The issue of Muslim conversion

Just want to share my thoughts with regards to M Indira Ghandhi's kids conversion I know it is a legal matter Shariah vs Federal court; so I am not going to comment on the technicalities neither am I commenting specifically about this case but as a Muslim, this much I know about my religion.  

1. Malaysia is not an Islamic state 

Don't be surprised with this statement. Anyone who claims otherwise is naive. Why? It is clear for any sane mind there are two legal / justice system. That clearly makes Malaysia a secular country with the 'official' religion as Islam and where certain parts of Islamic laws are implemented and applicable to Muslims in terms of marriage, divorce, custody, inheritance etc...but the highest rule of law is man made; a constitution left to us from the British and independence. A true Islamic state will not have two justice system, just like Prophet Muhammad never implemented any other law but Islamic law in Makkah and Medinah even towards non-Muslims and that is why the non-Muslims are known as Dhimmis (non Muslim citizens of the Islamic state). So stop kidding ourselves and perhaps even if Muslims wanted to implement total Shariah, they can't because they don't even know how. First of all, the entire system has to change and even the appointment of the ruler (Khalif) has to be different. Find out more for yourselves. Definitely, Islamic state is not Taliban version or ISIS which has so far been the most inaccurate representation of Islam ever...I am digressing, in conclusion Malaysia is not an Islamic state hence these kind of situations i.e. Mrs M Indira ghandhi's case is bound to happen where Shariah court says one thing and then is over ruled by the Human own mind's court. 

2. As far as Islamic law is concerned (even without the state), a child born to Muslim parents is Muslim. A child born to Muslim father and non-Muslim mother is a Muslim. However, a child born to non-Muslim parents and then after birth, the father or mother converts, what should we do? Truth is...I don't know the nitty-gritty of the Shariah ruling but I can only think of the story of Ali (The Prophet's cousin). Ali was only 9 years old (same age as Indira's youngest child) when the Prophet invited him to Islam, Ali said he wanted to go and ask his father, Abi Talib first. So the next day he came back to the Prophet and said he wanted to become Muslim, the Prophet asked, so you have asked your father? and Ali said no, he hasn't but he was thinking about it and he thought God created him without his father's permission so why should he ask for his father's permission to worship the God that created him. Therefore, does a child need the permission of his parents to convert to Islam? Not from this story it seems as the Prophet Muhammad did not chastise him or told him to go and get his father's permission.

Perhaps some would say...Oh my God! that is terrible! How can one say that?

3. Well, what makes a Muslim in a first place.

Having a piece of paper that says "Islam" in the religion column does not make one a Muslim. That is just official stuff. If a father who converts goes to the authorities and unilateral "converts" his children to Islam, does that make them Muslim? Maybe if they were babies but don't Islam have the different ages when one becomes 'Mumaiyiz' and becomes 'Baligh'. If a child like Ali can decide for himself, can think for himself that he doesn't need anyone's permission, not his dad, not his mother, not the president or the leader of Quraysh for him to become a Muslim, what does that tell us?

What makes a Muslim is his or her belief. If one believes that Allah is the ONE true God, there is no other God but Him and that Muhammad is the last and final prophet, then he or she is a Muslim. This is the Aqeedah. This is all one needs to be a Muslim. So, Indira's children are now 20,19 and 9 years old, surely they can decide by now whether they believe or do not believe. I don't know the full story, did they take the Shahadah or not or whatever but it can work either way; if it is true that the father converted them 10 or however many years ago without their presence, how does that make them a Muslim? and at the same time, if they believe in Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of God then the courts can revoke their conversion all it wants, they are still Muslim. In fact during the time of the Prophet, there were many Muslims in Makkah who were afraid to be open about their belief in fear of persecution but they were Muslims. We are now in Malaysia, a country that Islam is supposed to be the official religion, so no one should be persecuted for their belief in Islam.

I don't want to discuss about the technicalities or the laws etc...etc...but I do want to hear scholars / uztaz or all those who are verse in Islam to discuss these issues with the public. Islam is about our belief, and without a doubt if one beliefs in Allah, the Creator and the One who sent the Qur'an to Muhammad then, he or she is a Muslim. What other definition do we want?

A piece of certificate or whatever is a formality, to apply for schools or getting married, or whatever benefit of this world but that is what it is. It is important but only for that purpose. In the hereafter, we do not need our IC or our birth certificates or a certificate that says we are Muslim, we only need what we believe in our hearts. 

Just my two cents.

Muslim marriage ads. does it work?

I happen to read a marriage ad by this Muslim guy who is looking for a wife and then it dawned upon me the dilemma faced by these self-arranged marriages. No criticism towards that one guy cause this is a predominant issue faced by many men and women who want to find a husband or wife the 'right' way or in a Shariah compliant way.

The ad says 'looking for...a particular look height, race' etc...but the thing is don't you want to marry someone that you actually fall in love with? It is as though people have this image created in their minds about this "perfect" person who must look a certain way e.g. fair, tall, slim and then they have to be "practising" err...whatever that means and they have to fit into this particular race or perhaps even a particular family or from a particular village? (Bear with me I will explain what I mean by falling in love) Anyway, if one is lucky enough to find that person then what do you do? Do you just suddenly fall in love with them? Is it like they fit into all these criteria of check list and now, I am going to fall in love with this person. When do you get to know them, their likes, dislikes, personality, what makes them happy, what makes them sad, what makes them stress out, what do they do when they are stressed out? When do you know that you like them as a person? that you want to spend your entire life with them? that you can accept all of their weaknesses and flaws and all their bad habits? Accepting people's good points is not so much of a problem but accepting their bad points, is very important when you want to share a life with someone.

Sometimes I think people live in a fantasy world and think that Islam is suddenly going to give them the "perfect" marriage. First and foremost no one is perfect and marriage is never going to be perfect. If we look Prophet Muhammad and Khadijah, neither of them were looking for a life partner rather Khadijah was looking for someone to work for her business, a sales person whereas Muhammad (peace be upon him) was looking for a job. However, through their interaction and his ability to negotiate, trustworthiness in handling her business, she fell in love with him. She fell in love with his personality, his character and great qualities.

I wonder when should that happen in an arranged marriage? even if you arrange it yourself. How do you get to know someone? I know my colleagues for example, their strengths, their weakness. I have seen them under stress. I have seen them when they are in a good and bad mood. I know who I enjoy working with. I am sure many people out there maybe fortunate enough to find their soul mate from their arrange marriages; those who get to know one another after marriage and actually find that they get along and fell in love but it is a bit of "hit and miss"; some may not be so fortunate and they find that post marriage, they don't actually like one another. I mean, they both maybe very nice people and we are not even going into mental, emotional or physical abuse here. We are simply talking about two nice, normal people who happen not to get along. So, what do you do? The thing is it did happen to Zayd (the Prophet's adopted son) and Zainab, remember? They didn't get along and the marriage ended in divorce.

I was fortunate enough to experience both types of marriages. My first marriage was self-arranged and even though I hardly knew my ex but I saw certain qualities in him that made me recognized the goodness in him, first of all I felt that God showed him the path to convert (and it was from his own initiative) and nothing to do with wanting to get married. To me, that was a good quality and I saw that he had sincerity and honesty. Whatever disagreement and personality clashes we had during the marriage that ended in divorce, I always remember the good qualities he has and I never regretted any of the decisions made i.e. to marry and then to divorce. As far as I am concerned, both decisions were valid. I am glad that we both moved on and have our own family. As for the kids they are old enough to keep in touch with their dad without my interference.

My second marriage is to my old time best friend whom we met as teenagers. The thing was we never intended to be more than friends, we simply enjoyed each other's company and when fate took us away from one another; we remained special in each other's heart despite not being in contact. A few years after my divorce and he contacted me; he was also going through a divorce, meeting him again he asked how do feel seeing him again and my answer was honest I said, "Just like before."

The person's looks, race and all these tick boxes are not real; cause in reality, the person you fall in love with normally do not fit into tick boxes. I hardly thought about what my now husband looked like when we were hanging out as friends. I just liked him as a person. I enjoyed the things we talked about, he was knowledgeable, fun, intelligent and I loved the way his eyes just light up whenever he saw me. It didn't bother me what he looked like, what colour were his eyes or the scars he had. When we became friends, everything else became superficial.

We need to make our lives real. There is nothing wrong to get to know people around us. Why do we teach our kids to grow up together and then at puberty, they can't even look at one another. Fatima and Ali grew up together, lived under the same roof and they got married. Why do we stop our kids from contacting one another through WhatsApp or Instagram and yet, at University or work they will still have to mix and joke with colleagues; and if they happen to fall in love with someone at work who is 'not practising' or not wearing the hijab then we tell them they can't marry that person; but they have to look for this tick box list that is so theoretical.

I don't know the answer but perhaps if we want to make this arrange marriage thing works, we have to be more open minded. Throw away the current tick box, forget about race or looks or whatever and have a tick box that says what are the qualities that you look for and more importantly what crap are you willing to put up with? Are you willing to put up with a wife who is jealous, or gets super emotional when she is on her period or is very opinionated or happens to hate cooking? Women are you willing to put up with a husband who loves or perhaps does not love football (if you are a football fan) or does not know how to change a tyre or have no idea how to comfort you when you feel down? Let's look at all the negative things, the imperfection that you are willing to put up with. Then, maybe it would be easier to find the "perfect" partner.