Homesickness

I am now feeling homesick

One year on...and honeymoon is over and I'm missing UK terribly. Maybe it is because I'm forgetting all the negative aspects of life in UK such as Islamaphobia, hypocrisy etc...etc...but despite all of that, I felt that I knew what was right and wrong, good and bad, what is Islam and what is Kufur but here, everything is blurry and mixed up like 'rojak'. Also, most of the Malay guys have no understanding of the concept of lowering the gaze except for the ones wearing the white robes and 'topi'. I've seen quite a few of those and their wives wear Niqab. It is quite nice cause it reminds me of the UK. I know, strange!

Maybe I'm just going through another phase in life, whatever that phase is...

Truth is, I can't just pick up where I left 17 years ago. Things have changed and I have changed. It is not easy for me to understand what is going on and as you get older, you get more stuck in your own ways and no matter how adaptable I thought I was, it is not that easy to simply adapt just like that...

I am meeting characters that I've not encountered for a long time. People who are loud, boisterous and totally unpredictable and they speak in Malay accents I don't understand. They behave in ways I don't understand and most of the time, I don't even know how to react. I am also meeting other characters who are...how should I say...I don't know if I'm the only person who finds it weird but some girls can be completely rude and they seem not to like you for no reason at all, talking to you as though they are being forced to with such a sour face and menjeling-jeling. I don't think I've ever done anything to them and sometimes I'm seeing them for the first time. I don't know...someone told me that it is because they are defensive or feeling threatened but why? A bit lacking in the neuron department maybe.

I miss my friends in UK terribly...all the sisters who are so strong in the Deen. How they kept me on the straight and narrow. When I was in the UK, I didn't adopt the British culture but I found the Islamic culture in the sisters. I mean I'm still struggling to understand what British culture is apart from tea-drinking, queuing up, stiff upper lip, moaning a lot and sarcasm. Other than that, it is all about freedom and individualism which we ought to reject as Muslims. Human beings aren't free rather we are subjected to everything that God has created. Our only freedom is the choice to believe or to reject faith, obey God's commands or disobey. Hence, freedom is about accountability and responsibility which is not freedom at all. So, life in UK was clear and the ideas were clear. Why can't it be clear now? Why is it all hazy and mixed up...I don't understand!!!

Anyway, I have made some really good friends and of course I have my Croydon Malay posse' and for the most part, life is happier. It is still early days and I think I have a lot to think about.