Monday 30th August 2010
My 7-year old son is very much dependent on his older sister. So it was a dilemma for me when she was ill and could not go to school, I was in two minds about letting him go to school without her. I had all these fears that he wouldn't know where to wait for the bus, that he would end up missing the bus or getting bullied by some naughty boys without his sister there protecting him. So, I bombarded him with excessive 'words of wisdom'. "Make sure you wait at the bus stop that you normally wait at!", "Don't go anywhere else", "Don't mix with the naughty crowd", "If you miss the bus, you must go to the office and ask them to call me..."
I didn't realise that my fears were slowly transferring to my little boy and soon, he started panicking and entered into a state of uncontrollable tantrum. He concluded that he too should not go to school. By the time I realised what I had done to him, it was too late. He was crying his eyes out.
That was when I realised...I had to do the right. He had to go to school as much as my heart was crying with him.
I told him to get dressed and he did so reluctantly.
At 6am, it was time to walk down the road and wait for the bus.
Normally, hubby takes them down to the bus stop. I heard the door closed behind them and thought to myself, "That's it!" but I was wrong, I heard the door opening and hubby huffing "I can't take him down, he is screaming!"
I got into my jilbab quickly and came outside. My little boy was standing by the pillar, his eyes streaming with tears. I had to think quickly about what to say..."come on darling, it will be fine". He wouldn't budge. My first instinct was to scream at him...to say "What is wrong with you, you're going to miss the bus!!!!" or something like..."You must go to school whether you like it or not, don't be a whimp, boy!!!" but I exercised self-restrain.
"Come on! Uncle bus is waiting. We must tell him what is going on so that he knows." It was a double meaning. In his mind, he's probably assuming that means he doesn't need to go to school but I didn't lie to him. So, he walked down with me and we held hands. On the way down, I tried chatting to him about other things, taking his mind of the thing that he feared most...going to school without his sister. So, we talked about Lailatul Qadr and I talked to him about the angels and how they come down to earth on that night. Then, we talked about what we were going to do for Eid. When we got down the road, the bus driver was waiting with his usual smiley face. Then, I turned to my little boy and I said, "I'm sorry! it was my fault. I was worried about you going to school on your own and I made you worried, but you were not worried, you were okay. You know what to do at school."
My boy's face lit up. We got to the bus and he got in.
Today, my boy and I learned a lesson.
I learned that I have such a major influence on my child that my fears can become his fears. I learned that sometimes parents need to make the tough decision, to make my child do something he doesn't want to do for his own good. My duty as a parent is to help and support him to become a strong and resilient adult. I can't protect him from life and its difficulties but I can help him to overcome his fears and know that things will be okay.
My child came home and he was happy. I hope that he has learned that sometimes doing something you don't want to do when it is good for you is okay. I hope that he has learned to face his fears and go through with it. Hubby was completely amazed by what we had achieved. He said, "How did you managed to get him to walk down with you. I couldn't get him to do anything without him screaming." I told him my strategies. His only comment was..."If I had more of that lesson when I was a boy, I would have been a better person."
Today is a lesson for all of us and there will be more and more lessons everyday for parents and children.
