Wednesday 26 June 2013

The Journey of life: What truly matters?

My grand auntie passed away yesterday in Teluk Intan, Perak. I don't even know exactly how old she was, only that she was old but whenever I saw her, she always had a smile on her face. She never complained and she always said good things. My grandmother died when I was little and I was truly inspired by her. I knew my 'nenek' was very close to my grand auntie and I looked towards her as a source of closeness to my own grandmother. I guess they were similar in many ways, religious and prayed a lot, always said good and kind words and had sound knowledge of the Deen.



I've been thinking about this life and how it is a linear journey. Talking about it to my children the other day and telling them how I was in their shoes once upon a time. In the beginning when you were young, life is about looking forward. You are moving ahead through time, constantly looking towards the front. You grow everyday, learning and absorbing knowledge of the world, you go to school to get an education, you start to think about what you want to be when you grow up, who might be your life partner and the children you might have. You are egocentric and are mostly concerned about yourself and your immediate surroundings. You may even go through the rebellious teenager stage but still knowing that one day, you will be have to be a responsible adult, to earn your own living and look after a family.



However, as you approach the half way journey from the time your life begins and where your life will end....you are still looking ahead but you are also starting to look behind you. You start to look into that rear view mirror to see the things you left behind, the things you have achieved in your life. You start to think about the things you have achieved in your career, the knowledge you attained, the children you have, the people who have coloured your life and those whom you have helped or helped you. You look behind to evaluate your achievements and to help you figure out all the things you still want to achieve in life.



At this half way mark, you start to re-evaluate your life on what things are important. You may still have certain career things you would like to achieve like furthering your studies or attaining awards or titles, you start to reflect upon your own childhood in your children and how you want better things for them, to be more successful than yourselves, to not make the same mistakes. It is almost as though you re-live your beginnings through them, first day of school, silly arguments with friends and making up afterwards, getting told off by teachers, the fear of getting in to trouble for not bringing the right books to school, watching the sun rise for the first time, going on a long car journey and staring outside the window. Children make you feel young because when you see things through their eyes, everything is new, exciting and interesting.


At this point in your life, you start to think about your contributions to society and what have you done to make life better for others? I guess that is why many people start doing voluntary work at this stage, although there are also many who start earlier on in life. Anyway, you realize that there is a bigger world out there and you are an insignificant tiny dot amongst so many other dots. Maybe you feel more stable and established in your own lives and career to start thinking about helping others, although I do admire people who start charity or voluntary work at a young age.



Then, you look at your parents and realized how old they have become....and how they behave as though they have come towards the end of their lives. My dad once told me that at his age, he looks forward and sees only one thing: AFTERLIFE. Towards the end of the journey, this life is about looking back and what you have achieved. You rearview mirror gets magnified and at that moment, even your career no longer takes centre stage....all titles disappear....your strength wanes and the only thing that seems to put a happy smile on your face is listening to the laughter of your grandchildren.



Hence so is life and we are all heading that way....
When I look to the future and as I look pass all the things I am still hoping to achieve in my career, my young children, my dreams of running away on a charity mission or circumbulating the Kaabah, touching the great wall of China, marvel at the Taj Mahal and the geisers in New Zealand. Well, looking past all of those dreams that insyaAllah will one day come true, I would simply like to see at the end of it a woman who is constantly smiling, saying good and kind words to her children and grandchildren, never misses to pray on time and still having sound knowledge and sound mind....I wish to be like my grandmother and my grand auntie. They are my true "idols".

Saturday 15 June 2013

An account of reading about the ingredient to successful marriage in Islam

In sister Yasmin Mogahed's book there is a chapter on "a successful marriage: the missing link"
Too many marriages amongst muslim couples nowadays are unhappy and sometimes we wonder why when Allah SWT has given us the best guidance to follow. I would read the words of Allah, “And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them,  and He has put love and mercy between you; verily in that are signs for people who reflect.” Al Qur’an 30:21

I used to wonder how does this verse refer to today? Where can one find any tranquillity in marriage?

In her book, sis Yasmin quoted Dr Emerson’s work that says: The love she most desires; the respect he desperately needs.

Allah SWT is the One who made all of us, whether men or women and it all fits into a perfect picture when Allah gave the responsibility for men to be protectors and maintainers of women (Al Qur’an 4:34). Men are given the leadership role and women naturally look up to their men to lead them. It is virtually impossible for a woman to respect a man who does not fulfil his leadership duties.

Often we hear those who blame the fall of the Muslims on the western cultural invasion that led to muslim women taking off their headscarfs and going to work. However, Islam does not forbid women from working and nowadays most women in Malaysia wear the headscarf. So, isn’t that the real destruction of this ummah occurred when leadership was taken away from men?

When the Khilafah was destroyed, the role of men as protectors and maintainers were downplayed until some men are unashamed to let their wives support them. In the Malay community, it is not unheard of where husbands demand their wives to go to work or husbands demand the working wife to pay for half the expenses which is by right, his responsibility. There have been horror stories of husbands forcing the wives to pay for their debt or a man unable to provide and yet, taking on second, third or four wives.

If respect is what men desperately needs then, Allah SWT has made them leaders, protectors and bread winners. Their position as the leader, the one who protects, the one who provides automatically puts them in a higher position of respect. At the same time, Allah SWT and the Prophet SAW taught the men to treat their wives with love and kindness, something she most desires.

The Prophet SAW said, “Take good care of women, for they were created from a bent rib, and the most curved part of it is its top. If you try to straighten it, you will break it and if you leave it , it will remain arched so take good care of women.”

This is an advice to men on how to look after women, not to try and fix her or change her. Unfortunately it has been used by some men to degrade women and to look down upon her as a ‘bent rib’.

With the demise of the Islamic state, men have lost their leadership role. The four positions of ruling in Islam, the Khalif, the Moawin (assistants of Khalif), Wali (Governors) and Qadi al Qoda (Judge of judges) are men only positions that cannot be taken up by women. This highlights the importance Islam places on men as leaders.

The other abandoned role of men is as protectors. When the Islamic state was destroyed, the army of Jihad ceased to exist. Jihad is an obligation for men and is their central role as protectors of the state and to defend the weak and needy. Again, a woman will look up to a man who is ready to protect her and the family.

The West has influenced this ‘equality’ argument that women too must work rather than the position of Islam where men MUST work but it is optional for women. This has made men believe that sharing of household income is 50:50 rather than the role of men as the sole provider. He must provide for the family whether the wife works or not.

The role of men as protectors and maintainers is so vital within the marriage institution that although divorce (talaq) is in the hands of the men but she is allowed to ask for divorce (fasah) if he doesn’t fulfil his role in providing and it is her rights to seek fasah in that situation.

We all want to see happy couples and the fulfilment of the ayat 30:21. However, the only way that such society of successful marriages can occur is when Muslims again refer to Islam rather than trying to copy the west. This requires the re-emphasis on men to fulfil their roles as protectors and bread winner. If respect is what men desperately need and love is what women desires then we need to revive the leadership position of men; and to put emphasis on women to respect their husbands and for husbands to treat their wives with love and affection.

Sometimes women take on board too much responsibility for her husband out of ‘care’ and ‘concern’ and she tries to change him or improve him. That is probably due to our nature of being mothers and how we are nurturers. It is okay to do so for your children but a husband is not a child. He is a grown man, a leader, a protector, a bread winner. Allah SWT has not made women responsible for men but the other way around so, just relax and remember the hadith that says; “When a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month of Ramadhan, guards her body and obeys her husband, it is said to her: Enter paradise from whichever door you wish.”

Sunday 9 June 2013

My thoughts and heart stimulated by Yasmin Mogahed's "Reclaim your heart"

As soon as I read the first page of Yasmin Mogahed's book "Reclaim your heart", I felt the light switch turned on inside my head. They say, a good book is one that creates thought in your mind that leads to other stimulating thoughts.


Sis Yasmin, your words touched not only my thoughts but my heart. If I wasn't in a busy café sipping on my bubbly tea (teh tarik) whilst reading your book, I would have simply burst into buckets of tears as I totally felt your words playing every single feeling that I had contained within me.


The first chapter on "Why do people have to leave each other?". A question that has been playing in my mind for a while. It is true what the book says...."the pain is a pointer to our attachments. That which makes us cry, that which causes us the most pain is where our FALSE ATTACHMENTS lie. and it is those things which we are attached to as we should only be attached to Allah which become barriers on our path to God."


I think about the real life stories of people I know whom have lost their loved ones through betrayal, separation or death. A young mom losing her beloved husband from cancer, a devoted loving wife betrayed by her cheating husband, a trusting person abandoned by a friend. The question in our minds is always "How could you do this to me?", "How could you leave me?", "How could you betray me?".


Yet, the answer is simple and putting accountability and responsibility placed upon each soul aside, the answer is our meeting and separation is in the hands of Allah SWT. When you left me...it was not your decision, it was not in your hands and you couldn't have stayed if you wanted to...neither could you have left if you wanted to. Allah decided our brief meeting and He took us away from one another. I have known it for a while but only now am I ready to understand.


He also takes those whom we love away for a reason...and the reason is always a good one as Yasmin says in her book "If we live in this world with our hearts, it breaks us. That's why this dunya hurts, it is because the definition of dunya (this life)  as something temporary and imperfect, goes against everything we are made to yearn for. Allah put a yearning in us that can only be fulfilled by what is eternal and perfect."


Only Allah SWT is eternal and perfect.


Everything else is weak, fragile, temporary and totally filled with imperfections like the book says, we are leaning against a twig which will definitely snap. When we start to depend on the things or people or places in this world...we are leaning against a twig that can never support our weight. Hence, when Allah SWT takes away the thing that we love so much; it is a blessing because He is reminding us NOT to become attach to this world. He is reminding us that it is in Him that we should be leaning against. He is reminding us NEVER to put anything above our LOVE for Him and that includes everything....even our parents, children, spouses, wealth, properties, positions etc...etc...


Most of us know this but when it comes to our hearts, our inclinations are often the hardest to tow the line.


Sometimes I believe, to experience false attachments and to be broken hearted is necessary in order for us to find the true source of attachment. If we never became lost...we would never appreciate finding the right way. Losing something we love from this world...teaches us to detach from it and to seek something greater and everlasting. It teaches us humility and to realize that we are weak; and strength comes only when we depend on Allah SWT.


Never regret any meeting even if it is a brief one because from each encounter, we learn something and from every hurt and pain, we emerge stronger and a better person insyaAllah.

Thursday 6 June 2013

Redang Lagoon Beach Resort: The Return 2013

After a great experience last year, we went back to Redang Lagoon.

When I went there last year, I was going through a difficult period of my life and needed that break so desperately. A change in environment to put things into perspective, to clear one's mind and to contemplate on things. One year on and our lives have changed dramatically. Life is stabilizing into a new routine, work is becoming more challenging and getting more involved in research activities.

Sometimes it is good to go back to a familiar place. So, we went back to Redang Island, a "paradise" island off the coast of Terengganu. We stayed at the same resort, Redang Lagoon. This time, we travelled a day earlier and stayed at Batu Buruk Chalet Resort for one night. It was an okay place as a stopover. The Batu Buruk beach is a beautiful sight but it is not suitable for swimming as the underwater currents are strong. The Resort has a swimming pool for children to dip into.


Batu Buruk Beach, Kuala Terengganu

Early the next morning, we headed towards Shahbandar Jetty in Kuala Terengganu and took the Sejahtera Ferry to Redang Island. Most resorts offer packages inclusive of ferry rides, four meals a day, accommodation and snorkeling activities. We reached Redang Island at 11am and checked into our room. The kids were so excited and headed straight for the beach. Lunch was provided for. We had rice with 3 meat dishes and 2 vegetables.



Redang Lagoon Beach Resort, Redang Island

After a short nap, we went for our first snorkeling trip in the open sea. The water was around 4 metres deep and we could see the corals underneath. We had our life jackets on and were taken there by very fit experienced lifeguards.



It was great swimming amongst the fishes. After tea, we headed for the beach again and went for a swim. It was incredible just swimming and gliding along with the fishes. Yes! there are also fishes near to the shore. We had our barbecue night and it was chicken, fish and cuttlefish. I stayed up late that night walking along the beach with my daughter, feeling the cool breeze and listening to music from nearby resorts.


Barbecue dinner at Redang Lagoon
On our second day, we rise up early at dawn prayer and watched the sunrise. After breakfast the lifeguards took us to Marine Park Fish Sanctuary for our second snorkeling session. Again, the underwater view was breath taking. It was nice to know that the people there remembered us from last year. We chatted to the owner of Redang Lagoon Resort who was such a nice lady. She used to be a lecturer but has now retired and spend nine months in a year at the island. Then, there were the lifeguards who were very funny but I couldn't understand half of their jokes. Just enjoy watching them swim around like dolphins. They are just such powerful swimmers.




Then, after lunch we had our third and final snorkeling trip. We came back to the resort and spent the rest of the afternoon lazing by the beach, swimming in the water and chasing after fishes.


Our guide showing off his swimming skills

The next day, after breakfast it was time to pack our things and check out from the resort. We had to wait for more than an hour before our ferry arrived. The journey back to the mainland took around 2 hours. I had parked my car near the Jetty at the Majlis Perbandaran carpark. It was a reasonable parking fee of RM9.80 for such a long stay. The entire package for 3 adults and 3 children cost me RM1600++ and we had to budget for the toll which was around RM30 (RM5 at KL-Karak, RM3 at Karak interchange and then RM21 for the Lebuhraya Pantai Timur), we exited at Jabor as the highway ended there. There was a bad traffic jam before Dungun due to road works. Petrol may cost around RM60 - RM70 one way and for equipment rental such as mask and life jackets is around RM10 per item. You may want to bring additional cash for souveneirs and titbits. There is a small shop at Redang Bay resort, next to Redang Lagoon where you can get drinks and basic necessities.




It was another incredible experience and we would definitely go back again in the future insyaAllah. There are many available resorts. If you are looking for a more expensive chalet type resort with your front door heading straight to the beach, you may want to check out Sari Pacific Beach Resort. Redang Lagoon Resort offers basic room with downstairs double bed and upstairs double mattress. It has own shower/toilet with solar powered hot water. (So no hot water in the morning). The chalets are traditionally made with wooden frames which is more to my liking.

IN SEARCH OF THIS TRUTH

  I am in a quest to search for THIS truth. People ask, 'why are you still searching for the truth?’  You have found Islam.  You believe...