Sunday 31 October 2010

Almost a year later...and how are the children doing?

There has always been a certain amount of guilt within me for removing my children from the UK, taking them away from the only life they knew, from their friends and from the place that they were born, from visiting Jenny and Grand-pa, how they look forward to visiting the beach in Deal. I took them away from that to a completely different environment, different weather, different culture and different way of thinking. Like it or not, good or bad Malaysia is different from UK. Some things are better and some things are worse but the bottom line is, whether you're in Malaysia or UK; there is no Islamic state. They are both secular countries, with man-made laws and dodgy politicians.

That is however, besides the point. When the kids first entered school, they were celebrities. They were foreign, they were new and people wanted to get to know them. The boys at school were interested in Fajr and the little girls were interested in Malik. As time passes, the language barrier became more pronounced and the children lost interest in trying to communicate with my two foreign kids. Fajr being in a higher class, the children had made their friends and became less interested in being her friend. Knowing my snooty or should I say "shy" daughter she didn't make much effort either.

Soon, the boys realised that Fajr was not interested in them at all (after series of lectures on why having a boyfriend is not allowed in Islam and explanation of reality and everything else) and the fact that she said to me, "They all look the same" so, the boys started treating her like she has the lurgies. I guess it did effected her a bit but she got over it pretty well.

After more than 6 months staying here, she has made friends with the neighbours and nowadays, I barely see her when I come home from work cause she'll be out with her friends. It is more of a new experience for me than it is for my kids. In UK, they barely left my sight but here, they are out there on the streets, riding their bicycle, going swimming and becoming explorers.

Last week, I got home from work and was just about to put my bag down when, hubby came out of the front door saying "Fajr's had an accident." I dropped my handbag, ran out and as I was coming out of the car park all I saw was two cars stopped in the middle of the road, my daughter's bicycle on the concrete in between the two cars and my daughter lying on the floor. There were people surrounding her, guards talking on walkie-talkies. I screamed her name and ran as I've never ran before. I was about to burst into tears and become over-dramatic but I told myself, "What is wrong with you? Calm down and find out what is going on." So, I knelt beside her. Her eyes were open and she was responsive so, I struggled in my head trying to figure out her GCS score. In my mind as I ran towards her was a vision of my baby being knocked by a car, bleeding and unconcious but in reality, she fell off her bike and hurt her head. She had some scratches and a tiny cut on the side of her forehead. I felt slightly embarassed for all the commotion.

I looked at the people surrounding her and thought to myself, "What is wrong with these people? Why did they just let her stay lying on the floor and blocking traffic? Why couldn't they have moved her or got her to at least sit up?" Anyway, I was told that is Malaysia. People look and do nothing. "Prihatin", they say but most of the spectators were expatriates, Western people but maybe they too have become Malaysian-ized? So, I said "What's everyone doing? can someone carry her to the side?" So, hubby was one of the spectators. He said, "I'll get her up" and he pulled her up. I took her arms and put it around me and got her to walk with me home.

I took her to HKL and they X-rayed her head and glued her cut. She was fine but it made me realise again, how much we love our children. How Allah has put that mercy and feeling of love in the hearts of the parents.

Malik too has managed to make some friends with the neighbours and my boy, my little boy plays badminton and basketball everyday. When I get home from work I no longer get greetings at the door cause my children are out playing with their friends. How did that happen? When did that happened?

Malik had a tough time making friends at first. In fact, he had a hard time with a few of the boys in the school van. They were older boys from year 3 and 4 and they used to do naughty things like playing football with a bottle, kicking it onto someone's eye and getting into trouble, playing with fire-cracker that burned someone's motobike, again getting into trouble with the teachers at school. They used to call Malik names and when Malik played with them, they would treat him roughly. Finally, I forbade him from playing with the boys again. Things seem to have cooled down but one day, I came home and they told me that the 2 boys in the van had stuck chewing gum on my childrens' bags. They managed to clean it but Fajr was very upset. Apparently, the boys got told off by the van driver and probably by their parents. A week later, Malik told me one of the boys bought him a bun. He was just telling me what happened at school, that he was hungry and the boy asked him why he looked miserable. He said, "saya lapar..." and the boy said, "mari cepat, saya belikan roti". I was like..."Which boy?" He said, "you know the boy who put chewing gum on my bag." I said, "You mean, he is now your friend?" "Yeah" he said, "we're friends now" and according to Malik, everything between them has been cancelled and they are now friends. Well, I don't know what Malik did to him but I'm glad. I'm glad that Malik is forgiving. I am glad that he has learned that you can be friends with someone who was an enemy and that people who don't like you may end up liking you. My boy has learned a very important lesson in life and I didn't have to do anything.

My son's only problem now is that the girls are calling him 'Justin Bieber'. Who the h*** is that? I asked him "Do you think you look like Justin Bieber?" He said, "Yes, except my hair is not blonde." Anyway, I remember having friends at their age, being very close, fighting and then, making up and forgiving. My parents never knew what was going on and they never settled my problems for me but they gave me good advice; and they showed me how to be a better person from example. I hope that I could be like that to my kids and I know...I have no control over them, over anything but it is Allah that protects them, guides them and keeps them on the straight path. My duty is to bring them up and give them Islam. It is not just telling them to pray, to fast in Ramadhan and to do the daily rituals but it is also about making them understand how to think according to Islam, how to view things according to Islam, how to judge things according to Islam. To be critical of everything that they learn and to use the Qur'an and Sunnah as a yardstick of what is right and wrong; not the action of others. Just because other people do it does not make it right and just because not many people do it, does not make it wrong. Right and wrong is determined by Allah, not humans. If they can understand that insyaAllah I hope that it will lead them to success in this life and the next. Amin.

Sunday 17 October 2010

Reminiscing my early days back in Malaysia

I was just reading some of the blog entries I made 10 months ago. I'm just glad that I documented it because it just seemed so long ago and so distant from where I am today. All the hassle of filling in forms, going from one government department to another and the frustration of dealing with inefficiencies...that feeling is gone. I can barely remember any of it. The only government encounters I have is to renew my children's visa every 6 months. We have renewed hubby's visa for 5 years and no more going to immigration for that purpose for a little while.

Still, some other issues have emerged that I am trying to digest, to observe all of the reality, to analyse and to make sense of what it is all about. Why do some people behave that way? Why do they think that way? is it insecurity, inferiority or something else?

There's still so much in myself that I need to sort out. My dissatisfaction with a few things when I was in UK and now, realising more and more new realities that have emerged where I am now. The comparison of the two cultures, all the negatives and all the positives is just on-going. Sometimes, I can't even sort these things out in my own head.

Anyway, before I came back to Malaysia I used to wonder why people who have gone back can't answer all of my questions or they can't understand what information that I need. Now I understand why...because I'm at the other side and knowing means forgetting what you didn't know. So, I am glad I jotted it all down in a blog so that I can remember...and I hope that others might benefit from it.

So...10 months on there's light at the end of the tunnel. Filling in forms and hassles in government departments do come to an end...eventually.

IN SEARCH OF THIS TRUTH

  I am in a quest to search for THIS truth. People ask, 'why are you still searching for the truth?’  You have found Islam.  You believe...