Everything changes. Yes, that's how it is.
Four years ago I was in a different country, leading a different life, married to a different man and having different problems. Four years down the line, I am in another country, and although it is my birth country but it doesn't make it easier. I left Malaysia when I was 17 years old. I spent half of my adult life in the UK and now I'm back and I'm having to adapt. I think it is harder to adapt when you're older. You are more set in your ways. You get irritable easier and more grumpy and have less tolerance towards people or the environment.
As for work, I am now an academician. I used to be a General Practitioner in the UK. I spent most of my time doing clinical work but now, I am also doing other things apart from seeing patients like teaching and research. Research is something completely new to me and fortunately, I enjoy it very much. Publishing in a medical journal is another challenge, although I have done it once or twice before when I published in the Student BMJ but this time, it is actually part of my work. I have to publish so, there is an added pressure. However, I enjoy writing even if it is scientific. I am due to publish my first original paper soon. WATCH THIS SPACE!
Yes, married to a different man. There's nothing much to say about the end of my previous marriage although we didn't walk into court hand-in-hand but Alhamdulillah, it was civilized and I'm glad we kept in good terms for the sake of the children. As for my new marriage, it is with someone I've known and love all my life but still, marriage is marriage. Only in Jannah will we find true love and happiness so I pray for that moment that me and my husband will be together hand in hand, running in meadows, sitting on velvet cushions and sipping sweet honey without any hardship, to simply look into each other's eyes and to feel love and serenity. Yes...that's heaven. Ameen.
As for having different problems. Well, life is a test and problems are everywhere. We're given the brain to solve problems. Hence, problems are good for us. Without problems, how do we exercise our brain cells? Maybe I have become more sceptical and maybe I have come to a stage that I just can't be bothered anymore about trivial matters. There are bigger issues in this world like such hunger, war, poverty, oppression, unjust systems. There are even bigger issues to contend with which is the end of the world or end of life and after life.
Although I am in this very tiny computer room and my fingers are typing away to God knows, only a handful of people who will actually read this rant but my mind is expanding to the universe. I refrain from feeling too happy or too sad for I know that life brings waves of happiness and sadness. I have met enough people and enough patients to see illness, pain and suffering. I have seen enough trauma and accidents to know how fragile life is. I have faced enough evil to stand my ground and my faith inshaAllah.
Do I recommend relocation? I still cannot answer that question. I guess it depends on your personal reasons and what you aim to achieve. Alhamdulillah I feel I have achieved most things that I personally would like to achieve but still, it has cost me other things. As you know, there's advantages and disadvantages in everything. You just have to make a decision and make the best out of it. Don't get me wrong, I never regretted my decision. I'm just saying that no matter where you are, problem will find you. There will always be trouble. It is a matter of weighing out disadvantages versus benefits.
So, there you go. TEPUK DADA TANYA SELERA (literally translated as HIT YOUR CHEST AND ASK YOUR APPETITE) In other words, it is up to you to decide.
