There are so many Malaysians who study abroad and it is a great opportunity to spread your wings, to learn about other people's cultures and attitudes. When I was abroad I was exposed to Muslims from all over the world and it taught me that Islam is universal...there are Muslims who are white, black, brown from all over the globe and we all share the same Aqeedah, the principals of shahadah applies to all, we pray the same way, we fast the same way, and we all love Allah SWT and the Prophet SAW.
However, I also learned that there is a difference between culture and Islam...what is within the culture of that particular nation or race does not necessarily come from Islam. Hence, it got me to realize that many of the culture and traditions practiced in Malaysia is not from Islam, the ideas, attitudes and opinions are not from Islam and that I do not need to abide by those ideas, attitudes, opinions and behavior to be Islamic. I can be different and I do not need to conform. That knowledge liberated me as I have always been one of those who rebelled from the norms of the Malay culture. Now, I can be different...I can be who I want to be and most importantly, I can be whom Allah SWT wants me to be without adhering to cultural norms. That is one of the liberating aspects of going abroad.
First of all, living in the UK it taught me that I am a Muslim and my bond and relationship with the people around me is defined by the fact that I have chosen to say "la ilaha illAllah, Muhammadur Rasulullah". My loyalty is only to Allah SWT and to Islam. My race is only something I was born into but it bears no relevance to who I am and what I want to be. The Muslims in the UK taught me that the bond of our Aqeedah extends beyond the bonds of race and kinship. We are truly ONE UMMAH, the Ummah of Muhammad SAW. Hence, although I have no qualms in admitting and recognizing that I am a Malay. The Malay race is a wonderful race with rich history and traditions but take what is good and leave the bad. I am grateful to Allah SWT that he has created me the way I am, the way I look, my skin colour and gave me my wonderful parents but I am not defined by being one. I am defined by the fact that I am a Muslim and I am proud to be a Muslim.
Secondly, Muslims come in all shapes, colours and sizes. Muslims come from the west, east, south and north. There are white converts, black converts, Chinese converts and there are Muslims from Africa, South America, Russia, Europe, Middle East and South East Asia. Some have blond hair and blue eyes and some have the darkest of skin but they are all the same, they all love Allah SWT and the Prophet Muhammad SAW. None is better than the other; and none have the advantage or disadvantage from one another. Allah SWT only judge us from our taqwa, our obedience to Him.
Thirdly, Muslims from all over the world have their own culture and norms but it doesn't make it right or wrong. They have their own traditional dish, their own traditional clothes, own languages and accents, their own views on marriage and family life...but in the end, it doesn't matter cause the only thing that matters is what Allah SWT says is right or wrong for e.g. in some cultures, women are not allowed to work but that is a culture that has sprung from somewhere other than Islam. If Islam says a woman is allowed to work, it doesn't matter what the culture dictates.
Fourthly, Muslims have different characteristics and personalities...there is not ONE TEMPLATE on how a person has to behave. When I was in the UK, I had so many Muslim friends from all over the world. Some talk a lot, some are quiet, some are highly opinionated, some are shy, some are harsh and some are soft, some are domineering and some prefer to take the back seat but at the end of the day, they are all Islamic in their personalities. There is no such thing as this one template fits all...this so called ONE well defined 'Muslimah' character that all women have to aspire to be. In fact, we saw this during the time of the Prophet SAW e.g. Aishah r.a was a strong person with a strong opinions, Khaulah was a brave person who stood up against her own husband when she felt he did something wrong, Fatimah was a shy person. Asma' was a brave and intelligent person. Every woman had their own strength in character.
Finally, what I have learned from being abroad is the strength of IDENTITY. There should be no identity crisis within us. Our race is simply a race but our identity is Islam. Our guide is the Qur'an and Sunnah. We can take what is good and in adherence to Islam within our culture but any part of the culture that is in contradiction to Islam should be rejected. If Islam says it is allowed, if Islam says it is okay then, there is nothing that culture can say to make it 'bad' or 'wrong'. If Islam says it is haraam then, there is nothing in the culture that can make it 'okay' or 'good'. If we refer to Qur'an and Sunnah then, things will be okay but if we start to divert...to fight for culture and race and asabiyyah (nationalism, tribalism) then we will definitely lose.
These things I've learned I will hold on to inshaAllah until the end of time...
Saturday 21 July 2012
First day of Ramadhan 1433H
Ramadhan 1433H
Today is the first day of fasting. We are fortunate this year that fasting started on a Saturday, a holiday and so, it has been a gentle introduction to this very rewarding month.
So, it has been the usual Saturday activities except no extra school for the kids. Going to the wet market (pasar tani), shopping at the supermarket, washing the car, having a long nap, the kids being entertained by their dad, cooking for breaking fast and lying down relaxing again. It has been a very relaxing day of fasting; of course not to forget recitation of the Qur'an. It is an annual thing for every Muslim to try and complete recitation of the entire Qur'an during this month.
This is my 3rd Ramadhan in Malaysia. I know the time of fasting is getting longer and longer in the UK. My friends told me that they have iftar at 3.40am and break their fast at 9.40pm. That is a long...time SubhanAllah. How fortunate are we that the duration for fasting in this part of the world doesn't change much. It is always from around 5.40am until 7.30pm.
I feel light this Ramadhan, I'm not talking about physical weight but I feel like a burden have been lifted off my shoulders. I feel free.... I feel my head is clear. I feel happy and excited to have the opportunity to experience this blessed month without guilt or disturbance.
Half an hour to go before the time for Iftaar (breaking fast). The Prophet SAW is so right when he said Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Allah said, 'All the deeds of Adam's sons (people) are for them, except fasting which is for Me, and I will give the reward for it.' Fasting is a shield or protection from the fire and from committing sins. If one of you is fasting, he should avoid sexual relation with his wife and quarreling, and if somebody should fight or quarrel with him, he should say, 'I am fasting.' By Him in Whose Hands my soul is' The unpleasant smell coming out from the mouth of a fasting person is better in the sight of Allah than the smell of musk. There are two pleasures for the fasting person, one at the time of breaking his fast, and the other at the time when he will meet his Lord; then he will be pleased because of his fasting."
Definitely, the most pleasurable moment for a fasting person is when he/she breaks his fast. I'm looking forward to breaking my fast soon...but I love you, Ramadhan.
Today is the first day of fasting. We are fortunate this year that fasting started on a Saturday, a holiday and so, it has been a gentle introduction to this very rewarding month.
So, it has been the usual Saturday activities except no extra school for the kids. Going to the wet market (pasar tani), shopping at the supermarket, washing the car, having a long nap, the kids being entertained by their dad, cooking for breaking fast and lying down relaxing again. It has been a very relaxing day of fasting; of course not to forget recitation of the Qur'an. It is an annual thing for every Muslim to try and complete recitation of the entire Qur'an during this month.
This is my 3rd Ramadhan in Malaysia. I know the time of fasting is getting longer and longer in the UK. My friends told me that they have iftar at 3.40am and break their fast at 9.40pm. That is a long...time SubhanAllah. How fortunate are we that the duration for fasting in this part of the world doesn't change much. It is always from around 5.40am until 7.30pm.
I feel light this Ramadhan, I'm not talking about physical weight but I feel like a burden have been lifted off my shoulders. I feel free.... I feel my head is clear. I feel happy and excited to have the opportunity to experience this blessed month without guilt or disturbance.
Half an hour to go before the time for Iftaar (breaking fast). The Prophet SAW is so right when he said Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Allah said, 'All the deeds of Adam's sons (people) are for them, except fasting which is for Me, and I will give the reward for it.' Fasting is a shield or protection from the fire and from committing sins. If one of you is fasting, he should avoid sexual relation with his wife and quarreling, and if somebody should fight or quarrel with him, he should say, 'I am fasting.' By Him in Whose Hands my soul is' The unpleasant smell coming out from the mouth of a fasting person is better in the sight of Allah than the smell of musk. There are two pleasures for the fasting person, one at the time of breaking his fast, and the other at the time when he will meet his Lord; then he will be pleased because of his fasting."
Definitely, the most pleasurable moment for a fasting person is when he/she breaks his fast. I'm looking forward to breaking my fast soon...but I love you, Ramadhan.
Sunday 8 July 2012
The joys of coorperation versus the misery of competition (PART TWO)
Unfortunately, for the manipulators there is no way they will ever learn how to coorperate with others. They are social defects to a lesser or higher degree. Psychologist differ as to whether these people are born this way or became this way through environmental factors. Consensus shows that it is most probably 50:50 in terms of nature versus nurture.
Anyone can be a manipulator. It is not a great skill. Fortunately, most people have learned to coorperate. Most people understand that coorperation creates a healthy, happy environment whether in the work place, in educational institution, in family or romantic relationships.
On the other hand, some people may come across very strong characters who appear to be 'controlling'. These are influential people but they are different from manipulators. These people do not attempt to use anger, sulking, threats, silent treatment in order to achieve what they want rather, it is through their strength of character and their ability to convince others their ideas and thoughts that people tend to coorperate with them. These people have the ability to inspire others and bring out the best from other people rather than to create a state of misery in others.
There are also situations within a relationship where a person (B) relies heavily on the other person (C). This form of relationship between person B and C is almost like a parent-child relationship even though they are both adults. Dependent relationships are unhealthy and person C will eventually feel frustrated, exhausted and annoyed by person B. This is especially so when the man is dependent on the woman. The man is the head of the family, he is the leader and being a leader, it is completely lack of macho to start depending on the woman no matter how strong she is.
A relationship is about giving and taking on both sides. Each side wants to gain something and wants to give something. That is the nature of a romantic relationship. it is entirely different from a parent-child relationship. A parent loves the child UNCONDITIONALLY. This can only be so because the parent does not need the child. When I say the parents do not need their child, I mean...the child especially during the early years are completely dependent on the parents for vital needs e.g. food, shelter, mobility and emotional needs. The parents however, do not need the child even though we ENJOY the love we receive from them. Hence, not having any other intentions of gains or reward from the child makes the parents love for the child unconditional.
There is no such thing as 'unconditional' love when it comes to romantic relationships. Within a romantic relationship, there is always something that each party wants to gain from the other, whether it is financial, love, companionship, security, physical etc...no one gets into a romantic relationship with another person for no gain whatsoever. If one does not need anything from the other person then, they are most likely to leave that relationship. A one-way relationship never ever goes well.
In children however, there are many ways to instill and reinforce coorperation whether it is to instill coorperation of good behavior during a shopping trip or within sibling rivalry. There are many good parenting books which are highly recommended such as 'Children are from heaven by John Gray' or 'The complete secrets of happy children' by Steve Biddulph' and many others. There are also various TV programmes such as 'Super nanny' and similar to show parents different methods in bringing out the coorperative nature within our kids. There is a REAL NEED for books and materials that teaches us Muslim parents on how the Prophet SAW instill good behavior, good habits and coorperation in the young sahabah. One such material is a series of talk titled 'Children around the Prophet' by Sheikh Awadi which may be downloaded HERE inshaAllah.
Hence, in today's complex world and where caning is no longer the key to disciplining our younger generation, parents need to develop the soft skills in order to raise happy, healthy and coorperative children. This ability to coorperate is essential for the child to blossom into an adult whom can develop healthy and happy relationships with others whether it is in the work place, educational institutions and romantic relationships.
Anyone can be a manipulator. It is not a great skill. Fortunately, most people have learned to coorperate. Most people understand that coorperation creates a healthy, happy environment whether in the work place, in educational institution, in family or romantic relationships.
On the other hand, some people may come across very strong characters who appear to be 'controlling'. These are influential people but they are different from manipulators. These people do not attempt to use anger, sulking, threats, silent treatment in order to achieve what they want rather, it is through their strength of character and their ability to convince others their ideas and thoughts that people tend to coorperate with them. These people have the ability to inspire others and bring out the best from other people rather than to create a state of misery in others.
There are also situations within a relationship where a person (B) relies heavily on the other person (C). This form of relationship between person B and C is almost like a parent-child relationship even though they are both adults. Dependent relationships are unhealthy and person C will eventually feel frustrated, exhausted and annoyed by person B. This is especially so when the man is dependent on the woman. The man is the head of the family, he is the leader and being a leader, it is completely lack of macho to start depending on the woman no matter how strong she is.
A relationship is about giving and taking on both sides. Each side wants to gain something and wants to give something. That is the nature of a romantic relationship. it is entirely different from a parent-child relationship. A parent loves the child UNCONDITIONALLY. This can only be so because the parent does not need the child. When I say the parents do not need their child, I mean...the child especially during the early years are completely dependent on the parents for vital needs e.g. food, shelter, mobility and emotional needs. The parents however, do not need the child even though we ENJOY the love we receive from them. Hence, not having any other intentions of gains or reward from the child makes the parents love for the child unconditional.
There is no such thing as 'unconditional' love when it comes to romantic relationships. Within a romantic relationship, there is always something that each party wants to gain from the other, whether it is financial, love, companionship, security, physical etc...no one gets into a romantic relationship with another person for no gain whatsoever. If one does not need anything from the other person then, they are most likely to leave that relationship. A one-way relationship never ever goes well.
In children however, there are many ways to instill and reinforce coorperation whether it is to instill coorperation of good behavior during a shopping trip or within sibling rivalry. There are many good parenting books which are highly recommended such as 'Children are from heaven by John Gray' or 'The complete secrets of happy children' by Steve Biddulph' and many others. There are also various TV programmes such as 'Super nanny' and similar to show parents different methods in bringing out the coorperative nature within our kids. There is a REAL NEED for books and materials that teaches us Muslim parents on how the Prophet SAW instill good behavior, good habits and coorperation in the young sahabah. One such material is a series of talk titled 'Children around the Prophet' by Sheikh Awadi which may be downloaded HERE inshaAllah.
Hence, in today's complex world and where caning is no longer the key to disciplining our younger generation, parents need to develop the soft skills in order to raise happy, healthy and coorperative children. This ability to coorperate is essential for the child to blossom into an adult whom can develop healthy and happy relationships with others whether it is in the work place, educational institutions and romantic relationships.
The joys of coorperation versus misery of competition (PART ONE)
Parents are too familiar with this scenario of two children competing with one another for toys, for attention, for where to go for lunch. One wants McDonalds and the other wants roti canai. Often when children argue and fight, it is easier for parents to intervene and make decisions but sometimes, it is also important to encourage the children to learn to coorperate, to make a decision that is mutually beneficial to both even if one party has to 'lose' or 'give in' in order for both to gain something.
So, when that happened to my two little ones today, I told them to discuss and to agree on one place to go. My daughter wanted McDonalds ice-cream and my son wanted roti canai; they continued to argue and in the end, no mutual decision was made. Hence, we ended up not going to either of the two places.
When we got home, I spoke to them about coorperation and working together to achieve some gains even if it means someone has to give in at this particular time. If child A had given in to child B and we had gone for roti canai, she could still have an ice-cream at the mamak shop. To coorperate means to achieve some kind of gain even if it is not exactly what we wanted. Besides, not having McDonald's today does not mean we can't have McDonald's another day. If child B had 'given in' and we went to McDonald's then he could have had an ice-cream and possibly some fries or burger. Hence, to coorperate is a win-win situation.
A child is born with an instinct to compete. It is a part of their survival instinct. However, as a child grows and gets older, they learn to achieve what their want through a healthier mechanism which is through coorperation. In psychology, there is something called the Prisoner's Dilemma which in the context of compete versus coorperate can be summarized as below:
In this table, we can see the consequences of competition and coorperation between person A and B. If both of them coorperate, they both stand a chance of gaining something. If they continue to compete with one another, and no one backs down it is likely that both will stand to lose. If only one coorperates and the other continues to compete, it is likely that the competitor will win and the one who coorperates loses.
I said earlier that most people develop the skills during childhood to coorperate. They learn that coorperation creates a happier, healthy way of getting what we want. Unfortunately, some people never quite acquire these skills and as adults, they continue to view the world as a place to compete without the ability to coorperate with others. For them, to 'give in' is to lose and they can only win. When normal coorperative people encounter these 'competitive' people, they often view these competitive people as childish as they do not possess the social skills to coorperate with others whether in the work place, in education, in social situations or in romantic relationships.
It is expected and common for children to be competitive, to use tactics such as crying, sulking, tantrums, anger as a method of achieving what they want. Adults who do not have the higher social skills of coorperation will use similar tactics and other forms of methods such as silent treatment, ignoring, threats, guilt-trip which are often seen as manipulative.
Within a parent-child relationship, there is often a power-struggle as the child tries to exert his/her wants through crying, tantrums, anger or sulking e.g. a child who wants to have sweets just before bed time. The parent will say 'no' and the child may cry, sulk or throw a tantrum. However, within this parent-child relationship, the parent have a responsibility towards the child to protect the child from bad behavior and bad consequences. The parents have a responsibility to guide the child and to build discipline and good character within the child. This is healthy form of control.
This is different from the adult-adult relationship where one person tries to control and manipulate the other. In order to build a healthy adult-adult relationship, there has to be an element of coorperation. Any form of manipulation and control will only lead to resentment on the part of the one being controlled; eventually, the one who is subjected to control will leave the relationship. Remember the 'prisoner's dilemma' table...well, the one who coorperates and constantly loses to the competitor will eventually stop playing and leave the game; either that or the cooperator may through the acts of the competitor change and becomes a competitor and hence, both are subject to lose.
I used to know someone who told me that everyone he knows would eventually leave him especially when it comes to romantic relationships. For the purpose of confidentiality, let's just call this person 'A'. Unfortunately, 'A' is someone who has not developed the skills to coorperate and he is a manipulator. He has this 'fixed false belief' that anyone who is romantically involved with him will eventually leave him. Through this belief, 'A' often attempts to prove either consciously or subconsciously that he is right by 'testing' the other person. He will continue to test the other person through various methods until the person is unable to tolerate his manipulative behavior and eventually leaves; hence reinforces to him that everyone who loves him will one day leave him. This should come to no surprise as a person who is romantically involved with someone can only stand so much CRAP from the other person.
He has failed to recognize that through his 'testing' and manipulative tactics, people will eventually leave. He has failed to recognize that in order to form a healthy and happy relationship, one needs to coorperate with one another, rather than to view a relationship as a competition.
So, how do we develop the skills of coorperation?
(CONTINUE TO PART TWO - for answers)
So, when that happened to my two little ones today, I told them to discuss and to agree on one place to go. My daughter wanted McDonalds ice-cream and my son wanted roti canai; they continued to argue and in the end, no mutual decision was made. Hence, we ended up not going to either of the two places.
When we got home, I spoke to them about coorperation and working together to achieve some gains even if it means someone has to give in at this particular time. If child A had given in to child B and we had gone for roti canai, she could still have an ice-cream at the mamak shop. To coorperate means to achieve some kind of gain even if it is not exactly what we wanted. Besides, not having McDonald's today does not mean we can't have McDonald's another day. If child B had 'given in' and we went to McDonald's then he could have had an ice-cream and possibly some fries or burger. Hence, to coorperate is a win-win situation.
A child is born with an instinct to compete. It is a part of their survival instinct. However, as a child grows and gets older, they learn to achieve what their want through a healthier mechanism which is through coorperation. In psychology, there is something called the Prisoner's Dilemma which in the context of compete versus coorperate can be summarized as below:
In this table, we can see the consequences of competition and coorperation between person A and B. If both of them coorperate, they both stand a chance of gaining something. If they continue to compete with one another, and no one backs down it is likely that both will stand to lose. If only one coorperates and the other continues to compete, it is likely that the competitor will win and the one who coorperates loses.
I said earlier that most people develop the skills during childhood to coorperate. They learn that coorperation creates a happier, healthy way of getting what we want. Unfortunately, some people never quite acquire these skills and as adults, they continue to view the world as a place to compete without the ability to coorperate with others. For them, to 'give in' is to lose and they can only win. When normal coorperative people encounter these 'competitive' people, they often view these competitive people as childish as they do not possess the social skills to coorperate with others whether in the work place, in education, in social situations or in romantic relationships.
It is expected and common for children to be competitive, to use tactics such as crying, sulking, tantrums, anger as a method of achieving what they want. Adults who do not have the higher social skills of coorperation will use similar tactics and other forms of methods such as silent treatment, ignoring, threats, guilt-trip which are often seen as manipulative.
Within a parent-child relationship, there is often a power-struggle as the child tries to exert his/her wants through crying, tantrums, anger or sulking e.g. a child who wants to have sweets just before bed time. The parent will say 'no' and the child may cry, sulk or throw a tantrum. However, within this parent-child relationship, the parent have a responsibility towards the child to protect the child from bad behavior and bad consequences. The parents have a responsibility to guide the child and to build discipline and good character within the child. This is healthy form of control.
This is different from the adult-adult relationship where one person tries to control and manipulate the other. In order to build a healthy adult-adult relationship, there has to be an element of coorperation. Any form of manipulation and control will only lead to resentment on the part of the one being controlled; eventually, the one who is subjected to control will leave the relationship. Remember the 'prisoner's dilemma' table...well, the one who coorperates and constantly loses to the competitor will eventually stop playing and leave the game; either that or the cooperator may through the acts of the competitor change and becomes a competitor and hence, both are subject to lose.
I used to know someone who told me that everyone he knows would eventually leave him especially when it comes to romantic relationships. For the purpose of confidentiality, let's just call this person 'A'. Unfortunately, 'A' is someone who has not developed the skills to coorperate and he is a manipulator. He has this 'fixed false belief' that anyone who is romantically involved with him will eventually leave him. Through this belief, 'A' often attempts to prove either consciously or subconsciously that he is right by 'testing' the other person. He will continue to test the other person through various methods until the person is unable to tolerate his manipulative behavior and eventually leaves; hence reinforces to him that everyone who loves him will one day leave him. This should come to no surprise as a person who is romantically involved with someone can only stand so much CRAP from the other person.
He has failed to recognize that through his 'testing' and manipulative tactics, people will eventually leave. He has failed to recognize that in order to form a healthy and happy relationship, one needs to coorperate with one another, rather than to view a relationship as a competition.
So, how do we develop the skills of coorperation?
(CONTINUE TO PART TWO - for answers)
Monday 2 July 2012
Attending Yasmin Mogahed's talk in UM, Malaysia
On Sunday night I went to University Malaya, The Islamic Centre to listen to a talk by sis Yasmin Mogahed.
I've came across some of her talks on youtube around a year ago and was so intrigued by the things she said. The things she said are not new but it is the way she delivers the message that is so friendly, so easy for people to accept because she explains things in a way that make us think and also understand our nature as human beings.
So, when I found out that sis Yasmin was in Malaysia I couldn't miss this opportunity.
The talk was about the ocean of life...how not to drown in it. She gave the analogy of the heart as the boat. How the dunya is the ocean and that we should not allow the ocean to enter the boat as it will cause the boat to sink. Similarly, the dunya should not enter our hearts as it will only destroy us and we will sink in it. We can have the dunya but only hold it in our hand.
The sister reminded us that we live in this life as a traveler as the Prophet SAW says "Live in this world as if you are a traveller or a stranger". She gave a simple example, when we travel and we stay at a hotel for a few days, do we start to buy furniture, hang pictures on the wall, decorate the room? No one does that and the reason for it is because we know we will be leaving soon. Hence, to live in this world as a traveller is to have a mindset that this is not our permanent home. We will be leaving soon and we will not become too attached to this place.
She talks about how our hearts should only be filled with the love of Allah SWT and our attachment should only be for Allah SWT. This life is a journey and we are the travellers in this journey. The journey of this life is actually a journey to towards Allah SWT. He created us and he has put us in this world and the journey is actually our route back to Him. However, sis Yasmin made an important point, something for us to ponder. What part of us should travel along this journey. So many of us emphasize on our physical journey, which is the actions that we undertake with our physical self meaning for e.g. when we start to cover our awrah or pray 5 times a day. That in itself is part of the journey, to change our actions for the better. We pray, we fast, we go to talks, we may even do da'wah but as we focus on doing these actions (which are very important things to do) but what about our heart? Do our hearts follow our bodies within this journey?
As we engage in the physical activities which Allah SWT commanded us to do but do our hearts grow with it? Have we changed the inside of ourselves? Have we developed the qualities that Allah SWT loves? The journey of the heart is to remove the bad, ill feelings and to fill it with good feelings or characteristics e.g. forgiveness, patience, mercy, generosity and all other good things
Our physical aspect maybe doing the things we ought to do but in our hearts, do we forgive those who harm us? Do we judge others and think we are better than them? Do we get easily angry or offended? It is so important in this journey and in our quest to perform our obligations towards Allah SWT that we remember is it our hearts that is returning to Allah SWT (or you can call it our souls). The two things have to come together because the heart in itself without doing the actions is inadequate but to do the actions without purifying the heart is also futile.
In our attempt to cleanse our heart through mercy, forgiveness, patience and so on it is important to remember that this is purely for the sake of Allah SWT. Do not attempt to do anything good for the sake of the people. What I mean is we should not do anything just to please the people. The only One we should please is Allah SWT. If we please the people, we may become disappointed or feel rejected if our hard work becomes unappreciated. We will then start to feel resentful. On the other hand, if people appreciate our work, we will start to become dependent on their approval and our desire to please people will only lead us to become a door-mat which is not what Islam encourages us to be.
We should do good things and avoid bad things for the sake of Allah SWT alone and we should fill our hearts with good characteristics and throw away the bad characteristics only to be closer to Allah SWT.
Here I just want to bring up this issue of approval and I will give you my example of wearing himaar (tudung) and jilbab (jubah). I used to dress exactly the same way in the UK as I do now in Malaysia. I have not changed much (except there are prettier jilbabs sold here in Malaysia) but the difference is only in the perception of society.
In the UK, anyone seen or dressed as a Muslim woman is considered 'backwards'. I would walk into a room and immediately, the perception is 'she is oppressed' or 'she has no brains underneath that piece of cloth' or 'she can't speak English' or after Sept 11th incident, 'she must be a terrorist, she's hiding some kind of explosive device underneath all that material'. But you know what? I really didn't care what people thought of me. I knew I was different but I knew I was right. I was doing something that my Creator wanted me to do even if the whole world thinks I'm crazy. Once this stranger lady walking down the street even called me 'mad' for wearing hijaab during the summer. I guess she doesn't know how hot Malaysia is compared to summer in the UK and I still wear the hijaab. I did not need the approval of anyone and I did not need them to validate who I was.
Now, in Malaysia I'm still the same in my appearance and behavior. However, the perception is that someone who wears himaar (tudung) and jilbab (jubah) must be a pious person, have to talk a certain way, walk a certain way, act a certain way which exhibit some kind of piety. Well, that's not me at all. It seems harder when you are expected to be this kind of person like in a very cultural Malay sense but you are not, even though you do look the part.
So, what I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what the people think or their perception or expectations, you just have to focus on pleasing Allah SWT. The negative attitude of others is irrelevant when you are doing something that Islam expects from you. Your criteria for judgment is not what other people say or think but it is the Qur'an and Sunnah.
As for the heart, regardless of how things are and how people are...we have to continuously fill our hearts with good characteristics; purely for the sake of getting closer to Allah SWT and like sis Yasmin said, our heart should follow our actions on this journey. We shouldn't be doing the obligatory actions but the heart is missing....the heart is stagnant or that the heart is filled with evil and ill intentions. May Allah SWT protect our hearts from illness.
I've came across some of her talks on youtube around a year ago and was so intrigued by the things she said. The things she said are not new but it is the way she delivers the message that is so friendly, so easy for people to accept because she explains things in a way that make us think and also understand our nature as human beings.
So, when I found out that sis Yasmin was in Malaysia I couldn't miss this opportunity.
The talk was about the ocean of life...how not to drown in it. She gave the analogy of the heart as the boat. How the dunya is the ocean and that we should not allow the ocean to enter the boat as it will cause the boat to sink. Similarly, the dunya should not enter our hearts as it will only destroy us and we will sink in it. We can have the dunya but only hold it in our hand.
The sister reminded us that we live in this life as a traveler as the Prophet SAW says "Live in this world as if you are a traveller or a stranger". She gave a simple example, when we travel and we stay at a hotel for a few days, do we start to buy furniture, hang pictures on the wall, decorate the room? No one does that and the reason for it is because we know we will be leaving soon. Hence, to live in this world as a traveller is to have a mindset that this is not our permanent home. We will be leaving soon and we will not become too attached to this place.
She talks about how our hearts should only be filled with the love of Allah SWT and our attachment should only be for Allah SWT. This life is a journey and we are the travellers in this journey. The journey of this life is actually a journey to towards Allah SWT. He created us and he has put us in this world and the journey is actually our route back to Him. However, sis Yasmin made an important point, something for us to ponder. What part of us should travel along this journey. So many of us emphasize on our physical journey, which is the actions that we undertake with our physical self meaning for e.g. when we start to cover our awrah or pray 5 times a day. That in itself is part of the journey, to change our actions for the better. We pray, we fast, we go to talks, we may even do da'wah but as we focus on doing these actions (which are very important things to do) but what about our heart? Do our hearts follow our bodies within this journey?
As we engage in the physical activities which Allah SWT commanded us to do but do our hearts grow with it? Have we changed the inside of ourselves? Have we developed the qualities that Allah SWT loves? The journey of the heart is to remove the bad, ill feelings and to fill it with good feelings or characteristics e.g. forgiveness, patience, mercy, generosity and all other good things
Our physical aspect maybe doing the things we ought to do but in our hearts, do we forgive those who harm us? Do we judge others and think we are better than them? Do we get easily angry or offended? It is so important in this journey and in our quest to perform our obligations towards Allah SWT that we remember is it our hearts that is returning to Allah SWT (or you can call it our souls). The two things have to come together because the heart in itself without doing the actions is inadequate but to do the actions without purifying the heart is also futile.
In our attempt to cleanse our heart through mercy, forgiveness, patience and so on it is important to remember that this is purely for the sake of Allah SWT. Do not attempt to do anything good for the sake of the people. What I mean is we should not do anything just to please the people. The only One we should please is Allah SWT. If we please the people, we may become disappointed or feel rejected if our hard work becomes unappreciated. We will then start to feel resentful. On the other hand, if people appreciate our work, we will start to become dependent on their approval and our desire to please people will only lead us to become a door-mat which is not what Islam encourages us to be.
We should do good things and avoid bad things for the sake of Allah SWT alone and we should fill our hearts with good characteristics and throw away the bad characteristics only to be closer to Allah SWT.
Here I just want to bring up this issue of approval and I will give you my example of wearing himaar (tudung) and jilbab (jubah). I used to dress exactly the same way in the UK as I do now in Malaysia. I have not changed much (except there are prettier jilbabs sold here in Malaysia) but the difference is only in the perception of society.
In the UK, anyone seen or dressed as a Muslim woman is considered 'backwards'. I would walk into a room and immediately, the perception is 'she is oppressed' or 'she has no brains underneath that piece of cloth' or 'she can't speak English' or after Sept 11th incident, 'she must be a terrorist, she's hiding some kind of explosive device underneath all that material'. But you know what? I really didn't care what people thought of me. I knew I was different but I knew I was right. I was doing something that my Creator wanted me to do even if the whole world thinks I'm crazy. Once this stranger lady walking down the street even called me 'mad' for wearing hijaab during the summer. I guess she doesn't know how hot Malaysia is compared to summer in the UK and I still wear the hijaab. I did not need the approval of anyone and I did not need them to validate who I was.
Now, in Malaysia I'm still the same in my appearance and behavior. However, the perception is that someone who wears himaar (tudung) and jilbab (jubah) must be a pious person, have to talk a certain way, walk a certain way, act a certain way which exhibit some kind of piety. Well, that's not me at all. It seems harder when you are expected to be this kind of person like in a very cultural Malay sense but you are not, even though you do look the part.
So, what I'm saying is that it doesn't matter what the people think or their perception or expectations, you just have to focus on pleasing Allah SWT. The negative attitude of others is irrelevant when you are doing something that Islam expects from you. Your criteria for judgment is not what other people say or think but it is the Qur'an and Sunnah.
As for the heart, regardless of how things are and how people are...we have to continuously fill our hearts with good characteristics; purely for the sake of getting closer to Allah SWT and like sis Yasmin said, our heart should follow our actions on this journey. We shouldn't be doing the obligatory actions but the heart is missing....the heart is stagnant or that the heart is filled with evil and ill intentions. May Allah SWT protect our hearts from illness.
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