah SWT first

Everyone else is secondary

Love Allah and put your complete Trust in Him

Abide by His laws and rules

Do not transgress His Limits, for whatever or whoever...

No one is worth disobeying Allah

Always remember that Allah SAW has given you your rights

He has given you self-worth

He has given you high status in Islam, as daughters, sisters, aunties, wives and mothers

Know your rights as a daughter, sister, aunty, wife and mother

You do not need anyone else to complete you

Only Allah SWT can complete you...